***

"This sucks."
"It really does."

Their eyes were glued to the christmas tree in between them. It was decorated with dozens of fairylights, bells and other christmas decorations they found in a store earlier this day. Their dorm room was dark and only the fairylights drowned the room in a pretty atmosphere. It all seemed so perfect, so romantic and exactly the way they had pictured the perfect christmas.
Just that something was missing.
Their loved ones.

"College really is empty when everyone is home", Jungkook said, fiddling around with the santa dress he had bought some days ago, back at their hometown. "It is. And our room is small, it's annoying", Taehyung sighed. They had almost no space with the two beds, the desks and the tree inside the room which made it all a bit more uncomfy.
"Where are we going to spend the summer?", Jungkook asked, sighing at the thought that his parents basically threw them out and he had absolutely no idea where to go from there.

"We'll see about that in a few months", Taehyung answered because he had no idea yet and he didn't want to get the boy's hopes up from something they would end up not being able to afford. After all, Taehyung knew now why his credit card was declined. Because his father was back and he took away all his money. So there was not much he could depend on. Right now, he didn't even know how to pay college fees for the next semester but he wouldn't tell Jungkook about that so the younger wouldn't worry even more.
"Let's go down to the cafeteria and see if they baked christmas cookies", Taehyung suggested slowly, "And then we'll get some wine and you'll get to open your presents."

Jungkook lifted his brows, "I see no presents under the tree", he said. Both agreed on not getting each other a gift.
"I was talking about you opening my pants", Taehyung chuckled, being the only one who found that funny. "Your present is my dick."

"Your dick usually gives me back pains for days and a hard time to walk, how is that a present?", Jungkook teased. They got up from the bed, put their shoes on and headed downstairs.
"You love my dick, stop being ungrateful for the gifts he makes you. Have you forgotten about all the breathtaking orgasms he gives you day after day? He's loyal and he's doing the best he can."

"You're disgusting", Jungkook smiled innocently, "Stop talking about your dick as if he was a person."
"Then stop mocking him", Taehyung leaned over and pressed a kiss to Jungkook's cheek.

There was almost none around here, the whole college was empty and only a few students stayed over here. They were either hopeless nerds who couldn't afford a day without the library, or they were just like Taehyung and Jungkook and had no place to go to.
"Do you think Jimin's coming back to college after the holidays?", Jungkook asked shyly after a while, "I'm worried for him. We should have gotten him out of there."

"He's not going to come back here", Taehyung said, "Dad will make sure to put him into an expensive Ivy league college. He'll get the life I was dreaming of."

"The life you gave up to stay with me", Jungkook said, looking guilty as he remembered that summer that changed everything. "I didn't give anything up", Taehyung assured him, "I just chose what would make me the happiest. And that's you, not some college degree."

"We're way too young to think this way."

"I promise I'll still think this way twenty years from now", Taehyung whispered and reached for Jungkook's hand, "You'll always be the key to my happiness."

"Christmas is really getting to your head", Jungkook scrunched his nose, "What are you so soft and lovey dovey for?"
"Isn't christmas supposed to be the celebration of love and family?", Taehyung chuckled.

"Just that we have no family and we're both egoistic assholes who don't know how to love someone in a non toxic way", Jungkook laughed and thought he was joking but both knew he wasn't.

"Well", Taehyung smiled, "You're my family now. And I'm yours. And I couldn't care less if we're toxic", he giggled.
They entered the cafeteria and walked over to the counter. There really was a huge selection of christmas cookies to choose from. It was a big question to both boys who the school made all this for if there was barely anyone staying here over christmas. "I want one of everything", Jungkook said and pointed on all the cookies.
The cafeteria lady shook her head but smiled and then started putting away one of each christmas cookie and handed Jungkook the bag.

"Let's make sure that if we have kids one day we will show them how to truly love someone", Jungkook said.
Taehyung went dead silent at this, looking at Jungkook with big eyes, "K-kids?!"

"Yeah we're obviously going to have kids", Jungkook said but got insecure with those words immediately after saying them, "Right? I mean I figured we would-"

"I don't want kids, Jungkook", Taehyung gulped.

"Not right now, yeah me neither", Jungkook agreed, "We're way too young to have kids yet. We haven't even graduated college."

"Not ever", Taehyung let out quietly.

Jungkook looked startled, "How can you say that already? Don't you want to have a little kid running around the house someday, making a mess while being absolutely cute?"
"No I don't want that", Taehyung said, "I can't even look after myself, how am I supposed to make a good father?"

"You will learn to look after yourself", Jungkook tried but Taehyung shook his head, "No Jungkook, I doubt I'll ever change my mind."

"You love kids", Jungkook argued, "How can you never want one?"

"I do love kids", Taehyung agreed, "I just don't think that two people who come from such broken families should make a family of their own. There's so much that can go wrong."
"But the difference is that we will know what's the wrong thing", Jungkook pleaded, "Taehyung come on, you can't say that now. Everything will look different ten years from now."

"Yeah", Taehyung looked away, not wanting to let this turn into a fight. "Let's not talk about this."
They both agreed and then headed back to their room, silence creeping over them.
God, this was awkward.

*

"I'm not going back to college", Jimin put his coffee cup down and looked straight ahead, right into Lia's eyes. The girl was sitting across the small table at the coffee shop in their hometown, looking worried as she watched Jimin. He sat there in his suit, as he always wore nowadays.
It was one of the first days of the new year, snow was falling heavier than the past few months and the two had met up for breakfast.
"What are you going to do instead?", she asked silently.

"I'm doing an internship at one of Dad's cooperating firms", Jimin explained, "It's well paid for and will do well on my reputation."
Lia sighed, "So you're going to stay at home?"

Jimin nodded, "I think it's the best for me."
"Have you forgotten about everything that happened there?", Lia asked worriedly.

"Of course not", Jimin sighed, "It's horrible being there. But honestly? It's the only place I'm wanted. So I'm staying. I'm tired of being a burden to everyone around."
The girl nodded, "Yeah I understand that."
She thought about telling him that he wasn't a burden at all, at least to her. She wanted to tell him that he had to come back to college just to make it less frustrating for her to be there. She had so much to say but in the end she kept her mouth shut, as she always did.

"You don't think it's a good idea staying here?", Jimin asked slowly.

"This really isn't my place to decide", Lia chuckled, "I'm sure you will do the right thing."
The boy nodded, his heart aching a little.
He really wanted to hear her tell him that he should come back with her, he longed to hear that he was indeed wanted somewhere. And he wished that she would just say something.
But he let the topic fade away and grabbed the menu, picking out something for breakfast.
"It's on me, what do you want to eat?", he asked with a smile plastered to his face to switch the topic and the mood to something lighter.

"I'm going for pancakes", Lia laughed, "I have to enjoy the last few days where I'm not getting college food."
"College food really is digusting", Jimin grinned. Both smiled at each other for a while and then looked down, sipping on their coffees quietly.

They continued not talking for a while until it was Jimin who broke the silence finally. "Growing up sucks, doesn't it?", he asked, "Just yesterday we were kids going to highschool and we had nothing to worry about but what our classmates would think of us. I remember how desperately I wanted Hoseok to like me. That's all I worried about."
Lia laughed, "You really wanted him to like you back."

"I just thought you guys were so cool. All of you were two years older and I thought you were so mature, I just had to have Hoseok so I could say I have an older boyfriend", Jimin chuckled. "I miss the way I used to be."

"You're still amazing as you are", Lia said, "We all grow up and mature with the years, you just became a better and older version of yourself."
"But I was so much happier", Jimin sighed, "Now I worry about the future, about finding the right partner, about business offers, I try to impress everyone and there's not much that truly makes going through the days easier."

"Kids are always happier than grown-ups", Lia hummed, "That's just how life works. You grow up, you get sadder. But you also become more and more yourself. That's a great thing, isn't it?"

"I think I lost myself the moment I went for Jungkook even though I knew he wasn't the one for me", Jimin said, "I just saw how he loved Taehyung and I wanted to be loved in the same way."

Lia bit her lips, "Yeah I get that."
She had felt the same way towards Taehyung for the longest time. Loved by him had been everything she wanted for a great amount of time.
"It's hard wanting the love of someone that's not meant for you", she sighed, "And it's even harder seeing them loving someone else the way you wanna be loved."

"We really are the ones who lost the most in all of this", Jimin chuckled, "We wanted the best for them and we ended up giving them the best of us and losing it for ourselves."
"That's deep", Lia giggled, "But you're right. I wasted my best years to loving someone that never loved me back."

"Let's never do the same mistakes again", Jimin said and grabbed the menu, ordering two glasses of wine.
"It's 10am Jimin, we can't drink already-"

"Oh sure we can", Jimin said confidently, "We're grown ups, we can drink any time of the day."
The waiter brought their drinks not much later.

Jimin raised his glass, "To you and me. To us."
"To the best of us", Lia winked and they clinked their glasses and took huge sips from it, a huge weight lifting off their chest with gulping the bitter wine down.

Maybe it wasn't too late to find a little happiness.

***

i lowkey feel like writing a jimin fanfic