Day 177

The kitchen in the palace looked exactly how my nerves felt: like a mess. Today was the day we would find out if the insemination had worked. I had been in here long before dawn broke, keeping my mind distracted from everything. I had been busy baking biscuits... and cupcakes... and meringues... and the batch of lamingtons that Esther had requested.

It was Christmas Eve, so Eomma Park had given the cook and most of the staff the week off. It was not usual for staff at Seed Bearer palaces to be with their families during the holidays at the company, but the Parks were different. The kitchen in the cottage was quite small, so I was grateful that I'd been given free rein in the palace's kitchen. I was in charge of the food for Christmas dinner—it would give me something to focus on instead of the possible pregnancy.

"Mmm, smells so good in here," Eomma Park sighed happily as she wandered in. I smiled at her attire—comfy pyjamas and house slippers. She must've felt relaxed enough not to have to dress up so early in the morning since no one apart from family was here. She gestured wordlessly, asking if I wanted a coffee. I nodded with enthusiasm, looking forward to the much-needed energy boost.

My relationship with Jimin's mother had become stronger and closer since I'd returned. I didn't know whether it was because the three of us had entrusted her with our secrets or whether she was feeling more relaxed around me. Either way, I was happy to have Eomma Park in my life, both as a maternal figure and as a friend.

"Are you and Jimin ready for today?" she asked, placing the kettle on the stove and lighting the fire. I missed the quick and easy electric jugs for boiling water. Yet, there was something homely and comforting about the steam whistle in an old-fashioned kettle. It reminded me of the mornings I would wake up at Nana Betty and Grandpa Jack's place when I was little. "You okay, Nell?"

I mustn't have hidden my reminiscing well; Eomma Park confused it for unease about today. When I told her that I was remembering a fond memory of my childhood with my grandparents, she asked what they were like. Standing side-by-side while rolling biscuit dough into balls, I talked about my childhood. She listened intently to how I spent a lot of my days on my paternal grandparents' dairy farm. She was sad to hear that I didn't know my mother's family very well because of some dysfunction I'd never understood.

When I told her about some of the adventures that my siblings and I had gone on, Eomma Park admitted that she wished she knew her daughters. This was the first time I had heard she had given birth to girls. My heart went out to her knowing that any daughters were taken away from her as soon as they were born.

"I'm very lucky though," she said wistfully. "I now have two amazing daughters, and if all goes well today, a grandbaby, too."

"I'm scared," I admitted so quietly as if to not let my inner demons hear they were getting the best of me. "I'm scared that the test will come back and that we'll find out it didn't work. Saying that... I'm also terrified it will come back positive. I don't know what I'd do if the baby is a little girl because I'll never get to meet her.

"But most of all, I'm petrified. That this will change the way Jimin sees me... That I won't have a maternal bond with the baby... That the baby will somehow get taken away from me... That something will happen and we'll lose the baby before it's born."

Eomma Park wiped her hands on the dish towel I had left on the bench and then came to wrap me into her embrace. "You listen here, Nell," she said sternly but with a warm and caring tone. "I've seen the way my son looks at you. Jimin's different when around you—he's calmer, happier, more secure with who he is. He loves himself now. My son used to hate his hair because it was the only thing people could see about him.

"Jimin is seeing himself the way I've always seen him and I can't thank you enough for bringing that out in him. That's how I know there is no way possible that this will change the way he feels about you."

Her thumbs were gentle as they ran over my cheeks, clearing off the tears I hadn't registered had fallen. "And in terms of the other worries about the gender or your bond with the baby... There's nothing you can do about them right now, so just enjoy this time of your life. It will all work out, I'm sure of it."

I nodded, feeling relieved that I had voiced my worries. I hadn't wanted to burden Jimin with them, so talking with his mother had allowed me to get everything off my chest.

"Shall we hurry up and finish these, my lovely daughter-in-law? We have a pregnancy test to conduct. Let's hope it's an early Christmas present!"

⊱ ───ஓ๑💜๑ஓ ─── ⊰

Day 179

"This has been the best Christmas ever!" Jimin giggled happily as he danced in his chair. He looked so handsome, despite the crumbs of biscuits dusting his jumper. "And it's all thanks to my beautiful girlfriend over there who is carrying my baby!" The guests all toasted to our good news. Everyone joined me in laughing at my boyfriend's tipsy antics—falling off whatever chair he was sitting on because he was too excited to sit still.

Gathered around the formal lounge in the palace were the six other couples participating in the Seoul Allocation Rotation. Some had even brought along their diblings. After the toasts and congratulatory words were over, I heard how each had celebrated Christmas yesterday. Some sounded like they'd had a better Christmas than others. It made me think of my quiet Christmas at the cottage with my sister and Jimin, as well as the larger dinner at the palace with the whole Park family.

Two days ago, on Christmas Eve, Jimin and I found out that our gift this year was a positive pregnancy test. My blonde Seed Bearer had been on cloud nine ever since. Immediately after the pregnancy test had been done, Jimin and his mother had whisked Esther off to the hospital. They told me it was standard to have doctors do another pregnancy test with the Oracle present. If the result was confirmed to be positive, it would be documented that my job as an assigned female was done.

When the Oracle was alone with my sister and boyfriend, he asked them to pass on his congratulations to me, too. Jimin said the older man told him that I could rest easy knowing my job as an assigned female was done.

That night, the three of us had our own early Christmas celebration. We made sure to toast the good news that there was a bun in Esther's oven. I'd cooked up a feast and while we ate, Esther and I told Jimin what Christmas was like for us back home. He had fallen off his chair when he heard that Aussie Chrissies were hot because of the opposite seasons. We showed him photos on our phones of the last family dinner we'd had. He was in awe that Mum had turned it into an early Christmas, complete with the tree, food and presents.

The next day, Jimin and I attended Christmas lunch at the palace, where much of the baked goods I'd made were consumed. I felt bad leaving Esther alone in the cottage, but she insisted that I should go as it would seem suspicious if I didn't. Eomma Park and I made sure to bring back lots of food for the mother-to-be to have. I made sure to bring back plenty of the lamingtons since she'd already eaten those at the cottage.

Today was a belated Christmas party for the Seed Bearer group. As I sat in the formal lounge surrounded by all these people whom I considered friends, I felt lonely and guilty. It felt wrong to be celebrating like this. I wanted Esther to be here to see the happy faces of the other six Seed Bearers. However, since no one could know of her existence, she was back in the cottage with Eomma Park.

I felt eyes on me and when I looked around the room, Binna was staring in my direction. Ever since she had arrived with Seokjin and Soon-Bok, Binna had been a big concern of mine. The biggest worry was that Jimin would accidentally blurt out the truth about my sister. Neither he nor I had told Binna our surrogacy arrangement was off. Granted, it was difficult for me to tell her since I was not in this universe. While Jimin had been reclusive when I was away, he wasn't in the right frame of mind for visitors.

With Jimin's announcement of 'my' pregnancy, the cat was out of the bag. I could see by the way Binna's eyes narrowed slightly and how the muscles in her forearms twitched when she clenched her hands that she'd heard Jimin announcing that I was with child. It was clear that she'd not appreciated the news. For anyone else, it might have looked as if Binna was off in her own world but I knew better. The woman was pissed. I wasn't sure what she was angry at more—the fact that she was not going to carry a Seed Bearer's baby inside her or the money she was now out of. I hoped it was the latter, but that could also spell problems. Greed was a big motivator for many people.

It was a good thing that I couldn't drink. I needed to maintain a clear head to plan out how I could the three of us together somewhere we could speak without anyone else overhearing. Even though we had not told her about my fertility issues, Binna knew enough. If she told anyone, it could spell disaster for both him and me. I needed to come up with a way to get her alone, as well as a cover story to explain how I was now 'pregnant'.

The opportunity came relatively easily when Binna asked if I would show her to the bathroom. Because the downstairs toilet had a constant stream of pregnant women needing to use it—along with the fact that I had been in a conversation with Hoseok, Taehyung, Soon-Bok, Binna and Bong-Cha about my drawings—I offered to escort Binna to the bathroom in mine and Jimin's old bedroom. While we were there, I would grab one of my sketch pads that I'd left here.

The one downside of this plan was that it was awkward to find a way for Jimin to come with me. If I asked him to come along with the two of us, it would have been suspicious. It seemed, though, that I should have realised he had thought this through and had concocted a plan himself. As he got up out of the seat, he 'accidentally' tripped over his feet. The sudden stumble caused him to lose his balance, resulting in his drink splashing all over the front of his pants, leaving a wet and embarrassing stain. I apologised to the others, joking about how I was already getting practice in looking after a big baby. Together, Binna and I helped my boyfriend upstairs.

"I'm sorry you had to find out like that," I whispered to the woman who stood on the other side of my boyfriend as we climbed the stairs. "We wanted to speak to you before everyone else but then this dummy here couldn't keep his mouth shut."

"When did you find out?" she asked, not showing any outward sign of emotion that I could use to figure out what was going through her mind.

"Two days ago."

"I guess congratulations are in order then."

We reached the bedroom door and I opened the connected bathroom door for Binna. When the door shut behind her, I let out a shaky breath before I guided Jimin into the walk-in robe. As I grabbed a new set of pants for Jimin, he wrapped his arms around my waist. The smell of soju and beer was heavy on his breath but he still smelled like my Jiminie.

"It's going to be okay, Baby. You didn't think I'd leave you to deal with all this alone did you?" Jimin whispered, not one bit of slurred speech in his words.

I spun around with a confused look on my face. Only a couple of minutes ago, Jimin had been behaving like he was on his way to being drunk. Did he possess some kind of magic to be able to metabolise alcohol so fast?

"It's all an act, Baby. I had just enough soju and beer to make my breath smell but not enough to make me intoxicated," he said, letting me in on his plan. "I thought the only way we could get Binna alone to talk to her was if I acted drunk and then messed up my clothes. I know... Not the best plan in the world but it worked, didn't it?"

I could have cried happy tears hearing that. I hated feeling like I had been left to clean up our mess alone. "She sounds so pissed, Jiminie," I murmured into his chest as he held me close. I loved hearing his heart beating through his jumper; it reminded me I wasn't alone. "I have no idea what to do to make her keep it a secret about how we approached her to be our surrogate."

Jimin lifted my head so he could look into my eyes. "It will be okay, Sweetheart. At the end of the day, if she does tell anyone, it's her word against ours." His lips brushed against mine with how close he had come to me. "The word of a Seed Bearer and an assigned female will always be held higher than anyone else's. And there is no proof that any of this happened because we had no contract or anything put on paper."

I was approaching this with the mentality of still being in my old universe; it was a hard habit to break. If BTS' Jimin and I were in the same position as my Jiminie and I were, I would not doubt that Binna would have been recording every meeting we'd had. Most likely, she would have recorded in video and audio so she could ensure she had enough proof to take to Dispatch. It was a good thing recording devices had not been invented here; Jimin and I could breathe easier.

"I feel awful about all this, Jiminie," I groaned. Being held in Jimin's arms was where I found solace. I cherished the moments when his warmth surrounded me. Or when I could lay my head against my boyfriend's chest and feel his steady heartbeat. The gentle thump of his heartbeat was like a soothing melody that eased my worries and brought me peace. "We promised her so much money and now because she isn't doing the job we asked her to do, she won't get anything."

Jimin's mouth opened to say something but the sound of the bathroom door opening meant our time was up. After a quick peck to his lips, I left him to change into some new pants while I headed into the bedroom.

"Binna, are we okay?" Worry seeped through my words as I saw how Binna's form stiffened when I walked into the room. I didn't know whether I was making a mountain out of a molehill but seeing her like this was scaring me. She had always been so warm and kind to me; it was like that person had gone.

"Yes," she sighed after a beat. "To be honest, I'm disappointed. I was counting on that money."

"You know, Jimin and I are indebted to you. Not only for being there for us when we needed you but for keeping our secret. If you need money, I am sure he would be happy to give you some for the inconvenience we caused you."

"Yesh, my Baby is right. We feel bad that we've shcrewed you over like thish, sho it I inshisht that you let ush give you money in compenshation." Jimin's words were slurred as he stumbled out of the closet. It was clear he'd been eavesdropping since he knew what I'd said to Binna. If my boyfriend ever needed to get a part-time job, acting would be the perfect choice for him. His performance as a drunkard was Oscar-worthy.

꧁♥💜♥꧂

"Then what happened?" Esther asked impatiently as I paused to yawn and stretch. She had been on the edge of her seat as I relayed to her the happenings during the Christmas lunch we'd hosted.

"She asked for the 2.5 million won that Jimin offered her to be raised to 10 million," I replied, rolling my eyes at the memory.

"Sounds like she's a few stubbies short of a six-pack. 10 million won for doing absolutely nothing? I hope you told her she's bloody dreaming."

"What are you two chattering about?" Jimin asked as he strolled into the living room, a tray in his hands with a pot of hot tea and cups.

"Just about our little gold digger," I said, as Esther started grumbling about how she wanted a cup of coffee. "With the way you drink your coffee? Instead of being allowed one coffee a day, you, Esther Bennett, should be limited to one every three days."

Jimin giggled adorably as my sister and I began to squabble, tattling on each other about different embarrassing things we had each done. Esther told my boyfriend about the most mortifying experience I had in high school where I'd fallen in front of everyone and my skirt had flown over my head exposing my underwear. Instead of being angry at her, I couldn't help but smile as I counted my blessings that she was here with me. She was my sanity, my sounding board, my best friend.

But most of all, she was selflessly giving me the one thing I couldn't do for myself.