One day until Judgement Day.

Judgement awakens tomorrow.

That isn't today though.

Today is a day of celebration as many Gems leave Little Homeschool out into the world to pursue personal ventures. Graduation from the school, and moving on with their lives. Steven feels... oddly sad as they go off into the sunset. 

He reaches out into the sunset, longing for it almost, but afraid. Afraid he will fail, fall, and fall into despair, poverty, or worst of all, his own mental illness and become evil. That is the greatest fear that paralyzes him in this moment, along with a longing. A longing for his friends and family, to not leave them behind...

But if you don't move forward, those around you will.

"They're off to bigger and better things aren't they? Lapis inquires, nudging Steven to open a dialogue. Lapis, being as much a mother to him as Jasper, has noticed his distance and become concerned. 

"Yeah," Steven replies.

"They're off to achieve their dreams," Lapis continues, "Do you have an idea for yours yet?"

Steven instantly shuts down the existential dread before they can even begin. Some escape the filter, however.

"A hedonistic life is worthless as pleasure has no inherit worth so I cannot pursue solely my own joy."

"Can helping people bring me joy? No, not alone. It has only caused me to develop a complex for fixing things but there's nothing to fix and I am useless."

"Am I a tool for a job? Is the job done? Am I to be discarded like a dirty towel? That would imply I was made with purpose and thus that there is a God and even if there is a God would have no plan so such a theory does not work God or no. Unless it is not a matter of grand plan and simply that I am a bad person in the right place who has outlived my usefulness. And-"

Steven manages to cut it off there, but by then it's to late and he's already caught in a depressed mood due to the thoughts.

"Still thinking," Steven replies dismissively, "Anyways me and my human family are hanging out at Funland and I'm a little late. I'll cya later mom."

Steven walked off. Lapis reached out to him, concerned and hoping to talk to him, but unable to bring herself to speak up due to an aniexty. A fear that she won't be able to fix this.

It didn't occur to her to talk to Steven about therapy.

However Steven wasn't the only one questioning himself.

Shorty sat in the zoo, watching the stars, the dazzling lights incalculable distances away. Each light a massive ball of plasma larger than any mortal can comprehend. Almost to large for even Shorty. She ponders that this was all once under the reign of the Diamonds who used to rule it under White.

She pondered where the matter to make the universe came from. Where the Diamonds came from. White could have made the other three but then why did White come from? Maybe they're something more cosmic in nature, stemming from the big bang?

One could ponder this for hours, days, months, years, decades, mellieum, and find no answers. Some say God. Some say there is no answer. Maybe there never be. Who can say?

She found herself thinking about Judgement. Is it any better? The Diamonds ruled by fear but...

As she looked up at the Gems bubbled to hide their plan she wonders if this differs at all from what the Diamonds did. It is a different reason to the same end. A different reason that ends in tyranny.

Something clicked in Shorty's mind. She grabs a bubbled Gem of an old friend. She pops it, and the blue Gem forms at her feet, crying from the horror that she saw just before she was poofed.

"What..." she demanded, "What... was that?"

Shorty sighed, "If I'm being honest Phoenix, I think it was a mistake... We need to talk..."

Steven arrived at the boardwalk to see his old friends. Lars, Sadie, Buck, Sourcream, and, to his surprise, Spinel.

"Oh there you are!" Spinel exclaimed happily hugging Steven.

"What's up guys?" Steven inquired hugging his sister back before sitting at the table across from Buck, who sits with a layed back attitude as he lazily bites into a slice of cheese pizza.

"Well I've got great news," Lars opened, in a bittersweet tone, "I got an acceptance letter for culinary school!"

"That's great!" Steven exclaimed, "But why do you sound kinda down?"

"Well it came late and I'm leaving tonight," Lars replied, "Buck is tagging along."

"What?" Steven inquired as a weird mix of emotions welled up in his chest, that bittersweet sense of being happy for someone while hating seeing them go, he is unsure how to reply.

Buck added, "Sorry for the short notice but given how I'm pseudo immortal, I wanna see more of the world, meet new people. So I'll be tagging along. Maybe I've found it hard to eat when I don't have to but got into criticizing food which gives me motive to eat and I've been considering food as an art form along with my music."

Steven felt this bittersweet feeling grow. "Good for you!" He added the bitter aspect started to near the forefront of his mind. "I'll visit when I can and hey, at least I got Sourcream, Spinel, and Sadie sticking around."

"Actually..." Spinel explained, "We're leaving too."

"I'm tagging along with Sourcream to persue music together," Sadie added, "And well..."

"Steven you are my brother," Spinel explained, "But I'm tagging along with Sadie. I wanna see more of Earth, of the planet we fought for. I'll be sure to visit but..."

Steven nodded in silent, saddened understand. He for a moment felt bitter, but understood this to be mislead, and focused on the aspect of being happy for them for seeking their own happiness. For growing and moving on.

Yet this was overshadowed by the sadness brought on by learning they're leaving so soon.

"So when do you leave?" Steven inquired.

"Tomorrow morning," Sadie replied, "But until then we were thinking we should all hangout one more time as, while we will be able to again in the future there's no telling when that will be."

Steven smiled, focusing on enjoying the evening rather than letting the bitter sweet feeling get him down, knowing while he would have to adress it now was not the time and he should instead make some memories, even if he begun to feel he was falling behind them as well as he didn't know what he wanted.

"Sure," Steven replied, getting up and looking towards the bumper car ride, "I got dibs on the red bumper car though!..."

"That's Judgement? That's what you really saw?" Shorty demanded back in the Zoo.

Phoenix nodded, "This is tyranny Shorty. You're better than this you and Skins can still walk away from this. If you bail now I can cover for you!"

"We didn't make a weapon to consume false Gods," Shorty sighed, "Did we?"

"No," Phoenix shook her head, "You made a Devil."

Shorty sighed and looked up at the bubbled Gems, just like the Rose Quartz Gems that were bubbled here before and nods in agreement grabbed Emerald's bubble, "We need to warn the Diamonds..."

Steven sat on the beach late that evening after spending time with his family. Spinel exited the house, "Well bro, I'm headed out. Will you be OK?"

Steven sighed, "I'll manage."

Spinel could sense the depression in his tone and asked, "What's bugging you bro?"

"What isn't?" Steven sighed, "Centipeedle's death, bipolar depression, trust issues, what isn't Spinel?"

"Well you can heal with time and therapy but it will take hard work," Spinel assured him.

"Yes but after that..." Steven asked, "What? What next? It's a dead end. I do wanna heal but what then? Just keep fixing stuff and fixing stuff until I burn out and die?"

"Steven have you heard the expression sharpen the saw?" Spinel inquired.

Steven looked at Spinel confused but she explained, "OK so let us clarify the baseline. We assume all living things are inheritly good and by extension the world naturally improves. On top of this we assume that everything we do permanently accelrates this. That close to your ideology?"

Steven nodded.

"Then you need to sharpen the saw," Spinel elaborated, "You can work and work and work. I'm not saying convert to hedonism, but there's a balance between personal happiness and accelerating this natrual progression Steven. If there's a God he would want you to be happy. If there isn't why not be happy? Either way, even if that doesn't appeal to you, you help more by just being a good person, by helping yourself you can help others. By sharpening the saw and seeking personal fulfillment, balancing these things. You do more. At this point working less would accomplish more. Steven, you need to ask, what do YOU want. Not what do you want for the world. What do YOU want for YOU?"

"I don't know I just... feel I'm behind the rest of you," Steven sighed.

"Many feel that way," Spinel replied, "No shame in not knowing yet some don't know for decades. Your family is just lucky. You're not behind. Everyone around you is genuinely just ahead."

Spinel hugged Steven, "I'm here for you bro, just, give me a ring if you need me. OK?"

Steven nodded. Spinel smiled and got up, "Well, I better go. Don't wanna hold up the others. Cya."

With that Spinel left. Steven sighed looking up at the stars and wondered.

What does HE want?

He glowed pink under the weight of this question, his teeth morphed into fangs as he took deep breaths to calm himself.

He muttered to himself, "What do YOU want Steven Beta Universe?..."