When I woke up, I knew it wasn't morning yet.

The tent was still quiet and I was surrounded by other sleeping bodies. The sound of slow breathing filled the air. I sat up on my mat, looking around to see if anyone else had woken up.

I wasn't sure why I was awake. I vaguely remembered a dream reminiscent of a time before everything went downhill. I couldn't pick out the details now, but I knew it hadn't been a bad one.

Now that I was awake, I felt like I couldn't sleep again. I tried closing my eyes, but I couldn't help feeling too hot, or too cold, or just too uncomfortable. I let out a frustrated sigh. There was no way I was going back to sleep at that moment.

Might as well go for a walk.

The air outside was cold, per usual. I was so used to it that it barely bothered me anymore. A breeze ruffled through my clothes, and I crossed my arms against it. There was a bit of a hill right near the sleeping quarters, and I made my way toward it. From there, it was easy to see the miles of tan, deadened Earth. The moon shined down on the landscape, covering it in a pale light. Even though I was a bit cold, the night was still beautiful.

I was so focused on the scene in front of me, that I almost didn't hear the footsteps coming up behind me.

January sat down next to me, wrapped in the blanket she had been sleeping in. Her black hair was pulled back in a messy ponytail, and her bangs stuck out at weird angles. She didn't seem to care much. "Having trouble sleeping?" she asks, staring out at the horizon. 

"I guess."

"Yeah. That happens to me sometimes. I get lost in thought a lot." She seemed even lost in thought now. I guessed she might have been thinking about Mace. Suddenly, she turned and looked back at me, eyes lit up. "How'd your mission end up going? I never got to ask."

I shrugged. It was both good and bad. Nearly getting shot had scared me a bit. "I thought it was going well at first...but then we were getting shot at. Nobody got hurt. Except our crate..."

January looked mildly alarmed. "Really? For most other people, things were pretty easy. The only other complication I heard about was when the seller claimed that the group didn't have enough money for what they wanted to buy. I'm pretty sure he was just ripping them off, though."

"Yeah...it was kinda dangerous. I just assumed it was supposed to be part of the test," I replied, also semi-surprised by this news.

"Hmph." January looked back at the sky. She seemed a bit confused. I was, too. I tried not to think about it.

"How are you holding up?" I risked asking. I didn't want to force her to talk if she didn't want to, but I also felt bad leaving her to deal with this alone. I wasn't sure if she'd even talked to anyone much about what had happened. 

Her face went dark again. "I just feel...a little blindsided, that's all." She shifted, wrapping her arms around her knees. 

I didn't respond, waiting for her to go on. She likely didn't come up here so I could press her for information.

In the end, she continued on her own.

"I just still don't understand how...or why he did it. I remember when we started this whole thing together, he just seemed so genuine. He was so excited about being able to help other survivors, especially since most of us were teens. Most of us didn't know how to survive on our own, and he was there. I don't know what changed. I guess the Equator could have offered him a deal he couldn't have rejected."

I nodded. "Yeah. I mean, I guess eternal life would be a good motivator."

"Even so, it doesn't seem right. I just wish he hadn't done it. That's all. My only fear is that I won't be able to stop myself from forgiving him if he came back here, you know? If he walked right into this camp and apologized...It scares me to realize that I would welcome him back with open arms. Despite what he'd done."

I closed my eyes as I accepted her words. The funny thing was, I'd been in the exact same situation. I guess the two of us weren't that far apart from each other.

"I think that feeling is only human."

"Is it? To trust so much, that even when you're trust is broken, you can't help but look for ways to fix it?" she asked, and turned to me, as if trying to drive her point in more.

I looked back at her, seeing the distraught in her eyes. "The same thing happened to me, and I like to believe I made the right choice. With Asten. He betrayed me...but some part of me was still left open to him for some unfathomable reason. I don't know. Maybe it's just hard because having someone who's broken your trust is better than having no one at all."

"Is it?" she asked, her voice soft. She seemed to be actually wondering the answer to the question.

"I like to hope it is."