CHAPTER SIX
you can hold onto me and
you can pray.

JUNIPER.

           When the plane had crashed, I had been stooping in a fit of my own rage. I hated my sister, god, I even wished she was fucking dead. That was so, me, for lack of better words. It wasn't that Lennon was a bad person—because she certainly wasn't, she was a fucking Saint. But I had been so mad at her, and her need to always be right. But when it happened, I wished I could take it all back. I hated myself—not her. Lennon was alone, at the front of the plane, probably terrified and I should have been there with her.

            When the back of the plane snapped off, being flung into nothingness, I had expected everything to suddenly end. But it hadn't. I was still breathing, my head was pounding, my heart racing. But I was breathing

            I realised quite quickly that we were upside-down. My seatbelt was the only thing holding me up, blood rushing to my head. I fumbled for the belt, my hands rattling as I tried to undo it. I felt sick, like I could throw up all of the contents of my stomach.When I finally set myself free, I collapsed on the roof of the plane, my knees hitting the roof below me.

            I had been coughing up a fit, rolling onto my side. The smoke made it hard to see anything but I could see it wafting towards a certain direction and quickly got to my feet, moving without realising it as I searched for an exit.

            Before I had found it, I noticed the body of Coach slumped over, glass stuck between her eye socket. I had gagged, lurching over but nothing had come up. Despite her eyes being wide open, I had checked for a pulse once I managed to collect myself. I didn't find one. She was gone.

            When I got off the plane, my legs moving without me knowing, I realised I was in some sort of clearing with debris all around me. All I could think about was Lennon as I looked to the sky, searching for anything to show me where she was. When I noticed the cloud of smoke in the distance, I began walking, my feet taking me into the treeline of the forest but before I could get deep inside, my feet had gave way beneath me.

            I fell onto my side and that's when I noticed my jeans were torn and my knees were covered in blood from a deep gash I didn't remember getting. It must have been from the broken glass on the roof of the plane when I undid my seatbelt.

            I laid on my back, inhaling sharply as I stared up at the trees above me. Suddenly, I was jumping out of my skin when the tail of the plane exploded, sending flames, smoke and debris everywhere. I covered my head, ducking down to avoid getting hurt as others that had escaped the crash jumped out of the way, trying to avoid the flames and debris. I hadn't even noticed anyone else until that moment.

            I watched as a mushroom cloud of black smoke took to the air and a small part of me wanted to laugh. If there was anyone nearby, surely they would witness the explosion and come to rescue us before we knew it. But that didn't take away the fear of what had happened—saved or not, we would be living with the horror of what happened for the rest of our lives. And something about that almost rose the nervous laugher out of my throat.

           I brushed my hair out of my face, ready to attempt to stand again.

        That's when I heard her.

          Lennon.

          When we had collided, I thought our bones might break. She was hysterical, with her makeup smudged everywhere from crying and blood was caked through her hair and down the side of her face. I didn't wanted to let her go, not when I thought I had almost lost her. But I hadn't. She was in my arms and she was alive.

            "Len, you're crushing me." I told her, an attempt to make the situation easier. But it didn't—I couldn't even convince myself that we were going to be okay.

            Lennon pulled herself back but grabbed onto my face, brushing soot off of my skin with her thumb, "I thought—"

           "I know. Me too." I interjected. I had known what she was going to say. I was thinking the same thing. We had both thought we had died in a fiery explosion and maybe we should have. It didn't make sense that we were alive after nose-diving into nothingness. Nothing made sense anymore.

            I pulled her back into a hug, letting her know I had been as scared as she had been. I forgave her for everything—every silly argument we'd ever had, every time we'd pushed each other around, for every curse word she had thrown at me. I forgave her and I loved her. And I never wanted to think I had lost her again.

            "Hey! Is someone going to give us a hand or what?!" An irritated voice suddenly called out and we both perked up, realising the voice had come from Ivy who was bent over Eden who could barely keep her eyes open as Ivy tried to keep her head up. My stomach dropped. Somehow, in my fear of worrying about Lennon, I had forgotten about every other person on that plane. Even Eden, who had sat right beside me, whispering her prayers.

             I quickly sprung into action, leaving my sister's side to hurry across the clearing, avoiding debris as I went, stumbling from my aching knees. I crouched down in front of them, "Eden, hey. Hey, it's June, can you hear me?" I asked her, reaching out to grab her face. She didn't appear to be injured in any way—which was a miracle. Maybe her prayers worked.

            Eden's eyes flickered open and close, "June?" She asked in a shaky voice, her hand reaching up to grab onto my arm.

            "Hi, it's me," I said, trying my best to give her a smile but I knew it didn't quite meet my eyes. I gripped her face tighter. "You're gonna be okay, Ede. Just keep your eyes open." I assured her and she nodded drowsily, her eyes fluttering.

           "Mom?!" My heart dropped at the sound of Ethan's voice as he came barrelling through the trees at a quick pace, stumbling. Due to his shorts, his legs had been cut up and scratched, but it seemed like he couldn't even feel it. Just like I hadn't felt any pain when all I could think about was Lennon. But I had found her—and I knew what waited for Ethan in the remains of the crash. If there was anything left after the explosion.

            "Ethan!" I quickly called out, getting to my feet. I tried to catch up with him as he raced towards the wreck. "Ethan, wait!" I exclaimed as Lennon followed after me, eyes wide, not knowing what was going on. Not knowing what I did.

            I crashed into him, grabbing onto his taller frame, trying to stop him from getting too close to the flames that poured out of the crash remains, "Ethan, you can't go in there!" I yelled at him as he struggled against me. Ethan towered over six foot and was far stronger than I could ever be. But I was grateful for his injuries because they were holding him back from using his full strength to push his way by me. That and Ethan would never harm any of us.

            "The hell I can! My moms in there!" He yelled as Lennon approached us, putting her hand on his bicep. He turned to face her, his eyes wide, bloodshot and teary.

            "Ethan..." She softly said, her doe-eyes staring up at him. She was trying to tell him what we knew—what the obvious answer was. The wreck had exploded. His mother was gone. I knew that first hand and Lennon had quickly caught on.

            Ethan shook his head, "No," He refused, stumbling backward. "No. Mom! Mom, can you hear me? Mom!" He began nearing hysterics and I didn't know what to do. I wasn't good with people's emotions, I didn't know how to handle them. I could barely fucking handle my own. And I had never witnessed Ethan cry—shit, I don't think I had ever not saw a smile on his face. And there was something so terrifying about a guy his size and strength crumbling.

              My gaze met Lennon's as he continued to fight against me. I was pleading with her silently to help me, to make everything better like she always did. Ethan needed someone—and I was never going to be that person. That was Lennon. It was always Lennon.

            Reading my eyes, Lennon put both of her hands on Ethan's arms, "Ethan, she's gone. She's gone." She told him, her voice breaking but there was a gentleness in the way she spoke. The thing about Lennon was that she felt her own emotions and everyone else's at an extreme rate. And I knew how I felt seeing Ethan in that moment—I couldn't imagine how she felt. Lennon had always been an empath in my mind; she felt everything.

           "No, she's—"

          "Ethan, she's gone," Lennon repeated more clearly. He stared at her, his chest heaving, tanned face covered in tears. And then he crumbled into her, barely giving her enough time to catch him before they sunk to the ground together. Lennon held him, wrapping her arms around his big body. "Shh, it's alright. You're alright." She whispered, running her hands through his curly hair, looking up at me as she spoke and I could see the tears in her eyes that she tried to blink back.

             She gave me a nod, letting me know she had the situation under control and I took a few steps backwards, distancing myself. I didn't know what to do in a situation like this. I wasn't a helpful kind of person—I didn't know what people needed and I didn't know how to give them it. I felt completely useless standing there, breathing in the fumes in the air and looking around at the mess beside me.

            I hadn't been able to process things properly, let alone the people around me. Ivy had left Eden, who was sitting against a tree, staring into space with her hands shakily clutching her cross. Ivy had moved on to Hattie—she was a Red Devil and from what I could see, her eyes were wide and she lad a large gash across her cheek.

             On the other side of the clearing sat the Abrams siblings, Kitty and Evie. Evie was sobbing into her sister's chest who hugged her tightly, whispering comforting words to her. They didn't have any visible injuries from what I could see, except for a graze on Kitty's forehead. Everyone was going through it, processing their emotions in the only way they knew how. And all I could think was how badly I wanted to light up one of the joints I had slipped into my jacket pocket.

           Time seemed to stand still and pass quickly at the same time. I hadn't moved an inch within that time. Meanwhile, Lennon had somehow managed to console Ethan well enough to get him to his feet again. He was no longer hysterical and instead, his face seemed cold, like he had completely dissociated from his mothers death. And maybe that was a good thing. It seemed like we didn't have much time to get emotional over what happened—not when we had no clue what happened next.

            Lennon approached me with Ethan, her hand on his back with her other rubbing at her forehead with her face screwed up. I glanced at the wounds on both her head and hand, gulping slightly, "You alright?" I asked, giving a nod to the wounds as I fiddled with the sleeves of my leather jacket. The one on her palm looked all kinds of nasty.

           She sucked in a deep breath and put a smile on her face, "It hurts like a bitch but I'm fine," She assured me before taking a glance around. "We should get back to everyone else's. It's no good for us to be separated if rescue is going to come for us." She suggested and I nodded my head, knowing she was right. I also had no clue who else had survived—I hoped everyone else had.

            I glanced across at Eden, my face falling at the look in her eyes. I walked towards her, struggling to move my feet as I went, my body feeling heavy, "Eden," I softly said, trying not to startle her. She slowly looked up at me with her big-blue eyes, the skin beneath them raw. "We're going now. Come on, let me help you up." I offered her my hand and she glanced down at her own hands clutching her cross, like she was terrified to let go of her faith for even a split moment.

           I titled my head, "You can hold onto me and you can pray," I assured her. I gestured with my hand, "Come on, Ede. Let's go." I ushered and after a moment, she dropped her cross and took my hands, allowing me to help her stand.

           I wrapped her arm over my shoulder and led her towards Lennon and Ethan as the rest of the survivors gathered around us, everyone thinking the same thing. Ivy cleared her throat, "The others, did they..." She trailed off, not able to finish her sentence. I had never caught Ivy falter once when speaking, but it seemed like even she had her limits.

           Lennon inhaled, "It all happened so fast. There's a few of us left—but we lost some. And some of yours. We'll fight it all out once we get back." She said, glancing across at Ivy who slowly nodded her head. It was the first time I had ever heard them interact without getting into a spitting match. But it was clear none of us had the energy for that—it was pointless now.

             "Alright, let's go find out then." I said, tightening my grip on Eden who was muttering under her breath, words I couldn't make out but I knew it was some kind of prayer.

            We left the clearing and I took one glance back at the crash I had miraculously survived. The pit in my stomach ached for those I knew didn't make it off—like Coach and the others. I wasn't quite sure who else has survived outside of our group and could only hope I would see more familiar faces when we reached the main crash site. More of us had to be alive—they had to be.

          AUTHORS NOTE.

          Let me know what you thought of this chapter!

             — taylor xx