Jessica pushed open the door knowing it would already be unlocked. Her nose wrinkled at the smell of the large dustbin. She pushed open the next door but groaned in pain when she felt a sharp pain in her shoulder. Grumbling, she entered the number on the keypad and called.

"You have the key, you know that right?"

"Just open the fucking door, Simon." Carr buzzed her in and she stepped through the doors. Her feet tapped impatiently against the floor as she stood waiting for the lift.

Once she got to his door, she pushed it lightly to check if it was open so she didn't hurt herself the same way she did downstairs. She stepped into the house and closed the door behind her. Stepping over the toys, she made her way down the hallway and to the living room where she found Carr trying to put his son to sleep.

Before Carr could tell her to not step in, his son caught sight of her and jumped back up. He giggled as he stuck his chubby hands out to her. "Jessie!"

"Connor!"

Jess laughed as she sat beside him on the sofa. "I was gonna tell you to just wait for five minutes but he saw you now."

"I thought Britt has him today?"

Carr rolled his eyes. Jess leaned closer to him, poking Connor's nose. Connor smiled tiredly before pushing out of Carr's arm. Jessica carefully pulled him onto her lap. "She's gone on a holiday with her fiancé apparently. When I told her she can't just dump that news on me, she turned around and made it out as though I didn't want him to stay with me. But you know I would never think that."

"Of course. You love him to bits."

"I do. And I regret not being there for him in the first few months of his life but I would never abandon my son again. I had to make arrangements, had to call my mum and sister, see who was free and who wasn't." Carr shook his head and laughed bitterly. "I don't even think she wants him anymore. Not that I mind, I want Connor with me all the time instead of begging on my knees just to spend time with him."

Jess nodded her head. She looked down at Connor and stood up. "I'll put him down on your bed, make sure he's asleep properly and then we can clean this mess up."

He smiled. He watched her go and sighed. How he desperately wanted to pull her into a tight hug and tell her how much he loved her. But Jessica had made it clear she didn't want kids and he knew that although she loved Connor, he would be baggage. He wanted his son in his life so if that meant letting go of the woman he loved then he was prepared to do so.

After cleaning up his toys, he walked into the bedroom to find Jessica talking to a sleeping Connor. With a smile, he leaned against the doorframe, waiting for her to notice him.

"And then King Connor got married to the beautiful lady. He watched her come down the aisle and thought to himself, 'I'm so lucky' and they got married, had a party and then the end."

"I think he's a little too young to get married," he said with a chuckle. Jessica looked up at him and frowned before getting off the bed. "Now why do you look so upset?"

"Because you ruined story time."

Carr rolled his eyes as they both walked out, leaving the door open. He glanced back at his son and smiled. "What's up, Jess?"

"Nothing." He watched her scratch behind her ear. His gaze settled on the beauty spot on her neck and he sighed. It was only when Jessica pointed it out did he notice and now all he wanted to do was kiss her toffee coloured skin as he held her in his arms.

"I know you."

"Fine. I came to talk to you about something." They both sat on the sofa, facing each other. "You know how I said I never wanted children, like ever?" He nodded his head stiffly. "It's...it's only because I can't..." His eyebrows furrowed as he looked at her.

"Okay, maybe it's because I've been up all night with Connor's fever, but by saying you can't..."

"I can't. When I was younger, my mum and dad were just total waste of space, you know that already. It was up to me to look after my siblings and I needed cash. I told myself I would never have sex to make money and then I came across an ad...if I were to sell my eggs, I would get enough to last us, pay off the bills and get time to get a job," she said as tears formed in her eyes.

"Oh Jess," he whispered as he wrapped his arms around her. He kissed her cheek as she cried into his chest. "It's okay."

"No it's not. I can't start a family, I can't give anyone a kid and I hate myself for it. It was some dodgy ad and I got no money, not enough anyways. I threw my whole future away for my family and it wasn't worth it. It was some botched surgery and my whole ovaries and everything is messed up."

"Shh, don't worry. You can always adopt, there's other ways of having a baby. Find a lesbian friend who will have the baby for you."

Jessica pushed him away with a laugh. "I'll go looking for one, thanks for the advice." She felt his hand squeeze hers. "When you had Connor, I got so mad at you for not wanting to be in his life and I had to talk it into you."

"I'm glad you did."

"And then you got into his life. You were such a great dad, still are. And I thought you'd probably want more children in the future..." She sighed heavily. "I love you, Simon."

He smiled at her, wishing that she meant it the same way he did. "I know that."

"No, I mean I really love you. More than friends. God I've loved you for years but I just can't give you another kid, Simon. I didn't want to tell you and I really thought I wouldn't but it was eating me up inside."

Jessica felt his grip on her hand loosen and then it was gone. She looked down and brushed her tears away. "Hey Jess?" he whispered as he brought his face closer to hers. She felt his hot breath settle on her neck. "Can you look at me?"

"I shouldn't have said anything. I'm sorry."

"Well if you didn't say anything then you wouldn't know how much I love you, would you?" He gently lifted her head with his finger. "I love you so much, Jess. It killed me not to say anything these past few months because you always said you didn't want children and I would never give up Connor again."

"No, I wouldn't expect you to." His hand rested on her cheek as he leaned in closer. "I have something else to tell you." He kissed the top of her head. She closed her eyes, feeling his lips brush across her skin. "I'm not coming back to firehouse 87 for next shift."

"What?"

"I don't want to be a firefighter anymore."

Carr dropped his hands from her face. "You worked so hard for it. You went through shit with the-"

"I know! I just don't have it in my heart anymore. I want to be a police officer. I've already gone for a couple of the training sessions-"

"And you did this without telling me?"

"I'm so sorry. I just needed to know if I wanted to do it and I really do, Simon." He sighed as she shuffled beside him. "I'm sorry."

"You're following after your uncle, aren't you?"

"A little..."

"Jess, you sure you want to do it?" She nodded her head eagerly. He smiled as he placed his hands back on her cheeks. He leaned in to kiss her nose to which she giggled. "Then I'm behind you all the way."

"Yeah that's the only reason why you're behind me," she said with a smirk. "You haven't kissed me yet, I'm surprised."

"How can I when you don't shut that big gob of yours?" He chuckled as he leaned down, brushing his lips against hers. "I love you so-"

"Daddy!" Connor cried from the room.

Carr quickly pecked her lips before getting up. "We will finish this later."

Jessica sat down on the sofa with a grin on her face. Her fingers traced over her lips. She had dreamt about their first kiss. It would be outside, snowing, their breath would come out into small puffs of smoke. He would lean down, tell her he loves her and then finally kiss her. His lips would be soft, tender yet eager.

She shook the thought away, rose to her feet and then walked back into the room. Connor was sniffing as he sat on Carr's lap, crying in discomfort for a few seconds before silently placing his head back onto his chest. Her eyes scanned over Carr's hooded eyes. His chin was stubbly again and she knew he missed out on shaving because he was tired.

"You know what he needs?"

"What?" he said with a sigh. "I'm sorry, I'm just really tired and whenever I place him down-"

"Boobs." Jessica kicked off her shoes, took her jacket off and then crawled onto the bed. "Get under the covers." She waited for a dirty joke but got nothing. He put Connor down for a few seconds and he immediately started crying. Carr quickly pulled the duvet over and got in before pulling Connor back to his chest. Jessica pulled her hair up in a bun before extending her arms out. She watched as Carr sighed, kissed his son's head and then passed him over. Connor cried during the transfer but fell quiet once he was on Jessica's chest.

"Boobs," Carr said with a laugh. "Come here." Since the blanket was already pulled, she sat down slowly, shuffled beside Carr and then lay down. She moved Connor around, making herself comfortable and not once did he cry.

"Every kid needs boobs."

"I need them too," he said with a pout.

"I thought you were an ass guy?"

"Why do you think I fell for you? That ass is all I need." Jessica laughed, turning to face him. She brought an arm up to wrap around Connor who was sucking on his thumb. She met his eyes and smiled. They looked beautiful. His eyes roamed her toffee coloured skin. Her wide eyes made her look awake and energetic but he knew she was tired from the slow blinking she had. "I love you," he whispered.

"I love you too." With a smile, she leaned her head towards him as much as she could and Carr chuckled softly before closing the distance between them.

It wasn't what she imagined. They weren't in the snow, breaths blowing out into white clouds. They weren't wrapped up in scarves and jackets, just a simple duvet cover. They were in a flat that smelt like urine when you stepped through and you had to make sure you blocked your nose before you got to the second door, where the lifts would break down at least once a week and you would have to walk up the stairs and where you could sit in the balcony and watched the beautiful sunset. She was in a flat, in bed with a baby in her arms that she loved dearly and the man she loved was right beside her, smiling tiredly into the kiss. It wasn't what she imagined but it was a lot better. It was perfect.

Carr pulled away, his hand on her cheek. He bit his lip as he watched her eyes flutter open. He pecked her lips before wrapping his arm around her thigh. She raised her eyebrows, giving him a warning look. But just with another soft kiss, she was already melting into his arms.

"Can't exactly wrap my arm around you can I? But I still want to hold some part of you." He kissed her cheek before she turned to face Connor. Carefully, trying her best not to wake him, she turned to her side and placed Connor down. He whined but she quickly pulled him to her chest where he settled. "So he claimed your boobs and I claim your ass?"

"You haven't claimed anything, mister. And my body isn't to claim."

Carr sighed as he wrapped his arms around her waist. This is what he was waiting for. He kissed the back of her neck, closed his eyes and then rested his cheek against her back. "You're right. Your body should be loved and I promise you right now that I will love every single inch of your body. Every ingrown hair, stretch mark, excess skin, flabby skin, warts, zits and whatever the fuck you have on your body because I love you."

She bit her lip to suppress the smile but it was no use. She broke out into a grin. "What if I had a tattoo that had a little tweety bird?"

"I don't love you enough for that."

"Hey," she said with a laugh. He kissed her shoulder as he smiled. "Same goes to you," she whispered. "You're falling asleep aren't you?" He hummed as a response.

"I'm sorry. I know it's only nine in the morning but-"

"Go to sleep. I haven't slept all night too." She felt him press himself closer to her body. "Hey, Simon?"

"Yes?"

"Is this like official and everything?"

"You just told me you love me, I told you I love you back and we're in bed about to fall asleep together for the first time. Do I need to ask you?" Seconds passed in silence. Carr kissed her shoulder with a sigh. "I love you Jess. I promise to take you on a real date soon."

She carefully turned around. Carr pouted, letting go of her. He then pulled her in for another kiss, biting down on her lower lip. "How soon?" she breathed out.

"Just as soon as my little boy is better." She smiled before kissing him again. "I might have to take him to the hospital later if he's temperature doesn't calm down. It's just gotten higher but not too high to actually take him in," he said with a frown.

"You're a really good dad," she whispered. "I'm so proud of you of stepping up and being his father." His hand slipped under her t-shirt, resting on her hip.

Carr suddenly smiled. His eyes were opened wider now and he looked more awake. "I ordered his bed. The spare has been empty for ages now but I'm making it into his room. He's here more often and I want him to feel at home although he just sleeps on top of me half the time." His eyes roamed over her face, taking in her button nose and big lips that he was addicted to already. Her hair was already coming out of it's bun, her tight curls falling along her cheek. "I have a picture of it. Connor chose it himself. It went slightly over budget but I can compromise for him. And- god you look so beautiful!" He suddenly rolled her over, placed his hands on her hips and finally kissed her. "So, so beautiful," he whispered as he kissed down her neck.

"I know," she said with a giggle. Carr pulled back with a grin before moving back to his side. "We should get some sleep."

"I love you, Jess."

"I love you too."