(TW// suicide attempt I have put TW!! when it will start so please skip it if it's triggering.)

Taetae
I will not be coming home tonight ,you are all on your own tonight.

Bambi
🤨where r u goin?

Taetae
Are you my mother? I don't need to inform you about my whereabouts.

Bambi
Rude >:[ as your housemate I should know

Taetae
Going to have a few drinks at Hobi's,nothing special.

Bambi
y do u text so formally? u r try too hard to be intimidating,anyway !! I won't be home too so enjoy it💜 and tell hobi hyung to invite me too next time 😁👍

Taetae
...Where are you going?

B

ambi
Now who Is acting like a mother?

Taetae
😐

Bambi
omg you used a emoji,that's progress ‼️

Taetae
Answer the question.

Bambi
you are hot

Taetae
how is that relevant to anything right now????

Bambi
wtv just take the compliment,grandpa.
g

oing over to a friend too, Might come late who knows

Taetae
Eunwoo?

B

ambi
No?? I have more friends than just Eunwoo, Going over to Mingyu's,others would be there too so yeah see u later homie

Taetae
homie?

Bambi
housemate is too long and homie can be another word for friend,even tho we have crossed that line but I'll take it

Taetae
. I am going to head out,stay safe guk

Bambi

💀💀💀💀💀

Bambi
You too hyung💘💘💘💘💘💘💘

"Oh,you are finally here. I was thinking I will just have to drink alone tonight too" Hoseok said,opening the door to his friend who showed up at his house. Taehyung just chuckled and went inside.

"As if, I know you would have probably just called your boyfriend and he would have run over here to spend time with you" Taehyung told him,taking off his coat and hanging it on the hanger near the entrance.

"Not really,not anymore at least" Hoseok's voice toned down a little and Taehyung noticed the sudden shift. He raised his eyebrow.

"Why? Did you guys fight? oh my god,did Min Yoongi break up with you?" Taehyung pretended to be shocked because he knows that is never going to happen.

"No,No!! We are just keeping it low since he said how his members think he is being suspicious and is a traitor,so that's why we are not meeting up for awhile...or at least till we finally eliminate his boss" Hoseok said to him,the sad expression on his face was too obvious. Taehyung just put his hands around his shoulder and walked them towards the couch.

"You couples really are sad to see,God. Let's drink the night away from them,hyung"

"Yeah,you were the exact same with seu- ah..sorry didn't mean to bring him up" Hoseok stopped himself mid sentence because he knows it is a touchy subject for Taehyung.

Taehyung froze for a second but then carried on like he heard nothing. "It's okay,it's all in the past,I am over him" Taehyung clearly lied.

"Are you?"

"What is that supposed to mean?" Taehyung asked him,taking the soju bottle and pouring some for himself.

"Whatever you want it to mean. You know what i mean,I find it hard to believe you have moved on or did certain someone really helped you" Hoseok laughs at the mention,making Taehyung roll his eyes because he was making it too obvious.

"Are you talking about Jeongguk again? if yes,then no he has nothing to do with me moving on. You and Jimin should give up on pushing me to date him,Just because he has shown a little interest in me" He says as if Jeongguk hasn't been there for him when no one was.

"A little interest? you should be glad he isn't here to hear that because it would have broken the boy. I hear about everything that goes on and I myself has see it quite some times too. he doesn't show little interest,not to spoil it for him but I think he might be in love with you at this point" Hoseok says the word like it isn't holding a huge weight to it.

"T-thats not true"

"Sure,whatever you say. How has your guys little gun learning session been going on? You know you are going there more often than you planned to"

"How do you know what I planned"

"You told me yourself, Hoseok hyung I would be busy twice a week as I am going to teach Jeongguk how to use a gun and now you are disappearing almost everyday" Hoseok said so,Taehyung really wasn't sleek at all.

"How do you know i go to him-"

"Taehyungie,No offence but you have no other friends other than us and you are not on missions too,So the only one left is Jeongguk"

"Why are you smart?"

"It's simple math,baby. You should drink. You seem like you are having a hard time accepting that you don't like Jeongguk like you admit to" He told him,making others take multiple sips at one time. He needs to get drunk and the fact he is a heavy weight...it might take a while.

"Sometimes you know,we miss him too"

"Do we have to talk about him?" Taehyung said,avoiding eye contact because this has always been a sensitive topic for him.

"Yes,we have to someday. If it is today then be it,you can't always avoid it. Seungho...Sometimes when I walk to his place,I just cry..so hard. Kinda embarrassing" Hoseok laughs it off,trying not to cry. "It feels so empty,so abandoned. Seeing the whole place a mess breaks my heart since how much he hated dirty places,he always complained whenever we went to yours and Jimin's place because you both are just too lazy to clean up"

Taehyung laughs at the memory. He remembers how Seungho was a clean freak. Always scolding him to take care of himself more and clean up after himself.

"You should sell the place,you know he left it after your name. If you are not going to use it or even visit it I don't think you should just keep it"

"I am not ready,that's the only place that screams 'him' I can't lose it to...to some stranger" Taehyung said and he wasn't changing his mind.

"Then give it to someone you know,so you can always see it from time to time. That's not healthy Taehyung and then you say you have moved on. It's okay to admit you are still hurt Taehyung and we understand. Me and Jimin,we were his best friends too,ofcourse our bond with him was not the same as yours you guys were attached to the hip even Jimin would get mad sometimes that Seungho was stealing his best friend" Hoseok told him about what Jimin told him one night.

"Really? He has nothing to worry about,I was dating Seungho and Jimin will always be my best friend"

"I know but he felt insecure sometimes you know. He got over it because ofcourse we all loved Seungho in our own way. You know,one day he came over to mine alone around midnight I was so shocked to see him because usually when he was having a hard time he would always reach out to you" Hoseok paused when he looked at Taehyung who looked a bit puzzled.

"When was this?"

"Like...maybe some months before he died? I am not sure. Yeah,He looked like he had the worst breakdown,his hair was a mess,there were some dark eye bags and his eyes were red shot. I think he probably was high too . He was just sobbing and cried for awhile until he calmed down and you know what he said to me?"

"What?"

"He told me "Hyung...please protect Taehyung,Please if someday things just change and I'm not here anymore,please take care of him and don't let him end up like me,promise me hyung...I didn't knew what he meant at the moment,that why he was talking like that but I guess considering his mental health I thought maybe he was having suicidal thoughts again so I tried to talk him out of it but nothing worked and he just fell asleep" Hoseok stopped and he looked like he was very close to crying. He sucked in his tears as his breath was getting a bit heavy.

"W-why are you telling me this now?"

"Because I'm scared Taehyung. I am scared I might not be able to keep my promise. You know why I called you tonight here to drink with me? because I saw you look different nowadays and I thought you were finally back to your old self-"

"I am the same." Taehyung cut him off,not looking him in the eye.

"No you are not. Don't lie to yourself Taehyung. I thought you were back but I was wrong,you're as broken as you were the day he died. You take one step forward and three steps backwards,you can't keep on going on like this. Please Taehyung stop torturing yourself and visit him someday please" Their were tears leaving his hyungs eyes. He didn't even notice his own tears falling down.

"I can't hyung,I'm sorry,it's h-hard. It's too hard,I can't lose control of myself again,it made me lose the love of my life last time,I can't,again."

"Taehyung you can't keep living like this!!-"

"I'm sorry,I'm sorry I can't" Taehyung mumbled in a hurry as he quickly got up.

The glass dropping from his hands as he didn't spare it another look,walking to the coat hanger and taking off his coat,walking out of the house ignoring his hyung's cries and yells,telling him to come back. But he was so immersed in his own puddle of emotions that he can't think of anything right now.

The older man couldn't stop the tears falling from his eyes the whole way home. The suffocating feeling he thought he would never experience again was back in his chest. Making it hard to breath.

The lingering touch of his past lover,the soft words,the joyful laughs,anything and everything about Seungho was coming into his mind and occupying every part of it,just like before. It's like he was the same and nothing hasn't changed since last year.

Thankfully,he safely made it to his apartment,an empty apartment specifically. The air felt too cold,it was too cold. The walk to his room was the hardest as he just didn't have any energy anymore. He was so tired,He was tired of everything in his life. What is life even worth living for anymore?

He felt his legs giving out the moment he entered his room. Sliding down the wall,sitting on the floor. He pulled his knees towards himself and cracked his arms around it. The salty tears dropped from his eyes uncontrollably as he thought about his ex lover.

"Why..why did you leave me alone here..just why?" He asked as if Seungho could hear him. Sobbing uncontrollably doesn't help but it doesn't make anything better anyway.

flashback

"Tae~ come on" Seungho grabbed Taehyung's hand and was dragging him away.

"Where are we? It's like 3am Seungho,literally we got work-"

"Stop complaining and just losen up" Seungho said as they both just walked down when Taehyung heard it.

Loud waves crashing next to each other in this fine night. They were at a beach in night. As the beautiful sea looked in morning,it looked prettier at night. With the stars and the full moon shining right onto the sea,glistening in this fine night.

Taehyung was at awe because how beautiful it looked. The weather was just chilly,Not too cold yet not too hot. It was perfect. Hand in hand with his boyfriend,he doesn't think he has right to complain anymore.

"Seungho...this is so pretty. Why did you make me come here?"

"Because I love you" Seungho said,making Taehyung freeze completely.

They have been dating for about 3 months now but they never said the L word to each other as that word alone holds alot of weight and responsibilities to it and they didn't know if they were ready for that.

Yet he said it is Taehyung without even hesitating at all. "w-what?"

"You heard me,I love you. I thought alot about it and I knew if I was ever going to love

someone in this cursed life of mine,I want it to be you. You are as pretty as the moon,as beautiful as the stars but just like how the waves come and go,I don't want that. I want to be with you as long as I can" Seungho complimented him,giving a speech on how much he loves her. Taehyung felt his gaze soften.

"Why are you saying it like you are going away. I love you too,idiot. Ofcourse I do,I think I have loved you ever since I laid my eyes on you. So stop saying stuff like that, promise me you won't leave me here all alone,Stay with me...forever" Taehyung grabbed his hands and pulled him closer to himself. Seungho chuckled.

"Never my moonlight,I promise I'll never leave you" and just like that,the infamous nickname was born and it also birthed promises the latter was never able to keep.

"That's why I took you here. I wanted to see how pretty you look under the moonlight and god,Taehyung you should run to be a model,you are so gorgeous"

"Shut Up,I don't even come close to those people. Maybe we were just cursed to get this life but hey...atleast I have you" Taehyung kissed Seungho's cheeks.

"Ofcourse,You will always have me by your side,moonlight"

"Why do you keep calling me that? moonlight?"

"Because if there is anything more precious and prettier than the moon then its you. You shine like the brightest star out there,You are my moonlight the one that guided me when no one did" Seungho was so good with words,he had Taehyung blushing like crazy.

"You are crazy"

"crazily in love with you, I just want to shout loudly about how much I am in love with you"

"Then do it,no one is stopping you"

"do it with me"

"ofcourse,love"

flashback over

The more Taehyung thought about the day,the more his heart felt like it couldn't take it anymore. What was his purpose anymore? what was his purpose to stay alive anymore? a world where he has to live everyday, waking up in constant fear of losing himself. A life without the one he loves,is it worth it?

"False promises,All of them. You promised you would stay by my side,you promised you would never leave so...why?" Taehyung sobbed more. he has cried so much it feels like he has no tears left to cry.

"It's all my fault..." He trails,the tears stop flowing when he comes to a realisation.

"It's all my damn fault,If I just was more careful...I could have saved him,I killed him. I killed the only person I ever fell in love with" Taehyung grabs his hair in frustration and screams loudly. He has had enough.

There was not one positive thought inside his mind right now. He was feeling the worst and going through the worst. This is the lowest he has felt in the last whole year. It feels like everything is falling apart..on top of him. It was too much for him to handle,he can't go through this anymore. Just how long does he have to suffer like this? I regret everything.

"I fucking hate myself...it was better if I just...was never alive. I should have been the one that got killed that night. I deserve nothing better than that" Taehyung thought to himself. And he was going to make it true.

So he rushed towards the bathroom and saw his pocket knife laying on the sink. (TW!!!)

A sadistic smile making it way to his face as he grabbed the knife and placed it near his wrist.

"I am coming...I am coming to you,my love" and in the next minute,all he saw was darkness.

Jeongguk wasn't feeling good. Something felt off,he doesn't know what it is. He reached Mingyu's house and he has been feeling uncomfortable since for some odd reason. He thinks maybe today is just not his day. He might be unwell. He doesn't know.

It was like his instinct that was telling him something wasn't OK. brushing his fingers through his hair nervously,unable to find the reason for what is wrong.

"Hey Jeongguk,You okay?" Eunwoo asked as if he was the first one to notice how uneasy the younger boy was.

"Yeah,yeah..I'm good" Jeongguk answered,lying straight to his best friend.

"Doesn't look like it. Are you feeling sick?" Eunwoo touched his forehead to check his temperature but it was normal. He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion.

"I don't know honestly. I have this feeling that something is wrong but I don't know what" Jeongguk shared his concern.

"You should go home and rest. Maybe you are tired. We meet up every other day so it's okay,I will tell them myself,you should head out or should I drive you since you are not well?" He offered but Jeongguk politely declined as he smiled.

"No,thanks for the offer,woo. I'll just head out,thank you for covering for me. I'll just go home and rest" Jeongguk hugs Eunwoo one last time before going out of Mingyu's place. Eunwoo bids his goodbyes with him.

Jeongguk gets into his car and starts it and rushes home so he can rest. Maybe that's what he needs and that would calm his thumping heart.

In ten minutes,thankfully as Mingyu lived close to Where Taehyung's place is,he finally reached. Getting out of his car and entering the apartment building. His footsteps lead him to the elevator,press the button of his floor as he waits for the metal doors to close. Before they could close up, a hand came in stopping the elevator to close the doors. The door once again opened and A familiar face came into view.

"Jimin hyung???" Jeongguk exclaimed,kind of shocked to see the boy who he hasn't seen since the last hospital visit.

Jimin smiled at the younger and entered the elevator,pressing their floor button. he hugged Jeongguk as the younger hugged him back.

"the one and only,Where are you coming from this late?"

"Oh I came from a friend's place,Wasn't having fun so I just left. What about you? Why are you here? oh my god are you finally back?" Jeongguk asked him multiple questions,the other just shook his head.

"Nope,I left a few things i needed so I just came back to get them and also meet Taehyung. I tried calling him but he didn't pick up so I guess I'll just surprise him" Jimin said as the elevator dinged and the metal doors opened.

They both were walking side by side reaching for their apartment door.

"Oh yeah, Taehyungie hyung was drinking with hobi hyung tonight so I doubt he would be home at this time" Jeongguk told him.

"Ah..I miss hanging out with them. Well Taehyung's luck,I guess I will meet him some other day" the older man said as he watched Jeongguk open the door of their apartment.

They both entered their home and the first thing they saw was Taehyung's shoes. A smile was on both of their faces now but for different reasons.

"Oh he's home,It's pretty quiet though. He must be asleep from being dead drunk. Jeongguk just go and check on him if he's not on the floor or something. I would just go to my room and get my things " Jimin told Jeongguk.

Younger nodded as he was going to do that anyway. He changed his direction and walked towards Taehyung's room. He knocked first and then opened the door know. When the door opened,the room came into his view. Surprisingly,The whole room was just like before,untouched and no one was there.

Something inside him was telling him something is not okay. It was so off,This is not good. He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. Where is Taehyung?

From the corner of his eye,He saw how the bathroom door was slightly open. His legs worked themselves and took them to bathroom. He knocked once again.

"Taehyung? Are you there? I am coming in" He waited a second when he got no response and opened the door.

His eyes were examining the bathroom when he saw It.

A hand hanging from the edge of bathtub,a blood head which was dropping blood. A huge pile of blood in the bathroom. He hurried towards the bathtub to see a barely breathing unconscious Taehyung. He screamed at the sight.

He felt his heart beat go higher. He was panicking,he tore his shirt and tired the peice of cloth around Taehyung's wrist which was leaking blood. He needs to stop it so he can minimise the blood floor.

"Taehyung!! fuck fuck what have you done ??!? my baby,My poor baby" Jeongguk took his in his arms as tears were falling out of his eyes like a waterfall.

"JIMIN!!! JIMIN!!" Jeongguk yelled for the latters' best friend as he was checking if Taehyung was still breathing. He went close to his nose and he was indeed still alive.

"Jeongguk why the fuck are you yellin- oh my fucking god,Taehyung!!" Jimin, who came in the bathroom,now had eyes wide open.

"Call a fucking ambulance !!" Jeongguk yelled at Jimin. He saw nothing but red. He is scared as fuck right now. He doesn't want him to die. He doesn't want it.

"No,No fuck no, it would be too late. Pick him up and we are taking him to the hospital on our own." Jimin really tried to think clearly even though he was almost breaking down. Tears rolling down his cheeks as he bit his lips.

Jeongguk didn't even think twice and quickly picked Taehyung up. "It's okay baby,I'll save you. I won't let you leave me" Jeongguk said in between his tears. They both ran outside,though it was a bit for Jeongguk. He didn't care. He just wants to save Taehyung.

This might be the worst night he has ever went through. He is so scared he can't barely speak. There's nothing in his mind right now except Taehyung. He can't lose him,not now...not ever.

✤----------------------------------------------✤
I'm sorry I'm so late,It's just this was a hard chapter to write so I was just having conflicted emotions. I hope it didn't got too heavy. And I'm sorry if I triggered anyone.
Hope you guys liked it
love yall
-K