PETER PARKER
Present

My phone rang for the seventh time when I finally picked it up.

Ned.

I shifted my weight onto my left leg and debated picking up or not.

It could be important, right?

I've avoided him ever since Mysterio had leaked my identity. I avoided everyone, in fact. Aunt May must've been worried sick... I got a queasy feeling in my stomach from the guilt. MJ and I were just starting our relationship too. Are we broken up now? I haven't spoken to her in a month now. No one officially said anything, I just disappeared.

The only people that know where I am are Happy and Fury. I didn't even want Fury to know but he's impossible to hide information from.

I was pulled from my distracting thoughts when my phone buzzed in my hand for the eighth time. I promised Happy that I wouldn't talk to anyone, but maybe Ned could be an exception. After all, he's my guy in the chair.

"Hey, Ned," I spoke into the phone quietly.

"Peter!" he basically screamed in my ear as I turned down the volume a few notches. "Where have you been? We all thought you were dead!"

I rubbed my elbow guiltily. That's all I ever felt nowadays. Guilt.

"I just... had to get away for a while," I somewhat lied. I honestly didn't even completely know why I left. I felt betrayed, scared, heartbroken, I guess I just panicked.

He scoffed, "get away? What do you mean get away?"

"I just had to get my mind off of things for a while."

"How long is a while?"

"As long as it takes."

He paused, "as long as what takes?"

My breathing hitched in my throat as I struggled to find the right words to say next.

As long as it takes to feel whole again.

"The mission," I lied.

"The mission?" he questioned, "what mission? Why are you acting so weird?"

"How's MJ?" I breathed heavily, trying to break apart from the topic.

Ned didn't respond for a few seconds and I could practically feel suspicion radiating from the phone. "She looks fine, but I think it's just a front she's been putting up. I can't really tell though because she always looks kinda dead inside."

I laughed and smiled at the thought.

"Peter," he pleaded suddenly, "please tell me what's been going on. You know you can trust me- I'm your guy in the chair!"

I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair messily. "It's not you that I don't trust and you know that," I told him seriously.

"I miss you, Pete." His voice grew quiet, "we all do."

My heart squeezed painfully in my chest, once again ridden with guilt. I wanted to tell him that I missed him too. Everyone. Maybe even more than they did. I miss the way things used to be.

"I'm sorry," I whispered into the phone. "I have to go."

My thumb was hovering over the end call button when he squeaked out, "wait!"

He panted, "listen, the reason I called you is important and you have to listen to me." I nodded curiously even though he couldn't see me, "it's MJ... she's been getting these messages."

"What kind of messages?" I pondered, leaning against the cold wall that caused a shiver to run down my spine.

"They're threatening her."

My entire body froze in fear.

"What?!" I panicked into the phone, "with what? What do they want?"

Ned sighed into the speaker, "you," he mumbled, "they want you."

I started to freak out.

"What do they want with me?"

If MJ gets hurt because of me I'm going to absolutely lose it. First Mr Stark, then Quentin, now MJ? Can't I catch a break from losing the people I love?

My eyes widened at the thought-

Love?

Mr Stark was like the father I never had. He believed in me when everyone else didn't, and even if he was wrong in doing so, that didn't mean I cared about him any less. Of course I loved him. But the thought of loving Quentin and MJ? Now that's what really scared me.

I didn't even know Beck for that long, whatever we were, whatever we felt for each other wasn't long enough to call love. I mean, I'm pretty sure. But that doesn't matter anymore anyway. My heart twisted in my chest painfully at the thought.

And with MJ, yeah, I really do like her. But it felt weird to think that, like some kind of betrayal to Beck even though he was dead, we weren't ever officially together and he hated me. I bet she hates me now too. It really has been an entire month of me being the world's biggest douche and worst boyfriend ever. If you'd even call us that anymore.

"I don't know," Ned spoke, "but we need to figure it out, and soon! Maybe we c-"

"Babe? Who are you talking to?" a voice interrupted on the phone.

Is that Betty?

"I'm talking to, um, my mom," he stuttered nervously.

I heard a gasp, "what's wrong with Mrs Leeds? Is she alright, babe?" she worried over the phone as I eavesdropped.

"Y-yeah," he scrambled and tried to find a reasonable enough lie, "she was asking... uh, asking..."

"Asking what, babe?" I heard her high pitched voice again ask.

"Um, asking... the causes of having explosive diarrhea..." I had to muffle my laugh from the other side of the phone, just about nearly pissing myself from laughing so hard.

"Oh, babe that's easy!" She exclaimed, "It could be excessive fiber intake, a gastronomical infection, new m-"

"Ok, thank you for the help!" Ned damn near squealed, "I'll make sure to tell her that!"

I heard a giggle, a door closing and a deep sigh. "So," I laughed, "I take it you and Betty got back together?"

"Really? What makes you think that?" He snickered, "what can I say, the ladies can never resist me!"

"I know you can't see me, but my eyes just rolled so far into the back of my head that I think they might be stuck."

We both chuckled into the phone before there was a long silence. "Do you ever miss things?" he questioned, "The way things used to be. Before all the superhero stuff, when you were just plain old Peter Parker?"

I stepped back and rested against the headboard above my bed.

"All the time," I said quietly and reminisced, "I know it sounds crazy, but I miss geeking out with you over legos, getting rejected by every girl in school, reading exaggerated comic books. I miss everything." I cut myself off, "and I know I sound like such an ungrateful jerk and how many people wish they had the chance to be a superhero. Don't get me wrong, I love it. Ninety nine percent of the time I love it. But that one percent... That one percent sucks, it just sucks so much, man," my voice cracked sadly.

Neither of us spoke, just silently taking in my words. I honestly didn't know half of the things I just said before I said them.

"Peter, you're not an ungrateful jerk for not wanting to miss out on the experiences normal people get to have. You can never seem to catch a break, can you? I'm probably more excited about you being a superhero than you are about being one, but even I get where you're coming from." he stated with a hint of pity lingering in his voice.

"Thank you," I hesitated before a cocky, evil grin appeared on my face. "Babe."

He groaned loudly into the phone, "you're just jealous I've found true love!"

Listening to him speak, the first person I thought of wasn't MJ. It was Beck. I hate to admit that I wasn't too surprised about that.

"Ned," I caught his attention, "there's something I wanted to talk to you about."

"What about?" he quizzed.

I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to figure out how to tell my friend that I'm gay for the man who ruined my life, killed dozens of people and got away with it.

"Okay, so, I know what you're gonna say and just hear me out, please?"

"Yeah," he exhaled. "Of course."

"I really don't know how to say this because I'm not even completely done processing it myself, and I'm aware of how psychotic I sound." I groaned, "remember the night when Fury came into our hotel room during our school trip and shot you with a tranquilizer gun?"

"Who could forget that?!" he exclaimed, pure excitement practically dripping from his voice. "That must be the coolest thing that's ever happened to me!"

I chuckled, "well anyway, that's the night that I met Mysterio, Fury had introduced us. He said that he was going to help me stop the Elementals, and that was when we didn't know that-"

"That Mysterio is a filthy, disgusting, lying traitor?"

I shifted nervously, "uh, that's kind of what I wanted to talk to you about."

"Proceed," he urged.

I coughed uncomfortably. "Back when we first met, he was someone that I was really close to."

Too close.

"You and I are best buddies until the end obviously. He just..." I trailed off. "He just got what I was going through. What I am going through. He could relate, he understood me."

"Don't worry, I get it," Ned told me. "But why is that important? You sounded like what you wanted to talk about was something serious."

"It is," I deadpanned. "I just want you to understand what I have to tell you before I actually say it."

"Alright," he said in blunt confusion. "Go on."

I pressed my fist against my forehead in anticipation and grumbled out a response. "It felt so good to have someone to understand. Going through the war with Thanos, watching Mr Stark die, having everyone depending on me to be the next Ironman... It just felt good to not be alone. Too good."

I felt my eyes sting a little in fear.

So I can fight bad guys with ease, but I want to cry over admitting I liked some stupid guy?

"What I'm about to say, you can't laugh." I demanded, "it's seriously serious and very top secret, exclusive guy in the chair information."

"Peter oh my god just get on with it!" he pretended to be annoyed but I could hear the interest lingering in his tone.

"I..." My whole body was fidgeting as I prepared myself to expose all of my vulnerability to my friend, "I was in lo-"

"Babe!" Betty bursted into Ned's room. "Do you know if Mrs Leeds has a fever?" she asked him, not even reacting to how gross the topic was.

"Now isn't the time, Ba-"

"Or if her stool is black or bloody? Because if not then I found some medication that we can bring her?"

Ned ushered her out of the room in embarrassment and tried to stifle a laugh. "Thanks, I'll be sure to give it to her!" Then the door slammed shut again and I heard the click of the door locking this time.

Normally I would've died hysterically laughing, but after finally building up the courage to tell Ned how I felt about Beck and having the intimate, vulnerable moment ruined, I felt no humor in the situation. At all.

"Sorry about that," Ned laughed into the phone. "What were you going to say?" I shook my head, more for myself than him.

"It's nothing, forget it," I said in an icy tone. I didn't mean to take my disappointment out on him. It wasn't his fault, or Betty's, or even Quentin's.

It was my own.

It was my own fault for being so damn sensitive. My own fault for falling in love with the man that broke my heart in half and destroying every ounce of trust I had left in my body! The blame all landed on me, no matter how you looked at it. Everything is my fault. All the time.

The words echoed in my mind that Beck had said to me when I first found out about his lies.

"Maybe if you were good enough, Tony would still be alive."

And maybe you would be too, Quentin Beck.