Day 78

"I can't fucking believe you!" Jimin shouted as he turned to look at me with his hands on his hips. Anger seeped from every pore. For the first time since I had met the man, I was afraid of Jimin. This version of Park Jimin had the same anger that lurked beneath the BTS member. "You should have removed yourself when you were assigned to me since you knew there was no way you'd ever be able to carry my baby."

"How the fuck was I meant to know that, Jimin?! Especially when I didn't even fucking know what I was being assigned to you for!" I yelled back. My chest heaved as anger coursed through my veins, replacing the sadness and worry I felt before. My cheeks grew wet again, though this time it was not from sadness or fear. "Jimin, I'm sorry I'm everything the women here are not. I'm sorry you got stuck with the fat, ugly woman who isn't able to do the one thing females should be able to do. I'm sorry you got caught up with how much the universes hate me."

The bedroom that had once been my sanctuary now felt like all the oxygen had been removed. I couldn't breathe. Anger coursed through my veins, which brought on another layer of frustration because of the tears streaming down my face. However, the anxiety that was building up was what had me terrified. I didn't wait to hear Jimin's response because my feet were once again taking me away from my problems. Although, this time, I wasn't just fleeing from the conflict—I was trying to protect my heart... and life. My mind figured that if the guards couldn't find me, then they couldn't sentence me to death.

My mind raced with thoughts as I raced towards the large forest that the palace backed onto. I had no idea where I was going. Self-preservation was the only thing my body worried about. My poor heart could break later when I was safe somewhere.

After a few minutes of running, my body was begging me to stop. Lactic acid seared through my legs as my lungs heaved in gasping breaths. Slowing down to a walk, I tried to get my heart rate down to a more normal pace. I was not used to running, or vigorous exercise, and I was paying for it now.

As I wandered through the forest, my mind drifted back to my interaction with the blonde man I'd given my heart to. Gone was my loving boyfriend, and in his place had been one of the seven summer Seed Bearers of Seoul. I wasn't sure what I was more upset about—Jimin's reaction... or how I'd yet again been screwed over by the universe.

Living with infertility for seven years was like climbing a never-ending mountain. Every time I'd thought that I'd reached the top, another higher peak would come out from behind the clouds. I was not only carrying the pain of losing my dream of being pregnant but also the guilt of not being able to fulfil the one evolutionary job of being a woman. The heartbreak of losing the chance to be a mother—coupled with the distrust I had towards men and relationships—had once again threatened to pull me down thanks to Jimin's reaction.

The fact that I hoped, but quietly expected, that history would change itself in another universe... well, that was the definition of insanity.

As I found a grassy knoll to rest on, it hit me how alone I was right now. After each of my break-ups back home, Esther would be there to help me pick up the pieces. This one, however, I was forced to go through alone. I mean, all I had were the clothes on my back and my phone, which I didn't even realise I was holding still.

One of the bittersweet things about having my devices with me was I had constant reminders of all the things I was missing from my universe. I had access to photos and saved videos on both my phone and tablet, as well as the messages I'd sent and received from my loved ones. All of these only made to make me more homesick at times.

I opened up my phone and clicked on the app that contained my photos. As I slowly scrolled, I saw so many pictures of my family. There were ones from our many get-togethers. I could see the transition of our lives through the many photos of birthdays, as well as other celebrations. There was so much evidence of my life growing up.

I stopped at one photo of my mother and I was instantly taken back to the day I'd taken it. She had been so happy pottering in her custom-built raised vegetable garden. She was tending to the new spring crop of delicacies since the weather was warming up. I'd been asked to take a photo of her plants so that she had a frame of reference to look at for how well they'd been growing. I thought I'd deleted this photo at the time but now it warmed my heart as I remembered my mum.

I came across the photo of my father's classic Ford XY Falcon GT. Dad had been a participant at his first large car show. Looking at this picture, I was taken back to the it was repainted. At first, I thought the car would look hideous with its new orange exterior. When I saw it paired with the black racing stripes, well I realised a car really could be sexy. The day he first displayed his pride and joy was one of the happiest days of his life—after his wedding, children being born and other monumental experiences that is.

As I scrolled through photo after photo, I reminisced about the life I'd left behind. Being away from home for 78 days might not sound like a lot. But, tears streamed down when I remembered that, since being here, I'd missed three monthly Saturday brunches with Esther and our friends, 11 weekly family dinners, and over 230 daily phone calls to my sister, mother, and Nana Betty. It had been a hard day for me a few weeks ago when it was Christof's birthday, but Jimin had been there to help cheer me up with lots of kisses.

"Fuck me dead! Can I not get one break at all?" I cursed when the alert for my calendar chimed and reminded me that today was my nephew's ninth birthday. I hadn't realised it was the 17th of September already; I would swear it was next week, but not according to my phone.

I opened up my messages app and clicked on my sister's name. There in front of me sat the long line of undelivered messages that I had written to Esther. Each day I'd been here, I had written to her in messages that I knew would never go through. Some told her about the activities I'd done, along with my thoughts, feelings and fears. It was my way of being connected with my twin while we were universes apart.

Tears fell at the same fast speed my fingers moved across the phone's keyboard. I'd never been a person who did stream of consciousness writing, except today it seemed like I was. Words flowed as I typed to Esther what had happened this morning with Jimin. I included his reaction and how it made me feel. I told her about how she'd be proud that I'd stood up for myself but that I'd also run away in fear for my safety. Finally, I asked her to wish Caleb a happy birthday for me and told her where his present was. Pressing send, I watched the red exclamation mark alert pop up. Like the other ones, this message couldn't be sent; it would join the hundreds of other messages I'd written to my family that were lost in the ether.

I laid down on the soft grass of the knoll I'd landed in and looked up at the tree-filled canopy above me. While the trees looked different to the ones I'd grown up with and the birds sounded different, I still felt the same relaxation here as I did in the bush. I wondered whether I would ever see the Aussie bush again.

I began quietly singing Happy Birthday to my nephew. I imagined him blowing out the candles on the cake I would have spent hours creating. I could picture Aiden trying to hurry his husband to stop all the photo-taking so we could eat it. This year, Caleb had one request for his birthday cake: something that had both Naruto and Gamabunta on it. Since I was not a fan of anime, I had spent months researching and sketching the perfect cake for him.

I hoped that because I wasn't there, my nephew and the rest of my family wouldn't be too sad today. I had enough sadness flowing through me for all of us. Thinking of how Jimin had spent Christof's birthday trying to cheer me up sent a pang through my heart. He wouldn't be doing the same today.

"Happy birthday, my little Giggle Bear," I whispered with the hope that the universe would send my love to the little boy whose giggles gave me life.

I closed my eyes. The fun times I'd spent with my family played across the back of my eyelids as if there was a projector in my mind. These memories were bittersweet. "I miss you, and if I never see you again, know I love you all with my whole heart and soul," I murmured into the silent air around me. I sent out a silent prayer that the universe would pass my message on so that my family knew I was okay.

⊱ ───ஓ๑💜๑ஓ ─── ⊰

Day 79

I woke up stiff and sore. I hadn't meant to fall asleep; I guess I was too exhausted after my crying session yesterday to continue with my escape plans. I'd spent who knows how long reminiscing fun times with my loved ones. Each memory brought fresh tears—some of happiness but mostly tears of isolation and sadness.

As I stretched, I heard a line of cracking sounds fill the air as my back and neck muscles popped back in place. The relief was instant; I found it easier, and less painful, to move. I grabbed my phone, which was now dead, and looked around me. It had been many hours that I'd been here, and I couldn't remember which direction I'd come from. I turned so the sun was to the right of me, which indicated east since it was very early in the morning. This was one habit I'd broken since coming here—I was not an early riser anymore.

Now that I had my orientation set, I visualised where I thought the palace was and headed in the opposite direction. I hoped by travelling southwards, I'd find myself heading away from anyone who might've been looking for me. Once again, my Uncle Curtis' orienteering lessons were paying off.

The forest was an easy walk. The ground was mostly flat, and the only hazards were the occasional exposed root of a large tree. It was very different from the bush I knew. The Queensland bush was dry with woody shrubs and bushes that grew amongst the eucalypt trees. In contrast, the pine forest I found myself in was green and thriving with plant life.

꧁♥💜♥꧂

Judging by the position of the sun, which had now tracked to be higher in the sky, I estimated I'd been walking for at least an hour. I'd been enjoying the birdsong around me. It felt like I was one of those lucky ARMY who got sound check tickets before a concert. But, instead of the seven men singing, here I had whistles, chortles, and trills in the air.

That was until voices broke the serene solitude that I'd found myself in. Hearing my name being called sent panic coursing through my veins.

"This is it, the day I'm going to die," I whispered to myself as I sprinted in the opposite direction. The only thing that was guiding me was a sense of self-preservation. I knew I needed to escape the disembodied voices, or else I'd meet my doom.

Tree after tree flew past me. I didn't stop. Not even when branches whipped across my skin. My lungs heaved in deep breaths. I willed my legs to keep going. The lactic acid was once again building. That was the least of my worries though, especially when a body slammed into mine like a front-row rugby player.

"No, no, no," I chanted, half in disbelief that I was on the ground underneath a man. Although not just any man... my Seed Bearer who had been furious yesterday. I couldn't look Jimin in the eye, partly because I knew my heart wouldn't be able to bear to see the anger in his beautiful brown eyes. And besides, the tears trailing from my eyes into my hair had distorted my vision.

"No. Let me go, Jimin. J-Just pretend you never saw me. I'll be off of your property as soon as I can, I promise. I-I don't want to d-die." I flinched and recoiled in fear as a hand landed on my face. My body was too much in flight or fight mode to recognise the gesture for what it was—a loving touch.

"No one's going to kill you, Baby. I won't let them." I was so confused. Yesterday, Jimin had been so furious upon hearing of my infertility. Was he saying he wouldn't let anyone kill me because he wanted to do it himself?

"Please, Jimin. Don't do this. Please don't kill me," I pleaded through gritted teeth as I tried to keep my emotions in check.

For the first time since he'd crash-landed on me, I looked at Jimin's face. I hoped that there was some goodness and love still in his heart towards me. A thought popped into my head that I never expected.

'Is this how victims of killers feel in the moments before their life is taken?'

I saw what I thought looked like confusion flit across his handsome face before he sighed deeply. "Is this why you ran, Sweetheart? Did you think what happened to Jennie was going to happen to you, too?"

My heart stopped beating as I heard her name. I'd imagined something similar would happen to me. Remembering the fear on her pretty face reminded me of the consequences my infertility would bring. I began thrashing as I attempted to throw Jimin's body off my own. I needed to get away. I needed to survive.

"Nell, I searched too long to find you to allow anyone—even myself—to harm a single hair on your head."

I didn't believe him. As much as the sentiment behind Jimin's words was nice, I was in survival mode. Words were not going to save me... distance was.

"I can see what's going through your head. No one is going to hurt you because they don't know what happened yesterday," he said in a soft and gentle voice. His small hand cupped my cheek in his hand and began wiping my tears away. "Everyone is looking for you because they think you got lost. I've told no one of your secrets, and I never will."

My eyes widened to what I could only imagine was a comical size. With all the scenarios that had flitted through my head over the hours since I ran away, this was not one I'd even considered. When I'd told him the truth, Jimin was so angry to the point that I was terrified. As much as I'd hoped he would not give into that rage, I had no idea what he truly was capable of when it came to enforcing the Seed Bearer laws.

"I love you, Nell," he told me with complete confidence as he stared into my eyes. "You're the other half of my soul, the one who holds my heart forever. If something happened to you or I lost you, I wouldn't survive."

"You scared me, Jimin," I muttered in a soft voice. "You were so angry yesterday. I was terrified that the last interaction with you before I was sent to my death would be one of anger."

"I know, Baby, and I'm so sorry. Even though I was shocked by what you told me, I should have never reacted that way." I felt something wet hit my cheek and when I looked up, I saw Jimin's chubby cheeks streaked with moisture. "I will never forgive myself for scaring you like that, and I promise I'll spend the rest of our lives making it up to you."

"I'm sorry too." I gently pushed his chest so that he'd sit up. It was getting uncomfortable lying on the twigs with his weight on top of me. "I shouldn't have run off like that, especially after dropping a huge bomb on you."

"I understand why you did, and to be honest, I'd probably do the same if I were in your shoes." He looked down and burst out laughing. My frown morphed into a pout when my eyes trailed to where his finger was pointing. "I have to admit, My Love, you look much better wearing my shoes than I would wearing yours."

"They were the first pair I saw in the cupboard," I whined, hiding my face in his chest. "I didn't have a lot of time to double-check who's they were, you know."

୧‿︵‿๑︵‿୨💜୧‿︵‿୨💜୧‿︵๑‿︵‿୨

"Yes, just like that! Don't stop, Jimin." I moaned uncontrollably.

It seemed like two rounds of sex weren't enough for the blonde man. Jimin had his head buried between my legs; his tongue trailed through my folds and lapped up my slick wetness. As soon as we'd arrived back at the palace, Jimin had dragged me up to our room and pushed me against the wall. Neither of us cared that we were too impatient for foreplay, and the feeling of his hard cock thrusting into me in one fast movement had us both groaning with need. Jimin had been like a madman as he fucked me. It took an embarrassingly short time for me to cum around his cock, which caused him to release inside me.

The second round had been slow and tender. Jimin had moved us to the bed, where he laid me down before straddling my hips. "I hated hearing the way you spoke about yourself, Sweetheart," he'd said. The look in his eyes contained both good and bad emotions. Love and disappointment were the two strongest. "My heart broke when you called yourself fat, ugly and less than the other women."

His lips attached themselves to my neck. I could tell my skin would be marked in the morning from his stinging, yet pleasurable bites and sucking kisses. I didn't care, though. I would wear his hickeys with pride. The blonde man on top of me proceeded to worship my body in the places where I thought I was most flawed. Between his kisses, the sweet and loving words, and the way he held me like I was the most precious thing in the world to him, I knew Jimin was trying to override the negative ways that I viewed my body with how he saw it.

My flabby stomach was now the soft place where he could rest his head after hours of lovemaking. My thighs, which were so much thicker than other women's, were showered in praise for how strong they were, and how they made him feel safe when I wrapped them around his body. My reproductive system, which had caused me the most grief lately, wasn't the barren wasteland that I thought it was. Instead, it was a sign of how resilient I was and how I risked everything for a healthy and pain-free life.

Jimin gazed lovingly at my face and told me how beautiful I was to him. He said that there was no comparison between me and the women here because 'you can't compare angels to mere humans'. He plied my heart with kisses, saying how I had the warmest and biggest heart of anyone he'd ever met. He said it was my heart that made him fall in love with me.

By the time Jimin had entered me, I did not doubt that he loved me. Our lovemaking was filled with passionate kisses as he sunk slowly in and out of me. Halfway through, he pulled out and asked me to ride him. Seeing Jimin underneath me as I rocked on his dick was a sight I never wanted to forget. With a swipe of his thumb over my clit and declarations of love and praise, we hurtled over the cliff together.

After the stress of the past 24 hours, combined with the two amazing orgasms, I'd fallen asleep only to be woken up by my hips undulating and my heart racing. Jimin's tongue was sin personified. It could speak the most beautiful, romantic and loving words and then eat me out like no one else.

"Come on, Sweetheart. Cum on my tongue," he growled. The vibration of his voice against my clit was the push I needed.

With a keening moan, I succumbed to the sensations. My orgasm washed over me in waves, lingering as he flicked my clit continuously the way I liked it before pulling away once I'd come down. Jimin flopped down next to me and pulled me into his arms. I could taste the mixture of our releases on his lips and tongue when he kissed me.

"You always taste so delicious," he murmured into my neck, where he was laying soft kisses on my skin.

"Even when I'm filled with your cum?" I breathlessly asked, still trying to calm my frantically beating heart. I huffed a chuckle as he nodded cutely. "How can you look so adorable and cute moments after eating my soul from my body?"

"Must be my talent," Jimin replied quietly. He pulled away from my neck and rested his head on the pillow beside mine.

"You're it for me. You know that, Bubba?"

I revelled in the glory that was lying in Jimin's arms. I had no answers for where we were going to go from here, but right now I couldn't care less. I used to think my happy place was in the kitchen or a pretty garden. I now knew it was Park Jimin—my happy place wasn't a location, but a person.

"You're it for me, too, Nell." Jimin's soft voice pulled me from my thoughts. "You are the love of my life, the only one I want. My heart belongs to you forever."

"You're it for me, too, Nell." Jimin's soft voice pulled me from my thoughts. "You are the love of my life, the only one I want. My heart belongs to you forever."

I could tell there was more he was wanting to say with the way his voice rose with infliction. I hoped there wasn't a 'but' coming. Instead of saying anything, I waited, giving him time to pull his thoughts together so he could tell me himself.

"I'm terrified, My Love," he finally said after what felt like hours of waiting. "If you're not pregnant by the end of a year..."

Neither of us said the words that completed that statement. We did not want to utter them in case it came true. I couldn't bear to even think of the possibility of not being with Jimin.

"Hey, it will be okay, Baby."

I looked at him as if he had grown another head. How could it be okay? If I wasn't pregnant by the end of the year, I would lose my life. Seeing as there was no way for me to fall pregnant, I didn't want to dwell on the inevitable anymore.

"I realised something just now..." When he told me what that was, I couldn't help but let my hope grow.

'Why didn't I think about that? I'm sure Jiminie and I could come up with a way to fake a pregnancy.'