This was one written all the way back in 2009, when I started out with serious writing. It might not be very great, but it's very close to my heart.

***

Her heart stilled when she first saw him.

It had been about four months since she joined the university, but this was the first time she had seen him. Thankfully, he didn't notice her, and she quietly went her way, doing her best to be as invisible as possible. She hadn't thought that she would see him again. She asked around about his classes and their timings as unobtrusively as possible, so that she may be able to avoid him easily. She soon found out what she had expected to hear—that he had become one of the most popular people ever since he got admission a year ago. Good in studies and excellent in sports, with an added plus point of being charming by nature, and having dirty blond hair and a stunning grin to go with it—a girl usually didn't ask for much more.

She had started talking to this one person in her classes since the time she had joined, and they had formed a close camaraderie. They were so close that she usually addressed him by calling him JC—just JC. JC soon noticed that she was somewhat obsessed with the popular guy's timetable, but she quickly brushed aside all his doubts by saying that she was doing it for a girl in one of her classes. Not that he believed any of it, but JC decided to give it a rest.

After all, she wasn't the only girl he knew who had a major crush on the popular guy.

However, she didn't stop at this. She went ahead and found out where he usually hung out, and purposely avoided them. JC found it even more strange, because he had suspected her to go up to the guy, not avoid him. She needn't have tried so hard, he thought, after all, she was just an invisible like himself. The popular guy wasn't going to look at her even if she paraded in front of him in a cheerleading uniform.

The invisibles had a distinct quality, JC felt, and people could always distinguish them from the popular ones in one glance, even if they looked the same.

She tried her best to avoid him but a few weeks later, the popular guy did notice her. They had been sitting at a corner table in the cafeteria, when suddenly a voice asked if he could take the free chair. They always lacked a chair in popular table, you see. JC graciously agreed, but the popular guy wasn't looking at him. JC could've been whispering in Russian for all he cared. He was staring across the table at her, floored. JC felt that something was wrong; she wasn't looking up, and the other guy just couldn't stop staring at her bowed head.

'Elaine' he said after sometime, swallowing hard. JC looked up with a start.

'Len' she acknowledged him quietly in a cold, tight voice. Wait a moment, JC thought; his name wasn't Len. His name was Leonard Faye. JC remembered wondering about his exotic name before.

Anyway, it looked like she had the name, or rather, the nickname, right. Len looked like he was going to collapse. He opened his mouth many times to speak, but no words came out. Then, someone from his table called out to him, asking him to get over there quickly. He muttered an apology to them and, after staring at her for a long moment, went back. When JC turned next, he saw that Len wasn't talking with his usual gusto. Of course, he kept on joking and talking, but something was missing, and JC wasn't the only one who noticed it. Very soon, he excused himself, saying that he wasn't feeling very well.

He was waiting for them when they came out of the cafeteria, near the lockers. He stood in front of her till she had to ask him in a strained voice to move aside. He didn't budge.

'Why' he asked stonily, 'Why didn't you tell me that you were here?'

'Since when does it concern you, where I go?' she countered. JC moved aside to give them some space, and he noticed him.

'So you've been going around with his low life all this while?' he asked scathingly, 'Anyway you didn't answer my previous question. What are you doing here?'

"Making me a life" JC saw anger flash by in her eyes, "You destroyed it once. Stay away from it now."

"Destroyed? I destroyed it? No, El it was all you!"

'You ran away to Paris, didn't you?' she asked savagely, and looked him in the eye, defiantly, for the first time. 'And then, when I found you, you ran away again, and came here instead.'

'So have you been stalking me again, Elaine?' he asked icily.

She didn't answer, and tried to go around him, but he stopped her. 'We will talk about her, d'you get me?' he whispered hoarsely, 'you need to talk to me. I need to tell you a lot of things.'

'I don't want to talk. We're way past that stage' she said.

'You have to' he pleaded suddenly, desperate, 'Elaine I need to talk to you. Please.'

She looked into his eyes, and saw that he was dead serious. She knew that she had no other choice. She cared too much to just push him aside and walk away as she would have wanted. She nodded, and quickly walked away before his girlfriend spotted them talking.

***

Later that night, they decided to meet up near the convocation hall. JC wanted to come too, but she gave him an awkward look, and he stopped himself just in time. He didn't want to appear too forward, even though curiosity was eating him up alive. Just before she left though, he asked her once about him. She could see that he really wanted to know about Len, and sighed.

'We used to go out in high school. Then we had an argument, and we broke up. That's about it.' This was her short explanation.

"Then why -?"

"I don't know" she had sighed, "After so much time, there's nothing left to say, nothing left to do. Nothing but a ball of regret stuck in my throat, refusing to go down."

Len was sitting on a garden bench nearby when Elaine came. It was a cold night, and she shivered slightly. He looked up on hearing her footsteps, and moved aside to give her some place to sit. She sat down quietly next to him, looking away. She stole a glance at him, but he was fiddling with his room keys.

'You haven't changed much, you know that?' he said at length. "Still quiet, still savage."

'Oh, I've changed, don't worry.' She said in a strained voice. He put a hand on her shoulder, but she moved away as if she was burnt.

 'Stay away from me!' she hissed out in the darkness. He was speechless for a second.

'Now who's running away?' he said in a strange voice. If she could've seen his face hidden in the darkness, she would've seen the pain poorly veiled behind his scathing tone.

'It's perfectly alright to run away from bastards like you!' she blazed, her face flushed with anger.

'Look, I'm really sorry about Rose, alright. I know it really hurts you, but can we just forget about her? I mean, sometimes, I forget that I even had a daughter—'

'You're inhuman!' she cried out in pain, "she was my daughter! How dare you ask me to forget her?'

'It's your fault that she's gone!' he shouted back, "you were the one who put her up for adoption.'

'And what else could I do? You refused to have anything to do with her'

'She was an added responsibility.' He tried to reason out.

'Listen to me, Len' she said, trying hard to control her voice, 'if accepting her was such a big responsibility, what about me? I agreed to take care of her completely!'

'Well, now she's gone, so why can't you just forget her?' he asked scathingly. Oh, he felt the twinge of regret, alright. but what he didn't understand was that what was a twinge to him was full-blown depression to her.

'You...you...I hate you' she said shivering with anger. In the half-light, he could see her crying hard. 'I HATE YOU!' her scream cut through the silence of the darkness.

He thought that he was going to be deaf. Before he could stop her, she turned and rushed towards her room in the girls' dormitories, and he knew that he couldn't follow her there. He turned and walked out of the university grounds.

Memories rushed in and out as he walked on blindly.

Elaine laughing happily as he'd swing her around, him promising her he would love her till his death, her distraught face when he told her of the pregnancy test. His horrified frame of mind, his mother shrieking till he thought he'd rather run away, his father tautly asking him to escape to Paris and lay low. That single email that Elaine sent, saying that if she couldn't give her daughter her father's name, she'd give her up for adoption.

He knew that Elaine was an orphan herself, she had no means of bringing up a child. Not without his support. She was seventeen, penniless and pregnant. He was eighteen, stupendously wealthy, with domineering parents and a social reputation to keep up.

He took the easy road out. He ran. But he never forgot.

His mind was too preoccupied to see where he was going, and he had no idea what happened when a group of men blocked him in the alleyway, and asked him to hand over his money and his watch. He didn't know what they were asking him, so he didn't respond. The next thing he knew, something hard hit him across the back of his head, and could feel the cold wet road against his cheek till he passed out.

***

She nearly shrieked out in shock when she heard that he was in the hospital. They said that he had been beaten up by some muggers. He had been walking alone in a dark alleyway. She wanted to ask around to get all the information she could get, but JC stopped her. He said that his friends would certainly talk around enough. If they were just careful to be within earshot when his friends were talking, they would easily get all the information they wanted. And he was right. She just stood near her locker, fiddling, when his girlfriend and her friend walked past her. She clearly heard the name of the hospital.

JC and she went to the hospital as soon as their classes finished. They saw a nurse on entering the hospital, and asked her about him. She told them to ask at the reception. The receptionist told them to head towards the emergency wing. They met another nurse who told them that he was in room number 26. She hesitated Just before entering, and JC saw that she was asking herself if it was all right to see him, specially when she was partly responsible for what happened to him. She gave him a confused look, but he told her to go ahead, and that he would be waiting outside right there for her.

She opened the door slowly and went inside. There was a hefty African—American nurse inside, putting some medicines in order. She looked up on seeing her come in.

'He'll regain consciousness in say...ten minutes' she smiled, 'he took a pretty bad beating. He's got a couple of broken ribs, and a stitch inside his mouth too, but you can't see them. Are you related to him?'

'Just...just a friend' she stammered.

The nurse smiled again, and went out. She slowly went, and sat down on the chair near the bed. No one had told her about his injuries, and she felt nauseous just looking at him. His left wrist was in a white cast, and his head was bandaged. He had a bruise on his cheek, and his lip was torn. He looked so pitiable as he just lay there, unconscious. She felt that she was going to cry soon. Just about then, his mouth twitched a bit.

Len tried to open his eyes, but he felt so numb. It was paining everywhere, like it used to feel when he played basketball for the first time, and over exhausted himself. He had a very strong feeling of déjà vu. It was as if he was seven years old again, and was sinking in the front pool in his father's estate in France. There was a bright light on his eyes, but he wanted to open them.

Slowly, the pain became more centralised. His limbs hurt, and he was unable to move himself. He tried to open his mouth to speak, but his lips didn't respond. His right eye was throbbing slightly. On moving his tongue a bit, he could feel something like thread inside his mouth. His gums felt salty and metallic, like they had been drenched in blood recently. He could faintly remember what had happened before.

He had been feeling pathetic, and was wandering somewhere dark. He could remember something painful hit the back of his head, and the rough, cold tar road against his face. He flinched slightly because of the pain of his throbbing head, and was glad to realise that his facial muscles reacted.

He could hear someone's voice in the background. He thought he could make out his name. He opened his eyes again. For a few moments, all he could see was bright light. Then he thought he saw something faintly brown on his left, and tried to turn his head. He couldn't lift his left hand to touch the brown thing. Everything was just so hazy. His legs felt strangely numb. The brown thing was moving. The voices in the background were becoming clearer. The voice indeed was calling his name. He squinted to get the brown thing in focus. It looked like a girl.

'Len?' she was saying, 'Len? Can you hear me? Can you see me, Len?'

He tried to nod, but his head felt so heavy. He tried to blink or even wink to tell her that he could hear her, but somehow everything was happening super—slow. He was finally able to move his lips. He could see her smile now.

'Thank god.' She was saying, 'you have no idea how worried you had me!'

Her face was becoming clearer. She had short length hair, just a bit longer than her shoulder, and wore something white. Her eyes were brown, he thought. He faintly remembered her. He had known her very well, but who was she?

'Hey, do you know me?' she asked, understanding his confused expression, 'I'm Elaine.'

He opened his mouth to say that yes, he did recognise her now, but instead of words, he could hear himself mumble something incoherently. He had so many questions to ask—how had she come here? What was he doing here? Why was his body aching? Why couldn't he talk? But she understood. She gently brushed away his hair that was falling into his eyes.

'Wake up, Len' she said softly.

His mouth felt dry. What did he have to explain? He didn't remember doing anything to owe her an explanation. He faintly recollected that he had said something to make her cry.

'H...hey' he said, trying to move his mouth and his tongue in synchronisation to speak clearly.

'Wait, I'll get the nurse' she said, getting up.

'I...I'm...s...sorry' he murmured heavily.

'What?' she sat down again, taken aback.

'I'm sorry' he said more clearly, 'about not responding to...your e—mail...about Rose...her adoption...I...didn't know...that you...you were serious.' He could see her break in front of him. She didn't say anything, but sat back with her eyes closed. 'I never thought...that you'd want...my opinion for putting up Rose...for a closed adoption.' he continued, 'It...just didn't sound like you.'

She looked visibly shaken.

'Please' he said again, 'I'm...sorry. I was scared...so I ran away. Dad would've killed me... I didn't believe...that you were...strong enough...to put her up for adoption.'

'I'm sorry too' she was sniffling now, 'for being so rash. If I wanted, I could've had her with me right now. But you didn't reply and that made me so angry. I got crazy, Len. The adoption lady told me that it wasn't easy, but I didn't believe her. I thought that I didn't know her, and it wouldn't hurt.'

She had started to cry hard by then. He wanted to put a hand on her head and hold her close, like he used to do, but he couldn't move.

'What the—' JC stopped midway as he entered the cabin. He came over and put his arms around her trying to calm her down, but she didn't stop. It was as she was reliving the moment when she had given Rose to her new foster parents. JC hugged her tightly, mumbling nonsense into her ears as he tried to console her.

'It was a mistake' she mumbled incoherently.

"I will regret it, El" he whispered hoarsely, hoping she would hear it over her sobs, "Till I die, I would regret it."

This was the first time in his university life that Len had felt jealous of a social invisible like JC, who could touch Elaine without having her scream back, who could hold her when she was devastated, who would never hurt her like he had.

***

'You feel any better?' the nurse asked, coming into the cabin.

Elaine and JC had left hours ago when they had spotted Len's friends coming. They didn't want to be seen by anyone from the university.

'Yeah' he nodded.

'Why was that girl crying? Upset at seeing you beaten up?' the nurse asked again.

'It's nothing. Anyway, what's your name?' he tried to change the subject.

'I'm Ana. Once again, why was she crying? And you 'it's nothing' me again. You can tell me what's going on.' The nurse said in a reproachful voice.

'She remembered someone' he said hesitantly.

'Was it her kid?' she asked, not looking up from her clipboard.

'How d'you know?'

'It was...kind of obvious' she said, 'so... the kid died or something?'

'No' Len sighed, "she was adopted by a very nice couple. The thing is...she was my kid too, so I kinda had responsibility towards her.'

'I thought so' she said as she bustled about the cabin.

'You did?'

'Yeah. You snivelled a bit after she left, didn't you?'

He hesitated for a second.

'Yeah' he said slowly, 'I did snivel a bit. God, I must've looked like such a loser.'

'No' she laughed out, 'It was nice, actually. I mean, I don't get to see twenty-year-old toughies like you cry everyday, now do I?'

'I'm no toughie. I'm a pathetic little wimp' Len sighed.

'That's how it feels being helpless' she said, going out.

'Helpless, eh?' he mumbled as he closed his eyes. "yes, helpless sounds right."

What would breaking down achieve now? What would begging for forgiveness get anyone? Would it ever bring back her daughter? Len knew it, she would always regret it. She would always punish herself and she would always hold him responsible.

He had seen a semblance of happiness in her eyes when she had looked up at that invisible. A semblance, because his rashness had trampled her joy to dust. He had destroyed a woman he loved to bits. There was nothing left to say, nothing but regret.

He closed his eyes in frustration as he reached towards the painkiller pump. He always kept his promises. He would always love her, and he would always regret his cowardice.

Once, the nurse had warned.

He smiled.

He pressed it thrice.

Till his death, he had promised.