Jack. Day Twenty Two - 0:23

"I can't just leave you here!" Her words leapt from her lips in a seemingly forced tone of urgency, grabbing me by the wrist as we stood in the hallway, where she remained, despite my every effort to convince her to leave while she still could.

"You can though, Cassadee." I stumbled on the final word, finding it just so weird to say her name aloud, and hating myself for that, and how it further highlighted the fact that nothing could be quite normal in my life, and nothing ever would be.

In fact, having had far too much time to reflect upon it, nothing has ever really been normal in my life. I grew up in my brother's shadow with very little friends and far too many comic books. That was just how I was, though, and you know what? Oddly enough, I was content; I was happy with that.

I've changed now, and there's no way around the fact that Alex has very forcefully changed me. Alex didn't ask, Alex didn't baby me; Alex did what he liked and left me to cope with the aftermath, going on the small chance that it wouldn't render me a total wreck, and holding nothing back. I wasn't quite sure if I liked the change at all - I just knew that I could never go back to being that dorky kid with the glasses and no friends, not now anyway.

And you know what, I'm not sure I even want to.

"This isn't how we should have met." She seemed to have taken the words right from my lips, looking at me from behind eyes that had glossed over with a certain sadness that had been inflicted upon her by none other than Alex, and I should have hated him for that; for hurting Cassadee, I really should have, but I found myself stuck in an awful predicament where I just couldn't.

And that fucked me up.

"I know it isn't, Cassadee, but here isn't where you should stay." I pushed my point further, simply praying that Alex wouldn't walk in on the two of us like this, because that would certainly be something he wouldn't take kindly to.

He'd lock her back up within an instant; rendering my escape attempt entirely pointless, which would of course make me feel utterly pathetic, and of course, god knows what he'd do to me, and honestly I had this sinking feeling that deep down, I knew too, and I just didn't want to admit it to myself, but for my sanity's sake alone, I pushed that feeling aside.

"You shouldn't stay here either then." She chirped out as if this really wasn't a matter of life or death for her; she just didn't get it - she didn't get it at all.

I let out a sigh, attempting to explain, but she got in there before me, almost as if she'd planned this all out like Alex had planned both of our demises, the both of which were being put to a stop, and only mine by his own choice. Cassadee's life was in my hands now, and she was going to stay alive.

"Don't be a hypocrite, Jack. You're more important than me - as I got myself into this mess." She was now opting for the depressive route, which she seemed to be blind to the fact that it would only make me feel even more guiltily sorry for her.

"Don't you think I got myself into my own mess too?" I glanced at her behind raised eyebrows and a skeptical gaze, wondering if she was doing this on purpose or whether she was really that ignorant in real life. She seemed almost perfect online, but I guess, people are never quite what they seem.

She shrugged my query off as if it was nothing, the words almost bouncing off her skin like heavy rain against a locked window; there was no hope of getting in, but the drops still fell - I still tried anyway.

"Depends." Came her final answer; vague and almost useless in nature.

"On what?" I enquired into her vague response.

"Jack, just tell me everything, please." She pushed out, meeting my eyes in one final look of hope. "Please." She persisted despite my solemn expression, and despite the fact that every signal I was giving her blared 'not going to happen' up in big flashing letters.

"You don't want to know, Cass-"

"I have to know." She was very fucking wrong

"You really don't though." I always thought Cassadee and I were on the same wavelength but now, for once, she really just didn't get it.

"I've seen enough. I've seen him drug me and threaten to kill me, to toy with my emotions, and lie to me over and over. Just tell me what else I need to know - it's better hearing it from you, Jack, I promise you that." I continued in my decline of her request, shaking my head firmly once again, and watching as she got pissed off and slipping my gaze away, falling into the realisation that I could do nothing about it whatsoever.

"I've seen things you don't want to know, Cassadee. These are things that still give me nightmares to this day, and I promise you, that these are things you'd wish you never knew about-"

"He's your boyfriend, so he's nice to you so shut the fuck up about what 'I don't want to know', Jack!" And that was the first time Cassadee had ever been vaguely angry at me and it fucking hurt. Maybe because she was my only friend, or maybe it was simply because she'd been so nice to me, and it almost felt inhuman to see her like this.

"I'm sorry." She let out with a sigh, leaning against the wall about a metre away from me, watching as my top teeth furiously tore away into the reddened flesh of my bottom lip. "I just- you're not explaining: I can't understand."

"The thing is Cassadee, I'm just like you." And once I'd started, I knew the rest would follow shortly, regardless of whether I wanted it to or not, which for the record, I really did not. "I wasn't always his boyfriend, because in the beginning he just thought I was pretty in the way he thinks you are-"

"He doesn't think I'm pretty - he doesn't like me at all." Cassadee snapped back within an instant; this was some sort of reflex girls seemed to have. Whenever the word pretty was even vaguely mentioned in a sentence they'd always have to announce their belief that they were ugly to everyone nearby.

It pissed me off, to say the least.

"He does." I let out amidst a sigh, because despite the truth, I really didn't want him to. "He's picky. He doesn't go after people whom he doesn't find appealing."

"I was at my brother's party when we first met," I continued my long sought after explanation, catching Cassadee's attention immediately, and thankfully burying our prior conversation where no one would ever find it again. "I didn't particularly want to be there, but my brother made me just help out and shit, so I was just kind of stood there in the corner and then, yeah the cutest guy I've ever seen walks up to me, and it's Alex."

I let out a sigh, hating the sickening feeling in my stomach that sort of came as a buy one get one free with the memories. "I don't drink, but he convinced me to have a beer."

One drink can't hurt.

"And?" She broke me out of my memories within an instant, which I suppose was something to be thankful for, but the continued explanation that was expected to follow, was not.

"I woke up in a dark room chained to a wall, and Alex was the only person I saw for the next three weeks, and things, they just get worse from there." These memories were quite possibly the worst; the things Alex did to me were things I never even wished upon my worst of enemies- not that I really had any enemies anymore; I didn't seen anyone other than Alex, Cassadee, and Flyzik now, and the latter of the two were rare occasions.

Alex was all I had now, and that was how he had intended it to be.

"But- you were talking to me on a computer?" She sent me an expression that alternated between confusion and shock. "How did you get a computer?"

"It was a guilt present- or well, as close to guilt as Alex gets." I admitted, biting down on my lip as I came to remember just what he was feeling guilty for - the accidents, or well, the series of 'accidents'.

The repeated accidents that happened again, that happened on purpose. The reoccurring accidents that never went away either in reality or in my mind. The accidents that linger in my head all that time.

"Why, what did he do to you?" And yet after that, she still continued.

"Please, just leave while you can." I begged, gesturing towards the door, almost motioning out to shove her out. I could do that; I could push her out and lock the door after her, but then she wouldn't hide, and Alex would find her - Alex would figure it all out and punish the both of us, which would only worsen our situation.

The aim was to save her, and whatever happened to me was irrelevant as long as Cassadee was okay; I owed her.

"Leave with me - if he's done such bad shit to you then why don't you, Jack? It just doesn't make sense, okay?" She let out with a sigh, pulling a hand back through her hair as we shared an unspoken thought regarding just how fucked up this all was.

"What? Do you not believe me?" I was almost offended. I say almost, because I didn't blame her and honestly I would have preferred to be able to not believe myself.

"Of course I believe you, Jack." She let out a reassuring gasp of almost offense to the fact that I would have believed such a thing, when really, she shouldn't have blamed me.

"I still love him, Cassadee." My voice leaked out as nothing above a whisper, not quite wanting to really admit the truth aloud. "Despite everything, I still love him, and you know what? I just hate that. I hate it more than anything, because I'm just fucking pathetic."

"That's what love is though - without question and without rationality. It's the content in being pathetic for someone."

"But I don't want to love him - he doesn't love me."

"I disagree with that. Clearly, if he kidnapped you and now you're living comfortably and happy with him then surely he loves you." She pushed a point forward, but it was a point that just didn't quite fit; she didn't know what really happened - she didn't know how things really were.

"No." I shook my head with a sigh, not wanting let the next the few words slip from my lips despite how much they demanded to be free. "He's killed six people. He isn't capable of love."

Her breath sharpened into a gasp, yet somehow after a moment she pulled back on her cool facade like it was nothing, and that just puzzled me beyond belief; it reminded me of Alex and that made me sick. I rationalised her behaviour in the fact that she was simply doing it to make things easier for me, but the longer I pondered over it, the more it sounded like something Alex would do.

"Everyone's capable of love, Jack."

"Not everyone, not always."

"Even a heart clinging on by one heartstring is a heart still beating. We're human, we thrive from others. We're selfish; we demand others. We're lustful; we demand lovers. We're corrupted; we destroy every single pure thing left on this planet."

"And now I see why he insists he isn't human." I let out with a sigh, not quite wanting to believe in love or Alex, and how he didn't love me.

"And we're liars too. He lied about that, he lied because he's in love with you, because we crave love, but we get too much of it and that's how things mess up. Everything's dangerous in large quantities, and as creatures of greed we take everything with no self-control."

"Fuck..." I let out a sigh, pushing all of this shit out of my head as much as I could manage to.

"Jack, come on, let's go." She demanded for what she seemed to hope would be the final time.

"No." I was stern by now. "You can't just tell me that and expect me to leave.

"But humans are liars, how do you know I was telling the truth?" She winked at me, toying with me beyond fucking belief, leaving me quaking within the fact that Alex's words had somehow had some sort of effect on her.

"Maybe I trust you." I admitted.

"Maybe you shouldn't." I nodded in response; indifferent to the idea. "I don't want to leave you here, Jack." She continued, her eyes soft and sorrowful; almost out of place on the face that hugged around a smile so easily.

"I don't want to leave you here, Cassadee." I mimicked her tone to match my words.

"But you're not going anywhere, Jack." She persisted, despite just how stupid her point was, and just how easy it was for me to manipulate.

"You're very right in that fact." I met her gaze for what I hoped would be the final time as I gestured to the door.

"Fuck." She let out a breath, as she ran a hand through her hair, the blonde streaks blending amongst the brown.

"Cass, please, just go while you can." I begged her and she let out a sigh.

"I can't just leave you, Jack. You're not safe."

"I've been fine up to now, so I'll be fine later." I promised her a promise I really couldn't keep, but it was a kind of a comfort promise, or at least that's what I told myself to keep myself sane. Justification was my favourite kind of lying, and of course, the one I was best at.

"Not really, you won't." She let out a sigh. "You just like to tell yourself that." She was right though, and I wasn't going to outright lie to her or at least I didn't think so. I couldn't predict my own actions these days, though.

"Maybe, I do. But Cassadee, please just go while you can - I want to save you; I know he wants to kill you. I know you're his seventh and I know I can stop that, and I have to. I can't have you die, Cassadee." I met her eyes; pleading and guilty. "Please."

"You deserve so much more than him, Jack." She sighed, her gaze drifting downwards towards the floor. "I promise you that."

"I don't want anyone other than him, though."

"I know - love is blind."

"Love is stupid." I corrected her.

"Love is stupid, indeed." She found herself nodding in agreement. "Look." She grabbed a pen off the side and scribbled a series of digits across my arm. "Call me if you need me, Jack, okay?"

"Okay." I nodded, despite the fact I knew Alex would not let me anywhere near a phone at all ever; somehow the internet was another matter. Alex didn't make sense. "Stay safe, Cassadee."

"You too, Jack, okay?"

"Okay."

I shouldn't have missed her with the slam of the door, because she was safe now and that was all that mattered.

But I did.

Alex's aftermath was mine to deal with and mine to deal with alone. I didn't care what he did or said to me - it wouldn't be anything new after all. I didn't care.

But I did.

All that mattered to me was that I had saved someone, because unlike Alex I lived for the good in life; I knew that saving an innocent life meant more than protecting myself from punishment, because whatever you did, as long as it was right was important, no matter the circumstances at all.

Alex was wrong, very wrong when he said that he and I were alike. I didn't think we were even together anymore. I didn't want us to be now.

But, I really did.

-

Alex. 1:12

"Flyzik, gimme the fucking pills." I made a drunken grasp for the white capsules in his hand but he snatched them away before I reached them; the alcohol slowing my reflexes considerably.

"Alex, we've been through this." He grumbled, putting the pills away and out of sight as if I were a toddler who might forget about something simply by not seeing it any longer.

"Well, I'm approaching the subject again." I slurred out, reaching for another can of beer, leaving Flyzik to shoot me a dirty look.

"Please tell me you're not driving home after all this much."

"I live across town, Matt. How else would I get home?" I giggled in response.

"Maybe you should've brought that boyfriend of yours with you." He suggested, referencing Jack in a manner I didn't like at all.

"He has to look after her; my seventh."

"You're killing again- fuck-" The pills dropped out of his hand, hitting the floor with such an impact that they smashed into an unusable powder. "Fucking hell - you owe me at least two hundred just from those few."

"I ain't paying you shit if you won't give me what I need." I persisted in my greed filled pleads.

"I'm not letting you kill again." Flyzik said as if a mother to her child, despite the unlikely content of her words.

"You're not my fucking mother, Flyzik." I spat on him in the most childish manner, but I think my drunkenness kind of made up for it, or at least that's how I justified it.

Life is about justifying your mistakes and not regretting anything, because there is no greater pride than pride within yourself. People disagree, but I've heard it from the angels; I've heard it straight from God and I know I'm right. I am usually right, though. God did choose me for a reason.

"Yeah, if I was your mother I would have abandoned you by now, but seeing as I'm your dealer and you pay like hell, I kind of want you to stick around." He grumbled, glancing back up at his stash.

"I could just get another dealer you know. I kind of like you though, Flyzik, and you're loyal and deserve my hard earned cash, I think. But I could just as easily get want I want off someone else you know. I'm going to get this shit tonight, whether it's from you or not-"

"Fuck, fine, arsehole, what do you want?"

"Now, that's my man, Flyzik. Knew, you'd see things in the right light with a little persuasion."

-

"How do you even get this much money, dude? Or is that a something I don't want to know?" He commented, counting out hundred dollar bills in his hand.

"I'd opt for the latter, but you're you, what is there you don't' want to know."

"The details of your sex life." He offered and I laughed in response. "Seriously, though Alex, don't do anything stupid."

"I won't', I'm on god's path. I know exactly what I'm doing, and how to do it."

And of course, just who to kill.

We'll Crucify The Insincere Tonight, We'll Make Things Right, We'll Feel It All Tonight, We'll Find A Way To Offer Up The Night Tonight. The Indescribable Moments Of Your Life Tonight

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