Alex. Day Eleven - 8:45

I need to do something with these thoughts; they've become the monsters littering my head, they've too grown up from hiding under my bed, and like me, they've decided upon an entirely more efficient strategy in which to hunt their prey. So really, the monsters and I are rather like. They growl and they snarl and they kill and they destroy and they think and they know everything you never wanted anyone else to know. So really, the monsters and I hate one another.

These thoughts are all of Jack, and what I could do to him, and what I won't ever do to him - the boundary between these two seems to have disappeared by now entirely, but they know this, they know too much, they know my weakness and they're going to hurt him. They're going to tear his fragile, weak little body limb from fucking limb, simply because I couldn't. The monsters have won.

I needed to get away from the monsters, I needed to run like a coward with flying colours and a flashing sign, but survival is more important than pride. The monsters' downfall is that they care for both. But what's the point in pride when you have no one to please?

So, what did I do to escape them? I got a job. Business, and coffee mornings, and watercooler romances are most certainly not my kind of thing. The only type of business I'm interested in is bloody violent business, but everyone knows all CEOs are sociopaths, which therefore makes it simple for me to climb up the business ladder. And who knows, more people to control and bend to my will wouldn't exactly be a bad idea would it?

But what's important is that I'm within the deepest and most profound depths of strict suit and tie sanity. The monsters can't get me there; because they're scared... they're scared of people that don't believe in them. They're selfish creatures, but selfish with a reason, because if no one believes in them, they cease to exist. But, I have to, or else they'll hurt me, as I say, they're already firmly lodged between my grey brain matter.

There's just the fact that I hate ties. Wearing them, and blazers - I hate those too. Suits in general really. I hate order and system, I just like death, and violence and... Mexiletine, apparently. I wouldn't call it an addiction - I'd call it a prescription. Two a day keeps the monsters away. They help, they really do. I think it's toxic to monsters in fact, because the more I take, the more they seem to go away, the more everything seems to go away in fact, but all that matters here is the monsters, and keeping them far, far, far away. And keeping Jack and I safe, and alive.

The mexiletine capsules are red like blood and they taste disgusting but the aftermath, and the feeling when your heart unevens and almost disconnects from your respiratory system is to die for. It's not heavenly, and it's not quite hell, it's just purgatory. It's a feeling of purgatory that I'm addicted to, and isn't that odd? Purgatory seems to be where the monsters can't go; they're monsters of hell, they can break the gates of heaven, but they could never squeeze into the little wretched hole people so lovingly name Purgatory.

People make addiction out as this big, scary life ruiner, but really addiction is a passion, and quite possibly one of the strongest driving forces in the human head. Addiction is a truly compulsory form of necessity. The addiction is what keeps the monsters away, because they're just monsters, they know no addiction, and what they don't know scares them just as much as their roars and growls scare me; they never stop roaring and growling, not anymore anyway, not even the mexiletine keeps them away in the darkened silence of the early morning hours - they thrive at night, that's the only time they could come out when I was a little kid, but now, they're everywhere, but darkness still remains their strong point and their home. That'll never change until someone anchors the sun permanently into the sky all night long.

Addiction is the driving force behind my life, behind everyone's life, because it keeps the monsters away. The people that say they don't believe in monsters are just addicted to that fact, and that's precisely what keeps them away. Addiction is everything strong, everything powerful and is worth fearing, but it's the monsters that plant that initial fear in your mind, because it's not just a fear shared, it's their one and only bane.

Jack's full of addiction, and that's why the monsters can only get to him through someone just quite as weak and unaddicted as me. Jack's alive, because he's cleverer than he looks, he's cleverer than to listen to school teachers, prime ministers and church preachers; Jack listens to intelligence, Jack listens to survival instinct, and Jack listen to addiction only. Jack's addicted to me, video games, chicken drumsticks, porn, and optimism. I know this: they tell me, they taunt me, they tell me just how strong he is and just how weak I am. They tell me that he should be the one killing me, but I know who I am. I'm Alex Gaskarth, and they're wrong.

Jack should have escaped, but he hasn't... because of me, and that's truly very flattering, if not a little concerning, because he's closest to the monsters here, and I really don't want them to get him. They'll twist us against one another, and knowing Jack's safe and elsewhere could be better than him being at my side and constantly in danger, even if he is the only thing that's keeping me safe.

He's just awfully sensitive regarding which way I repay that aforementioned flattery. I think the laptop was a good call though, it gives him that sense of freedom and that gratitude that'll ensure he never leaves, even with the door wide open. I'm just awfully clever like that. Not to be narcisstic, but I am. The monsters don't think so, the monsters think I'm weak, but I like to know, I like to watch them be wrong. I know in the sunlight that they're wrong, but as the night darkens, I suddenly become not so sure.

The optimism, however, he doesn't give up; he doesn't give up on himself, me or anything. He'll never let the monsters take him, and I think that's why they're just quite so scared of him, addictions aside; he's stronger than all of them, combined. He has this sort of inner beacon of hope that I'm striving for, because it's not passion, it's not addiction, it's not stimulation... it's Jack Barakat. And Jack is the strongest force of them all, because Jack's human, Jack's real, and Jack cares. Jack possesses an extremely developed degree of emotion, even after what I've put him through. Jack still has a grain of goodness inside him in a society such as this one, and that's what the monsters truly fear, because they're still true to their roots; they're creatures of darkness, and Jack is a beacon of light.

He'll destroy them, he'll destroy them all.

One, Two, Three, Four, Five, and Six weren't anywhere near as strong as Jack - they were all borderline insane by now. Jack is Seven and he's still alive, but I think maybe, just perhaps that I'm okay with that, not just for my own selfish survival purposes, but because, I think maybe, I'm starting to get rather awfully attached to Jack; he's just mesmerising - his light shines so bright, and it's not blinding, it's... rather beautiful, in fact.

My addictions, yes, I know you're eager to know; they can hear me, but they already know, they knew from the day I was born, because they've always been under my bed, and I've always believed in them. I left the womb with monsters tugging on my umbilical chord.

My addictions are: Mexiletine as we've already covered, murder, insanity, porn, and.... Jack. I'm addicted to his light, his life force, his emotions and the way the light reflects on his face. It's all just beautiful, crazy and yet sickening. But he's safe, he's light, he's hope, he's all that's good in this world, and he keeps the monsters away, even if it's just for brief moments at a time, these moments are precious, shining bright like beacons, and worth more than any others.

But, it's lust, not love; I'm far too insane for love. But lust is very much within my grasps. Lust is where the monsters crawl, and love is where the angels cackle.

I think, I'm in lust with Jack-

No, I think I should up my prescription to three a day, and pop that stupid heart right out of this fucking body. But that's what the monsters want, but maybe they're right, maybe they're not monsters after all, maybe they're here to warn me of the dangers that Jack Barakat holds.

Maybe they're not monsters at all, maybe they're just angels, living without their halos.

-

The tie's a noose around my own neck; I can't breathe. I thinking I'm dying, but it's just the side effects of the mexiletine. I've memorised them all by now, and I know when I should be mildly concerned regarding my state of mortality, but now, I'm fine. This is normal- well, not exactly normal, but I'm used to this. The monsters are at bay, the tie's too tight for them, and I've dosed up on far too much mexiletine just to be sure. My body can cope, I can cope.

The world of business however, I'm not sure about. This tie will kill me before the mexiletine does. The monsters are out of the question- but, I can't help thinking that maybe they are angels. The angels don't want me to get hurt, the angels are here to protect me from the dangers of the world, and they're only angry at the world, because I've failed atrociously.

Do the angels scream when the dagger goes through the back, when the bullet fires through the windpipe, when their blood becomes the last sight they see, when the last breath is poisoned, and when they finally die? Do they angels scream when I kill, or do they want me to? Do they angels want me to kill? Are these bad men, who've been chosen by the angels themselves, am I meant to do this? Do the angels want me to-

Do the angels want me to kill Jack?

But I don't want to. Did they pick him out or did I? Jack doesn't seem like a bad man, he just seems like a light too bright. Maybe he's the wrong kind of bright, maybe he hurts the angel's eyes, or maybe they just want him to know, that they're here too, because Jack doesn't believe in them. Jack doesn't believe in angels, but I know, we know, he's wrong.

-

I have to leave in approximately five minutes - four and forty nine seconds. I just haven't told Jack about this job yet, mainly because I'm not entirely sure as to what the hell he could possibly think, I'm just sure that he probably won't approve. And then again, there's the whole idea of leaving him here for the entire duration of my newfound nine to five - eight hours. That's eight hours with the angels away from him, eight hours for him to be safe as I think over this whole ordeal - do they want me to kill him? And more importantly, should I?

I don't think he'll take the idea of being chained up very well, seeing as what happened last time had left rather permanent mental scarring on him. So I think I'm just going to have to trust him; I think the laptop will prove as a sufficient distraction. I just don't want him to escape, I don't want the angels to be angry, because now I know, now I know they're my friends, and that they angels and I, we were joined from birth and we're alive. Because this isn't purgatory, it's heaven, it's just more corrupted than I imagined. Maybe there isn't even a purgatory after all. I don't know, I'm just the assassin; they're the ones truly behind the killings.

But if I get back and Jack isn't there, I'm going to kill everyone he's ever cared about, and by kill I don't mean torture and kidnap - I mean the instant slitting of the throat and the body thrown somewhere innocently, and the DNA wiped away, leaving the police to puzzle over, and me to hunt down Jack and finish off the job. I want to finish this job however it needs finishing. I don't think the angels are sure yet either and I think this'll be a long, hard day of decisions, and coffee mornings.

"Jacky." I called out, rattling my knuckles against his door. I figured it was polite to knock - the decent thing to do. They liked politeness and decency, didn't they? Humans I mean. I, quite frankly, haven't much of a care for either.

"Yeah... Come in..." A drowsy voice answered, and I was led to the assumption that he was still half asleep in that bed. His constant and regular need for sleep was something that confused me greatly. The mons- angels, didn't let me sleep, I was too busy - I had a job, a task, a purpose to fulfil and believe me, it felt better than everything.

I pushed the unlocked door open to reveal a shirtless Jack tangled up in the bed sheets, his face pushed into the pillow as he mumbled something about it being far too early. All in all, it was honestly very cute, but I didn't have time for cute right now; I was Alex Gaskarth ready to topple an entire business empire, but only if I could figure out how to wear a tie for more than an hour without accidentally strangling myself. And to the angels, I was Alex the Killer, I was Alex of justice and liberty, they were Anubis, weighing their souls against the feather, and I was Ammit, the devourer of souls.

"What's with the suit?" He mumbled, peeping out at me. The angels hissed as his eyes sparkled in the light. They didn't like the light, they didn't like how he shone. They were jealous and corrupted, and I think that's what left heaven in this state, maybe it was my job to fix it.

"Yeah, about that..." I grinned at him, noticing he'd sat up, almost sensing that this was important - he was clever like that. "I've got a job." I let a smirk flow over my features, basking in my accomplishments, the angels shutting up and leaving me to my arrogance for a few moments.

"Really?" He looked me up and down with wide unblinking eyes.

"Don't sound so surprised-"

"No, I mean... that's going to involve you leaving the house, leaving me... I presume." He mumbled, almost scared of what my reaction would be, and I just chuckled, because honestly, Jack was awfully cute, and somehow in all of this madness, still awfully innocent. The angels, however, did not agree. The angels despised, hated and loathed Jack. The hated his light, but maybe they simply couldn't see just how brightly it shone.

"Yes, it does, Jacky. In less than two minutes now, actually." He just looked up at me with disbelieving eyes, and I felt myself chuckling, wondering how a boy like Jack could suddenly be quite so dependent.

"You're leaving me..." The words tumbled from his lips dramatically.

"I thought you'd be excited, me giving you some private time... you can... masturbate or whatever guys do when their home alone. Personally I plot murders, but y'know-" I was going off on a rather psychopathic tangent that was probably scaring him just a little. The angels, however, this was their time to chuckle. And they loved it, because they didn't just chuckle, in fact they didn't just chuckle at all. They cackled and they didn't stop.

When I talked to Jack, the angels cackled.

"I'm not going to masturbate, Lex." He blushed violently, and that blush alone was enough to tell me that he was lying through and through.

"Sure thing," I winked at him, "I'm leaving you alone with the entirety of pornhub," I gestured towards the laptop that was lying on the carpet next to the bed, "and you aren't planning to masturbate? I smell bullshit." He flushed a horrible shade of red: he was definitely going to masturbate. They angels, however they didn't stop cackling, and it was going to burst my eardrums if I didn't leave soon.

"D-Don't you have to leave in like- now?" 

"Shit, yeah!" I noticed in a rather embarrassingly unprepared manner. "Well bye, enjoy pornhub."

"Enjoy work." He mumbled as I left the room and began on my journey into the world of economics and sociopaths, and general just plotting bastards. So really, I was rather at home in a world as scheming and fucked up as this one. Watercooler romances and coffee mornings aside.

The angels, though, the cackling, it didn't stop.

It only grew louder.

-

Jack. Day Eleven - 9:23

Alex's behaviour was odd, off and anything but the ordinary. A job, really? He didn't seem like the business entrepreneur- sociopaths. Ah, he wants a side job. I'm not entertaining enough clearly. I don't know whether to be offended, or simply relieved he hasn't killed me yet. The latter of the two seeming to be less and less likely with every day that passed by. But I could never know with someone quite so spontaneous and downright dangerous as Alex.

Alex really was just a hub of confusion and paranoia, and I think he smirked so often because that was precisely the effect he was going for. Alex liked to be feared, and he liked to be worshipped. He liked to be thought of as a god, a god of death perhaps, for all those tortured gone souls. He loved to choose who deserved to live and who deserved to die. He was simply addicted to that power, and as insane as that sounds, to be honest, I think it may just be the only thing that kept him sane.

Omegle was where I went, not pornhub, like Alex had so persistently suggested which only led me to believe that he had cameras installed in this room or something, and he wanted to watch me get myself off. Not that I was even planning to, it was still slightly creepy and just a little annoying. Omegle wasn't the best of places, but it took my mind off Alex, even if it was just momentarily, momentary relief was better than no relief at all.

Omegle was weird, but I wanted to speak to people and maybe the odd dick or so wasn't that unwanted- okay, if there were cameras maybe it was, but I craved human interaction from someone just a little bit saner than Alex. So I went to the hub of sanity on the internet, of course. Even the internet's depths of insanity, was saner than the majority of thoughts that passed through Alex's head, and I could tell that just be looking at him. I'd hate to know just what it'd be like to live and fucking thrive up there.

I didn't know what to put for similar interests, so I just left it blank and prayed against things I didn't want to think about and their chances of appearing on my screen in a somewhat haunting manner. Maybe I should have blocked certain things, but I hadn't the time or the effort and my brain was far too preoccupied with a certain Mr Alex Gaskarth, and that was the exact problem I was seeking to fix.

Connecting....

Connecting...

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You: Hi.

Stranger: Sup baby hit me up on skype

Stranger has disconnected.

Okay, maybe this wasn't the best idea of all. Sanity was clearly not Omegle's strong point, as anyone with a brain would have guessed, I on the other hand, had apparently been deprived of all brain matter recently.

You: Hi.

Stranger has disconnected.

Well, aren't I just a social hotspot? I shouldn't take it personally, because ninety percent of people would disconnect instantly if the first word they saw wasn't an ASL, or something equally as inviting.

-

After a few more shitty tries, I finally found someone who wasn't after 'fun times' or disconnected within the first few seconds, and I think I just broke through the gates of heaven.

You: Hi.

Stranger: hey, please don't send me a Kik for 'pictures' oh god. i just want a chat

You: haha i won't. i just want to talk too

Stranger: Wow are you even real?

You: unfortunately. I'm Jack btw.

Stranger: Cassadee. Hey do you want to talk somewhere easier in case this disconnects?

You: I have email?

Stranger: Yeah that sounds good.

I was doing practically everything Alex had advised me against and I even felt guilty about it, but Cassadee seemed nice, and real and generally not insane. Cassadee was what I need to keep me from going insane. And we'd be fine because it wasn't like I was going to tell her about what was really happening. She'd never know, she'd just be company and that'd be fine. Alex didn't need to know about Cassadee and Cassadee didn't need to know about Alex. That was simple and easy to follow.

Hey Jack:) So uhh tell me about yourself i guess?

I smiled at her message, really glad to have someone to talk to, but I really wasn't sure as to what the hell I could put back. I didn't know what to say about myself, because as sad as it may sound, the most important parts of me related to Alex, and Alex was a no go area with Cassadee, that was very much for sure.

Hey Cassadee:) I'm nineteen and I'm a guy, as may be able to guess. I... like... music. Blink 182 especially and New Found Glory... Yeah. There's not much to say. What about you?

Send. I was scared that out of nowhere, Cassadee was going to revert back into the typical Omegle shit and flash me with A/S/L and a picture of god knows what. Thankfully, she didn't - she was still Cassadee and she was still adequate online company. Adequate online company was certainly very hard to find these days, and with someone just as sane looking as Cassadee, I quite frankly felt like I hit a golden mine, or won the lottery or something.

Hey Jack:) I'm twenty two and I'm a girl as you could guess;) I like Blink too *high fives* And I totally should be a work now but I've been sick and it's not fun:L

I'll put aside all my concerns, she likes Blink, she's fine by me. Okay, that really wasn't the best attitude, especially when it came to the online world, but screw it. Getting kidnapped wasn't the best idea, so it wasn't as if I could ever have a worse one - this was definitely something that helped keep the insanity at bay. Optimism was a necessity; optimism was the light that shone bright through all darkness.

Oh that sounds bad. I'm sorry.

I replied, with sympathy and concern for my new found friend that thankfully happened to share my love for Blink.

Just be glad its not you ahha. whats your favourite blink song? Mine's Stockholm Syndrome. Don't you just think it's really just... interesting?

And then time was gone, with a response fired and a roaring discussion regarding the world's best band initiated, I didn't even notice when Alex got home, walked through the door and flopped on the bed beside me. Thankfully, he wasn't at all interested in the laptop screen and more of just cuddling with me.

I wanted to ask him what was wrong, but he wouldn't answer. He just clung tightly to my chest and I think for now, I was okay with that, I was okay with him.

But then the tears fell from his eyes, and then neither of us were okay at all.

"I have to do it, Jacky. I have to do it."

They'll Just Break Us Cause We're So Young, Dumb And Vulnerable

Hey guys:) Cliffhanger!11!11 Hahha;) I hope you enjoyed this chapter, because I hella enjoyed writing it, especially Alex's POV. Comments and votes are very much appreciated and as usual I love you all<3