"Since the incense of the meditation lamp is not compatible with you, I replicated these as a replacement." He lit two candles and set them between us on the floor. "They give off the scent of a cacti that grows on my planet. I understand it is often pleasing to humans." The candles were squat red stubs that did smell good. A vast improvement over the lamp. Not only had the incense made me nauseous but it also gave me severe stomach cramps. I had just barely made it to his bathroom before puking.

Spock was surprised at the reaction. He had never seen anyone, Vulcan or otherwise, react to the smell like that. He called for Leonard and scans revealed I was allergic to the incense. Spock later told me that it was the most common used in meditation on Vulcan and less than 1% of beings reacted to it as I had. It was a new experience for me as I had no allergies before coming here. I never even suffered from hay fever like my sisters, Alice and Ruby, did. From then on Spock kept the offending lamp on its shelf safely unlit during our meditation sessions.

"I would have used these with you earlier but the replicator had difficulty getting the scent correct." He blew out the match and placed it in a stone bowl next to him.

"Thank you. You didn't need to go through all that trouble."

"It proved an interesting study in the limits of replicator technology. I upgraded them so there will be no more trouble in the future."

"You're very kind, Spock."

"As you humans say, 'what are friends for'." I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. The spicey scent tickled my nose but it wasn't bad. I could almost imagine the hot landscape the cacti grew in. Spock allowed me time to enjoy it before getting to business. "Are you ready to begin?"

"Yes."

"What is the correct procedure moving forward?"

"I am to imagine building a fence around my emotional center. Inside the fence is my anger, love, surprise, laughter. I feel it there but don't let it interfere with my decisions."

"Correct. Can you build that fence?"

I pictured myself walking around my heart and planting a picket fence around all my feelings. Only it was a lot easier said than done. My frustration with being kept from leading the expedition began to leak out as holes in the fence started showing up. It was soon joined by my worries and fears. Keeping my feelings contained within one small part of me felt unnatural; and emotions began pushing on the barrier finding their way out.

Adding to my difficulty that pesky pins and needles sensation spread over me again. Since coming back from the planet after the earthquakes I'd felt it on and off at random. It varied in intensity and duration each time and there was nothing I could do to make it leave. As I felt goosebumps rise all over me I could tell this would be one of the more intense ones. Fighting the urge to squirm I gritted my teeth and restarted my emotional containment. When I finally opened my eyes two hours later the pins and needles had gone. As usual all my meditation efforts had been in vain.

"It is acceptable progress," Spock told me as he blew out the candles.

"Doesn't feel like it," I muttered as I rubbed my arms. Goosebumps still covered me and I saw Spock staring at my arm.

"Try practicing on your own before we meet again. Jasmine, the candles are not giving you discomfort are they?" He motioned to my arm and the now fading prickle skin.

"No. I've been having this problem for a few weeks. Not sure why."

"I suggest you consult Dr. McCoy. It is very unusual for that phenomenon to manifest at this temperature. And as the candles are not the cause I would like to give them to you."

"Thank you, Spock," I smiled. He passed me the candles. "I guess practicing is probably the best thing I could do with my time right now."

"That simulation I saw you using with Lieutenant Uhura will also take up much time."

"You sound disapproving, Spock."

"It would have been prudent to inform you through written material and test you before moving on to practical flight, even if just in simulation."

"How do you know Nyota didn't," I asked with a grin.

"As I have known her for many years I surmised she skipped that step."

"Well you're right she didn't and while I acknowledge that would have been prudent, I won't deny her way's more fun. It's not like I'm going to grab a real shuttle and go anywhere. I may be depressed but I'm not suicidal."

"I know you are vastly unhappy." Spock paused. I thought vastly might be a bit extreme but I didn't comment. "As a friend may I inquire if you regret staying aboard Enterprise?"

"I don't regret it. If I wasn't here I wouldn't have made friends with you, Jim or Nyota. Leonard is my family and I like spending time with him." I levitated the candles a few inches above my palms and rotated them in a slow circle. Spock stared a few seconds at the slight movement of my fingers as I kept them in the air.

"But you are still unsatisfied."

"I guess you could put it like that. Friends are good to have but I need purpose. Everything I've ever trained to do, the skills I was taught are mostly useless here. I can cook but we have replicators, I have knowledge of ancient cultures regarding Earth, and not just that, but I can point out mistakes that you believe about my time and before. And most of the time your historians don't believe me. Do you have any idea what it's like to feel you have no purpose and then see it confirmed everyday?"

"I do not."

I dropped the candles into my hands and stood up. "I'll practice the meditation. Same time in three days?"