I'm not sure where we were, but we were sitting.
Alone together.
Just the two of us.
Smiling, laughing, just as friends do.

And for a moment, somehow, your hand caressed my face.
For a moment, the look on yours changed.
For a moment, it was... sadder. Bittersweet.
For a moment, I could have sworn I knew that look on it.

But the moment passed.
Time passed.
We laughed again.
It happened again.
This time, we didn't let the moment go.

You didn't let me go.

You held me there, gently,
(It doesn't take much when it's you)
I watched your eyes dance across my face,
And I let my own drink you in.

I believe I've said this before, in another poem about you,
But you will never love me the way I loved you,
The way I am once again rediscovering I love you

But you do love me, because with you, I am known.
You see me, ALL of me, you see straight through every mask and wall and straight into my core.
You notice of me what others do not, cannot, and remind me that I am not as horrible a person as I think I am when I need it most - though I've no idea how you always know when I need you most.

But last night, in that particular dream... I let my want consume me, I think.
As we sat there, laughter having been on our lips just moments before,
I watched your breath catch
As you leaned in
And pressed your lips to mine

Oh, and I could have stayed there forever
This was one of those dreams that feels so good,
So beautiful,
That even the part of you which knows you're dreaming wants so desperately to stay asleep,
Because though the waking world was kind to me yesterday, it is not always so kind.

But, in time,
No matter how much we wish to lie and dream,
All must wake.

I should not want more than what I have with you, my beloved friend.
Whatever time I get to spend with you, I am so incredibly grateful for.
Every memory with you is a cherished one to me.
Yet, I can't help my heart's wishes.
I wish for more time.
I wish to know you as you seem to know me.

I wish for your trust.
I wish for your respect.
I wish for your love.

All of these I have, all of these I should be content with
But somehow, for some reason, I am not.
It's not your fault,
It's mine.
And I know not how to remedy this affliction, this accursed love I will always hold in my heart for you, this horrible, greedy wish for more time spent with you.

I am met with a strange paradox, Tree-Snow.
An odd combination of gripping terror and peaceful contentment
With the fact that wherever I go,
Whatever I do,
Whoever I meet,
There will always be some piece of my heart that belongs to you.

I'm scared because I know how vulnerable that leaves me. That vulnerability has hurt me, nearly killed me in the past.

But I am content because that piece of my heart that stays with you is the only one that, somehow, throughout all these years,

Is still whole.