Rain leaned back against the wall of the hall where the Last Cheer for the Architecture faculty was taking place, his eyes glued to the man surrounded by almost the entire lot of juniors and alumni. He wanted to march up to them and scream that Phayu was his, but none of the scenarios that had played out in his head had a happy ending, so he kept a resolute silence. Plus, apart from Sky, no one even knew he was dating Phayu, so what would he even say? Moreover, he could absolutely foresee Phayu's disappointment if he reacted in any other manner except being perfect.

Phayu and he had been together almost 3 years, and Rain knew they were good together. But both of them had been becoming busier and busier, work and Uni taking away a chunk of their time away from each other. Rain had stayed grounded as long as Phayu had been a guiding light at the end of the tunnel, but he had realised that it was not Phayu's job to mollycoddle his boyfriend, and that Rain had to take responsibility for his own actions. He knew that Phayu wouldn't probably mind if he reached out, but the mean voices inside his head had made it clear that he was nothing but a burden on Phayu and it would be way better if he stood on his own.

The distance between them had grown from a small crack to a chasm so deep that Rain couldn't even see the ground below. It had been ages since they had sat down face to face and talked. He knew what Phayu was up to. Why wouldn't he when his phone would buzz with different notifications when his boyfriend would be tagged on social media by people who sparkled, just like Phayu did. That obviously meant the sad, nondescript Rain was not so very important in the grand scheme of things. Sky had spoken about attending events with P'Pai. Rain didn't begrudge him that, because he couldn't go with Phayu. It was his fault for not letting anyone except family know that he was with Phayu. But when Phayu stopped involving Rain, or even asking him, even if he knew what the response would be, Rain felt shattered. He knew he was not good enough, but now, he was sure P'Phayu thought the same.

Sky had warned him, at the end of their 1st year, to let Phayu tell everyone they were dating, but Rain hadn't wanted that. He did not want to live in Phayu's shadow, and be compared to him all the time. So he had chosen to look the other way even though Phayu had come to meet them. Papa Pete had scolded him later, told him that he was the sweetest and best person and had all the rights to stand by their son. Even though Rain smiled and agreed, in his heart he knew, he would never be as good as his boyfriend. He could see the empathy in Papa Vegas's eyes. He was the one person who knew how hard it was to live in someone else's shadow, perceived as weak, as not good enough.

And so, Rain had toiled on, alone, his nights filled with work and more work, dedicated towards bettering himself. But even then, he realised that he was not good enough; maybe would never be. He would always be an invisible entity. No matter how well he did in theory, no matter how fantastic and creative his designs were, he could never be Phayu. And he got told that often enough. Sky was the only one who came close enough to the genius. Sky didn't have to live under that burden, since P'Pai was a business man. He was brilliant at his job, but he was not an architect. So there would be no pressure. P'Pai was amazing, P'Phayu was a genius, Sky was awesome; only Rain stuck out like a sore thumb in the dazzling world of the Theerpanayakuls.

He had started feeling as if he was nothing. He woke up every morning to feel the same as the day before. He was drained, he was lost, he was struggling with all these heavy emotions in him. He felt that he was easily replaceable and could be left out and no one would even realise. He knew he was not good enough to be anyone's first choice, because he was not even good enough to be even someone's back-up. Everyone had someone they would choose before him, because he wouldn't ever be someone's favourite. He felt that whoever he loved just left him; whether a person or object, he would just lose them. He wondered often if he was just that bad? He was not happy, so he faked it, hoping no one would notice. He was annoying, disappointed people around him and made mistakes, which meant that the flaw was in him. He tried his hardest, but no one noticed, hearing how he was worthless all the time. He always felt like a failure.

He looked around. No one seemed to be paying him much attention. He straightened, and picking up his bag and tube, quietly made his way out of the room. He had come in his own car. Sky had come with him, but Rain was sure that P'Pai would come pick him up, would be there for him. So it was fine if Rain left. Vacations were starting soon. Just one round of exams to go, and Rain knew, with the amount of time he had, he would be able to study really well. He had just reached home when his phone rang. "Rain? Where are you?" Sky's voice came through. "Oh, I was done, and had some last minute stuff to do for my mum, so I left. Is all okay?" Rain asked, trying to sound as normal as possible.

"P'Phayu was looking for you. So was I. Where was your phone? We called so many times," Sky said, sounding a bit worried. "I was driving. And to be honest Sky, the phone was still in silent because I had done that before the activities started. Sorry na?" Rain said, hoping to get Sky off his back. "Cool. But you call P'Phayu, okay?" Sky said. "I will. Just let him know I am okay. I will call him in a while. Thanks Sky," Rain said, cutting the call before Sky would ask him more questions. Because he didn't want to answer any of them. He quickly freshened up and then crawled into bed, hoping for some sleep. but none would come. His brain refused to shut up, constantly dragging him into the cesspool of his own thoughts, twisting and turning, creating black goo that was worse than quicksand. The more he thought, the more he was pulled into it. He finally gave up, sitting up and sighing, moving to his desk, hoping that some work or his revision would keep him those senseless feelings away from him.

Rain walked out with his group, listening to them discussing the answers, but he didn't add anything of his own. "So, time to celebrate? Let's all go out to that new club that has opened in Sukhumvit," Sig said, walking backwards. "Sorry guys, I have to be at my part-time job. You all can go ahead," Rain said, waving and turning away, leaving a very shocked group behind. "What has happened to him?" Ple asked, slightly teary eyed, upset that Rain was not his usual self. "He has been pulling away from us Sky. Do you know why? And what is this about a part-time job?" Sig asked. Sky shook his head. "No idea," he said. "Dude, you are supposed to be his best friend," Por said. Sky glared at him. "Aren't we all his friends?" he asked. "We are Sky. But you are the one closest to him. His first friend. That's what he always says, right?" Ple said, as all of them looked at Sky. He shifted a bit, not realising how true that was and how much he had been neglecting Rain in favour of spending time with Pai.

Rain had never said a word, and never begrudged him that, choosing to be happy for his best friend. When the incident with Gun had happened, Rain had stayed with Sky the entire time, taking care of him like a baby. He had known Sky's past and he had given him the courage to talk to P'Pai and tell him the entire truth. He had literally been Sky's redemption. But what had Sky done? He had pretty much ignored Rain these past couple of months. Especially knowing that P'Phayu had been busy himself. He had thought that Rain would reach out if there was any problem. And when he hadn't, Sky had assumed everything was just fine. Looking back, he remembered the completed worksheets, the projects handed in on time, Rain's withdrawal, the seeping sadness in his eyes. But he had overlooked it, hoping that it was just the distance from P'Phayu that was causing it. But now he was sure there was something much more. And he needed to get to the bottom of it before he lost his best friend.

Rain looked out of the window of the little florist shop he had taken up working for part time. He had just billed two giggly girls, who had picked up flowers for their boyfriends. He had given them recommendations according to the reason they wanted to gift them, and told them the meaning of different flowers. They had looked properly impressed and gone away extremely happy, telling him that they would absolutely return soon. "You did a good job N'Rain." Rain turned around at the voice. "P'Yihwa," he said, smiling. "You saw?" "I did Nong. And I am very happy how well you have been learning," Yihwa said, smiling back at one of the sweetest people she knew. Even her partner, Marine, loved Rain a lot. Both of them knew much about him, if not everything. Rain was a blessing for them. They had both been disowned by their family for loving each other, so they only had each other, until Rain had walked into their store one rainy afternoon. He had become the little brother they had always wanted, and their family. He had been the witness to their exchange of vows, and had clicked pictures for them until his hand fell off. In fact, a picture of the three of them was hung in a place of pride in the shop as well.

"Are you going to tell us what had happened?" Marine asked, as she walked in from the back of the shop. "About what? What happened? Nothing happened P'Rine," Rain asked. "Rain, we know you since the past 1 year now. You cannot fool us. You know that right? And you simply cannot lie," Yihwa said, looking pointedly at him. Rain sighed, knowing that they would not let him go until he spoke. "I have just started feeling like I am a burden on everyone," he said, looking down, missing the shocked looks on the faces of the two women. "Are you joking right now?" Marine asked, sounding upset. "Explain yourself," Yihwa said, sounding annoyed. "Later Phi. We are still open. We may get custom..," he trailed off when Yihwa went to the door of the shop, locked it, and turned the 'OPEN' sign to 'CLOSED'. "There you go. We are closed now. Problem solved. Talk," she said.

"You know that I did not have parents growing up. No body ever wanted to adopt me at the orphanage. Instead, I was placed with a foster family. And then when I started school, I was not really the brightest bulb in the basket. I hardly had friends, because they thought that I was not 'good enough' to be with them. So I just focused on studies and keeping my grades up. I wanted to desperately get into a good University because I wanted to prove to everyone that I was good in studies. When I got into the Faculty if Architecture at Chula, and I got a scholarship, I had to work very hard there too, to ensure my scholarship stayed. That's why, you were the only store that gave me these flexible timings and everything, and didn't cut my pay either, even when I did assignments and studies."

"Towards the middle of my 1st year, when I was returning home from Sky's dorm, the tyre of my car burst. It was raining heavily, it was almost midnight, and I was clueless about what I had to do. Suddenly, a man on a motorcycle stopped and helped me out. He was so handsome and I actually said it out to his face. I used to think I was straight, and I was trying to hit on a girl in my class, but I kept telling Sky about this man. It turned out that he was my code line senior, and came to one of the gatherings. My car, for some reason, stopped working, and he helped me tow it to his garage, and also let me use the room above that to freshen up," Rain said, and told the story of how Phayu had treated him, but glossed over some of the murkier details. However, he missed the looks of utter contempt and fury that crossed Yihwa and Marine's faces, as the implications of what he had said sank fully into them.

He went on to tell them how he had challenged the senior that he would make him fall in love with him, but ended up falling in love himself. "But he is the 'God' of the Architecture faculty. And I am a nobody. I didn't let him tell anyone we are dating, because I didn't want to live in his shadow. But the problem is, whenever he comes to the Uni, he is surrounded by all these wonderful people. One day, he is going to look at one of them and feel that that person is way better than me. Then where would I be?" Rain said. "Have you tried talking to him Rain? Telling him about your insecurities?" Marine asked, her heart breaking for this sweet boy. "I want to, but in no scenario does that end well in my head Phi," Rain replied. "What do you mean?" Yihwa asked, looing worriedly at her partner.

"Whenever I imagine telling him, I get this feeling that he will be so disappointed. I already feel like a burden on him Phi, and I am so scared that he will start looking at me in the same way. And then where will I be Phi? He can manage without me. But me? I love him to the point that it hurts. What if he finds me clingy and disgusting and decides I am not the right person for him? And I am pretty sure my friends will agree too," he said, tears clinging to his lashes, but not falling. Yihwa and Marine's hearts broke a little more at how little self-worth Rain had. "Rain, sweetie, if the man hates you for your clinginess?Then he is not the man for you. You need to up and leave. But honestly, you will not know the truth unless you talk to him. All that you are doing is hiding behind a façade and hoping it will all go away on its own.And that's not the way to treat your problems," Marine said. "Rainy, you are one of the nicest and sweetest people we know. So many times we have heard you say mean things about yourself, but the truth is, you are way above that. You are so much smarter, better, brighter and more beautiful than you give yourself credit for. And if we can see it, then the people closest to you definitely can," Yihwa said, stroking a hand down Rain's hair, as he looked at the two women in gratitude.