I managed to escape from the women's grasp as they cackled like wicked hyenas, branding me a terrible mother. Amidst the anxiety attack that was surging forward, my legs took control and hurried me out the back door. As I slipped out of the palace, I wondered how no one had heard the women shouting, yet there were no sounds of footsteps behind me.

'Why would Jimin follow you? He wasn't there—he was in another room. Plus, as they said, you're ugly, fat, a bad mother...'

The compelling force that propelled me as I ran was the urgent need to escape the two women before they became even more dangerous. I operated purely on survival instincts. Every fibre of my being vehemently warned me that I must never let them discover that my bump was not genuine, no matter what. My mind and body were in sync, both fiercely protective of the secret I harboured. As much as their words killed me to hear, what would have hurt more was if they had done something to me and the truth had come out.

'The truth? The only truth here is that you can't even do the one thing a woman should do. You're a disgrace... am abomination...'

The more I ran, the more effectively I kept the anxiety attack at bay. Each step helped in silencing the inner voices of hatred, condemnation, and anger. All I could hear was the wild thumping of my heart, the heavy breaths filling my lungs to ward off the looming lactic acid burn, and the rhythmic slapping of my boots against the ground.

'You can run but you can't hide...'

I had no idea where I was—my vision became cloudy from the tears that refused to stop. It was as if my eyes were running as hard and fast as my legs were. The verbal assault I endured today was not the most distressing event. Rather, it was realising that two of my 'friends' viewed me as nothing more than a repulsive person and a dreadful mother. I felt utterly betrayed, especially because I had considered them both as good people.

I might have been able to get away from them, but I was feeling shattered beyond repair. I'd barely survived the last verbal attack on me at the New Year's Eve party, and this one today was much, much worse. The two women today had gone for the kill.

Out of all the verbal ammunition they could have used on me, they'd utilised what hurt most. For many years, I managed to deflect questions of when I was going to have children. Each time a person asked me that, it was like another blow to my very fragile armour.

Each year, I hid away on Mother's Day. It was too painful to see mothers living the life I wanted. I distanced myself from friends who had children. I had dealt with severe depression, which only got worse with each relationship that broke down because of my infertility. For years, I was resentful, jealous, insecure and cynical. It was only when Aiden and Christof adopted Caleb three years ago that I was able to break from that negative mindset.

'Aww, poor little Nell... Betrayed by more people. Don't worry though, we won't leave you... We're a part of you, don't you remember? We're your innermost thoughts your fears, your desiderium personified.'

"Shut up!" I warned the voices in my head as my feet came to a stop. I tried not to engage with the inner saboteur since that gave it more power, but I was getting sick of its commentary.

I didn't know how long I had been running, but I found myself in front of a large pond. My feet decided to stop in their tracks, though they had forgotten to tell the rest of my body. Without warning, I found myself lurching forward from the built-up momentum. A groan was forced out as I fell onto the ground; I was thankful that the grass was spongy enough to pad my landing a little. I didn't need my body, mind and soul battered and bruised today—two were enough.

I found solace in the numbness that enveloped me as I lay beside the pond. Despite the gentle sounds from the water feature at its centre, I felt nothing—not the rapid pounding of my heart, not the sting of humiliation I had suffered, nor the crushing of my soul from the betrayal of two individuals I had considered friends. It was as if a vacuum had extracted all my emotions, a likely result of adrenaline-induced self-preservation. I was certain that once the adrenaline subsided, the onslaught of feelings would return.

I should have been trying to pull myself out of the dark numbness. Yet, the void where nothing else existed proved far more alluring than the relentless overstimulation from... everything. I tried to shut down non-important systems so I could limit what I was stimulated by. My eyes glazed over, focusing solely on the blades of grass before me. My breathing and heart rate slowed down to a more manageable pace. My ears, though, were like meerkats—attuned to every slight sound in my surroundings.

Birds calling each other had me jumping in fright.

I recoiled as a particularly strong gust of wind caused the branches of nearby trees to collide with each other.

I shuddered in fear as the splash from something leaping into the pond interrupted the gentle bubbling of water flowing from the fountain.

When a distant sound of voices could be heard, I pulled my arms closer around me and shook uncontrollably.

My body tensed and cowered further as the indistinct sounds grew louder, seemingly heading straight towards me. My worst nightmare was that those two women were coming to finish me off. I tried to speak, to tell them to leave me alone and that I was broken enough. All that came from me, however, were whimpers and pitiful mumbles in a soft and incoherent voice.

I almost jumped out of my skin when I felt something soft and warm touch my shoulder. A strangled cry of frustration forced its way out of my throat as I was brutally pulled out of my safe void by the voice. My brain was working too hard overtime for me to register it was the voice I loved most in the world. Instead of leaning in towards the familiar touch from Jimin, I withdrew. I pulled myself into a seated position, one where I was curled in on myself to protect my heart... and baby bump. I didn't know who the other person who had come with Jimin was; there was no way I was going to let anyone touch me.

"Baby? Hey, it's just me and Seokjin." Even the soft sound of Jimin's voice had me trembling with a quivering chin. It hurt to know this reaction was not from my usual feelings of desire and arousal.

I could hear Jimin's worry intermingled with his love. Instead of responding, I simply stared blankly at the grass before me as the swirling tendrils of the abyss of negativity tried to grasp hold of me. My hands shook as they tightened their clutches on my bent knees. Once more, a gentle hand was softly placed against my back, attempting to steer me towards the light. Yet, my body was so sensitive and overstimulated that I recoiled from the affectionate touch as though it had burnt me.

"Please, leave me alone. I didn't know," I pleaded. "I'm sorry. I promise that I didn't know."

I had already been betrayed today by two people I hadn't expected to stab me in the back, so I was cautious now of everyone. That included my boyfriend and Seokjin, the other Seed Bearer I was closest to. I was so damaged by what happened that I didn't think I'd ever be able to be put back together again.

My body instantly returned to that perpetual seesaw between fight or flight reactions that I'd been on earlier, and it didn't know which way to go. Thoughts of 'Should I run away and protect myself' mingled with 'What would Esther or Yoongi do?'. I was confused and had no idea what to do.

It appeared that my fight response was triggered when I became aware that the hand lingered on my shoulder excessively. My instincts interpreted this gesture as an attempt to immobilize me for further potential harm, given the traumatic experiences I had endured earlier in the day.

I angrily pushed myself to my feet and turned towards the threat. I was vaguely aware of the two people standing in front of me; in the state that I was in, I had no idea whether they were friend... or foe. Taking in a deep breath, I did the only thing I could—I screamed until I was either heard or my lungs gave out.

"Leave! Leave me alone! I already told you I didn't know! Why the fuck won't you listen?! I didn't know that the pancakes could cause a fucking miscarriage! I'm sorry that I was assigned to Jimin! I'm sorry I'm already a terrible mother! I'm sorry I'm fat and ugly. I'm sorry I'm toxic and grotesque and evil. I'm sorry that I'm even here." By the end of my screaming tirade, I was whispering the words the two women had etched so deeply within me.

Luck was on my side for something. Even amid my outburst, I was cognisant enough to avoid revealing my secrets. I took in heaving breaths, trying to calm my racing heart when arms wrapped around my middle and pulled me into a warm body. I struggled to escape the grasp of whoever was holding me, but with my arms pinned at my sides, my efforts were in vain.

It took me a few moments to realize that, instead of the toned planes of a male torso or the slender figures of the women who had cornered me in the bathroom, I felt the distinct pressure of a very pregnant belly against my back. The smell of Soon-Bok's perfume filled my nose and for the first time since the middle of lunch, I felt safe. Overwhelmed, I found myself crying while being embraced by my best friend.

"We should take her inside," I heard Soon-Bok say to the two Seed Bearers. I trembled like a leaf trying to cling to a tree in the middle of a cyclone at the thought of being anywhere near the two women who had ganged up on me. "Shhh, you're okay, Nell. You want to go home?"

I nodded and sniffled out a weak 'Yes please'. Walking to the stables with Jimin on one side and Soon-Bok on the other, I kept my head down the entire journey. It was partly a defence mechanism to hide from the world, and partly because I didn't want Jimin to read my thoughts through my eyes; he had a knack for discerning my feelings, and I didn't want him to witness the self-loathing thoughts that had invaded my mind.

On the journey back to the cottage, I clung to Jimin tightly; my head was nestled against his chest while I cried. It felt as though my body, heart, mind, and soul were on the front lines of a war fought solely against me, and I was at a loss to understand how I had managed to withstand the barrage I had faced. Jimin's soothing voice helped me calm down as he spoke to me the whole trip. He didn't ask me any questions, which I was grateful for. Rather, his voice served as a life preserver amid the tumultuous sea of other terrifying voices that stormed through my mind. He kept up a steady stream of commentary, describing the sights from the carriage windows, his aspirations for our children as they grew, and various other musings. Jimin expressed every thought that came to mind.

Because of what I'd been told by the two women, I had expected Jimin to not want anything to do with me. They told me that I was inferior to him in every aspect, from my weight and ethnicity to not being worthy enough for assignment to him. Throughout our journey home, Jimin didn't once complain about my mood, remark that I was too heavy as I practically sat on him, or mention that I was being a nuisance. My boyfriend held me like I was made from the most fragile glass that he needed to protect with his entire being.

"We're here, Baby," Jimin murmured into my ear as the carriage finally began to slow down. "It's okay, Nell, we're home. You don't need to shake. You're safe now, Sweetheart."

I hadn't noticed my body trembling, as it had been that way throughout the ride home. However, once Jimin pointed it out, I became acutely aware of my hands shaking as if amid tremors, and my heart rate had escalated to the point where, had I been connected to a monitor, it would likely be sounding alarms.

"Let's go inside and see Esther, yeah?"

I nodded in answer to Jimin's question, accepting his help to step down from the carriage. As soon as my feet hit the ground outside the cottage, the distinctive sound of another carriage arriving reached my ears. The fluttering flags in the wind made it clear whose carriage it was. I exchanged a terrified glance with Jimin, though my fear stemmed from an entirely different reason now, and I could see that he shared my alarm.

Seokjin stepped out of the carriage and assisted Soon-Bok down. My mind, scrambled by the day's events, failed to conjure a plan to prevent our friends from entering the cottage where my sister currently was. It appeared Jimin was equally bewildered—the only sound that came from him was garbled gibberish.

As I silently conversed with Jimin, attempting to devise a plan to keep Esther from our guests, the sound of the front door opening abruptly drew my attention. It seemed as though time had decelerated when I saw Soon-Bok dash into the cottage, chanting about her urgent need for the bathroom.

"Fuck," Jimin whispered under his breath so only I could hear.

'Double fuck,' I thought as Seokjin swept me up into his arms and proceeded to carry me inside the front door. Rather than turning right as his girlfriend had to locate the bathroom, the silver-haired Seed Bearer continued into the living area, where Eomma Park and Esther were absorbed in a card game.

I felt Seokjin's footsteps still as if he had waded into a vat of sticky glue. He gently set me down seconds before his loud masculine scream echoed. This confirmed my suspicion that the universe was indeed against me today. The thought of fleeing crossed my mind, but abandoning my pregnant twin was out of the question. Unbeknownst to me, Jimin had hurried into the cottage behind Seokjin and me. He pulled me into his side, and together we stood shielding my sister from view.

"J-Jimin? Ne- Elenor? What is the meaning of this?" Seokjin asked, pointing towards Esther.

The expression on his face showed a blend of fear and shock. It mirrored the emotions Jin displayed when the other members of BTS surprised him for his birthday with a woman in his hotel room. I was conflicted, not wanting to witness the scene unfolding before me—a scene from my worst nightmares—yet unable to turn away, in case I needed to defend my sister.

"Seokjinnie, why are you screaming? Did you see a spider again?" Soon-Bok called out, her voice echoing down the hallway. Moments later, my friend came into the room and proceeded to stop in her tracks. From where she had come, Soon-Bok had a clear view of my twin seated beside Jimin's mother.

I squeezed Jimin's hand as the marching band inside my heart started up their next performance. The sound of blood pumping in my veins was deafening as the walls began to close around me. I struggled to catch my breath. It felt like when Soon-Bok had come into the room, all the oxygen had disappeared. The silicone bump morphed into a large stone of dread; overwhelmed by this and the inability to draw breath, I crumpled to the ground in a heap.

The anxiety attack I had previously managed to fend off had come back. This time, though, it had brought its friend, panic attack, along for the ride. I succumbed to the dizziness and shortness of breath as my vision faded to black.