5 November 2023—Day 10

"So, let me get this straight. You weren't on a yacht with amnesia. Instead, you were in another 'universe' where you were assigned to carry Park Jimin's baby?" I nodded as Aiden tried to wrap his head around what I had told not only him but our parents and his son. "Oh, okay."

"All you can say is 'oh, okay'?" Mum's tone was incredulous as she questioned my brother's sanity.

"I mean, yeah. It seems too far-fetched to be made up," my brother defended as he took a swig of his beer. "How else do you explain Nell's ability to speak fluent Korean in such a short time? Not to mention, her attention to detail is far more on point than that cock-and-bull story she fed us about falling off the stairs."

"Dad makes a point, Nana," Caleb voiced, ever the one of reason. The space around me was silent for a beat before my dad broke into a big guffaw of laughter.

"Well, that went well," Christof laughed as he sat on the other side of me on the couch. To say Mum accepted the truth of where I'd actually been and had taken it well would've been like saying the Great Wall of China was a little fence. By the harsh movements she made as she wheeled over to Dad's bar on the back deck and poured herself a drink, I could tell that she was pissed.

"Maybe you should hold off," Esther whispered into my ear as we watched Mum and Dad bicker. "Don't say anything about what would happen if you don't get pregnant." All I could do was nod—I completely agreed with my sister.

"Yep, that one's going to the grave with me," I murmured, loud enough so only she and Christof could hear. "If she found out, I think I'd be the only 33-year-old woman handed down a grounding punishment by their mother."

Part of me was concerned that if Mum discovered the risks involved in me reuniting with Jiminie, she might forbid me from crossing the portal to be with him. I hadn't seen her this angry since Aiden crashed Nana Betty's tractor into a tree when he was 14. It had taken my brother months to get back into Mum's good books, which was time I did not have.

"I'm just disappointed, Darryl!" I heard a raised feminine voice cry out from over at the bar. "I don't know why she thought she couldn't come and talk to us. Did we do something wrong to make our children not trust us?"

It was like I had been both blind-sided and sucker punched hearing my mother's words. I hated that she felt like I had deceived her, that I didn't trust her enough, or that it was her fault. In actuality, it was my anxiety and self-preservation that had kept me from telling the truth in the first place. As voices began to speak over each other, I started to shut down. I retreated inside my mind; I locked myself in a vault where all my memories with Jimin were stored. I replayed the times we had spent together. While I felt like I was connected with the man I loved again, it also hurt because I knew he wasn't anywhere in the universe I was in.

A strong arm wrapped around my waist tightly, making me feel like a boa constrictor was coiling around me. The familiar scent of Christof's spicy aftershave enveloped me, bringing me back to my parent's back deck where I stood. His arm moved gently up and down my back, soothing my nerves and keeping me calm amidst the hubbub around me.

"Would you have believed Nell if she told you the truth from the start?" Esther asked loud enough that her voice carried to the other end of the verandah. "Mum, if someone came up to you and said that they'd crossed into another universe via a magical portal and was assigned to basically be the breeding vessel for a man—one I might add is very famous where you come from... Would you believe them?"

"Of course not!" Mum exclaimed as if the very question was completely bonkers.

"I rest my case!" Esther retorted immediately. "She was shit scared of any one of us not believing her and then having the men in white coats being called on her. I love you Mum, but how can you expect Nell to tell you what happened if you're going to act so closed-minded like this?"

The tension in the room was palpable as silence descended. The air felt thick, almost too thick to breathe. "Mum," Aiden called out, his voice mellow and calm as he tried to get her attention. "You never once made me feel less than when I came out to you. You reminded me that even though I am gay, there's nothing wrong with me."

Our mother began to say something, but my brother held up his hand and came to kneel in front of her wheelchair. Clasping her hand in both of his, he added, "I know these aren't the same, but I kept my secret a hell of a lot longer than Squish kept hers. What she told us might sound a whole lot more unbelievable than a man loving other men, but doesn't Nell deserve the same love and acceptance you've shown me, Christof and Caleb?"

A single tear streaked down Mum's cheek. Everyone watched with bated breath as she let Aiden's words of wisdom sink in. After she pulled my brother into a tight hug, my mother wheeled over to the sofa I was sitting on. I allowed myself to be pulled into her embrace as we both tried to say how sorry we were amongst wailing sobs. Giggles came from where my father stood. He earned himself a sharp glare from my mother, which held no bite because of her wet eyes.

"Hush you," she said to the man behind her back, "Now, I need you to answer one very important question for me, Squish. Is Jin as handsome in that universe as he is here?"

A rush of air left my body in relief as I realised that Mum and I would be okay. It would take time for her to completely understand and accept that I had experienced something that went against the basic law of physics.

"He's so much more handsome there." I gave her my honest answer with a smile as I began to regale her with some of the times I had spent with her bias.

"I can't believe he's going to be a father," Mum mused once I finished. "He'll make a wonderful dad if he's anything like who he is here. And I'm so happy to hear it's with a nice woman."

"Soon-Bok is so nice; you would love her. Most of the women who were assigned to the different Seed Bearers were nice. I particularly liked Hongjoong's."

"You- you met ATEEZ, Aunty Nell?" Caleb scrambled over to sit closer to me so he could hear as I talked about the other group. While my nephew liked BTS' music, ATEEZ were his favourite K-Pop group.

"Yep, I met lots of other groups." I grinned at my nephew as I labelled them off. His eyes grew wide when he heard Stray Kids and Oneus were there. "A lot of the Seed Bearers were actually related in that universe. Seonghwa is Jimin's cousin. Seokjin is a cousin to Seungmin and Hongjoong, while Hoseok is related to Wooyoung."

"Wooyoung?" Esther's ears perked up at her ultimate bias' name. "You never told me you met Woo! What was he like?" When I told her that he was very much like how he is here, flirty and playful, she danced around the room singing out, "Flirty, flirty, yeah!" ala Jungkook style.

꧁♥💜♥꧂

"You okay, Sweet Pea?" my dad asked as he joined me on the back deck, two stubbies in hand.

I accepted the bottle he handed me and took a swig of the cold beer. "Yeah. I just miss him, you know? I don't know what to do. I have two weeks to make the biggest decision of my life, and it sucks because I know whatever I do, someone is going to get hurt."

My father and I sat in silence beside each other. The only sound that came from either of us was the soft gurgling of the beer whenever we took a sip. He was a lot like me in many ways; we both tended to retreat inside ourselves whenever we had a decision to make. I appreciated that he didn't fill the air with mindless chit-chat.

"You love him, don't you?" he finally asked in his soft, dulcet voice, looking ahead over the darkness that was the backyard. I nodded and hummed a soft 'yeah'. "And he treats you well? Makes you happy?"

"With Jimin, I feel happy within myself. In the past, I've drawn happiness from the men I was dating, which I know wasn't healthy. With him, though, it's different. Jimin accepts me unconditionally. His love for me is unconditional, and I love him back the same way."

"He sounds like a wonderful man," Dad mused, as he brought his beer bottle to his lips and drained the last mouthful.

"He really is. He doesn't only tell me that he loves me or thinks I am beautiful—his actions show me that."

"I'm glad. You have had a rough track record with men, so it's good to see you so happy and finally at peace with your life." I wasn't expecting Dad to say that. I had felt like I'd had my shit together before the Costa Rican trip. Now that I looked back at it, however, I wondered whether I'd been going through the motions and not actually living. Since I met Jimin, I have felt more at peace with who I am. I hoped that whichever choice I made, that peace would follow me.

"What do you think I should do, Dad?"

He thought about my question for a few moments. "I can't make that decision for you, Squish. Only you can decide, but my suggestion is to do what makes you happiest since that will make your mother and me happy."

I placed the empty bottle I had been nursing on the ground and hugged my father. I needed to hear that they would be okay more than I thought I did. I felt so much freer knowing that I had his blessing with whichever way my heart decided to choose; it was like half of the weight of the world had been lifted off my shoulders. The only way the other half would go was if I found a way to miraculously fall pregnant with Park Jimin's baby.

⋆⁺₊⋆ 💜 ⋆⁺₊⋆

Day 128

It was a surprise how easy it was to convince my Seed Bearer that the two of us should visit Jimin. While I did not doubt my ability to make him do what I wanted, I wasn't sure if he would go along with the suggestion. Although, it turned out that the man was easy to play like a fiddle. With skilful words, I subtly guided him to think this was all his idea. I'd planted the idea of Jimin in his mind, hinting at the witch's absence to evoke sympathy.

As soon as he'd heard that Jimin was upset, he became more receptive to my influence. I'd made it sound like I had overheard the servants here gossiping about what some of their counterparts in the Park's palace had been hearing and speculating. From there, my Seed Bearer suggested that the rest of the Seoul Allocation Rotation should visit the blonde man. That wouldn't work well with my plans, so I gently steered him away from that idea. Instead, he and I were to be making our way for a visit.

It would be so much easier and quicker for me if I could engage this same tactic in coercing my Seed Bearer to get to bed with me. To my dismay, though, he still held strong. Each day that passed, I was more and more convinced that the only reason why he hadn't started fulfilling his duty as a Seed Bearer was because he was not attracted to me based on my gender.

'It doesn't matter, though. Jimin is the man I want to fill my belly with babies, and soon, that will come to fruition.'

I managed to encourage my Seed Bearer into conversation as we travelled to Jimin's house. The large opulent carriage helped keep some of the chill off of us, but we were both rugged up in layers with blankets strewn over each of our laps. I liked winter, so I was in my element. A lot of people called winter deceptive, especially when it snowed. For me, though, I always thought it was the only season that was able to be its true and authentic self. It didn't hide away, nor did it pretend to be something it wasn't.

In the cold winter months, when many people saw only gloom and lifelessness, I could see rejuvenation and the chance to evolve into something better. It was the season of hibernation; one could look inside themselves and take the opportunity to plan out their next move. It might have seemed like my plans were taking a long time to play out, but this was where I was very much like the cold months. The long oat roots of my plans were sinking deeper into the ground, which would help to form the stable foundation for everything to germinate and come to fruition during the spring and summer.

If there was an apt metaphor to describe my life the past year, it would be that all my planning and the engineering of outcomes was my own winter hibernation. Today though, well today was the first day of spring for my plan. Life was about to spring forth from all the hardships I'd gone through.

'One that culminates in having a baby inside me I hope.'

꧁♥💜♥꧂

When we arrived, I was shocked to see Jimin in a lot worse condition than I would have expected. The sunken skin around his eyes had taken on a bluish tone, which told me that he wasn't sleeping. I could also see that he wasn't taking care of himself because of the odour that came from him. His trim frame looked more like it was made of skin and bones rather than toned muscle.

I hated seeing the man I was desperate to have as the father of my children suffering like this. Jimin was like a shell of the previously vibrant man he was. His movements were tainted with an ever-present layer of melancholy. I was so happy to find out that the witch wasn't here when I asked where she was, pretending that I hoped we could hang out together.

"Do you mind giving Jimin and me the room?" I asked my Seed Bearer, who nodded and walked out.

I didn't understand why the blonde Seed Bearer was so depressed. She had done us all—especially me—a favour by not being here anymore. But the way he was acting was like a lovesick spouse who had lost their soulmate. The thought of him loving her made my skin crawl.

"I know what you're going through," I told the Jimin after I'd taken in his appearance more. He was still beautiful even if his attractiveness had taken on a duller tone.

Jimin looked confused, both by my words and my request for us to have time alone but he didn't comment about either. Instead, he sat there curled in on himself, looking like a dejected child who had been abandoned. It reminded me of myself, and something was telling me that I needed to open my heart to him, so that's what I did. For the first time in who knows how long, I decided to be open in front of someone else. Of course, it was metaphorical—when I'm naked in front of Jimin, it'll be in the privacy of a bedroom.

"I know what it's like having your heart broken by someone with colourful hair that is not a Seed Bearer." Jimin looked up at me so fast I was worried that he would give himself whiplash. Despite the slight glare he directed at me, his eyes conveyed more sorrow than anger. "The woman I call Eomma is actually my aunt but not a lot of people know that. My biological mother was assigned to a Seed Bearer and when she gave birth, I came into the world. I know I don't need to tell you what happens to females when they're born but I was lucky because I was put into the care of my mother's family. When her year as an assigned female was over shortly after my birth, she came back and raised me. I had the best life for my first two years, one that was filled with so much love, affection and happiness."

I felt overwhelmed by a wave of emotions that flooded my thoughts. Instead of feeling warmth and love thinking about my mother, I only felt frustrated and upset. I had been raised to perceive emotions as ways for people to take advantage of others. Thus, they were one thing I worked hard to hide away.

I hadn't talked about my birth mother in so many years. She was a disappointment to my family's name, so no one uttered a word of her—it became like she never existed. It was a testament to how comfortable I felt in Jimin's presence to have me baring my heart like I did. As much as it kind of sounded like someone else's life that I was talking about, the residual anger that coursed through me reminded me that it was my own.

I looked across at the blonde before continuing with my story, "Well until the interloper came, that is. He was the captain of a trading ship, and he brainwashed my mother with stories of other lands. He ripped her away from me when he persuaded her to leave on his boat, rather than stay at her home to look after her child. I'll never forget his hair—the colour of the sun when a dust storm comes in. He didn't care that he had torn a mother from her child. In a way though, I was lucky because my aunt took me in and raised me as her own."

"I'm sorry you went through that. It's not fair that your mother abandoned you," Jimin said with a clipped tone, "But that doesn't mean you know anything about what I am going through. What happened to you is nothing like what happened to me."

"That may be so, but I know that no foreigners with colourful hair can be trusted." It felt good to let my honest thoughts out. I'd had to bite my tongue long enough about the witch, I wasn't going to do it around Jimin anymore. "They are all descendants of witches. They aim to enchant people and then leave behind a trail of heartache and destruction."

Jimin growled, and while the sound sent sparks shooting down to my core, the ferocious look that was on his face had me recoiling. I had no idea why he was acting like this; it wasn't me who had broken his heart or left him.

Unlike her, I was here and willing to be with him.

Unlike her, I hadn't left him, nor had I tossed him aside like a used rag.

Unlike her, I was Korean, beautiful, thin... Everything the witch was not.

"I will not have you badmouthing the woman I love! I'm sorry your childhood was tainted and ruined by a foreigner, but that does not mean that the past few months I-I have spent with N-Nell have been the same." A sob wracked through his body, the sound deafening in the quiet room. "I have no time for your racist, bigoted and quite frankly, offensive words, especially here in my home. I think it's best you leave. I will tell your Seed Bearer that I am not feeling up to having guests."

Water welled in my eyes. Never in my life had I been talked to like this. It was a foreign feeling for me, one I didn't like. With a final look, I saw Jimin had turned and was leaning on the mantle of the lit fireplace. I wished that I could have stayed to watch the light of the flames dance across his skin as he declared his love for me, but that would not happen today. There was no point in arguing, so I made my way out of the house.

Frustration and anger fuelled my every step. From the outside, though, I was the epitome of grace with the way I glided across the tiled floor and out the front door. As I sat in the carriage awaiting my Seed Bearer, I allowed a single tear to fall. I wasn't sad about being shot down like I had been. I was disheartened that it had happened the one time I allowed my genuine feelings to be displayed. I wouldn't be deterred from my goal of having Jimin impregnate me. However, I would have to regroup and think of another plan. Other women might have tried to take advantage of him and forcefully take what they wanted—not me, though. Rape was not something I would ever be willing to partake in.

I would have Jimin's baby. I just needed to plan another way to get it.