I woke with a groan and throbbing in my head. I shouldn't have had so much to drink last night. I shouldn't have let my brother talk me into shots of fireball whiskey. I shouldn't have eaten so much of Mum's delicious dinner because it was now sitting heavily in my nauseous stomach.

The five of us—my brother, Christof, Caleb, Esther and I—had all headed over to Mum and Dad's house together last night after I'd finished packing up everything. I had asked that we all be together one last night. Knowing my parents, I shouldn't have forgotten that it would be a night filled with lots of food, grog and laughter.

It might have been exactly what I wanted last night. But this morning, I felt seedy and was in desperate need of Panadol to stem the oncoming hangover. I became aware of the other person in the bed with me when their body rolled over. Gibberish complaints fell from Esther's lips; she was in a similar state as me.

As I dragged my body out of my childhood room and quietly tip-toed down the hallway, the smell of Mum's cooking from last night still lingered in the air. Instead of the simple family meal I'd been expecting, she had put on a full Christmas feast. When I arrived here and saw her hard at work putting the finishing touches to the potato salad, my sister, brother and I each joked about how she was feeding a small army with all the food. Mum had insisted that it wasn't only a going away party for me. Since we wouldn't all be together for Christmas, we were having an early one together.

Wandering through the house, I saw the Christmas tree standing proud and tall in the living room. Last night, Caleb was thrilled to see it decorated and lighting up the living room. He squealed with joy at all the presents underneath.

"Morning," the gruff, gravelly voice of my brother rang out as I entered the kitchen. Aiden was shirtless, standing at the stove cooking up his famous baked beans.

I responded with a warm hello, feeling tears filling my eyes. I breathed in the familiar, comforting scent that surrounded me. It brought me a sense of nostalgia. Esther and I may have learned to bake from Nana Betty, but our brother was the only one given the recipe for Grandpa Jack's baked beans. It was such a closely guarded secret that no one else in the family knew the recipe—not even Jack's son, my father.

There were several dishes that I knew I would long for once I returned to my Jiminie. One of them was my mom's special chicken meatloaf parmigiana. She seasoned it with aromatic fennel, smothered it in a tangy citrus tomato sauce, and melted cheese on top. Another dish I'd crave was my dad's slow-cooked pulled pork. He would cook it all day until it was falling apart, then serve it with soft bread rolls, crisp coleslaw, and cold beers to wash it all down. The authentic pizza, although I may have added pineapple to it, was a guilty pleasure I couldn't resist. And let's not forget the greasy Macca's burger devoured at 2am after a night of drinking. But the one thing I would miss most of all was Grandpa Jack's homemade baked beans, which always reminded me of home.

"How'd you pull up after last night, Squish? You feel as crook as I do?"

I chuckled, nodding my head as I grabbed coffee mugs and glasses for everyone. I had noticed that my brother must've gotten straight to work on breakfast since there was not a weak coffee beside him.

"Coffee?" I asked, double-checking in case he didn't want one due to his upset stomach. When he nodded, I proceeded to begin the coffee machine. I grabbed a small glass, filled it with water and emptied two painkillers from their sleeve. Swallowing the tablets made an immediate difference but I knew that was all in my head. "I really shouldn't have done those shots with you, Christof and Mum. Hopefully, your baked beans will soak up any residual alcohol."

"I know I said it last night many times, Squish, but I am going to miss you, ya know?" Aiden's voice was thick with emotions. He turned towards me, and said, "We all know there's a chance that nothing will happen today. But in case I never see you again, I don't want to leave anything unsaid.

"When I was little and you two were born, I felt like the proudest big brother. I wasn't getting only one little sister... but two. I was so lucky to have two amazing little sisters who were not only my family, but my best friends. You accept me for who I am and have never looked down on me for loving men. You are one of the strongest people I know, and I thank you for teaching that to Caleb, too.

"I might not be able to give your fella 'the talk' like I've done with your past boyfriends. I have no worries you'll be treated right, given the lengths you're going through to be with him. So, instead of telling him to take care of you and that Nana Betty will be watching since I can't, I want you to take care of yourself. Do whatever makes you happiest because knowing that you're happy makes me happy."

I rushed into my brother's arms and hugged him tight enough that he would still feel it when he was old and grey. "I'm going to miss you so much, Ads," I whispered into his chest. I always felt safe when Aiden hugged me. He took after our father and grandfather in terms of height, whilst Esther and I were shorter like our mother. "Make sure the others are okay for me, please? And remember to treat your husband like the king he is."

"Don't tell Christof that or his head will get bigger than it already is," he joked, his laughter rumbling through his chest beneath my cheek. Aiden moved away, picking up the spoon to stir the pot of deliciousness. "I promise that you will never be forgotten. Caleb and his sister will grow up learning all about their brave Aunty Nell."

I was taking a sip of coffee when my brother's words made me gasp, causing the mouthful of warm liquid to go down the wrong pipe. I sounded like a three-pack-a-day smoker as I coughed, trying to clear my lungs. My throat and chest burned but my heart was alight for other reasons.

"Sister? Does that mean..."

My brother nodded, smiling so bright it could have been seen from space. "Christof got the call late last night that he and I have a little girl joining our family. It's why he wasn't drinking, you know, in case the agency rung since the mother's labour had begun." He reached across and picked up his phone, scrolled for a few seconds and then handed the device to me. "She was born last night and is perfect. Christof is with her now, though he will try and get home to say goodbye to you."

A few months ago, Aiden and Christof had been selected by a pregnant teen to adopt her baby. There was a chance the birth mother might have revoked the adoption. So, it had been a nervous wait for everyone to see what would happen once the baby arrived.

"Congratulations to you both, I'm so happy for you," I said wholeheartedly as I wiped tears from my cheeks. I was so happy for my brother and his family. "Your little princess needs her father more than I do. I didn't understand why Christof was saying goodbye last night but now it all makes sense."

"I wish you could meet your niece. We called her Nellie Jane." I was sobbing happy tears as I stared again at the tiny bundle on the screen. I had never had anyone named after me before; it felt like a piece of me would live on forever here through my niece. "She will have big shoes to fill, especially being named after her aunties. We wanted to have both you and Esther in her name—Nellie for you and Jane from Esther's middle name."

"Little Nellie is coming into the best family, and I know she will be loved instantly. Make sure she knows her Aunty Nell loves her so much, okay?"

୧‿︵‿๑︵‿୨💜୧‿︵‿୨💜୧‿︵๑‿︵‿୨

"Mum, you gotta let go," Esther said while trying to peel off the arms that were wrapped around me like a hungry boa constrictor.

My back ached from bending down. The warmth from my mother's hug had me not caring about the pain, especially when my heart was hurting at the possibility of never seeing my family again. If this might be the last time that I was going to be wrapped in one of Mum's bear hugs, then I wanted to commit it to memory.

I wanted to remember how soft her body was. Mum was like a pillow of love that was there whenever I needed comfort yet was so resilient with all the hardships life had thrown at her. Her fingers were thin and strong as they held me tight around my waist. They were the same fingers that I used to hold onto as a little girl. They were the same ones that would deftly braid both Esther's and my hair. They were the same ones that made us food that nourished our bodies and hearts. I will never forget the way she'd squeeze me like she was trying to form me into the most beautiful diamond.

As I hugged her, the smell of my mother's favourite perfume wrapped around me. For the life of me, I couldn't remember a time when Mum had not smelled like a sweet bouquet of pears and freesias.

I had a strong connection between scents and the memories of my loved ones. Sweet cakes baking in the oven reminded me of my beloved grandmother and our time spent together laughing and baking up a storm. Whenever I smelled apple pies, I was transported to nights when my siblings and I had sleepovers at Nana Betty's and were given dessert.

When I smelled motor oil, car upholstery polish or old books, I thought of my father. The times where I spent reading in Jimin's library were bittersweet as I felt so connected with my dad, yet so far away as well.

Fresh linens drying on the line had me reminiscing about growing up with my siblings. Throughout our childhood, we used to pretend to be superheroes with Mum's clean sheets as our capes. The three of us used to get into trouble for dirtying her clean washing but there was always a smile behind her stern words as she saw how much fun we had.

I didn't have too many memories with my Grandpa Jack because he passed when I was fairly young. Although, the scent of wood shavings and sweat transported me to a time in my childhood. I was wrapped in my grandfather's arms as he guided me to help him with sanding his latest woodturning endeavour.

Watermelons had me picturing my nephew. Caleb had been adopted a few months before his 'I only want to eat watermelon' stage in life. Aiden used to joke that they were single-handedly keeping watermelon growers in business with the amount of fruit the youngster could eat.

Pears and freesias were so synonymous with my mother that even just the slightest whiff of either would have me imagining she was there with me. I made a mental note to ask Jimin if we could plant freesias at the palace so I could pick them to remind me of home a little.

As I held onto her, I could feel every heaving breath my mother took. Her heart thumped in a comforting rhythm, loud enough for me to hear when she pushed my head closer into her chest. I counted my lucky stars every day during the past 15 years that she was still with us. We had almost lost her to her illness, and it nearly killed me. Being in her arms where I could feel and hear her life pumping was comforting but it also made me feel guilty. She thought I was going back to live a long and happy life with the man I loved, which was why I decided to not tell her of the consequences coming to me if I couldn't fake this pregnancy. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if she knew the truth.

"I love you so, so, so much," I whispered into my mother's ear. My voice was hoarse from the tears that had been shed already. "In case I don't come back this afternoon, I want you to know that I'm so grateful that I was born into this family. Thank you for being the best mother I could have ever asked for. Thank you for moulding me into who I am today. But most of all, thank you for being strong enough to let me go. I will never forget you and will love you for the rest of my life."

This morning, I'd had private moments with each of my family members, with Mum being saved until last. I told each of them what they meant to me in case the portal decided that I was to return to my love. So many tears were shed as each of us spoke from the heart. It had been an emotional day but one that I would cherish until my final breath.

Mum's words, which were spoken through wails and sobs, would have only been decipherable by dogs with how high-pitched her voice was. I didn't need to know what she said because I could feel her love for me seeping from every pore.

It took Esther, Dad, and Caleb to get me from my crying mother. My nephew used the 'grandchild needs hugs' card. As he sat on Mum's lap, cuddled into her chest, she looked over Caleb's head at me and mouthed 'I will always love you'.