CHAPTER FOURTEEN:
A temporary fix.

JUNE

            Lennon was acting weird. Ever since the night before where we heard the sound of howling coming from all around us, she had been uncharacteristically quiet, barely uttering a word the following morning when we all pulled ourselves together and left the plane, returning to the main camp area and stretching our legs.

               She had been the last one out, and when she left the plane, she scanned the forest as if she was searching for something, like she expected something to be there. I wanted to ask if she was alright, but she had assured me the night before that she was and I didn't want to push her any further. If she wanted to tell me, she would.

                It wasn't until later on in the morning, when I watched her swallow down one of her pills did she perk up a little. She began cleaning up the camp, having small talk with the others as she went. I watched her the entire time, wondering what was going on inside her mind. Sometimes, I hated that my sister was so hard to read—especially when I could feel what she was feeling, but couldn't fully understand it. She felt agitated, like something had her on edge. And I could feel it too.

                    Eden sat herself down next to me, her ashy hair beginning to grow a little more greasy, "I was thinking of looking for some flowers to put on the graves today if you want to help," She began saying, giving me a soft smile. I was so glad that Eden had found her voice again and that she wasn't permanently traumatised. "I just thought it would be a nice thing to do for them." She added, holding her legs to her chest, resting the side of her cheek against her knees.

                     I thought about it for a second. I had been thinking about wandering off for a bit to light up the rest of the joint I hadn't finished the other night. I had been smoking it behind the plane, enjoying the wave of calmness it brought me when Lennon had loudly suggested we should lay the bodies to rest. I had immediately put it out, worried that she would stumble across me and give me some telling off for even considering smoking whilst we had bigger problems than my loud mind. But if I went with Eden for a bit, I could sneak off for a moment and finish it off.

                   I turned to her, "Sure. It might even cheer Lennon up." I said, glancing across to my sister who was talking with Abby, both of them standing by the unlit fire, talking about something I couldn't hear.

                  The look on Eden's face changed, her smile turning into a frown as she followed my gaze towards my sister, "Lennon's took on a huge burden since we crashed. I can't explain it, but I feel like she's really suffering—and not just with this. It feels like it goes beyond it," She began speaking absentmindedly, making me glance at her, realising she was feeling it too. If there was one thing I knew about Eden, it was that she was extremely empathetic—a lot like my sister. "Maybe I should say a prayer for her." She wondered, her brows pulled together.

                     I didn't want to tell Eden that Lennon could care less about a prayer, the same as myself. Our family had been raised Christian, but after mom died, we had all drifted from the church and our prayers. We stopped everything the moment she died and our beliefs died out with her.

                    "Sure, Ede. That would be really nice," I said, putting a smile on my face, earning an even wider one from Eden. I stood up from the log I had been sitting on, dusting the back of my bare legs down. I was wearing my Pirates running shorts which helped keep me a lot cooler in the sun than my leather pants, "I'm gonna tell Lennon. Could you grab some water for us?" I asked, nodding to where our water supply was. We were going sparse, barely having enough to do us another couple of days, which brought an idea to mind.

                     "Sure!" Eden chirped, practically skipping towards the water bottles, happy to be asked to do something.

                    I approached Lennon and Abby who were still chatting amongst themselves, "Hey, me and Ede are gonna try and find some flowers to put by the grave." I spoke up, interrupting whatever conversation they were having. It didn't sound too important, just the usual chit-chat.

                    Lennon's face lit up, "That's a really nice idea, June. I'd come with you, but I think we really need to come up with some plan to find more food and water." She said, scratching the back of her neck.

                    "About that, I was thinking whilst we were out we could maybe have a look for water. See if there's a stream nearby. Surely there's got to be something around here other than the ocean, right?" I said, screwing up my face in the overbearing light from above. We were all beginning to sunburn ever so slightly, since we had been going lightly on any of the SPF cream we had left.

                      Lennon nodded, "Good idea. But don't go too far, it's not safe after hearing those wolves last night. We really don't know what's out there," She said, a haunted look beginning to glaze over her eyes. When I was about to ask if she was okay, she handed me the half-full bottle of water in her hand. "Here, take the rest of my water. You're going to need it more than me." She offered, handing it out to me, putting a smile on her face.

                     "You sure?" I asked, reaching out to take it from her hands.

                      "She can share with me in the meantime," Abby piped in. "Gods knows y'all are gonna need it a lot more walking around in this heat." She said, making a show of wiping at the sweat on her forehead with the back of her hand. Due to the heat, her hair had grown more curly, framing her forehead in tight ringlets that were slightly damp. Abby was the type of girl who had never done so much as straightened her hair and it showed in her messy but healthy ringlets.

                     Lennon put her hand on my arm, "Please, be safe. And don't spend too long out there. If you don't find anything, it's okay, we'll try again tomorrow." She told me in a reassuring tone, giving my arm a squeeze.

                     I nodded, "Alright, I'll see you guys later." I said, giving them a two-fingered salute as I turned my back, heading towards Eden who was waiting for me, holding a fresh bottle of water in her hands. I grabbed my backpack from the ground, shoving the extra bottle in. I knew we had agreed to sharing a bottle between two people, but it was hot as shit—and no one around us had noticed or known other than Abby. So I took it more than willingly before setting out on our adventure.

                  Eden and I had walked for a while, in a direction we had yet walked in, trying to find something new. Eden had managed to collect a few flowers in her hands. She had told me after I had voiced my concerns about the possibility of venomous plants, that she actually knew a lot about plants and flowers, since she helped run the garden at Church. That made me feel more relaxed about which ones she was picking, knowing at least that she wouldn't develop some kind of rash or drop dead.

                  We walked together, talking about small things. Eden spoke about her brothers and sisters. There were six of them in total, being a huge family in a house not big enough for all of them. Despite Eden's family being wealthy, they were the type of people that liked to live off of the land and make do with what they had. They raised chickens, grew their own vegetables and only spent money when they needed to. Her entire family were crazy-religious, but she loved all of them, even when she was the one to look after her younger siblings. Her parents weren't very hands-on, believing that the children should be able to raise themselves with the aid of God. I thought that was such bullshit. It was a parents job to raise their children—not God.

                     But it had made Eden extremely close with her siblings and she was missing each and every single one of them, especially the youngest, Joseph, who was only six months old. She spoke about them with a sad smile on their face as she wondered aloud how they were coping without her. I couldn't imagine how that felt, not knowing how your siblings were doing. The likes of Kitty and I were lucky, we both had our sisters with us, giving us all the support we could possibly need. But I wondered how the rest of them who had siblings felt. Did they feel lost? Alone?

                      After walking for at least thirty minutes, Eden had collected an array of colourful wildflowers that she clutched between her delicate hands. I myself had a smaller bunch, that looked far messier than Eden's.

                  She was bent over a bush, picking some lilac-coloured flowers when my head perked up at a sound I was so sure was running water. I paused, taking a glance around, trying to find the source of the sound. I was sure it was coming from my left and took a few steps forward, the sound drawing nearer.

                 "Ede, do you hear that?" I asked her in a small voice, glancing back at her as she paused, looking up at me.

                 She listened for a moment and then sprung to her feet, "Running water!" She exclaimed, running towards me and grabbing my hand, hauling me towards the sound.

                  We pushed ourselves through the trees, stepping over fallen logs, chasing the sound ahead of us. After a few moments, we stopped, hand in hand and our eyes lit up at the sight before us.

                    We were standing in front of a stream, running downhill. The water was sparkling in the sunlight poking through the trees, rippling as it made its way to bigger water. I gasped at the sight of it, a smile slowly crossing my face. Water. We had actually found water.

                      "Fuck yes!" I exclaimed, immediately kicking my shoes and socks off, dropping the bouquet to the ground and making a beeline straight towards the water.

                     I ran into it, the cold water instantly cooling my feet down. It went to at least knee height and I could feel it trying to ease the sunburn on my legs. It felt like Heaven. I didn't realise how much I could miss cold water, especially when I had always took my showers and baths at a scalding temperature. But in the burning heat we had been putting up with for four days, it felt like utter bliss to be standing in something so cold.

                    I leaned over, splashing the water on my face and rubbing it into my skin, cooling myself down. I laughed despite myself, feeling absolute joy at the sensation. I glanced upwards, water droplets dripping down my chin as I looked at Eden who was staring at the water as if it was the Holy Grail—or some kind of mirage.

                    "Eden, get in! It's amazing!" I called over to her, the smile lighting up my face as I stuck my hands in the water, running them up and down my bare arms. It made the hairs on my skin prickle upwards from how cold it was, but it didn't feel bad, it felt fucking amazing, just as I had told Eden.

                    Eden kicked off her flats and approached the water. The white dress she was wearing flowed down to her ankles in thrills—it reminded me of some kind of 1500's nightgown, but it was something only Eden could pull off. She looked like a fucking Angel as she stood there, walking barefoot towards the water, her lips parted as she stared at it in disbelief.

                  She lifted the dress, holding it above her knees as she stepped into the water, a surprised gasp leaving her lips as she got in. She stumbled over the pebbles beneath us slightly and I caught onto her, steadying her with a smile. She began to laugh, her face lighting up with a smile as the water tickled against her legs.

                  She closed her eyes, tipping her head back, sunlight hitting off her face, almost making her skin glow, "You're right. This is amazing." She whispered, her eyes still closed, a content smile on her lips.

                   I gave her a nudge, "All thanks to you." I said, giving credit when due. If Eden hadn't suggested gathering flowers for the graves, I didn't know how long it would have took us to find the stream.

                   Eden opened her eyes, giving me a bashful smile, "Oh, no. You're the one who heard it. You deserve some of the credit too." She said, tilting her head, beaming at me.

                  "Not really," I said, diverting my gaze. I let out a heavy sigh. "Truthfully, I only came with you because I thought it would give me the chance to light up a joint. I was being selfish—you were trying to do something nice." I told her honestly, staring down at the water rippling past my knees, the water so clear I could see my feet standing on top of the pebbles.

                      Eden stared at me, "Well, do you still want to smoke it?" She questioned.

                    "Honestly, yeah." I told her, feeling my cheeks growing hot. Despite the beautiful moment of finding running water, my mind was still elsewhere. It was hard not to think about taking a moment to relax after everything that had happened. I fucking craved it.

                     Eden shrugged, "Then light it up."

                     I stared at her, "Won't that bother you?" I asked her in confusion.

                   Eden gave a small chuckle, "June, my parents work with a lot of medicinal herbs. They don't exactly smoke pot—but they use herbal teas to calm their nerves. I guess it's just the same thing, really." She said, giving a shrug. I wasn't so sure it was the same, but I wasn't about to argue against it.

                   We got out of the water, sitting in the grass but keeping our feet in the stream. I pulled the joint along with my lighter form my pocket, sparking it up. The first inhale felt like utter bliss, despite knowing the effects wouldn't be immediate, I knew they would come—and that made me feel at least a little more relaxed.

                   I exhaled, closing my eyes, relief washing over me. Eden was collecting small rocks from the water beside me, "When did you start anyway?" She suddenly asked me, making me glance at her in confusion. She put her rocks in a pile, not looking at me. "The drugs, I mean. You were always so against it from what I could remember, and the next thing I knew, we were helping you calm down from bad trips at parties." That made me feel bad, I couldn't deny it.

                 I had first started taking drugs when I met Dax. It had been at a party and he was there selling to the other rich kids like myself. I had caught his eye in the crowd and I guess he saw something in me. Maybe it was the lonely look in my eyes, even in a room full of people. Or maybe the smell of how fucked up I was had drawn him towards me. But before I knew it, he had been offering me tabs of Molly and I had paid for them without another question. That had started it all.

                   At first, the trips were good, until they weren't. And when it got bad, it usually took the whole team to calm me down—mostly Lennon. I could count on both hands the amount of times I had been sick all over myself from the anxiety and how they had to clean me up afterwards and sneak me into one of their homes so my dad wouldn't find out. I had been a real bother at the start—but after a while, I had grown almost numb to all of the dark shit. And the highs became just that—a high. And a way to escape.

                       "Some party after my mom had died," I began saying to Eden. "I didn't want to go, but Lennon had dragged me along, insisting it would be good for us. But I hated it. The entire time, it felt like the walls were closing in on me and I just wanted to escape. That's when I met Dax and he told me he had something to take all of the pain away. And I bought it."

                   "It was rough at first and I couldn't really explain why I was still doing it, not when there was nothing enjoyable about it. But—I don't know, after time, it became some kind of crutch to me. Once I got over the bad trips, I was able to escape, into a world where I wasn't Juniper Sawyer, but just some tiny speck in the world, floating through life," I continued, drawing squiggly lines in the dirt beside me. "It just—it makes things feel better. Even if it's not all of the time. Even if I feel like fucking shit afterwards. It helps in that moment. And that's all that I need—a temporary fix." I finished, raising the joint to my lips to take another long draw.

                    I could feel Eden staring at the side of my face and I half expected her to judge me, to tell me that everything I was saying was ridiculous. Because I knew it was. I should have done what Lennon had—gone to fucking therapy or something, start some meds. But instead, I divulged in the darkest part of myself until it consumed me. And it did help. That way I didn't have to be afraid of it, not when it became the norm.

                       Eden surprised me by putting her hand on my knee, "You're a wonderful person, June. And you're so strong—just as strong as Lennon. I wish... I wish you could see that." She told me softly, tracing a small circle on my skin with her thumb.

                     I found a small chuckle leaving my lips as I dipped my head, "You're pretty great too, Ede." I told her, looking back up with the softest of smiles I could muster.

                   Eden beamed at me. And then she drummed her hands on her legs and reached for my bag, "We should really collect some water and get back. They others are going to freak over this." She said, grinning as she pulled out the empty water bottles we had gathered and shoved into my bag in case we did find water.

                     I took one with my hand, beginning to fill it up. As I did, I glanced beside me at Eden, watching the content expression in her face and I couldn't help but smile.

             AUTHORS NOTE.

             thoughts on this chapter??

             — taylor xx