(WHAT?! A NEW CHAPTER ALREADY?! OMFG. Yes. You are SO welcome. I hope you guys vote and especially COMMENT because I want to see your reactions to this chapter!)

[Leo's Point Of View]

Even though the past few weeks with Derek was equivalent to riding a rollercoaster, the fun was over and it was time to return to real life. I spent a lot of time and money to be able to spend as much time as I could with him before my responsibilities caught up to me.

Before all of the past events, Derek and I only saw each other every other week. It was hard, and spending time with him every weekend made me realize how much being together made us better than being apart. Wounds healed just because we were able to be together. But what were we supposed to do? Life was never fair to those who deserve a break. Most people had to work triple the amount just to be even considered at the same level as others.

It was so much fun spending time with Derek. It brought back so many feelings I felt like I lost. I was happy and I knew he was, too. But now I had to return to school and my job before I lost both. If I forced myself to think positively, then I was almost done with school. My next step was going to be the hardest, because it felt like every time I opened up a book I wanted to do something different. The world inspired me over and over and I felt like putting myself in one box for the rest of my life was . . . wrong.

Not gonna lie, I cried on the drive back home. Replacing fun with stress was just peachy!

But Leo was no simple bitch! Ninety percent of my tears were because I knew I wasn't going to see Derek for a while. Missing him brought a heartache that reminded me of my first time being in love with him.

The next few weeks were going to be long and dreadful, but no matter the amount of self-hatred and disappointment, I was going to look straight ahead and not lose sight of my goal.

With the deepest, most dramatic sigh ever, I entered the dormitory. Thankfully, I wasn't the only one who looked miserable. There were a couple of students walking in with sulken faces. I noticed a few with red eyes and I just simply nodded at them.

It really shouldn't affect me considering I still studied and worked every week, but the weekends with Derek were so incredibly entertaining that I forgot all about the week. I even enjoyed my time with Sasha.

When I started heading towards Asha's room, I remembered I was done avoiding Nathan and I got a burst of nervousness. I promised I would go back to our room. I had completely forgot about it. I made the trip back downstairs and slowly walked to my room.

Was he there? It was only eight and he could still be out partying. I knew that he didn't go back to his parent's house this weekend so he must have stayed, unless he stayed over a friend's house. Why was I even asking myself this? Who cares. We made up, right?

Standing in front of the door, I wondered if I should knock or just walk in. What would Leo do?

I'd for sure walk in regardless of what was happening behind the door. I pulled out my key, shoved it in and kicked the door open, marching inside with my heavy luggage behind me. I stopped dead in my tracks when I saw an unfamiliar girl sitting on my bed with her legs crossed, watching Nathan on his bed playing his guitar.

"Oh," the girl said, standing straight up.

Why was I jealous?

I was hesitant to close the door behind me because I wanted to throw the girl out, but that was only inner Leo, outer Leo had to be nice.

Nathan looked at me and for a second wasn't sure of what expression to use, so he settled on excited.

"Leo," he breathed out, standing up and putting his guitar down on the bed. He walked over to me and I could tell he was trying his hardest to act normal, so I squinted my eyes as he hugged me. I accepted it but I didn't return it. "I missed you."

As he pulled back, I saw that there was something wrong with his right arm–it was in a cast.

"What happened?" I asked, worried.

"Oh, I fell and broke my arm. It's okay though, it will heal."

The cast was white and clean of signatures and penis drawings. This wasn't the first time he broke a bone and he hated when people wrote or drew things on the cast.

"How are you even playing the guitar?" I asked.

"Oh!" He turned back to look at the girl. "I was just trying to see if I could. Alexa, this is Leo. Leo, this is Alexa."

Instead of going for a friendly handshake, Alexa came at me and hugged me. I also didn't hug back.

"Hi, Leo! It's nice meeting you," she said, stepping back when she saw how uncomfortable I was. "Wow. He's way cuter in person."

"Heh," I said.

"She wanted to know what my roommate looked like a while ago, so I showed her a picture of us," he explained to me.

"Thanks, but I'm extremely gay and allergic to anything . . . womanly," I said, smiling back at her.

She laughed a little too loudly to my joke and then dabbed.

I blinked four times and felt like I had a seizure.

"Did she just dab?" I murmured to myself.

"Anyway, thanks for hanging out," she said to Nathan. "I'll talk to you later. Goodnight, guys!" The dabbing girl with long brown hair and a boring face walked between us and left our room. I closed the door and locked it to make sure she wouldn't come back.

The room fell silent as I dragged my belongings inside. I threw a bag into the hamper as I put clean clothes away. I could feel Nathan's eyes burning into my skin. A voice in my head was telling me to turn around and talk to him, but I had nothing to say. Too many conversations were going through my head and none of them fit. There was no reason I should force myself to start a conversation just for the sake of not keeping things awkward. I shouldn't have to do that if things were okay between us, so I had nothing to say, because to me things were fine.

But the voice was still there, nagging me, pulling my wig off.

"She's just a friend, by the way," he said.

I stopped putting my things away and made a frown.

This was the reason why I was thinking too much about what I wanted to say! He made the mistake I was hoping I wouldn't make. Because Nathan was in love with me, it made things a bit complicated. We made up, sure, but there was still a problem . . . he was still in love with me. He couldn't just stop feeling that way towards me after one day. I mean . . . he truly believed he had a chance when Derek and I broke up. His feelings for me were too real.

So, that being said, I couldn't go back to the way we used to communicate. If I said the wrong thing, it would hurt him and potentially make things worse. Not to mention it could make Derek trust me less if I started just acting like Nathan and I were soulmates.

Basically, no matter what I did, everyone was going to be hurt. I felt lost . . . I had no answers. What was I supposed to do? On one hand I just wanted my best friend back, I wanted the way we used to be back, but on the other hand my relationship deserved respect and how much was too far?

I sat on my bed, exhausted and emotionally drained.

"I don't care if she's just a friend or more," I said as I placed my hand on my forehead.

Did he say it because he still had hope that I would one day be his? Like a little reassurance that he was still in love with me? Because if that was the case . . . we weren't going to be okay.

"Leo, you get jealous every time I make new friends because you think they'll replace you," he said as he sat on his bed, playing with his hands.

"I know we had a talk," I started as I stared at the ceiling, "but I'm going to be honest, like I always am."

"Honest is good."

"It didn't give me the satisfaction I needed."

"What does that mean?"

"It means I'm still overthinking everything and I don't want to do it anymore. I don't want to keep worrying about what I'm going to say next. I don't want to give you false hope and hurt you. I just want to go back to the way we were but I feel like that's impossible to do now."

If he tried to argue me by saying something stupid like 'nothing has changed between us' then I was going to go right ahead and remind him how he broke down in front of me because he loved me and couldn't take another breath without telling me how he truly felt. That wasn't something you did just for funsies. That was a real moment and I knew he wanted to pretend it didn't happen. He wasn't about emotions, just like Derek.

"I told you I'll be fine," he said, his tone getting serious, but with the cast it made him look silly and no way in hell I could take him serious. "You're still my best friend and that's not going to change. If you want to go back to the way we used to be, then lets do it. No matter what happens, I'm always going to love you. Doesn't matter what kind of love it is."

Don't cry you bitch, not now. Later, I promise babe - Leo

"You can't say that," I said, trying my hardest to not let my voice crack like a fifteen year old seeing boobs for the first time. "It does matter. Because if you love me that way, then it means everything I do and say will hurt you."

He shook his head. "No, because I've felt like this for a long time, Leo. That's what you don't understand. Yes, I've said some things that I shouldn't have and honestly it was embarrassing, but I was full of emotions because I feel like I've been through a lot with you. I've always been scared of losing you. It was a weak moment and I can never undo it, I just have to live with it. But before you knew, I still loved you. It's not a new thing for me. Even with Derek in the picture, I dealt with it." He used his good hand to lay back carefully on his bed. He might be getting teary-eyed now and was trying to hide it. "Everyone has hope that they might have a chance with someone, even if it's like one percent. That's why I said why I said. I was desperate. I thought . . . Well, he's single now, if I don't say something, someone else might come in. I didn't think straight."

"Oh, fuck it," I said, jumping from my bed to his. I landed on his body and I began to snuggle up against him like a worm.

"Wow, so lucky it's my right arm I broke otherwise you would have just snapped it again."

"I MISSED YOU SO MUCH, NATHAN!" I cooed as I rolled my body over his like a rolling pin. I was going to flatten him like a pancake.

"Are you trying to break all of my bones? Is this your plan?"

"Yep! With all of your bones broken, we can't get drugged again and have sex!"

"Woah! Hey, come on, that's not funny."

I planked on his body, my nape resting against the space between his shoulder and head.

"I don't care, I'm a changed Leo," I said quietly, knowing he could hear me fine as my mouth was close to his ear. "I had a fun past couple of weekends, now I'm going to turn my weeks happy, too. From now on it's happy thoughts and positive energy only! Life will be great!" Tears started running down my face as I spewed my lies. "I'm gonna be a happy Leo," I cried.

"There there." Nathan patted my stomach like I was a dog.

"Why is life so hard?" I said with shaky breaths.

"Hey, I know you have classes tomorrow, but there's this bonfire at the beach tonight–"

"I'm in."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I'm sure."

"I'd love to go, but you're like . . ." He poked my ribs.

Without moving a muscle, I slid off his body naturally. I was a real worm.

The day had been a long one and I barely got any sleep last night, but bonfire parties were the best. There was nothing more peaceful and relaxing than a bunch of cool people surrounding a large hypnotic fire on a beautiful beach. It might be just what I needed to clear my head.

I let Nathan drive us. When I climbed in my car, I could barely keep my eyes open. He asked me a dozen times if I was sure I wanted to come; I nodded every time. When we got to the beach, we separated to say hello to our different set of friends. The friends that we did not share were on different levels. Nathan had straight guy friends who enjoyed talking about boobs, sports and beer. And sure, I could maybe relate to those topics–if the topics were about boob transplants, the breathtaking sport that was drag and lovely homosexual alcohol.

My friends were all either girls or gays, and they were intimidating, so Nathan stayed away. It was strange to think about this moment and how different we truly were when we put ourselves on a table. Nathan and I have been publicly best friends for years, everybody knew. But when you put what made us who we were on display for everyone to see, examine, inspect and judge, then it was almost confusing how we even managed to find each other and have this close, unshakable bond.

My friends forced a couple of cold beers into my hands to celebrate life. I stopped after the third, as I did not want to be drunk when I had school tomorrow. I became tipsy, but not enough that it would change my personality. I was still me.

"Hey, Leo!" Rayden waved at me from the otherside of the fire.

"Hi, Ray!" I shouted.

"How are you?"

Depressed. Miserable. Overwhelmingly anxious. "I'm good! Where's Bill?"

"He's sick. The flu got him."

"Aw, sorry to hear that."

"Can I take a picture with you?"

"Sure! Come on over!"

We took a picture and it started a train of everyone wanting to take pictures with me. Suddenly I was famous. I hadn't realized I looked so good today, especially after crying and barely getting any sleep. Technically, I should be looking dead. Was that the new lewk?

Nathan was still talking to his friends. I could see him from the log I was sitting on even though he was a bit further from the bonfire. He was wearing a green hoodie with the sleeves rolled up and his hair unkempt. I kind of hoped he let it grow so he changed the hairstyle. I was so over the hipster style and he was no hipster. He looked good with the sides shaved, but please, no more.

He looked over at me, catching me staring, and made my heart start racing. The fire flickered between us, swaying side to side, rising higher than normal as someone fueled it. His eyes glowed from the reflection of the fire and captivated me. He cracked a simple smile when neither of us averted our eyes.

There was a reason why I wanted to escape as soon as I knew his real feelings towards me. There was a reason why I hid from him. There was a reason why I ran away every time I saw him walking down a hall. There was a reason why I couldn't figure out what to do when the answer was simple. There was a reason why I didn't want to lose him.

Breathing in and out, I began to ponder–was it possible to be in love with two people?

~ Squishy is back from vacation and he's ready to help you move to the next scene

It was Monday, I spent the first few hours of my morning finishing off an email I had to send to my professor, then spent the next four hours in classes and contemplating jumping off the highest building in campus.

There was so much running through my mind that I barely paid attention and it only made me more anxious. I was already stressing with the fact that I wanted to drop out of school, now I had a new thought tormenting me every second.

Could it be true? It couldn't be, right? There was no way. I knew myself better than anyone else.

But then why did I doubt myself? Why was I so confused? As much as I hated it, I was an adult man. I was not a child with confused emotions and hormones. These were adolescence problems, not adult Leo problems.

There was a point in my day where I hunched over and felt like puking. I was so scared and I could feel it all over my body like a sheet of ice. The weather was a perfect Californian day, but I was an empty cold tomb.

I couldn't . . . be in love with Nathan. It wasn't possible. I knew this because I was in love with Derek. That was an undeniable fact. My love for Derek never changed. What I felt for him had been untouched since the first time I met him. No matter how many fights we had and how many issues seemed to rise between us, I loved him. I would die for him without even thinking about it. I wouldn't just take a bullet for him, I'd let Jigsaw take me instead of him and be tortured in his place.

So why was I even considering this? No way it was real. I was just . . . emotional and sad, because deep inside I knew that Nathan and I weren't going to be the same. And like I said many times, he was like a brother to me, my bestest friend in the world, it was hard to lose that.

I was working now. I didn't have any real important school things to work on, so I accepted a couple of hours. I was going to be home late, which was nice. Nothing worse right now than having to spend HOURS in a room with Nathan. I needed time away from everyone, even if it was just for a short time.

One thing I was sure of . . . I had to keep this a secret. I couldn't talk to anyone about it, no matter how close we were, no matter how much trust we had. This was something I had to figure out for myself.

And also because I didn't trust any of these hoes.

My job was actually a peaceful place to be when I was having a meltdown. It was a clothing store for women. The store was located in a weird place; between a BurgerQueen and an adult store. I never had to deal with stupid customers as most of them were lovely ladies just shopping. The store was dark, cool and mysterious. The floor was shiny black marble that went well with the plain black walls adorned with black and white photos of models wearing the store's items.

The one thing I disliked about working here was the fact that I was forced to wear a fancy suit every time. It was so expensive that I only had one pair. I looked good, but was it worth the struggle? Yes, because I looked damn fine and you know Derek wishes he was up in this.

"Excuse me, is there a smaller size for this?" a woman asked, holding up a very revealing bathing suit.

"Under the table where you got it," I told her. She was a tall woman, she must not have noticed the other sizes.

"Thanks!"

Okay, now back to my little dilemma.

Was I in love with Nathan? How did I even come up to that conclusion? I had to bring up everything that made me feel that way.

Did I have those special butterflies with him? Yes. I always assumed it was because he made me so happy.

Did he sexually arouse me? Okay, this question was hard, because anything with a penis made me hard. It wasn't that hard to make me hard. I was as easy as an easy bake oven. Just shove things in me and be disappointed when it's done.

Nathan was cute, that was obvious. But was he attractive in a way that made me feel things for him? No, no way. He was attractive and hot but those thoughts were always just wrong for me to have, so I never focused too much on what he looked like. He was good looking and that was the end of it. A lot of my friends were good looking, even more than Derek, and I didn't want to fuck them.

Now the important part . . . Why didn't I want to lose him? Why was it that when Derek asked me to stop talking to him, I refused, even though it could mean the end of my relationship with him. I valued what Derek and I had more than anything, so why did I do that?

In a way, I just wanted Derek to understand me. I was angry because he never seemed to take the time to listen to me, understand my side of things and just try to be good. So I guess in a way I did it because I was furious–it was toxic if your partner was deciding who you should and shouldn't be friends with. But then again, we ended up having some weird sex. I cheated. Even if I was drugged, it still happened, it was still cheating. Was there even a thing as unintentional cheating? I mean, there was the first thought when I woke up and learned what had happened. But that wasn't it. We were both in the same boat. Nathan would never do something like that to me and I wouldn't do something like that to him. It was just a really awful situation.

But did it answer the question?

Derek never liked my friends. He always hated when I made him hang out with them. He always complained it was just a bunch of Leo's giving him a headache. He prefered people who were more chill and cool. That was one of the things we didn't have in common. I wanted my friends to jump on my ass and hump it like no tomorrow while giving my boyfriend the biggest "what you gonna do about it" stare.

What if I did all of that because I didn't care if Derek broke up with me over me not choosing one over the other? Because in the end, I had Nathan. But . . . Nathan wasn't a backup plan. And I didn't even know Nathan liked me back then.

Why did my life have to be like this? Why couldn't God just make me a rat this life instead of shoving me into this delicious, sexy smooth, homo body? How did it get like this?

I spent the past few years with Nathan by my side while Derek was somewhere far. Derek and I started school together, but unfortunately not the same one. Problems started happening between us and like I told Nathan, the affection I wasn't giving Derek, I gave to Nathan. Did my brain somehow form something that I couldn't see until now? Did it create something from the love I gave him? And all this time it was hidden because of what I had with Derek.

Thinking about it made me angry. I was a stupid person who didn't deserve a single ounce of happiness. I didn't deserve Derek and I didn't deserve Nathan.

But then again, what could I have done to stop this? Life sometimes worked in stupid ways and sometimes it didn't even have to make sense.

Everything happens for a reason . . . the mistakes you make have to happen in order for you to grow and learn. If you don't make mistakes, then you'll never know from right and wrong. If none of this happened, I would not be here evaluating my life choices, looking back at my past to see the mistakes I've made and how not to repeat them.

I laid on the floor and let the wave of depression crash over me. A fellow co-worker noticed and took over the register as customers lined up to pay. Someone was going to be hurt and I didn't know who.

"LEO!" I heard shouting. I was zoned out, so nobody's face registered. A blurry shadow stood over me, shaking my shoulders, snapping their fingers at me.

"Leave me here to die," I muttered.

"Leo, someone is here looking for you."

"Tell them I'm dead."

"He said to tell you it's Dakota."

My ears twitched at the sound of the name. Dakota? Why was he here? And how did he know I was here? Was he stalking me? Oh my god . . . did . . . did he love me, too? Was it three boys in love with me and now I was some barely attractive ordinary girl who had to pick between them?

Oh, no. My life was cliche.

My co-worker helped me up and I turned my head in the direction of the glass windows. Dakota really was here. He was outside, holding a bag. I fixed my bow tie and walked towards the open doors.

"Hey," I said, stepping outside.

Dakota turned around and smiled when he saw me.

"Hey, Leo."

"How'd you know I work here?"

"Oh, I was sent by Derek."

"Derek sent you? For what?"

"To give you this." He lifted the bag in his hand and pushed it towards me. "Careful, it's hot."

"What's this?" I looked inside the bag and almost drooled. It was food. It was Puerto Rican food. I could already smell my favorite one and I wanted to cry because the only restaurant close was like an hour away–less with traffic, but this was California, traffic was our most popular tourist attraction.

"When Derek was over my place he saw a Puerto Rican restaurant, so he called me this morning and asked me if I could bring you some stuff. He told me to come at this time because this is when you're usually leaving work."

"Oh," I said sadly, touching my heart. "I'm working for a few more hours. I'm not getting a break either."

"Damn, sorry, Leo."

"Do you think you could take it to my dorm room? Like just leave it on the bed or something?"

"Yeah, sure. I can do that."

"Thanks, Dakota. I really appreciate it." I went and hugged him. He still smelled so good. I eyed him as he hugged me back. When I pulled back, I made sure I had a friendly expression and not a murderous one. I hated that he mentioned Derek was over at his place because I knew why. But Dakota was actually a nice person. I felt nothing evil from him. "I'll text you the details, okay? My roommate should be there so he'll answer the door. If for some reason he's not there and the door isn't unlocked, you can ask the front desk to let you in to put the bag inside."

"Sure thing. Have fun at work, Leo!"

"I literally wanna die, but thanks," I said, returning the bag of delicious mouthwatering food.

That was such a mood changer. Derek never did something like that. Was he psychic? Did he know what was going on in my head? Was he trying to win my love with food? Well, you don't need to worry. You hear me, Derek? I know you're listening to my thoughts. It's not a fight. You already have my love. You are mine and I am yours and no one will take that away.

I promise.

____________________

[Author's Message]: I apologize if there were any grammar errors. If I didn't fix them, or rewrite some weird sentence, it's because I missed it. My brain is still trying to recover from the last chapter. Anyway, I bet NONE of you saw this coming, DID YOU. HA! HAHA! HA! HAAA! Ahem . . .  If you must know, yes, I've completely lost it. Please don't be angry with me, as Leo says, everything happens for a reason, and if they don't happen, you'll never learn. DID YOU LIKE THIS CHAPTER? WANT MORE? THEN COMMENT! SPAM ME WITH LOVE!

Also next chapter is in Nathan's point of view. Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe