I couldn't shake the strange feeling that had been brewing inside me all day. When I'd woken up from the dream that had played in my mind throughout the night, I was consumed with an uncertain feeling about our plans of having a surrogate. At first, I thought it was just me having doubts because Jimin would be sleeping with another woman. As the day went on, however, it got worse.

I could tell Jimin knew something was worrying me, yet he gave me space to figure out what that was. I hated people crowding me, especially when I was in my head about things. I curled into my favourite wingback chair in the palace's library and began to put pencil to paper. Jimin had lit the fireplace to warm the room. He'd also made me a hot cup of coffee, which I could smell from its place on the table beside me.

I zoned out whilst listening to the background percussion of the fire's crackling, which blended with the melody of my pencils whirring across the paper. My brain was free to wander wherever it needed to go as I lost myself in the drawing. If I hadn't gone down the pastry chef route, I would have probably been an artist. The money wasn't in drawing as much, so the common sense of having a paying job had won out.

While I sketched, my brain sent me memories of times I spent being creative with my family. Aiden, Esther and I had been taught the value of creativity from a young age thanks to our very creative family. My brother had given up his childhood woodturning hobby when our grandfather passed. Aiden supported Caleb in fostering his creativity through music lessons, where he was learning to play both the piano and drums. Esther had turned her hobby of photography into a lucrative job. She was Nana Betty's lackey whenever our grandmother wanted photographs taken of her knitted and crocheted blankets that she made as donations for tiny and sick babies in NICU wards. Mum's love of pottery was her place of Zen after a hard shift dispatching ambos to emergencies. We had modified her pottery wheel to be accessible for her—her voice controlled the speed since she couldn't use her legs. And of course, Dad had his love of restoring old cars.

It wasn't until I placed the last strokes on the paper that I realised what my hands had drawn—Baron Richard Flufflebum. Why I had sketched a black and white picture of my Nana's cantankerous ragdoll cat was beyond me. Maybe I missed that rude, standoffish, aloof feline. Or perhaps it was because he was connected to one of my favourite family members.

The peaceful act of sketching had done its job since I knew what was bothering me. If I did anything to try and fix it, though, it might cost me my life. As much as I wanted to put off the conversation I needed to have, I knew I couldn't. So, with one last sip of the now-cold coffee and a deep breath, I headed out to my bedroom. I put on several extra layers of warm clothes, looked in the mirror and told myself that since my big girl pants were on, I had to go find Jimin.

If drawing or baking were the things I did whenever I needed to think, for Jimin, it was practising his martial arts. Just like BTS' Jimin was disciplined with dancing back in my universe where he was known to practice longer than anyone else, the version I was in love with here also had that same drive. My Jimin, however, loved taekwondo, hapkido and ssireum.

I was a bit lost about what ssireum was until I saw him and Do-Yun sparring, each with a belt around their waist and thigh. When I saw them wrestling with their hands locked onto the belts, I knew where I had seen this before. Esther had shown me a video of her beloved bias, Jungkook, wrestling one of the VIXX members at the 2016 Idol Star Championships. We were hooked by it, so we kept watching. My sister and I spent the night watching past competitions. We made up our own commentary because we couldn't understand the Korean commentators and there were no subtitles.

Cold frigid air hit my face as soon as I stepped out of the palace's warmth. With hurried strides, I made my way down to the purpose-built martial arts hall that Jimin, his brothers and the guards used to train in. The building was behind our vegetable garden. As I wandered past, my heart sank as I noticed that many of the plants Jimin and I had planted on some of our first dates were starting to die because winter was approaching fast.

"I hope my veggie garden isn't a metaphor for my life here," I whispered to myself as I continued on the gravel path. I heard grunting and the slapping of bare feet on the leather-lined mats that cushioned the floor as soon as I opened the door to the hall. As I looked around, I saw Jimin kneeling outside of the raised and padded ring, where our two guards were locked in a heated battle to overthrow the other. A few seconds later, I winced as the younger Do-Yun was bested by Him-Chan, who was up on his feet and celebrating moments later.

"Did you win, Jiminie?" I asked as I reached the Seed Bearer. He brought me into his sweaty pair of arms, which I didn't mind because he felt nice and warm. I smiled as my boyfriend nodded cutely before he pressed a light kiss to my lips.

"We let him win," Do-Yun said in between heaving breaths as he kneeled on the floor.

"You're just salty that he got the upper hand on you," Him-Chan teased. "You may be the reigning champion at taekwondo but you suck at ssireum. You try to use your body weight instead of your mind."

I was surprised to see this side of the older guard. Since the two other men were laughing, I realised that the cold and quiet side was Him-Chan's professional nature. It was nice seeing the guards relaxed and off-duty like this.

"Did you miss me, Baby?"

I tried not to moan as Jimin kissed the sensitive area beneath my ear. It was not the time nor place to be turned on like this. It took everything inside me to pull away from my pouting boyfriend.

"You know I did, Bubba," I replied with a grin. "It's a nice day outside even though it's bloody cold. I came to ask if you'd like to go for a romantic stroll. Maybe we can have lunch somewhere pretty?"

Jimin nodded with a wide smile. "Sounds perfect. I need to have a quick shower to wash off the sweat. I'll ask the kitchen staff to prepare a basket for us, okay?"

"Thank you, Jiminie. I'll meet you at the stables." He kissed my cheek and murmured that he'd see me soon. I watched him run out of the hall and I smiled at how good his bum looked in his sweats. I noticed that the two guards were gathering their things, so I headed over to where they were. "Jimin and I will take the buggy, so you guys are free to have the afternoon off. Go spend time with your wives and tell them hello from me, please."

Both Him-Chan and Do-Yun bowed in appreciation. They worked so hard here at the palace, so I could see they were happy to head home early. With a wave, I bid them both a good rest of the day. I braved the cold again and went to the stables. There, a stable hand fitted the buggy onto one of the horses.

୧‿︵‿๑︵‿୨💜୧‿︵‿୨💜୧‿︵๑‿︵‿୨

The forest was stunning. If I thought the ginkgo trees were pretty the other day, the scenery around me was simply breathtaking. Leaves in varying shades of gold, crimson, rust, tangerine, pine and khaki were clinging onto trees in hopes to withstand the winds. A thick layer of fallen leaves carpeted the ground.

"Jiminie, I don't think I can go through with this." The overarching thought that had been running through my mind worked its way out of my mouth, bypassing the filter my brain had erected to stop such a thing from happening.

Even though there was not another soul anywhere near us, Jimin's whispered "What do you mean?" was so quiet that even I almost missed it.

"Having Binna as a surrogate isn't going to work." My body came to a lurching stop, and my arm stretched backwards when Jimin froze in his tracks. I turned and hated seeing the sad and confused look that had been painted across his features.

"Why not? Nell, please don't tell me you've reconsidered me sleeping with her. Not after all the time you spent convincing me to do it two days ago."

I shook my head. "I realised something earlier and I can't believe neither of us had considered it." My boyfriend looked at me with his tongue pressed into his cheek. If it wasn't such an important conversation I was trying to have with him, I would have pushed Jimin to the ground so I could have my way with him. He looked so fucking hot when he was annoyed. "Jimin, she is Korean..."

"Yeah, I know this."

"And I am not," I said. I paused to let that fact sink in. "How are we going to pass off a baby who is 100% Korean as one who should have mixed genes?"

Any hope I saw in Jimin's eyes disappeared as I uttered the revelation I had earlier while drawing. He looked as crestfallen as I felt—all our planning was for nought. "Shit. Fuck!"

My vision became blurry as I watched Jimin crumple in on himself, his shoulders trembling. As much as I wanted to console the sobbing man, I didn't know what to say or do to make it better. Binna being our surrogate was supposed to fix our problems, not send us back to square one.

I stumbled over to one of the trees and slid down the trunk. I didn't care that my coat was being caught on the rough bark. I didn't care that I was sitting in the dirt. I didn't care that it felt like the tear tracks running down my cheeks felt like frozen rivers. I didn't care that the cold was slowly starting to seep into my bones. Seeing the man I loved more than anything break down because of me sent me into a negative headspace.

The universes were to blame for all this—as were any gods who existed, and also Fate. They were the ones at fault for bringing me to a world where I would have a short life. Because of them, I would meet the love of my life... and then die.

"We'll think of something else, Baby," the soft voice said from beside me as a hand clasped onto mine. I hadn't even heard Jimin come over despite all the dry dead leaves that would crackle underfoot. "I'm not giving up on us. There is no way in hell that I am letting anything happen to you without a fight."

His words made me tear up even more. Never in my life had I had someone fight for me like this. He hadn't walked away when things got hard—like each of my exes had. Jimin cupped my face so I'd look at him. I could see the fire behind his eyes; these were not just idle words but an unspoken promise.

"I love you, Park Jimin."

"And I love you, Elenor Bennett."

As Jimin and I meandered through the picturesque autumnal forest, we tried to come up with a solution to our fertility problems. Uttered thoughts began with 'How about...' or 'What if...' but then petered out when we realised that wouldn't work.

Even though chaos surrounded my life here, I felt at peace whenever Jimin's hands were intertwined with mine. With Jimin by my side, there was a level of serenity in knowing that I wasn't going through this alone. He could have decided that all of this wasn't worth it—that I wasn't worth it—and I wouldn't have blamed him. He was putting his entire family's reputation on the line, and possibly his life if we were caught faking a pregnancy. However, my blonde Seed Bearer said to me that I was worth everything, and he made sure to back up those claims with actions.

We were on our way back to the horse, which Jimin had unhooked from the buggy and tied where there was a nice patch of juicy grass. Neither of us had come up with any ideas, so we decided to head back to the palace where it was warm. I was marvelling at the gorgeous deciduous trees when Jimin stopped in his tracks.

"Holy shit..."