Chapter 86 I'm not

"I'm nervous."

Hindi ako mapakali sa kinauupuan ko at napansin naman iyon ni Mama.Tumigil siya sa pagkain at nilingon ako.

He placed her hand on my shoulder and squeezed it a bit."You'll be fine,i know you will do good."She assured me and smiled.

"Don't think too much anak,just act natural.Answer the questions the way you always do."Sabat ni Tito at nag thumbs up.

I exhaled and nodded.Nagpatuloy akong kumain pero hindi ko parin maikalma ang sarili ko.I'm really going for it.

The job interview i dreamt of,this is it.

I stepped in the veranda and looked at the gloomy sky.It's raining a lot today good thing the winds are not an issue for this special day.

Nilingon ko si Kuya Arsius na inabutan ako ng payong."Don't be so paranoid,huminga ka."

"Hayaan mo siya."

Tumingin kami kay Kuya Argust na nakasandal sa  railings ng veranda.Nakapamulsa itong tumingin sa akin at kininditan ako."You can do it."

"Nabasa ka."Bungad ko matapos kaming makapasok ng kotse niya.Kinuha ko ang panyo ko sa bulsa at pinunasan ang mga braso,leeg at pisngi niya.

He held my hand."Ako na."I gave him my handkerchier and he started his wiping his face.Hinawakan naman niya ang isang kamay gamit ang bakanteng kamay niya.

"Whatever the result will be,you can still try Ambrielle."He gave me his blue handkerchief.I smelled it and smiled at him.

The side of his lips rose up."Without failure,there will be no success."

Kinagat ko ang ibabang parte ng labi ko at matunog na bumuntong hininga.Lumingon ako sa mga kasabay ko na nakangiting lumabas ng building at sumakay sa mga sasakyan nila.

Tumingala ako sa makulimlim na kalangitan at pinagmasdan ang paglakas ng ulan.Tumungo ako at tinignan ang isang envelope na dala ko.

I really did my best but i think..it was not enough.

Everything was still not enough.

Gusto ko ng makapag trabaho,gusto kong ipakita kay Mama na tama lang ang kinuha kong kurso.I really want to make them proud and see that i can be like my stepbrothers.

Independent and successful.

My one whole intern year was just a waste...

Walang alinlangan lumapit ako sa isang trashbin at sinalubong ang malalaking patak ng ulan.Tinapon ko ang envelope at pinunasan ang namamasang pisngi at noo ko.

A familiar car parked infront of me.Argust opened his umbrella before stepping out of his car.His eyebrows furrowed when his eyes darted on me.

Tipid na ngumiti ako at makahulugang tumango siya.He opened his arms and i pursed my lips.Tiim bagang akong humakbang papalapit sa kaniya at tumakbo.

I hugged him and cried silently."I didn't make it."I sadly said.He carressed my back and kissed my head.

"I know,don't cry.Were just here for you."Masuyong sabi niya at niyakap ako ng mahigpit.

"I'm always here for you."

"Ambrielle,ayos ka lang??"Tanong ni Mama sa akin.Hinawakan niya ako sa noo  at mabilis na nilayo ko naman ang mukha ko sa kaniya.

"I'm fine Ma."Sagot ko at inayos ang painting na katatapos ko lang gawin.Nagiwas ako ng tingin sa kaniya at nilinis ang mga pinag-gamitan ko.

"Okay then."She crossed her arms at tahimik na bumaba ng kwarto ko.I heaved a sigh at nahihilong umupo sa kama ko.

Hinawakan ko ang leeg at noo ko.Nagiinit ang buong katawan ko at nangingiyak ang mga mata ko.Lumunok ako at napangiwi sa sakit.

Humilata ako sa kama at pumikit.Baka napagod lang ako at kailangan ko ng tulog at pahinga.Hindi ko namalayan na nakatulog ako at nagising nalang ako ng maramdaman ang pag uga ng kama.

I look at Arsius seating in the side of the bed habang dala dala ang puting tela at lalagyan ng maligamgam na tubig.I looked at Argust seating in the bed beside me.

"You have cold and high fever."

I couldn't hear him properly dahil umiikot ang parin ang paningin ko.Nabingi yata ako dahil sa nakakapasong init ng katawan ko.

"Take his hoodie off."

Utos ni Arsius kay Argust and he obliged.Argust gently took off my white hoodie leaving me with my thin cotton t-shirt.

"Give me the warm towel."Arsius handed the warm towel on Argust.Nagsimulang punasan ni Kuya ang mga braso,leeg,pisngi at ang buong mukha ko.

"Go check on Armielle."Dinig kong utos ni Argust kay Arsius."Mom and Dad went to a business gathering.I'll take care of him."Dagdag pa nito.

Then Arsius said something that i couldn't hear properly and understand."The three of us are alone and don't expect me to leave you here with him."

"Just go....i won't do anything."

"You better keep your shit together."

Umalis na si Arsius at naiwan kaming dalawa ni Argust.Bumaba siya at hinawakan ang laylayan ng panjama ko.

He pulled my panjamo off at pinunasan ang mga binti ko.I felt his hands squuezed my legs but the pain in my body was too much and it's the only thing i could thinking of that time.

"Can you seat??"I heard him whispered on my ear.I opened my eyes and looked at him.Napahilamos naman siya ng mukha sa pagtingin ko sa kaniya.

"I-i can try."Napapaos na sagot ko at inalalayan niya akong umupo.He grabbed the glass of water and some medicines in the side table.

Tinulungan niya akong makainom ng gamot at sinandal muna ako sa headboard ng kama.He looked at me  and scratched his nape.

"Do you feel better now??"Tanong niya.

"I-i don't k-know."

Then he took off his shirt at nagtatakang nilingon ko siya.Lumunok ako bago magsalita."W-what are you doing??"I managed to ask him even my throat really hurts.

"Come here."He gently pulled me close to him and placed my between his legs.He then embraced from the back."We can't give you cold water.I think this will ease the heat."He explained at ako na nagdidiliryo sa lagnat ay tumango nalang.

"I did it!!!"Niyugyog ko si Arsius sa tuwa.Natatawang inilingan niya ako at pinakalma.

"Congratss!!!!"Malakas na bungad ni Tito galing ng living room.Tumakbo ako papalapit sa kaniya niyakap siya."At last!!!!"He happily exclaimed and  messed my hair.

"Told yah."

Then i looked at Argust na kadadating lang din galing ng trabaho.Malapad na ngumiti ako sa kaniya at mabilis na tumango.

Lumapit siya sa akin at tumatawang yumakap naman ako sa kaniya.Nagulat ako nang pasanin niya ako at pinalo ko naman siya sa dibdib.

He smirked."Congrats."

"You don't have to carry me."Tumatawang umiling ako at tinaasan naman niya ako ng kilay habang nakangiti.

All of the things i encountered,my hardships and victories i've had.He was there,he was always there for me.To back me up,to support me and to comfort me.

He was the best brother i've ever had.

But then this night came and the only thing i can feel now is pure horror.I looked at him na nahihilong tumingin sa mga mata ko.

There's no way....that's impossible beyond the impossible.

"Bakit hindi nalang ako Ambrielle??"

I pulled back my hand at hinawakan ko ito."I-i don't understand."Mahinang sabi ko.

He shifted his seat at mas lumapit pa sa akin."Ambrielle i—"

"You're drunk."I cut him off at pumikit na mariin.Umiling ako at tinignan siya."You're just drunk,go away."Pagtataboy ko.

His expression changed and i saw his eyes saddened."I did drink a bit but Ambrielle."He explained and he held my cheek.

Iniwas ko ang mukha ko sa kaniya at nagsimulang uminit ang dalawang sulok ng mga mata ko.This is not happening,please tell me this is not happening.

"I really..like you."

Kumabog ang dibdib ko at bumilis ang paghinga ko.I bit my lips when my tears started fall in me cheeks."Y-you're lying."Nanginig ang boses ko sa takot.

"Tell me you're lying."Lumuluhang hinarap ko siya."Please."I pleaded and sobbed silently.

He looked hurt after i pleaded.Bumagsak ang dalawang balikat niya at umigting ang panga niya.

"I'm not lying."