" Living is hard when you don't even love your life. "

« Flashback »

The room was painfully dark and cold. It was hard to see anything in there but a faint sound of heartbroken cries could be heard. The muffled sobs and sniffs were coming from a more dark corner of the room.

The knocks were turning louder and more louder on the door . Someone was slamming their hands on the door with pleading voice.

There in the corner of the room , sat an almost pale boy with short disheveled black hair. He was shaking badly while holding few things close to his chest, his knees were folded close to his chest as his broken sobs left his mouth.

The boy didn't even have the strength to open his eyes anymore . Every cells of his body was giving up, his head was paining harder than ever, he felt like his healed wounds were painting too. All he wanted was to die. He was giving up, willingly.

The scars on his forehead, hands and neck were still visible. They were healing and fading away but the wound in his heart ? It was only worsening.

The operation made him lose all his beautiful soft died platinum blonde hair which was stained with his dark blood several months ago. Now he was regaining his natural black hairs again but he was restrained from touching his head.

And here he was pulling his hairs apart, hurting himself to the extent where he couldn't feel his head anymore.

His throat was hurting , he was breathing hard and burning with fever. He knew he was dissapointing the two people outside the door. He felt like a burden, he felt so misfit here, he doesn't belong here... where does he belong then ? He doesn't know.

" Jimin ! Please open the door Please Jimin ! I beg you ! Please open the door ! " A familiar voice was filling up the boy's earbuds and a pained yelp came from his mouth. He couldn't tolerate the scream.

The boy fell on the floor from his sitting position and curled himself up in a ball , still clutching those things in his palm.

He couldn't lose those. All he knew about him was in those things. He didn't care about how expensive they were, how pretty they were, how much value they had in every little parts of them ... they were just his identity to him now.

That expensive diamonds studded wedding ring, those bracelets, that diamond brooch and that blue diamond heart necklace. They were Jimin's everything now, everything that was his, everything that he lost and everything that makes him want to kill himself also everything that was keeping him alive.

" Jimin Please baby I beg you ! I'm sorry ! I'm so so sorry ...Open the door ! I promise I'd never try to take them away ever again ... please just open the door... please..." Taehyung cried knocking on the door with utmost apology and regret in his voice.

By then Taehyung knew that those things were like oxygen to Jimin. If those gets taken away from him, he'll lose his last hope.

Simply those more expensive than anything things were Jimin's way of reliving even if they'll always hurt him .

« Flashback Ends »
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Jungkook walked towards his new apartment with slow and steady steps, holding his Black leather bag in right hand and the trolley in his left.

It was very early in the morning. Probably between 5:00 - 5:30 . Most of the city was still asleep . Just some sweepers, milkmen and some small resturants staffs were here and there . Cars were less on the road now .

The weather was cold and gloomy. It was going to be a rainy day . Jungkook walked while looking here and there, his eyes calm , his demeanor cold Just like the weather.

He left the Kim mansion earlier than he said he will. He couldn't really inform the two brothers in the morning and just left notes that he was leaving early.

The sidewalk was completely empty and Jungkook couldn't like it more than this. This melancholic feeling, he was used to it. He was used of this coldness around his skin . In this last few years... this is what kept him embraced, Pain and coldness.

It seemed like the sky was turning more darker with each seconds and it was not after long when thunder started to roar.

Jungkook looked up at the sky with lots of agony in his eyes. It was like if he could strangle the destiny, he would. If he could fight with the nature, he would. His face was stoic and stone cold with flaring anger on his eyes .

" Oh dear Destiny, you won. " Jungkook mumbled under his breath with a dark sad chuckle and shook his head yet not believing how he had to come back here.

" I would never come back here. Never ever. Good Bye...mom and dad..."

Jungkook could still hear his pained yet determined voice back from years ago. Also he could hear the heavy sound of rain and the train. He swore he'd never come back .

But here he was.

By the time he reached the apartment door, he was half drenched but didn't really seem like he cared.

Closing the door behind him , Jungkook looked around the simple and comfortable place. He liked it how Jae-wook responsible enough to clean the apartment before leaving.
He made sure that it wouldn't trouble Jungkook by checking all the home appliances were working well and nothing was broken or missing here and there.

And ofcourse Jeon Jungkook liked responsible and we'll mannered people.

Jungkook walked to his now bedroom and dropped his bags there before turning on all the light switches.

" Just love me ? " Jungkook read the words written with lights over the bed and chuckled to himself.

" Should I start saying this to my Boss ? Should I manifest it ? " Jungkook shook his head chuckling and looking around the room.

To be specific he didn't know if he liked the place or not. It just felt like he could live here but the certain happiness in his chest was burying all the other thoughts . Maybe he'll get used to this place. The thing that it was someone else's till yesterday made Jungkook feel like he was a guest.

But may be this feeling would go away.

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It was 6:10 when Jungkook came out of shower and it was still raining heavily outside.

That's when the silence of the apartment broke with the telephone in the drawing room buzzing. He wondered if it was someone from Jae-wook's contacts. It would really not be liked by Jungkook if it was.

Jungkook had told Jae-wook to inform his contacts about the shifting, renting and stuff.

But it could be also Taehyung or Jin cause Jungkook wrote the number in the notes that he left . His phone was still broken and Jungkook was yet to take a new simcard for his own phone which was stolen and he only got it back yesterday.

He picked up the phone but before he could speak , Jin's voice boomed from the other side and Jungkook had to take the phone away from his ear.

" Jungkookah ! What kind of behaviour is this huh ! Why would you leave like that ! " Jin scolded and Jungkook blinked.

" I told you Hyung... yesterday night... that I'll leave early. " Jungkook protested but with a calm or rather tired voice.

" But this early !? Jungkook it's not fair ! You could have atleast woke me up right ? I could have dropped you there ? You didn't even care to have breakfast with us ..." Jin said. His voice well portrayed his dissapointment or to be precise, sadness.

But Jungkook looked like he was spacing out or thinking something else cause he wasn't a person who'd be out of his mind just like that.

" Jungkookah ? You there ? Hello ? " Jin asked from the other line.

" Yeah Hyung I'm here and I promise to have my breakfast! I heard there's a very popular cafe down the street ! Imma go there today " Jungkook chirped and Jin couldn't help but smile.

" Promise ? "

" Yes ! " Jungkook promised .

" I don't know how Tae will react when he gets to know that you left like this... he's still sleeping. " Jin sighed.

" Please tell him not to get angry at me hyung... you know I was excited to live in my apartment... and let him sleep. He might be tired. " Jungkook said with a timid voice and Jin hummed in response.

After few minutes of talk, Jungkook hung up the call and sighed . He sat on his bed and opened his black leather bag. He took out his phone, laptop , documents, a book and a black diary.

Jungkook took the diary in his hand. After so many days he was touching it. It was an old diary actually. He used write in it about the beautiful moments of his life which used to occur everyday back then. He had his happiness and fulfilment hugging him tight. He used to wakeup in the middle of a night and write about how lucky he was with a smile on his face, how happy he was, how complete he was but suddenly one day he had to stop.

Oneday he wasn't happy anymore. Oneday he had lost his everything. Along with his wish to live again.

He didn't open this diary for months or may be few years till oneday he did only to remind himself or make himself stop from doing something.

He opened the middle of the diary where the ribbon of mark was stopped.

Don't fucking kill yourself ! Don't do it ! You promised that you wouldn't do it ! How selfish could you be to do that and ease your pain !

Don't kill yourself !

Don't kill yourself !

Hurt yourself but Don't kill yourself !

You think slow poisoning would help ? It didn't help . But keep hurting yourself but Don't. Kill. Yourself.

Don't kill yourself...yet.

Time is ticking, don't kill yourself.

Wait, wait for few more days... don't kill yourself yet.

Don't ki...

A smile came uninvited to his lips. After pages of pages with these words, he reached a fresh empty page.

He took a pen and stared at the page. He didn't really decide what he was going to write but he knew there will be new words now.

He never really made a to do list. Certainly he doesn't know how to do it as well. He thought about what to write for few more seconds .

He hated it when he couldn't decide anything. So he just stared to write the sentences that came to his mind.

Lets start living again.

Be happy. You're still the luckiest .

What else do you need to live ? You have your everything now. Don't be greedy.

Be patient.

Don't get angry.

Jungkook looked at what he wrote and smiled to himself and closed the diary and sighed once more.

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The luxurious penthouse was dark. Most of the lights were turned off . Only the deemed automatic lights were here and there .

The faint light of the laptop could be seen only in the drawing room area.
Files were scattered here and there .

Any other person would feel restless in the silence that was present there but Park Jimin liked it. He was accustomed to it. It was another morning after his sleepless nights.

Who said countless money, fame, respect brings you happiness ? Brings you peace ?

It's just a fine piece of lie that money could cure everything. Only if it did...

The weather was just like Jimin's mood. Wasn't it ? The only difference was that the sky could show his sadness by being gloomy, by crying it out and Park Jimin couldn't do it.

Park Jimin crying ? People wouldn't believe it even if they saw it in real. An emotionless cold CEO, that's what they call him.

Seeing his name in magazines and newspapers weren't new to him in this past 3-4 years. The articles they write about him... Jimin doesn't even know half of the things they write about him there. They writes whatever comes to their mind and Jimin certainly doesn't care about it.

The hottest CEO of the country Park Jimin ! Is Dating secretly ?

The headline made Jimin tear the magazine apart that day .

Park Jimin's family secrets revealed ?

Jimin's heart secretly broke into millions of pieces as he read the magazine with all his attention but he was just hit with stupid assumptions and everything.

Park IT stocks skyrockets ! Young CEO makes another successful Business venture !

Jimin had read it and to be precise, he saw everything there was perfect.

Hence he understood that people only wants and cherishes success. His career and money, that's his identity now , that's what they knows perfectly.

Since then Jimin stopped reading any articles or magazines about him. He absolutely hated camera presence and public interviews. Nor it was easy to get an appointment with him. He tried to keep himself as reserved and private as possible.

But people was still there, stealing his pictures , flashing camera over him whenever they could .

People wanted him for his money . People wanted him for his body. No one could reach his heart ever. They said " Heartless ", reality was
" heartbroken ".

Jimin wasn't supposed to smile just because people wanted it. He wasn't happy so why pretend infront of those people who doesn't actually care ?

The company, the work was Jimin's only escape from the death calls he hears from the back of his mind.

Cheater you are !

Why are you even alive ?

You did hurt them ! Ofcourse you did ! They loved you and you weren't worth it !

You don't even know how they are ! where they are ! You don't deserve to live !

Jimin could only close his eyes and hear these. He was used to it by now.

Jimin stared at the dark sky outside through the foggy glass wall . The rain was showing no signs of stopping while Seoul was still sleeping.

He was half naked with only the black sweatpants on. His petite figure with perfect curves in perfect places were a sight to stare at. He was indeed a perfection. His milky smooth pale skin, with his doll like toned torso with a lean waist, his beautiful arms, pretty neck and ethereal face... everything was just so beautiful.

The moon circle tattoo on his spine line and ' nevermind ' tattoo on his abdomen added more beauty if possible. His black , quite long hair wasn't jelled and styled right now. They were messily covering his forehead and eyes.

He took another long drag from the treasure luxury black which he was holding between his fingers.

Jin had insisted him to stop smoking for like billions of times. The elder did everything he could to stop or atleast control Jimin's smoking habbit. But it wasn't worth it.

Jimin couldn't stop nor he tried nor he wanted. He was inclined to it for different reasons.

Everytime those cigarettes touched his lips, it made him feel different, at ease, it made him feel something familiar.

And he was desperate to feel it . So it slowly became his companion.

" I hate it... Please stop... Please. " Jimin's faint voice came out if his lips as he rested his forehead on the glass wall, closing his eyes.

He hated rain. The dark atmosphere, the thunder roaring...it made him feel vulnerable inside. He felt unsafe and everything felt suffocating to him.

The only thing that made him powerful was the sun. The bright sunlight kissing his skin. He loved watching sunrise and sunset , alone.

He felt like those times are his private time . He felt like the sun loves him...he felt loved. He felt safe.

And to be true, right now he felt like hiding again. He felt so abandoned and lost. He was scared that his vulnerabilities would lock him up again and he'd give in .

He didn't want to disappoint Taehyung and Jin anymore . He didn't want to hurt them by ending himself.

Park Jimin, the power himself was powerless infront of himself. His life was purposeless to him. Who was he making all this money for ? Why was he doing it ? For whom ?

Ofcourse not for himself. If he was somehow infront of a car and he had few seconds to move away, he'd stand right there .

He was just alive.

He wanted to listen to Taehyung and Jin so badly. They did so many things for him, they gave him his life back.

But Jimin felt selfish, so selfish, so tarnished cause in return of all their love, he could never give them back anything.

Not even his own smile.

Park Jimin didn't know how to smile. Or he did ? He just forgot how to .

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Jungkook stood infront of the cafe . Now he understood actually how famous it was. It was not really a cafe where normal people came often.

Jungkook could see how most of the people were suited men and women with expensive cars , came here only to grab their morning coffee before heading to office.

Few rich looking teenagers and we'll maintained people were also there.

" models or kids of rich people maybe " Jungkook thought to himself before checking his watch again.

He was debating whether to enter the cafe or not. This types of places were never for him. He liked quiet places .

There were so many people in the early morning for his liking. But he was there for something or maybe someone.

And he certainly didn't want to look awkward doing it.

" uh fucking stupid . " Jungkook cursed himself before looking around and finally his eyes caught something he wanted to see. He risked his office Time for this but it was worth it.

A familiar Black la ferrari rolled down the street smoothly and stopped right infront of the cafe.

Jungkook knew who was it in the driver's seat. It's the person he was waiting to see.

Jungkook moved behind the tree when the person came out of the car, noticeably drawing almost everyone's attention around.

Park Jimin.

Looking perfect as always . Gorgeously handsome and elegant.

Jungkook could hear people's gasp around even if Jimin was a regular customer here. Who can get enough of laying their eyes on this fine specimen of human World ?

People could only stare at Jimin who walked inside the cafe, his posture was confident and his every step radiated power.

" Tired . Haven't slept I guess... " Jungkook mumbled , his face becoming stiff. His comment was ofcourse different from other people cause he wasn't really focusing on Jimin's gorgeousness.

His eyes were searching for the ' well being ' in the later, which Jungkook couldn't find to his dismay.

Did he just feel his heart churning out with a slight pain ? Yes he felt it.

Why wasn't Jimin taking care of himself ?

Jungkook couldn't find himself walking inside the cafe anymore which he actually planned to do. His mood was already ruined seeing the gloominess on his Boss's face.

He certainly felt his skin burn with rising anger over anything and everything . Anything that was bothering his Boss.

Jungkook didn't want to ruin his Boss's mood anymore by appearing infront of him .

He walked away from the place to catch his Bus cause he certainly wouldn't be able to race with a damn ferrari and reach office first if he still stands there.

But what he didn't notice was... His Boss noticed him .

" What was he doing here ? "
Jungkook's Boss thought.

" He decided to live again for someone who doesn't even want to live . "

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Here's another update. Trust me, I'm love to write this story just like I loved writing my first story . I hope y'all are liking it too...

† Lemme know how is this story so far and Please give me your opinions about this certain chapter.

† There's lot to get revealed . Please be patient with the plot and Yeah, from the very next chapter, you'll get manyyyy Jikook interaction .

Thanks again for choosing this story ❤️

Take care, Borahae 💜