Heavy heart 

All gone 

Nothing left 

Inside my head

I tried so hard

Its never enough

To do the things that they want

I work for them 

And try for them 

But what happens when I don’t care about them

I have given up

Give up

Nothing left 

Inside my head

No words to say

No reason to stay

Just lost in space inside my head

The thought crossing

Through my brain

The one I said I would never take

I promised not

To take that path 

The one that leads to open grass

The place that I can finally rest

Left in peace

No need for sleep 

There forever 

In endless peace

So quiet noise 

No silent thoughts

The one I thought 

I thought was lost 

The peace so sweet

I want it bad

So I may take that desperate leap

The one that leads to open grass

The field so green 

The one I see

Inside my dreams

When fast asleep

The one I want so desperately 

To take the thoughts inside my head

Nothing left

Inside my head

I’m going down 

The dangerous path 

What will I find 

I don’t know

It cant be worse

Than this show

The one I play

The main lead

The one I act out every scene

I’m gone 

Inside my head

Nothing left 

Of the person, I use to be

Its make up now

I put it one

Every morning 

Like my favorite song

Once so happy

Now so sad 

My favorite song 

It makes me cry 

It makes me scream and shout and lie

I say I love it

I say I listen

Now it only reminds me of that fateful time 

The time I wore 

My own smile

The time I said my own words

Not the script to the play

The ones rehearsed

I see those words

On the page

I read it over starting every day

Nothing left

Inside my head

It is all gone now 

No one is left

The voices stopped

They stopped long ago

Not even caring to tell me no

The blade rakes across

My pale unscared skin

Leaving what I feel 

For all to view

I pull them down

the long-sleeved shirt

To hide the pain 

Found within

The script doesn’t show

How to deal with this part

the words 

the makeup 

And now the clothes

Its a costume 

All part of the act

Slowly going deeper 

Becoming nothing more

Its everything I lacked

Everything gone

Of the girl I knew

One thing left

Only the revised brand new

Nothing left

Inside my head

Only the things they say 

Only the regret

The regret of scars

And care

The regret of the child I was there

I look at her now

With such sorrow

Wondering how life can be so hollow

I told her that

I would make her proud

I wonder how

She would see me now

Nothing more than an actor

An actor without a doubt

With nothing in my head

And no heart to be found

It was ripped away long ago 

Buried safe and sound 

My soul once white

Now covered in gray

Becoming black as the day 

slowly fades away

My smile now painted

My clothes now a costume 

My heart now buried 

And my soul now gray 

My words

The most important thing

The thing I lost close to first

Now just a script 

Black dots on a page

Nothing left for me

Nothing here to see

Except for the performance every day

The one I shows up to play

I prepare every day

Every line rehearsed

Every move done, forward, backward,and even in reverse

Nothing left

Inside my head 

The show now ending 

I want it to stop

Can’t take it much longer

But the show must go on

Longing for the grassy field

The one in my dreams

The one that shows I can finally be at peace

But my dream now nightmares

They took that too

With their words and their expectation 

They leave nothing living

My dreams are now taken

By the thoughts that overwhelm 

My green grassy haven

Now gray dull and gone

Burnt to the ground 

Much like it all

Nothing left to find

Only the remains of the sign

The one that read safe

And the one that takes me back

Back to the age 

Where I was okay

My smile has painted for a long time now

My clothes, a costume I am used to now

My heart now buried there is probably nothing left

And my soul now gray but I now believe it has always been that way

My words still were written 

Every day it seems 

Never an improvised word

Just the ones in the scene

My dreams now gone

Vanished and replace

But bright red fire fueling the hate

The field of peace she once looked at with love

Is now ash and dust

I don’t believe in the lust 

My love is now slipping

Slipping away

Caring for no one

They are all in the way

They see the show

Every single day

They believe it is different because of the parts I play

A new one each day

Becoming more it seems

With every step or leap

Closer down the path 

Of misery and free

I walk through the fire 

The one that burned

My safe place

My haven

My home

The continues on

With no love left to share

It burned up too

Its just ash in here

Nothing left

Inside my head

The only one left 

Last thing to destroy

They did tht too

It only took one ploy

One dangerous plot 

The one that bould break 

The fragile person 

In need of a break

A person no more

Could not even be

With no words and no heart

Does that even mean

Do I still fit the role

The person one I mean

Because no one treats me the way a person should be 

They yell and they scream

Making the noise never stop

Chips away the armor around my thoughts

My brain was becoming

More and more weak

One more time

And it would finally believe

Believe it was nothing

Not worth a single thought

Not a mention or smile 

Not anything at all

That one more hit came as fast as you thought

They took away my intelligence leaving only a head

My smile covered up, it’s not makeup anymore, its a full on mask trying to hide what’s beneath

I would tell you 

I would

It’s not as it seems 

It doesnt even matter

At least thats what I belive

My clothes now stitched right on my skin

I am the costume 

Maybe I have always been

MY heart has been buried 

Along with my love

No reason to care

No ability to share

My soul once white, then gray, is now just black 

Blacker, it seems

My words so loved

The ones on the page 

Detested and said 

Everyday everyweek

My safe place my home

The one I saw in my dream

Now burned in a fire 

No way to re-see

That path I hated 

The one I said I would not join 

I am close to the end

Almost passing between

Close to rest

And free

And peace

The one thing helped to break 

My inability to think

There is nothing left

Nothing truly left

Before I had what I needed

What I needed to keep me here

But now no smile, no clothes, no heart. No soul, no thoughts. no words to speak

Nothing left. Nothing truly left.

Nothing left inside my head