[YOU GUYS ARE NOT VOTING, WHAT IS THIS?! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME, THE WRITER OF THIS FANTASTIC STORY? Jk lol but please vote! And don't forget to comment as you read, I really do love reading them <3] (Ps: This song is sad but inspires me a lot, hope you can find a meaning in it too)

[Derek's POV]

   There was a little laugh trying to escape my mouth as I watched Leo's snapchat story. He had gone on a carnival with some of his friends and he was being recorded climbing one of the rides as it accidentally started so he fell off and the video cut off before he landed on the ground. I shouldn't laugh, he could have gotten hurt, but it was a small ride that just went in circles.

   I swiped through the rest of the videos and pictures, most of them were of the back of his head. Maybe his friend had taken over his phone or he asked them to take the pictures for him.

   The carnival was pretty cool, I had been there once with him and for the most part it was great. The food was my favorite part about it, but the rides were alright. Sometimes I thought the people who owned it were witches, because it was always so popular and the sky was always clear. It never rained, it was never anything less than beautiful.

   "Is there like . . . a math equation you don't understand?" Priscella asked, sighing into her pile of books and giving Nicole the evil eye. "Bitch ass nerd."

   "Just because your bitch dumb ass doesn't understand doesn't mean I'm a nerd. This is legit high school material and you're complaining? Woman get a GRIP."

   Priscella gripped Nicole's left boob. "Oh? That wasn't an off...er. Okay."

   "No, baby!" Nicole pouted when Priscella retrieved her hand. "Put it back."

   "Can you guys not?" I muttered all the way from the couch. Remind me again why I let those two come to my place every day after classes? They could go to a damn library, why did it have to be my place?

   "Pft, don't be jealous, Derek."

   "Is Jesse gonna pick us up?" Priscella asked, looking at her wrist watch. I wasn't going to ask why she had a watch, when her phone was sitting right on top of her books. Honestly, I didn't even think those existed anymore.

   "In a few minutes, so hurry up. If I don't get my ice cream cone I'm gonna flip."

   As I closed Snapchat, I had noticed a new story from Leo so I went back in and opened it. This time he was holding his own phone, smiling ear to ear with his friend. Suddenly the Don't be jealous, Derek stung. It was for a different conversation but now I just heard it as if she were reading my mind. I did feel jealous. Who was that guy? Did he have to be so close to Leo?

   In the next Snap, he was giving Leo a kiss on the cheek with one of his girl friends in the background jumping. It shouldn't make me jealous. They were just friends, why would I, his actual boyfriend, assume otherwise?

   "Do you want me to bring you an ice cream cone, Derek?" Nicole asked.

   "No, thanks."

   "Are you sure? We're not coming back."

   "Yes, I'm sure."

   There was a knock on my front door. The two girls looked at each other. Rolling my eyes, I got up from the couch and walked over to the door, because they were too lazy to literally take one step and answer the door, so they had to have a staring eye contest to see who had to do it. It was my place, so whatever.

   "It's Jesse," I said when I looked through the peephole, opening the door to let him in.

   "Few minutes? FEW MINUTES?" Nicole yelled as she began to put away her things. "Lying bitch."

   Priscilla shrugged. "Don't kill the messenger, it's what he said."

   "Long time, Derek," Jesse said, grinning.

   "We literally saw each other yesterday," I replied.

   "Exactly! Too long, come here." He pulled me into a hug and I just accepted it. Jesse was taller and stronger than me, so when he wrapped his arms around me and squeezed, I kind of gasped for air involuntarily. He planted a big kiss on my cheek before he pulled away and left, giving me a peace sign. "See you tomorrow when I pretend I haven't seen you in a long time."

   "Bye, Derek," Priscella said, kissing my cheek as well.

   "Bye, Derek," Nicole said, kissing Priscella instead. "Call me if you need me, okay?"

   "Okay."

   I closed the door as I watched them run down the stairs, dropping books and other supplies along the way. They really needed their ice cream cones. Instead of energy drinks to help with the long days, they ate ice cream.

   When I went back to the couch, I unlocked my phone and went back to browsing. I couldn't stop feeling anxious as I looked at Leo. He was so gorgeous. It seemed like he became more beautiful everyday and it pained me to not be there to see it. I still remembered how I felt about him in the beginning, but he was completely different now. He was too good looking sometimes.

   And he was mine, all mine.

   A few hours later, my phone rang and it was Leo.

   "Who were you taking pictures with?" I asked over the phone, laying in my bed in the middle of the night.

   "Oliver, he's Nathan's cousin and a total sweetheart," Leo replied.

   "Is he gay?"

   "No? Why?"

   "Nothing."

   "Derek, can you not."

   "I was just wondering. He was kissing you, so I just wanted to know, that's all."

   "No, he's not gay. Like I said, he's sweet."

   Everything became quiet. It was normal. Sometimes we ran out of things to say and it was really late. I wasn't complaining, though. Leo never called this late, so it probably meant he was free tomorrow and didn't have to wake up early. It explained why he went to the carnival today.

   "I'm getting on," he said and hung up.

   I grabbed my laptop from the end of the bed and opened it up. I was already signed in and I waited for the call. When the call notification popped in the middle of the screen, I pressed Video. There he was, talking to someone who was off the screen and I couldn't see, most likely Nathan. He was also muted, so I had no idea what he was saying, but I still stared at his mouth.

   "Hey, sorry," he said when he unmuted. "Was telling Nathan to leave."

   "Are we watching a movie?"

   "Yeah, give me a second." He left his bed but moved the laptop so I could see what he was doing. He removed his shirt and slowly undid his shorts, pushing them down till he was only in briefs. They were so tight that I could see everything. He was totally doing that on purpose, but that was Leo. I tried to ignore the uncomfort between my legs and opened Netflix.

   "What do you want to watch?" I asked him as I browsed through the home page.

   "The least you can do is take off your shirt," he said, returning to his bed and snuggling with his sheets.

   I took off my shirt, but what was that going to do? It was dark in my room, the lights were off. The only light was coming from my laptop screen and it just made me look like a pale ghost with a beard.

   "So."

   "Want to start a show instead? I haven't seen 13 Reasons Why or Riverdale. You interested?"

   A show meant more opportunities to be on call with him and see him, so why would I refuse? Even though one of the two shows he suggested made me cringe. I just didn't want to . . . watch something like that.

   "What's Riverdale about?"

   "For once, I have no idea. Let's watch that. We'll both be surprised by it. I just heard it was good."

   We watched the first three episodes and we were hooked. The cinematography was gorgeous. The cast was gorgeous. The music was gorgeous. We would keep watching but we were getting tired. The only time Leo talked was when I told him he reminded me of the stereotypical gay character, which offended him, and made me laugh.

   Before we went to sleep, we did what we usually did. He left for a minute and came back with a box. He took out his toy and I just swallowed the saliva in my mouth. I began playing with myself through my shorts as he teased me.

(Author: Do you guys want me to write this scene and upload it separately? Let me know! If a lot of people want it, I'll write it, if not then I'll move on)

   Even though I greatly missed this, I was glad it didn't go on for hours like it had previously. I was so tired that when I came I would have just fallen asleep right there. But we said our goodbyes, and he blew a kiss at me. The night was great, but it didn't last long since we had another fight the next day.

~~~

   I dropped out of college. I couldn't anymore. I was stressed and my job was too demanding for me to have a good schedule. And since my dad didn't support me anymore after that fight two years ago, I was on my own. Eventually I'd come back, but by the time that happened I would be going in for something different, since I no longer had the motivation to be what I had wanted to be since I was young.

   When I told Leo the news, he was pissed. He didn't think it was a good idea, but he wasn't the one having to pay for everything. He had a job at the side, but that job was fun for him. He worked at a clothes store for women and was always having a blast. He didn't have to stress about everything while still going to school. His mom and new step dad paid for his school and his living expenses.

   I didn't argue with him, I just wanted to not think for one day. We had literally argued for three days in a row. I kept thinking of how badly I wanted him to live with me, but it wouldn't be possible. I knew he wanted, he always had wanted it, but his school was far away from where I lived and so was my job.

   My neck started to ache so I stopped holding my phone between my ear and shoulders and just laid it on my chest and put it on speaker. My eyes were glued to my television screen as I played my PS4 and forgot to reply to Leo's question in the process.

   "Hello?"

   "Oh, what?"

   "I . . . nothing. I'll call you later."

   "Wait," I said, but he had already hung up.

   I tossed my phone to the side and went back to playing, trying not to get mad. I hadn't heard him, I was too distracted, he didn't need to hang up on me. I couldn't even concentrate on my game anymore. I was trying really hard to remember what he had said, because I felt it was important.

   But nothing. My memory was blank.

   Leo didn't call back. He never even once answered my text messages . . . for an entire week. After the third day of him not replying, I only sent one or two, but I knew he was avoiding me. I had no time to argue with him. I wanted to apologize for ignoring him when I was playing my games, but if he didn't want to talk to me, I wasn't going to force him. I gave him space when my heart wanted the opposite.

   I came back from my job every day tired and exhausted. The only time I got a break was when I worked at the electronics store. At least there I wasn't under the sun for hours without a break. It was nice and chill and quiet.

   On the last day of Leo ignoring me, I entered my apartment, holding a brown bag and my backpack. I began undressing from the job uniform and tossed the clothes in the hamper when I walked into my room. I took out my phone from my pocket and noticed I had four missed calls from Leo. My heart beat faster as I called him back and pressed the phone to my ear.

   "Leo? Everything okay?" I asked him, worried about the four calls. "I was at work."

   "Derek." I almost immediately smiled when I heard his voice, but when I noticed his tone, I just gulped and sat at the end of my bed. Was this it?

   "Y-yeah?" I stuttered, feeling overwhelmed with anxiety. The feeling rushed through me like a hot wave. My stomach hurt and my fingers began to shake.

   He didn't respond right away. He breathed and I just listened. I looked down at my palms, already knowing what was coming. I wasn't going to lie, I felt like I was gonna be sick. But I tried to stay strong.

   "I cheated on you."

   My anxiety spiked at his words. It grew and grew until I couldn't hold it back anymore. When I spoke, he knew I was at the verge of tears. My emotion was on my tongue, clear as ever.

   "Why?"

   "Please don't cry. Please don't cry. Please, Derek."

   There was no way I could swallow back the tears. This was not what I was expecting. I would have never seen this coming, not from either of us. I thought he was going to break up with me, which some could argue that it was worse than being cheated on when you were in love, but those people were stupid.

   I still kept the phone pressed tightly to my ear, but with my other hand I covered my face as I let the tears go. This hurt. My entire body was dangerously close to going numb. But right now all I felt was fear. Fear that this was real. Fear that this was it.

   "There's nothing at all that I can say to make it alright. I . . . was drunk. It just happened and I don't know why. I don't know why because I love you and I still do and . . . and . . ." He began to sob, but I could tell he was trying really hard not to. But it was Leo. He was always emotional, and I was not. I knew me crying was his weakness, his own slap to the face. But did it matter that I wasn't emotional? He cheated on me . . . after everything he just . . . cheated. "I love you and I don't love anyone else. It was a mistake and I don't expect you to forgive me, ever. But I don't want to lose you. I don't want to lose you even though it seems like sometimes we're not meant to be."

   The knot in my throat hurt. The urge to speak, or to yell at him, was great. But did I? I just wanted to disappear. I wanted to forget everything he was telling me and just go back to a more simpler time.

   Still crying, I walked to my living room where I had dropped the brown bag and my backpack. I poured out the junk from the brown bag on the coffee table in front of the couch and walked back to the kitchen, grabbing a spoon and a tourniquet.

   He kept talking, but I wasn't listening anymore. And because I was done listening, I hung up the phone and turned it off.

   This was my routine for the next few days, until I took it too far. My world went dark for a while, and when I woke up with a clear mind, I was not where I thought I was. I was in a hospital bed, surrounded by my dad, Molly, Nicole and her parents. I was confused, but most of all everything hurt. I couldn't remember many things. But I did remember one thing.

   "Oh my god, Derek," Nicole gasped when she saw me looking around. "Everyone, Derek is awake!"

   When the doctor told me the news and everyone was around looking at me, tearing up, it made me embarrassed. It was a stupid reaction, but there was nothing else to it. I . . . died. But somehow, they brought me back. They called me lucky, but was it really? How could I have died?

   All I remembered was thinking about Leo and what he had done. I wanted to forget about it all. For once, I wanted to just feel good. But I pushed it. I didn't have control anymore. Because after the thoughts about Leo came the thoughts of my mother and my father and only one of them was standing in front of me. And unfortunately, it wasn't the one that loved me.

   He made it very clear when we last saw each other, when he found out what I was doing in my spare time. THIS. The drugs, the depression, the me being gay and reminding him of how his relationship with the woman of his dreams didn't work. He didn't love me anymore, but I was already expecting that. He changed the moment my mom died. He wasn't our father anymore, so I never exactly treated him like he was.

   But now, in front of my bed, staring at me with dark bags under his eyes, he looked like my father before my mother passed. The one who was kind, and funny, and a total softie. So this was what it took for him to realize maybe he didn't mean it? For me to die?

   Maybe people were right after all. No one cared until it was convenient. No one cared until you died.

_________________________

[Author's Message]: Okay, I'd first like to apologize if this chapter was crap. I felt like crap writing it. One thing that people don't know is that I put a lot of my real life experiences into these books. Experiences AND feelings. I've dealt with depression since I was very little, I've had a lot happen to me and I use that as inspiration to write my character. But sometimes I just can't bring myself to that dark place again. This chapter was supposed to be WAY darker and depressing but I can't do it. I skipped out on a lot, but I realize that I don't need to describe everything that happened because it's OBVIOUS what happened. I will write more of what happened with Derek as the chapters go, but just know it was much worse than this. And he pretty much hid a lot of it from Leo. And that's why I was defensive in the comments when anyone tried to come for Leo. Yes, he cheated, but don't forget cheating isn't the only bad thing you can do in a relationship. (AND, it wasn't his fault. Yes, he was drugged, it was the drink, and Nathan drank it too when he took it from Leo) These characters have changed a lot in my head, they aren't children anymore, and it sucks that a lot of people are treating them like they're still in high school. Leo will NEVER lose his amazing personality that many fell in love with, but they are now adults, treat them as such. <3 Have a wonderful day. Don't forget to vote and comment! It boosts my confidence, and that's why I've been uploading this book so much lately. <3 <3 <3