Day 244

"...And how many guards are you taking with you?" I added to the long spiel of questions I was asking Jimin as he was getting dressed. I hadn't been able to shake off the fear that lingered from the disastrous New Year's Eve party two months ago. A strange man threatening my life was scarier than the potential threat against my life as an assigned female who couldn't bear children.

I wish I could say that the anxiety attack I had at the party was a lone occurrence. Any time Esther, Jimin or I left the safety of the palace's grounds, uncontrollable panic rose within me. I became vigilant and cautious. I knew it wasn't rational for me to be scared of leaving the house, yet I was.

Since that man confronted Seonghwa and me, I've felt a conflict within myself anytime a stranger approaches me. Logically, I knew we would be safe because Jimin had enlisted more guards to be on our security detail. Yet, my body still recalled the physical trauma from the anxiety attack I experienced that night.

"Hey, it's gonna be okay, Baby." Jimin hopped over to me on one leg while he was halfway through putting on his pants. He pulled me into his chest and hugged me as if he was trying to mend the pieces of me that had fractured off that terrifying night. "I promise you that nothing will happen to Esther and the baby. I've got all four guards coming with us to the hospital, as well as my mother in case I get called away to do paperwork."

I nodded. The sound of the slow, rhythmic beating of his heart under my ear and the smell of his cologne invading my nostrils helped calm me down. When my brain spiralled like this, only real things could pull me out of the darkness. The feeling of arms around me, scents I found comfort in, the taste of Jimin's lips, hearing the soft voices of those I trusted, and seeing that I was safe.

"We're going for the check-up, and I promise that we'll then come straight back home to you, Sweetheart. Can you believe we're already at the three-month mark?"

I could tell Jimin was trying to distract me by getting me to focus on something else. I loved him even more for that... If that was even possible.

His question got me thinking about how this pregnancy was unlike any modern one in my old universe. By this time, we would have obtained sonogram images, listened to our baby's heartbeat, and observed the fetus's movements during the scans. None of these events have occurred because those technologies don't exist here. The most advanced tests that doctors in this universe could perform to ensure the baby's well-being involved using stethoscopes and more rudimentary forms of Doppler monitors to listen to the heartbeat. They also conducted blood tests to confirm the mother's health was not compromised.

This was also why my anxiety had risen. There was no way for us to see the baby, check its growth rate or know if there was anything wrong. It felt like everything was reactive rather than proactive here, and I hated it. I felt useless.

"It's gonna be time soon for me to pull out those fake bumps soon," I mused out loud.

A look passed through Jimin's eyes. I wasn't sure what to make of it until he whispered in my ear, "I hope you know that I will be fucking you when you're wearing those."

"Have we unlocked another kink for you, Bubba?"

"Fuck. Can you blame me, My Love? You'd look so fucking delicious bouncing on my cock while looking like you've got my baby in your belly."

My hands found their way into his boxers and as I began to stroke his hardening dick, a loud knock rapped across our bedroom door. Time was up. My anxiety was scarcely kept in check as I watched Jimin throw on his clothes. When he kissed me goodbye, I wanted to clutch him close to me so he wouldn't leave.

"Sweetheart, I have to go and make sure our baby is as perfect as its mother."

I nodded, reluctantly letting him go after a quick kiss. Even though Esther was the biological mother of the baby, none of us saw it that way. I served as the mother in every meaningful way; I simply couldn't conceive or bear Jimin's child.

Hand in hand, my boyfriend and I strolled to the front door, savouring each moment of our togetherness. As we reached our destination, Jimin leaned in and pressed his lips against mine in a soft, lingering kiss.

"We'll be back soon, My Love," he murmured, cupping my cheeks in his hands as he looked into my eyes. "Everything will be okay, I promise. I love you."

꧁♥💜♥꧂

The worst thing about living in a world where there were no cars was that 'soon' did not mean in a short amount of time. Here, 'soon' meant many hours. Back home, the doctor's appointment and trip home might have taken about an hour or two, I'd been waiting for a good six hours already. Since they left, my nerves have been on edge. I found myself glancing at the clock frequently, sometimes several times within a 10-minute window.

I kept myself productive while they'd been gone. If I hadn't, I would have been rocking myself back and forth in the corner with negative thoughts flowing through my mind of all the different ways things could go wrong. I'd cleaned the entirety of the cottage until not a single speck of dust was in sight. The kitchen bench was laden with biscuits, homemade bread, and stewed fruit that Esther had started craving. Plus, I had a pot roast cooking.

As I started my second drawing, I thought how it was times like this that I wished we could tell others about our big secret. Neither Jimin nor I felt like we could truly trust anyone. As much as I felt guilty that we couldn't tell Soon-Bok, Seokjin, Yoongi and Ari, neither Jimin nor I could say for sure that we knew they wouldn't tell a soul. We were lucky to have Eomma Park as our confidant. If she didn't believe us, it could have spelt the end for Esther and me.

The sound of the front door opening was like the sweetest music to my ears. Watching my boyfriend guide my sister into the cottage caused the barriers holding back my anxiety to collapse.

Jimin rushed to my side, soothing me as I cried in his arms while Esther went to investigate what I had made. "It's okay, Sweetheart," he cooed, rubbing my shoulders as I wept into his chest.

"You may want to save some tears, Squish," Esther mumbled around a mouthful of food. "I think you'll need them when we tell you the news."

My mind immediately envisioned every dire outcome. "What's wrong with the baby? Please don't tell me it was all a false pregnancy or that we've lost it."

Jimin giggled at my words as they came out high-pitched and distorted from my snotty tears. "Nothing, My Love. There's absolutely nothing wrong with the babies."

"You bloody mole," I said in full pout as I glared at my sister for causing me undue worry. For the first time in hours, I felt calm. Jimin and Esther were back, nothing had happened to them, and I was so relieved to hear everything was okay.

"Takes one to know one," Esther teased, poking her tongue out at me. "These are so good and are hitting the spot. The babies had been craving stewed apples something shocking."

"That's good, I'm glad their cravings have been satisfied." My attention was not on the conversation; rather, it was drawn to the gentle thumping of a heartbeat against my ear as Jimin shifted me to sit between his legs. I sank into him, relishing in his body warmth I'd missed while he'd been gone. If I was a cat, I would be purring as loud as a freight train.

"Yeah, the doctor says they're doing well, Squish."

"Sorry, I missed all of that. What did the doctor say?" I gave my full attention to Esther as she filled me in on what they'd told me. "Wait... Did you say 'they'? As in more than one? As in multiple babies?"

The rumbling of Jimin's giggles sent tickling shock waves through my back. Esther beamed at the two of us looking all loved up from the news. "Took you long enough to catch on, Squish. Though, you're taking the news a hell of a lot better than that one there," she giggled, poking her tongue out at Jimin. "I thought he must've had a stroke or something with how shocked he was with the news."

I gently stroked Jimin's leg as I asked him if he was okay now. He nodded. "It's going to take me a bit to comprehend that there is more than one baby in Esther's womb. I promise you, though, I am beyond happy."

The two people I held most dear conveyed every detail of the doctor's appointment to me. When Jimin had said all three of the heartbeats were strong and healthy, I freaked out thinking we were having triplets. Esther almost wet herself with how much she was laughing as she said that one of those was her heart beating. Both of them confirmed that there were only two babies in her belly. As wonderful as it was to hear the babies were doing well, it made me sad that I would miss out on this part of the pregnancy. There could only be one of me there; having both Esther and me at the hospital would raise red flags.

"Twins. We should have seen that coming since both sides of our family carry the gene," I mused.

Jimin dropped his head onto my shoulder as he pulled me tighter into his chest. "More than one baby is something that has never happened here. It's part of the reason why I freaked out in the hospital, and also why the doctor needed to triple check what he was hearing was correct. Never in the history of Seed Bearers has a foreigner been an assigned female. And not once have there been multiple babies born at the same time from the same mother."

It was strange to hear that they didn't have multiple births here. Saying that, though, I had seen a lot of strange things in this universe.

"When do we get to know the genders?" I asked. "Did the doctors give any inclination as to when that might be?"

Esther looked towards Jimin. "Sweetheart, why would we ever be allowed to find out?" he asked as if it was the preposterous idea of knowing a gender. "I mean, think of it this way... How many female babies would be killed because the parents don't want their child to be taken away from them when she's born? That would be cruel, not to mention illegal."

I had to admit, it did make sense. It looked like we were doing things old school. We'd have to wait until the births to find out what we were having. I hated the thought of the next six months wondering if I would get to hold my children as they grew up. Or would they be given to another family to love as their own because of their gender or hair colour?

'Babies, please. Please be little boys with hair like your father.'

⊱ ───ஓ๑💜๑ஓ ─── ⊰

Day 245

"You can do this," I assured Esther. For the past few minutes, I'd been massaging her clenched and trembling hands as we sat in the lounge room. "You have impersonated me at the hospital several times. And none of the rest of the Park family have picked up that it hasn't been me the last few times. You will be fine, Bubbles. Jimin will be there with you the whole time."

"It's not meeting the other Seed Bearers that I am worried about," she admitted. I could tell she was nervous. Her knee kept bouncing like it was dancing to the beat of a fast-paced song that only she could hear. "I'm worried I'll accidentally let slip the secret that two babies are growing inside me, not just one. I also don't like leaving you alone again since yesterday you were here while Jimin and I were out."

After the incident that occurred on New Year's Eve, Jimin decided that it would be best for us not to go to the New Year's Day celebrations. We both felt it was important to prioritise our well-being and safety by staying home. Because of the change in plans, Esther had not met the other Seed Bearers or their females yet. She was set to meet them today at the joint birthday celebration for Hoseok and Yoongi.

As much as my sister tried to deny it, I knew she was nervous about meeting the others. At the upcoming party, she faced a unique challenge. Not only did Esther need to maintain the facade that she was me, but she also had to conceal the exciting news that we were expecting twins. Revealing this secret could lead to serious repercussions. None of us wanted to deal with any negative consequences that might arise from the revelation.

"You'll be fine, Bubbles. If it makes it easier for you, put yesterday's check-up and everything we learned out of your mind. Only focus on three things..." I lifted my hand and began counting off fingers as I said, "You are me. Pretend you are in love with my Jiminie. And you are carrying his baby inside you. Everything else will be okay."

"But what if I forget something I should know?"

I giggled at the cute look that came over Jimin's face as he came into the room. He was always so confused whenever Esther and I would speak English together. Seeing he was here now too, I switched languages so he could understand. "That's the easy part. Blame it on pregnancy brain," I replied with a giggle. "I mean, it is true since you are starting to forget things. Besides, everything went well with ATEEZ when they were here. I was especially proud of you for not fangirling over Wooyoung since he is your ultimate bias."

"And if you feel out of your depth, just make up an excuse about your morning sickness and we can come back here," Jimin said. I smiled as I watched him walk over and give Esther a side hug. "We're a team—all three of us. I won't leave you alone if you don't want me to. It won't look suspicious either since everyone knows how close Nell and I are. Besides, Da-Eun was very clingy during her first trimester. She didn't want to be away from Jungkook."

"Okay, I think I can do this," Esther said, more to psych herself into it. "I can pretend that this is a single baby inside me and not a BOGO one."

I saw Jimin mouth 'BOGO' in confusion of the meaning before he shrugged his shoulders. He was used to the quirks Esther and I had together. He no longer felt the need to question them half of the time.

"One question though," she said, starting to rise from the armchair. "It won't look strange if I don't kiss Jimin, will it? Because I love you, Jimin, but there is no way I am kissing a man I see as my third brother."

It touched my heart to know that Esther held my boyfriend in the same esteem as our brother and his husband. She and Jimin had a tight relationship that was more like siblings than friends. Despite being younger than her, Jimin treated Esther as if she was his younger sister.

I shook my head as Jimin answered for the both of us, "No, it won't seem strange. Nell and I have been toning down our PDAs... as you put it. We knew there would be times when it would be you pretending to be her. As much as I love you for what you're doing for us, Esther, I see you as my sister. Plus, if someone says anything—which I don't think they will do—then blame it on morning sickness... You can say I make you sick or something."

Esther let out an evil laugh, saying, "Don't give me ideas. It's okay, I wouldn't say anything to embarrass you... You do that enough all by yourself by falling off level chairs."

୧‿︵‿๑︵‿୨💜୧‿︵‿୨💜୧‿︵๑‿︵‿୨

Unlike yesterday, today I was not left alone with my anxiety while everyone else was out. Shortly after Esther and Jimin had left for Hoseok's place, Eomma Park came over to the cottage to keep me company and to teach me how to cook Korean dishes. My cooking skills had improved since I'd come back here. While I was a capable cook back home, I struggled to make Korean food—it didn't come naturally to me. Despite having a full-time chef working in the palace's kitchen, Jimin's mother was a very skilled cook and I found it easy to learn from her. She particularly loved it when we would each teach the other how to cook something different.

Today, she was teaching me how to make Jimin's favourite dish: kimchi-jjigae. In true Eomma Park style, she wasn't just satisfied with showing me how to throw all the ingredients together into a pot. I was shocked to find out we were making kimchi (both fresh and some to ferment) and silken tofu to use in the stew. She was also going to teach me to make homemade gochujang and doenjang, which I could use to cook with once they were fermented.

For my part, I decided to go international with the dessert that I would show her how to make. Because the Parks, Esther and I all loved coffee—as well as the fact that tomorrow marked the first day of spring—I felt like we all needed a bit of a pick me up. And what better than Tiramisu, the dessert that is literally called 'pick me up'?

While I was grinding up the soybeans that I had soaked overnight to make soy milk, I was walking Eomma Park through the recipe for making ladyfinger biscuits. It was the first time she had used a double boiler to heat water and eggs—something she said felt 'very unnatural'. I assured her that this was the easy part; it was a similar process to heating eggs when making sponge cakes. It was necessary to dissolve the sugar and also to coagulate the egg whites, which would result in achieving a higher volume that was more stable. Back at home, I'd use my stand mixer to whisk the heated eggs until they had fluffed up 2½ times. But, since there were no electric whisks in this universe, Eomma Park's arms were about to get the workout of their life.

After several passes of the beans through the grinder, I had achieved a smooth puree. Well, it was as smooth as I would get it with the manual equipment I was using. I could hear Jimin's mother huffing and puffing as she used the crank whisk. The sound reminded me of my culinary school days when I had to make everything by hand before I was allowed to use a stand mixer.

I added in the water that she had measured out for me, stirring it into the puree and making sure to scrape the bowl well. It brought back memories of Nana Betty's special bean dip. Despite her efforts, my siblings and I couldn't appreciate the flavour and texture of the dip she loved so much.

"You do this all the time?" Eomma Park asked, her frustration and fatigue not hidden at all. Looking into the big bowl, I saw that the egg mixture was not whipped enough yet.

"No, I had special machines that would whisk things up for me," I answered whilst grabbing a large pot from the overhead rack. "But when I went to school to learn how to bake, I would have to make everything by hand first before I was allowed to use the good stuff."

"I still can't wrap my head around how different your universe sounds to this one. It sounds so exciting, vibrant and free," she mused, and I nodded in agreement. "Why did you decide to come back here? Not that I'm not thrilled you did because I love you and your sister like my own family."

I poured the soybean puree mixture into the pot, adding in the extra water. After I had turned on the heat to medium-high, I started to stir the mixture with a spatula.

"Your son. I came back here because I couldn't see a life without my Jiminie in it," I proclaimed with a smile. "Sure, I had a life back there that would have been good, one with a career I loved. But I love your son more. He's my present, my future, my everything." I could see tears forming in her eyes as she took in my admission. "Don't start crying on me now, Eomma. You're almost done and if those eggs deflate, you have to start all over again."

She laughed at my playful teasing and stated that she wasn't crying from me but from her sore arms. I asked her to bring the bowl over to me to check her progress. I giggled at the relieved sigh from the older woman when I told her to proceed to the next step.

"Just like you've been doing, you need to whisk one teaspoon of the vanilla into the egg whites," I instructed, pointing to the jar of extract. Vanilla bean extract wasn't something they had in the Greater Kingdom of Korea—well, they did have vanilla, but it was very poor quality. So, in the duffle bag, I had packed the jar of vanilla beans that I had been soaking in alcohol for the past six years. Since my extract was carefully crafted and rich in flavour, I didn't need to include any extra beans. Instead, I would only add more alcohol to the jar when it was running low, ensuring that the infusion remained strong and aromatic.

As I made sure to continually stir the soybean mixture so that it didn't scald, I instructed Eomma Park on how to fold through the flour. She had put in the hard work of whisking the egg whites, so it would be a shame if she accidentally deflated all the air when mixing the flour through.

"The easiest way to fold in the flour is to sprinkle it over the top of the eggs with a light hand until all of it is added." I watched as she followed my instructions perfectly. "Now, grab that spatula there and insert it along the side of the bowl. Yes, like that. Now, with a gentle sweeping motion, follow the curve of the bowl until you reach about halfway... Yep, that's right. And carefully, you're going to flip the mixture over on top of itself. Not quite like that. Do you want me to show you?"

Eomma Park nodded as she looked into the pot and told me that my soymilk mixture was ready. I turned off the heat, moved the pot and came to stand in front of her bowl. As I demonstrated to her the motion of folding, I talked her through it and why we needed to do it like this. After a couple of demonstrations, she said she felt confident to give it another try. I watched her and saw that she had followed my movements perfectly.

"Now, you'll do this until you can't see any flour left. But as soon as the last of the dry spots have gone, you need to stop. Otherwise, it will be overmixed and will turn into a dense, cakey mess."

"How do you have the patience to do this?" she queried as if I was the strange one for enjoying methodical and boring tasks like this. "It seems like so much work for little reward."

"Just wait until it's all done and then we'll see if there's little reward," I told her as I began pouring the hot soybean mixture into the prepared strainer. "Now this, this I would hate to do all the time. Why didn't we use premade soy milk? Surely, it's easier."

"Easier, yes. Tastier, no."

I smirked, holding back the urge to tease Eomma Park. The reasons why she made her soymilk from scratch were the same ones why I preferred baking the ladyfingers.

꧁♥💜♥꧂

"Oh my god, smells incredible, Squish!" Esther's happy groan filled the air as soon as she and Jimin returned to the cottage in time for dinner.

"Smells almost as good as you do when your juices are all over my face, Baby," Jimin whispered into my ear as he pressed his chest along my back in a tight hug. He chuckled at the way my body trembled in his embrace. "You like the sound of that, don't you? Pity we don't have time for me to have dessert first."

The sound of fake vomiting sounds pulled me out of the bubble Jimin and I had been in. "Don't you think you two can tone down the sex talk until I'm out of earshot?"

It wasn't like Esther to be snarky like this. I pressed a kiss to Jimin's puffy cheek and asked him if he could bring the food to the table. I guided my sister to her usual chair at the dining table and once she'd sat down, I started to rub her shoulders.

"What's wrong, Bubbles? I would have thought you'd be on cloud nine after hanging out with your bias and the rest of BTS."

A large sigh left Esther's lips and I stiffened at the sound. "It went well... mostly."

"My Love, your sister is being too hard on herself," Jimin said softly as he placed the large pot of steaming kimchi stew on the heat-proof block. "I guarantee that no one noticed, Esther."

"Noticed what?" I asked, gently trying to coax the answer from my sister.

"I stumbled a couple of times," she replied, turning her head to look at me. I could see shame, disappointment and anger in her eyes—all of which were pointed at herself. "I forgot some of the details you had told me. You know, which women were assigned to which men. I can't believe I asked Taehyung if he had any luck so far with impregnating Bong-Cha. The look he gave me was utter confusion."

I must've had a worried look on my face because Jimin came over and rubbed his thumb over the wrinkle between my eyes. "He understood when I told him that 'you' had developed 'pregnancy brain' already. Plus, it helped that both his female and Bong-Cha were standing beside each other at the time so it was understandable how you could have mixed the two up."

I stifled a laugh because now wasn't the right time to let out the giggles that were brewing at imagining the look on Bong-Cha's face at Esther's faux pax. It wasn't a big deal, particularly because Ari had forgotten a couple of the women's names with her pregnancy. But for my sister, I knew she would dwell on her mistake unless I distracted her from thinking about it.

"Bubbles, let's get some food into your belly so these two babies can grow big and strong, shall we?" I asked, dishing up some of my homemade kimchi-jjigae. "Then afterwards, we can watch one of the movies that's downloaded onto the tablet. How does that sound?"