"This is where you will sit Khun Phayu," one of the other professors showed him an empty table. "Thank you Khun Kiet," he said. "No problem. Congratulations on joining us. We all look forward to working with you," Kiet said, smiling. Phayu nodded and smiled back. After Kiet left him to his own devices, he set his bag and the box he was carrying, filled with some personal items, down on the table. The whole area was extremely neat and clean, but Phayu still ran a cloth over it before setting out a family picture, a pretty recent one that he and Fah had taken when visiting with their parents in Korat. Chai, Fah's partner, had gone with them, as they all celebrated Phayu's new job.

This was the first time he had actually not taken up a job in Bangkok. Fah had been really annoyed at that because that meant that he would not meet him except during school breaks. But he also understood Phayu's need to leave. Phayu could feel his heart break again when he thought of the reason he had to leave Bangkok, when he had walked in on one of his closest friends and his girlfriend having sex in his house, in his bed. He had thrown them both out, dragged the sheets and mattress and all his ex's stuff to the nearest dumpster, changed his password. Then he went home, broken, back to Fah, who had been left to pick up the pieces.

When Phayu had received the call from one of the leading international schools in Chiang Mai, he had jumped at the chance, especially since his ex had started pestering him with calls and messages. He blocked her, changed his number, sold his condo, and decided to accept the chance to move. Only his parents, his twin and twin's partner and his best friends had this number, so he was safe. He knew that he was running away in a way, he was okay with that, just for the sake of his peace of mind. This was going to be his new life, the start of something different, a change he was looking forward to.

Even though he was an architect par excellence, having made a name for himself in some of the best circles both on the home and international front, Phayu had accepted this opportunity to take some time off for himself. But he knew well that if he simply sat at home in Bangkok, he would drive himself, and everyone else around him, mad. Which was why he took a year's sabbatical from his firm, wanting to give himself that time and figure out what he wanted. Lana always said he was a workaholic, and while he knew that was true, he knew it was high time he gave himself a chance to do something better. When Sky had suggested he do something less fast paced, he had wondered what could be the best option. And then he had seen this advertisement, for an Arts and Craft teacher in an international school in Chiang Mai. And he had jumped at the chance.

His thoughts came to a grinding halt when the drawer he wanted to put some things in wouldn't budge. He wondered what happened, and tried to slowly pulled it, knowing if he tugged too hard, he could permanently damage it. He decided to give it one last shot before calling someone from maintenance. He pulled it and the drawer came out into his hand, and something fell below that. He kept the drawer aside and bent down to see what was there. He reached inside and took out what had been stuck there. It seemed to be a diary, bound by tan leather, a dark brown button with a tan strap wrapped around it. He turned it around, looking for name. When he didn't find any, he opened the diary to the first page. In neat calligraphy the name 'Varain Lee' was printed, with the word 'Rain' written in the same font, with a 🌧️ design right next to it.

He closed the diary, keeping it aside and adjusted the drawer, keeping the last lot of things. Just as he closed the last shelf, Kiet came up. "Khun Phayu, anything you need?" he asked. "No, thank you. Everything looks good," Phayu said, smiling at the older man. "Oh, Khun Kiet?" The man turned around and looked at Phayu. "I found this diary. Do you know someone named 'Varain Lee?'" Phayu asked. "Varain Lee? I don't think so. I don't seem to have heard the name. But I am pretty new here, just came six months ago. You can talk to one of the older staff maybe?" Kiet asked. "Thank you Khun. I will do that once I settle down a bit," Phayu said. "Maybe we can do away with the honorifics. I think you and I are not that far apart in age. You, me and Ryan are very nearly the same age. It would be fun to be friends. What say?" Kiet said. "Sure Kiet!" Phayu said, making Kiet laugh.

Phayu quickly settled into the rhythm of the school and small town life. Chiang Mai was not exactly a small town, but was smaller than Bangkok for sure. Even the pace of the days were slower but it was getting easier. Since it was an international school, the kids were from a lot of different countries, and Phayu really enjoyed interacting with them, their lives, their cultures and how different they were from the life he had always lived. He also enjoyed getting along with his colleagues. Initially, a few tried to hit on him, but he drew a clear line. He was done with all types of romantic entanglements. He knew very well that with his nature, it was hard for someone to like him. He knew why Lana had chosen to sleep with Beam, and he didn't really blame her. He was not really worth all the time and effort that people spent on him. He, despite everything Saifah said, was really hard to get along with. He didn't really do emotions well, and while he would be the first to admit it, it didn't make the hurt any lesser.

But he was getting over it. As the term closed, he found himself really reluctant to go back to Bangkok for whatever reasons. When he told Fah that, he had gotten a scolding, but then Fah, Chai, Pai and Sky had decided to come to Chiang Mai for a few days. They would come in the 3rd week of the four week vacation, so Phayu had some time. After school closed, he visited a few nearby places, cleaned his house, and in general, relaxed into his home. It was in one of his cleaning bouts that he found the diary that he had left in one of the empty packing boxes he had brought from Bangkok. He had completely forgotten about it, and forgotten to ask who it belonged to. But now that it was vacation, there would no one he could really ask about it. He was about to put it aside when he suddenly stopped, staring at it for a few moments. It was almost as if the diary was calling to him, telling him something. He opened it again, tracing the name with his fingers. 'Fuck it!' he thought, and opened to the first page.

18th May, 2020,

I just reached Chiang Mai. It's a beautiful place. Everyone welcomed me warmly. Although no one knows it, their warmth made me feel amazing on my 24th birthday. It's my first proper job ever after graduation, and I realise how important it is to find the right place to settle in. Coming to Thailand was the best decision I ever took, and Chiang Mai is modern enough that I get the feel of city life and quiet enough that I won't feel too overwhelmed by the possibility that I am in a world totally different from mine.

I had greater expectations of life from Korea when I moved there with Appa 10 years ago, but all I got was multiple let downs. And it's not like I could talk to anyone, now that Mae was gone. Appa lost himself after Mae, and in a way, he lost me too. If he hadn't insisted that I move with him to Korea, and allowed me to stay with Yaa, I might have been a different person today. Anyway, no point crying over spilt milk. My job here is important, and that makes me feel so tingly. I will be imparting knowledge to young impressionable minds, and I will take pride in that. Mae's spirit is watching over me, and I know that she will be just as proud. She gave up a lot to have me, so I will fulfil her dreams!

19th May, 2020,

My kiddies are the best! I have the cutest imaginable bunch of students in the school, of different nationalities. They are still very young, just 8 year olds, who are still blossoming into their world. They are thrilled with the fact that I can speak many languages and mostly always figure out what they want to say. But I prefer responding to them in English, since that's what I am supposed to teach. I told them that if they are going to come to English class and talk in their native tongue, they are making things difficult for everyone. And being the precious beanies they are, we are likely to have Churchills and Luther Kings soon. And I will tell everyone that I was their homeroom and English teacher when they were in grade 3. Will people laugh at me then?

21st May, 2020

I finally figured out why Becky was so upset yesterday. She has been missing her mama, who has been hospitalised. Thankfully, it's nothing serious. Becky is going to be a big sister soon, that's all. But for that little girl, it was literally the end of the world to see her mama in hospital. And I completely understand. Having lost my own mama, I know that losing a parent is like a physical blow that you can never recover from. Makes me wonder though what kind of parent would I be? Unfortunately, I will never know, because, according to my Halmeoni, I am the kind of disgraceful man who would fall in love with another man, and would never truly get the blessing of having a family. She says it was my curse that killed my mae, and bought my father to this condition. Most days, I am able to ignore her, but some days? Some days I wonder if I am really that much of a disgrace. I sit and think of my mistakes, and then I begin to spiral. Although I must say that coming to Thailand has been nothing less than a miracle for me. I don't get pushed down into the quagmire of my own thoughts as much, especially since I am surrounded by my bright lights.

There were no entries in the diary until the 24th of May, 2020, on which day, Rain had drawn the image of a flower, a beautiful rose, shaded prettily with something that was most likely charcoal. He had no idea why, but something about it, the depth with which it was drawn, the poignancy behind it, it screamed pain, and he felt like he was drowning in it. He turned the page, wondering what he would see and there were just two names. One was a absolutely Thai name, Malee Somsri, the other was an American one; Adele Newman. Suddenly the implication hit him with the force of a semi! That was definitely Rain's mother's name, and most likely Becky's mother's name. Which meant that two wonderful mothers were gone. He kept the book aside immediately, calling up his own mother, just to reassure himself that everything was alright with her.

Two days later, something drew Phayu back to the book. He had tried his best to not look at the diary, knowing it was something personal, but he couldn't help it. There was something so sweetly compelling about the boy and his writing.

26th May, 2020

It feels good to be here, be someone who can support another being. Becky's family all came down to be here. Her father seemed lost, almost clueless. His brothers are handling everything. When we all visited, he sat in the corner of the room with Becky and her new born baby brother while everyone else bustled around. Honestly? It was absolutely too triggering and I left as soon as it was politely possible so that I wouldn't offend anyone. I have a feeling they won't stay here any longer. It's hard to lose a loved one, and even harder to live in the place which took away someone who gave your life meaning. To my dying day, I won't forget the devastation on Simon Newman's face as he mourned his wife and the mother of his children. Is that what Appa looked like when Mae died? How deep was I in my own sorrows that I didn't even notice that?

29th May, 2020

The Newmans left today. According to one of the older teachers, they decided to cremate the body here in Chiang Mai itself, and only took the ashes. Becky came to visit me and her friends yesterday, to bid us all goodbye. It was a tearful farewell, and I am afraid I was also sobbing like a baby at the end of it. I gave her an artist's rendition of her mother's face that I had taken from a picture she had shown me once and she clutched it and said lovely things. Later, Khun Simon also called me and thanked me profusely for taking the time out to not only make what I did for his daughter, but also to be so good to her. Apparently she had always spoken about me at home. That hurt me, and made me happy. Hurt because I would miss that beautiful child whose spark was dimmed altogether too soon, and happy because she had always been one of my favourites as well. Anyway, that's one chapter of life closed. People may come, people may go, but I need to move on anyway.