Peridot walks away as I step up to Lapis. "Did you seriously think that you weren't going to recieve any fatal backlash from that?" Lapis covers her face. "No."
"Then why did you do it? Why did you have to make me feel bad about myself?!"

I'm drowning in my own tears. All of my past regrets only build up more and more each passing day. I choke back tears and I start crying in front of them. I don't care anymore. In my eyes, I'm alone, back in the Kindergarten, feeling dead inside.

I storm away from everyone towards the lake. I can't take much more of this. I just feel more and more guilty as my miserable life continues. Have I really done anything right this whole week?

I think back to the first day. I fell for Pearl. But did she really fall for me? Was it really anything but genuine love? And then, after our first kiss together, I left to meet the domino effect.

It all really started with Eloc. That dang mysterious eyeball demon doning his gray long sleeved trench coat and his green shirt with its pyramid design with his sleek gray shoes and matching black gloves to go with his menacing, giant eyeball.

I can still see his sharp, green iris staring into my soul. His merciless assault on me and his reckless attempt to fuse with me. Everything that has happened so far is all linking back to him.

Who is Eloc? Who is this mysterious, sly gentleman of a monster who chose me to become his finisher? What gave him the gall to do such a thing? Even when he was destroyed, he has managed to combine his warped thinking process with my own.

What has he done to me? He has given me all the power I could ever want. He has made me an inseparable fusion hybrid. He has torn me away from love. He has given me every reason to no longer live.

So many things went wrong. Everyday was something different. Day one was all about cold-blooded murder. Day two, I lost my privacy. Day three, I hurt Jasper and I took things too far in my revenge. I had to also save her not long after.

That was two things in a single day. The second part hurt much more because Steven was involved in my stunt to save that jerk. I played an innocent, childish game as someone I wasn't and I won. I shouldn't have.

I should've never beaten Steven at that stupid game! And then the look on that face when I blew my cover. It was heartbreaking. I can still see the streaming tears in his tired, cold eyes with his narrowed eyebrows and clenched teeth.

The other day, Jasper backstabbed me. She fused with Lapis again and Malachite was back. This event really shook her up and I understand why Lapis was so upset with me earlier and she has every right to be.

And then the silo. I failed to save Jasper that night. When the connection snapped, a part of myself followed suit. I became desperate and all I wanted to do was save Jasper. Why?! Why did I want to save her?!

I did it at all costs. And I mean ALL. The following day, yesterday, I seduced Peridot. It was the happiest and most depressing day I've ever had this week. It was romantic and when our lips met, I felt everything.

I felt guilt, joy, anger, despair, anxiety. But guilt above all. And now, I love her. I shouldn't have seduced her because now, I'm obsessed. I would do anything to get her back. I would even go as far as sucking up to her pleasurable, dirty desires.

When I was caught by Lapis, I knew it was all over for us. Our relationship sunk in the lake that night. The lake that I'm staring at with restless eyes. And then came today. Two things already went horribly wrong.

One, Bismuth. I rescued her three times in a row! Once from her bubble, again from the abyss, and once more from Biggs, one of her closest friends, currently corrupted in a bubble inside the barn.

All I got in return was more pain and more aggression. But Eyeball. She stood up for me. I was on the ground and she helped me back up. Does she care about me to such a degree as to what it could be?

Her smile, her calm voice, her fighting passion. I just wish I could express whatever she feels towards me back to her. I can only wonder if she really could be my second chance to save myself.

But what about what just happened? Was she there? Why didn't she help me? Was she scared, afraid to face the consequences of her actions? Was she just tired? Was she too lost in her own head to do anything? I don't know. I'll never know.