(Listen to You Are The Reason by: Calum Scott while you read this one. It's beautiful and so emotional and really adds a depth to this one shot.)

Shadows illuminated the bedroom like dark rain clouds, hanging over you with a weight that nearly brought your body crashing to the floor. Pain thumped furiously in the pit of your chest in place of your heartbeat, and yet, you couldn't feel a single thing. Your body numb to the agony and heartbreak that overtook you, leaving you floating through the bedroom on feet that were barely moving on their own. Your mind completely lost and disconnected from yourself, as something kept you standing as you bent over the side of the bed. The cream colored sheets laid crumpled from the last time you spent wrapped within them, entangled between soft cotton and the warm touch of another's flesh. His scent lingered on the pillow case that had since lost the imprint his head left, from the night he rested beside you. And the evidence of happiness remained in the room like it was the air that you breathed, stabbing your already bleeding heart with a knife. Twisting it as your soul still ached for the man that betrayed you. 

Your fingers shook as though lightening had shot straight through the roof and struck you right where your stood, as you stuffed random and strewn clothing into the duffel bag zipped open on top of the crumpled bedding. Your long locks fell into your line of vision as your head kept it's gaze downcast, towards the bag you shoved items into without any recognition or realization. You couldn't feel anything and yet your body still moved. Your eyes looked up as you turned to open the dresser drawer that was always deemed yours, but your movements faltered as your burning eyes fell upon the single photo frame propped up on top of the dark cherry wood dresser. It was small and encased in a sleek silver frame, and yet the photo that laid inside seemed to scream with the voice of a thousand pained souls. Shouting out to your heart that was coded in lidocaine to protect from the agonizing pain of it splitting in half. 

Lifting up the frame in your trembling hands, your eyes settled over the image of a happy couple. A woman so deeply in love with the man she looked up to, that you could see it shimmering back in her eyes. And the man she gazed up at, held her in his arms as though there was nothing in the world more important than the woman within them.

"I remember when we took that picture," His voice nearly made the frame come tumbling out from between your grasp, as the breath in your lungs was frightened out of existence. And timidly, as your heart slowly recovered, your eyes lifted. Cautiously, as though the moment they landed upon him, you would turn to solid stone. But you knew more likely, it was because when you looked at him... into his blue eyes that always seemed to swallow you whole... that you would crave to forget all of the hurt that kept your heart captive. "it was a happy day."

Finally, your tearful and scared eyes lifted all the way and collided with the heavy scrutiny of blue eyed gaze. It fell upon you like a ray of bright light; burning and intense and caused your temperature to rise. But within the deep gaze that made it hard to breathe, there was a calmness that attempted to soak straight into the crevices of yourself. Despite the fact that his eyes made your numb being still in it's place, unable to move as long as his gaze washed over you, it was crafted from the softest of intentions. For there was nothing callous or rough or even frightening about the look itself, if anything it nearly softened the pain and attempted to melt away the hurt. 

Steve Rogers stood with his right arm resting his weight against the doorframe, and although his loosely held posture was relaxed and calm, you could see in the rigidness of his muscles that tightened out the space between his shirt and dark leather jacket, and the deep running tendons beneath his tanned skin that told you he was holding himself back with caution. With trepidation that he shouldn't be here. Protecting himself perhaps, from the lashes he knew were coming from the pain he caused you. But he looked at you with concern swimming in his blues, and the love in his eyes wasn't lost on you. Even in the state of the tears that muddled your vision and the pain that constricted your chest, you could still pick up on every single emotion perceptible across his flawless complexion. 

"Why are you here?" 

You hated the way your voice betrayed you. For the sound of your strangled sob that you kept locked in a lump at the base of your throat sounded in the very essence of your voice, and the pain spoke louder than the whisper tone that passed through your lips. Allowing Steve the insight into just how much you were crumbling apart as he stood steady in the doorway. 

"Because I couldn't leave without seeing you..." He whispered truthfully, and your hand flicked away an itching trail of tears across your cheek. "without talking to you and explaining everything."

"Because I couldn't just leave without telling you goodbye."

And with the break in his own voice, came the sob that you had kept concealed inside of yourself, finally breaking the lock and bursting through the cage. The tears that you wiped away one droplet at a time, could no longer be erased as they fell like a broken faucet down your face. And the numbing sensation that had been saving your body from feeling the extent of your pain... disappeared without so much as a warning. For you sagged against the mattress as a sob escaped your trembling body. Your gut retching cries echoing around you inside of the four walls that used to bring you such serenity and clarity. Everything inside of yourself broke... and the only person who could fully piece you back together was the single person who caused the crack in the first place. 

"I never meant to hurt you," His voice was close to you now, as you felt his warm breath fan across your skin. And you hadn't realized he had ventured into the bedroom and stood beside you now, the cries racking your body overtaking all of your other senses and surroundings. "that's always been the very last thing I've ever wanted to do."

He hovered above you like a cloud covering up the sun, but you didn't feel cold standing in the shadow of his presence. It was confusing, the toll his actions took on your weary heart and then the comfort and love he portrayed as you were grieving, still able to calm you in a way only Steve had been able to. You were torn between the pain of the truth that hung between the two of you like the densest void, and the love that beat right along side that pain in your heart. 

"I never meant to keep something from you, that would only end up hurting you worse in the end." Steve spoke up softly as the intensity of your cries decreased. You could hear your heart beating furiously in your ears and could hear the sound of his anxious breaths near you. "I should've told you about your parents. I know that now. I should've told you the second I found out... I just... I couldn't bring myself to do it."

"You kept the truth from me Steve," You breathed out into the small space between the two of you, as your eyes looked down at the carpet beneath your feet. But you could feel Steve's warm gaze not far away as it looked down upon you. "you kept it from Tony. And... after knowing what went down all those years ago, you still go after him. You save him. You choose him."

"I--"

Your gaze snapped upward as you stared up at Steve Rogers through tearful bloodshot eyes. "You know what he did, to Tony and I, to my family, and still you protect him. You defend him!" 

Steve shuts his eyes as his head turns to the side, as though he can't withstand the pain and the betrayal reflecting in the tears on your eyes. "He needs me." Is all he whispers under his breath as his eyes are casted away from your grieving gaze, and it causes one more sob to rise in your throat.

"And what about me?"

Steve's eyes open slowly and turn back to look your way. The blue shining deeper and brighter than before as they look to you with a semblance of regret and sincere pain and raw tears of their own. They resemble the deepest shadows of the ocean, as much as you feel yourself being pulled into the crashing waves, you strive to keep your head above the water. 

You could see the loss for words far before you could hear them. For they shone in the depths of his eyes, the lack of an answer for your pain. A lack of an excuse or even a semblance of an explanation. You knew Steve was effected by the pain that you felt in this moment, for he has a way of taking any pain or grief or sadness and putting it upon himself. As though he wanted to be the one to carry all of your burden, on his stronger shoulders, for you. But even as the sight of pain and loss in his eyes, made your heart feel as though he was ripping it out of your chest with his bare hands, it wasn't enough to fill in the painful truth that you knew was waiting in the darkest part of your brain.

Turning your head away from Steve's direction, breaking off the eye contact that was both hindering your breathing and keeping you taking in oxygen all at the same time, your fingers quickly zipped up the duffel bag on the bed beside you. And just as you began to shrug the strap over your arm, his hand fell upon your wrist swiftly and gently but burning against your sensitized skin in that moment. A part of yourself wanted nothing more than to melt into the burn of his touch, the familiarity pulling at the heartstrings remaining inside of you, and then as you thought of your mother... your father... your brother who sat grieving alone at the compound... somehow you found the strength to pull out of his grasp. 

"I know," You cleared your voice faintly, before looking up at Steve one last time. And you could see the way he looked at you now, after pulling the strap over your shoulder and stepping away from him. Hurt. Realization of just how deeply his actions had cut you. "I know that he's important to you. I know that I don't know just how important he really is to you. But I know that Tony was important to you at one point or another too."

"And I like to think," Pursing your lips together as a way to push the new wave of tears right back down. "I like to think that I was important to you at some time too."

"You are and you know that." Steve whispered as you gazed up through your lashes at a man who wore his internal confliction across his face. 

"But you chose him over us Steve," You whispered as a single tear slipped out and slid down your cheek. "You chose him over me."

Steve Rogers opened his mouth to say something, anything to get you to understand. But he came up empty. For he realized that he would chose Bucky, he would always save him in the end. Protect him till he couldn't any longer. Even if he had to live this moment over and over again for the rest of his life, he knew that the outcome would still stay the same. 

Wrapping your arms around yourself as protection from the wave of unthinkable pain about to come your way, you walked past Steve Rogers. Your shoulder accidently brushing his arm on the way around him, and the single shot of his warmth rang through you. Making the part of yourself that wanted to walk away from the man you loved shrink. But with all of the strength and courage you could muster up, you walked through the bedroom doorway without as much as a glance back at him. 

And so, Steve Rogers watched you leave. He watched you slip through his fingers, because maybe, he had no right to hold you in the first place. 

A/N: That last line gets me emotional every time! I've had this idea for a while now, and finally decided to sit down and run with it. I knew I wanted something angsty and I feel I've accomplished that with this one! I also wanted something that explored the opposite of Steve's side/opinion  when it comes to Bucky. I wanted something that showed the betrayal and hurt that Steve's commitment and protection of Bucky might cause someone who loves him but also suffered at the hands of The Winter Soldiers actions. (even if it wasn't truly his fault) I'm also very happy with the title, because I believe in different ways, both characters are struggling with the fact that their hearts are being torn two different ways. For each other. And then for the other person they care about. I hope that you all liked this one!❤