Sleeping next to my sister wasn't anywhere near as good as it felt being in the same bed as Jimin. Where he would hold me in his arms so tight until my body, heart and soul knew I was loved and desired, Esther wasn't a cuddler at all. While she did hold and comfort me through the nightmares of being separated from the man who held my heart, I could tell it was done more out of obligation.

Before climbing the stairs for the first time, my nights were pretty devoid of dreams. In the other universe, because my subconscious was so active trying to comprehend everything, I had dreams and/or nightmares most nights. Upon returning to my world, I had hoped that I would also return to the peaceful slumbers. It seemed that wasn't meant to be, though.

I was woken from a dream that replayed my last moments with Jimin, tears streaming down my face. Since I could see some light peeking from behind the curtains, I climbed out of the bed with a begrudging sigh. I wasn't used to getting drunk and going to bed late without cuddles and kisses to calm me. I was also missing Jimin more than I'd ever missed anyone else. The combination of emotions had created a broken sleep that left me feeling exhausted and frustrated.

'If this is how I feel on day 2, how the fuck am I meant to survive another 23 days?'

Esther found me curled up beneath a blanket on the verandah, an empty coffee mug in front of me on the table as I stared into space. How long I had been here, I had no idea. I figured it had been a while since the sun was now much higher in the sky than it had been at the arse crack of dawn I'd woken up at.

"You okay?" she asked, handing me my favourite mug that I kept here. The aroma of my preferred coffee wafted in the air, with only a faint hint of her much stronger one lingering beneath it as she sat beside me.

That was a loaded question; one that I wasn't quite sure how to answer. So instead, I decided to reply with what would make her feel better. "Yeah, I couldn't sleep, though. Too excited to see everyone after so long."

Esther hummed, nodding as she sipped her hot, over-sweetened jet fuel she called coffee. "We'll go to Mum and Dad's after visiting Nana Betty." There was a hint of sadness in her tone as she said our grandmother's name. "I've told Mum that I have a surprise for everyone, so we're having one of our family Saturday BBQ lunches that we used to do."

The words 'used to' hit me hard. I wondered if they stopped our tradition of spending a couple of Saturday afternoons a month together when I disappeared. Or had other factors weaselled their way in and stopped that tradition? I remembered a few weeks before the Costa Rican trip when Caleb told me with excitement that he had been starting Auskick—a program that taught kids valuable life lessons while they learned how to play AFL. He hoped with a lot of practice that he could start playing on an under-10's AFL team next year.

Thinking about my nephew, I recalled that it was his birthday not long ago and I wondered whether anyone found his present that I had gotten for him. "Hey, Bubbles, when you guys were packing up my place, did you find the pressie I had got for Caleb?"

"Yeah, Aiden did. Caleb loves his Naruto poster you got him. Shit! We gave it to him already, is that okay?"

I laughed as I assured my sister that I was glad they gave our nephew his birthday present. I was glad it brought him comfort, especially because the young boy already had a fear of abandonment from being given up by his parents at a young age. Caleb was the youngest of seven children. His parents couldn't look after him, so they kept their other six kids and gave him up for adoption when he was three. Aiden and Christof had spent a very long time reassuring their son that they would not give him away because he misbehaved.

"I'm glad you did. I just wish that I could have made him his cake too," I murmured before taking a sip of my drink.

꧁♥💜♥꧂

I didn't know whether it was fate, the universe or my sister mocking me as I sat looking at Jimin's face staring up at me. Well, it was BTS Jimin's face and while it was the same as my Jiminie's, the sexy, flirtatious look was not one that came from the man I loved. When I'd asked Esther if she had a spare calendar so I could keep track of the days that I had here, I wasn't expecting the one she gave me would be a BTS one.

While it had been hard to see reminders of the men I had come to be friends with, seeing Jimin's face in the individual and group photos had hit me hardest, followed by Jin and Hobi's. Jin's photos reminded me of Soon-Bok. That led me to think about Jimin's excuse for me not being there if they came to visit. I also thought about what he would tell our friends if I didn't return to their universe.

With a heavy heart, I told myself not to dwell on that unless we came to that bridge. Each day that my finger landed on as I counted 23 days from today had my eyes welling. 19 November 2023—the date that my life would change, and I would know where I supposedly belonged.

It seemed so far away when it was put into days. If I said it was a little over three weeks until I saw my Jimin again (hopefully), the time spent away from the man I loved felt much shorter. There was a lot I wanted to do during these 23 days—I was excluding yesterday and the last day. Looking at my confirmed appointments, I was happy that time would feel like it was going by at hyperspeed. It would feel like there were fewer hours in each day and that a week had less than seven days. I'd managed to book in to see my GP in two days and had been able to make online appointments with both my accountant and lawyer. Esther had scheduled brunch with our friends for next weekend but had kept my return a secret so it could be a surprise. When Esther saw the appointments written on the calendar, she wondered why I was seeing a lawyer. She understood the need for my accountant since I would need to complete my taxes before the looming cut-off date.

"I want to get all my affairs in order in case I don't come back here," I told her warily. After she learned that my life was literally on the line if I returned to the other universe, Esther had been a little more persistent about trying to remind me why I should stay here. I couldn't blame her. If the shoe was on the other foot, I'd 100% be doing the same thing. "I would prefer that you guys don't have to worry about what will happen to all my baggage when we come to that bridge. I haven't made up my mind, but I want all my ducks in a row. You know, for Justin..."

"Yeah, yeah. Just in case. I understand but it doesn't mean I like it and won't worry about you, Squish," she said, moving to rinse out both of our mugs. "So, now onto the elephant in the room... What are you going to tell the rest of the family when we see them later?"

That question had been on my mind much of the night. I had no idea what I was going to say to my parents or my brother and his family. None of them were open-minded as much as Esther was—except Christof... maybe. Mum, Dad, and Aiden were all logical thinkers. So, saying that I had been transported to another universe where I fell in love with the man I was supposed to become impregnated by... Well, that just sounded more far-fetched than some fiction movies. Giant alien robots that could transform into motor vehicles and other objects sounded more plausible than what had happened to me.

I shrugged my shoulders and Esther laughed. "Not meaning to crack the whip, but you'd better change before we choof off. We gotta see Nana Betty before we go to Mum and Dad's." My sister pushed me towards the bedroom. She was the only one of us dressed, and I didn't particularly want to see my family for the first time in months only wearing my pj's.

I ended up stealing an outfit from Esther's closet since the items I had left here weren't appropriate for today. I wanted to look respectful when I said goodbye to Nana Betty, and nice for when I saw the rest of my family. The floral cotton maxi dress provided me with the look I was after. Standing in front of the mirror, I wondered what my Jiminie would think if he saw me dressed like this. I pushed the thought out. I didn't want to cry because I knew I'd be doing enough of that at the cemetery.

୧‿︵‿๑︵‿୨💜୧‿︵‿୨💜୧‿︵๑‿︵‿୨

Visiting my grandmother's grave was harder than I thought it would be. Emotions that I didn't know I'd been suppressing all came to the surface as I partook in a one-sided conversation. I told Nana Betty all about my trip to Costa Rica; I had only spoken to her once during those few days that I was in the exotic country. Remembering the trip, in some ways it felt like everything happened an eternity ago. It also felt like only a couple of weeks had passed.

As I was starting to tell my grandmother about our day exploring the jungle, Esther came back from her quick dash to the servo for a cup of coffee for us both. Last night my sister had heard the quick version of what happened; seeing as Nana Betty always wanted us to tell the truth, I poured everything out. My thoughts, feelings, fears and all the things I had experienced in the other universe were spoken. I even told them about me being intimate with Jimin—I just left out all the sordid details.

Every time Esther laughed at the funny things that had happened to me, my heart squeezed when I couldn't hear the soft melodic giggles of our grandmother. It was another reminder of our loss. This felt like a different type of grief. When Grandpa Jack died, the whole family gathered around to be with him as he took his last breath. Losing Nana Betty hit me harder. While I was closer to her than my grandfather, the pain I felt had more to do with the fact that I hadn't been here to say goodbye.

"You would love my Jiminie," I said while I wiped a leaf off the granite gravestone. "He's so handsome and the most beautiful person I've ever met. He's also got the biggest heart, and for some reason, he loves me back."

"He loves you because you are an incredible woman," Esther jumped in, the same way Nana Betty would have if she was here. "You're too hard on yourself, Nell. But I know Nana Betty would be smiling so hard knowing her granddaughter captured Park Jimin's heart."

"I don't know what to do," I whispered as fresh tears began to fall. I'd somehow been able to keep the waterworks under control; it was thinking of the man who held my heart that set them off again. "I don't want to stay here if my Jiminie isn't with me. On the other hand, I don't want to go back and then lose my life in a little over seven months."

Esther scooted closer to me and pulled me into a seated side hug. "You don't need to make the decision today. Take some time, weigh up all your options and let Future Nell worry about that. Sound good?"

Right as she finished speaking, a warm breeze settled over me like a comforting hug. It reminded me of the ending scene in one of my favourite movies, A Walk To Remember. Landon spoke of his late wife's love feeling like the wind: he couldn't see it, but he could feel it. I knew exactly what he meant because with that soft wind, I felt Nana Betty's love for the two of us and I knew I'd be okay.

I just had to have faith that my heart knew what its deepest desire was.