[Thank you guys for being patient through my writer's block. Here's a new chapter I hope you guys enjoy. Show me your love by voting and commenting as you read! The more love the less blocks I get!]

[Leo's Point Of View]

My lips trembled seeing Derek like this. He was leaning against the wall of the dark closet we were in, his face hidden from my eyes and his quiet sobs sending chills down my body. I just stood not knowing what to do. I wiped my eyes too many times but that was all we seemed to be doing.

There were so many thoughts going through my head but the main one was whether I should say something or let him calm down first without trying to silence him. But still, even though I felt like letting him let go of everything he was feeling, I had a voice in my mind telling me to comfort him and I wasn't sure what was the right thing to do.

He seemed so vulnerable. Even the way his body twitched with every draw of breath showed how uncomfortable he was. He was hugging himself. Most of his face was resting against the wall where the light of the bulb didn't hit because of the tall shelves, hiding half of him in the shadow.

I couldn't wait another second of this madness.

I reached forward with my left hand and placed it gently on his back. He turned around, pressing his back against the wall, his face twisting in pain. His eyes were crystal clear blue in that moment, like there was a sun directly over his head.

He looked at me and didn't look away even as he showed me how much pain he was in just by the changing expressions of his face. His arms were still crossed over his stomach like he was trying to avoid spilling his emotions.

"You–you're the only one I've ever . . . loved," Derek said, choking over his words and taking big breaths after every line he spoke. "I lived for years t-thinking you were the one. I had to make sure you were involved in every decision I made big or small. My future with you was set in stone. And then . . ."

"And then I cheated," I whispered.

"That's not what I'm talking about," he said, his eyes crinkling at the corners as he fought tears back. "This . . . this isn't your fault, it's mine."

There was no proper response or reaction I could give to that. I have never heard him say something like this. It was always either my fault we fought or he'd remain quiet when he knew it was his.

"Our relationship is both of our responsibility and we made it toxic. It's not your fault, it's ours," I stated strongly.

He shook his head and didn't stop as more tears came and silenced him. I wasn't used to Derek behaving like this. I was used to him either being quiet for days or angry. He never broke down to the point where he couldn't breathe or speak.

"Y-you're perfect," he said.

"I'm not," I replied instantly.

"You have great friends and a family who loves and supports you endlessly. I-I have nothing."

"You have friends and a family, too," I said, almost tearing up with him but in this moment I was the stronger one with control. "You have a beautiful sister that loves you and looks up to you tremendously. You have your best friend, Nicole. You have Jesse and Priscilla. And as much as you want to deny it, you have your dad, too."

"No. No. Stop saying that. I don't have anyone."

"No. YOU stop saying that." I crouched down in front of him to meet him at eye level as he slowly had dropped down to the floor. "Why do you want to so badly believe that you are alone and nobody wants you? You realize this is a big part of the problem? You let yourself believe these dark things that aren't true and only you believe. Even if you have proof that you're wrong about them you still force yourself to continue thinking this way. Derek . . . you are loved."

"I know Nicole told you what happened," he said more seriously. "And I know everyone will tell you it happened accidentally."

"No, stop," I said as I lost control of my voice and it cracked half way. I didn't want to hear this. I didn't want to relive it, especially now that the story was different.

"But that's only because it's what I told them."

I looked at him uncomfortable and awkwardly touched his knee as I didn't know what to do. Half of me wanted to run away and the other part of me wanted to scream at him.

"It's okay. You're here now, that's all that matters."

"I wanted to die," he said, returning more to his old monotone self. "And I did."

I felt like we were playing tennis but instead of a ball we were throwing back our emotions back and forth. Now it was my turn to hide my face as I ugly cried into my shirt. My worst fears actually came true. When I first heard it was an accident from Nicole's mouth, I was relieved that he hadn't done it purposely. He still had problems, but it was an accident. And now it wasn't.

"W-why?"

"I have problems, Leo."

"But why would you want to die? Why did you do that?" The last thing on my mind right now was how I sounded, but even the sound of my own voice made my ears perk up at how high pitch I was sounding.

"I wanted it to stop."

"What?"

"The pain. The thoughts. All of it."

"S-so you're saying, if I hadn't called you to tell you what I did, then you wouldn't have?"

"You're not gonna blame yourself for this, Leo," he said, his voice once again getting emotional.

With shaking hands, I took out my phone and ordered an Uber while I also texted Nicole everything that happened and to meet us at Derek's place. I knew she was working but because of the details, she'd be there faster than Supergirl.

I stood up and offered Derek a hand to help him up. He took it, puzzled.

"I'm not gonna talk about this in a closet."

I was starting to get angry, but not because of Derek. I was angry that this was even happening in the first place. I always looked back to the past at how everything used to be and where we came from and I'm jealous of that. I want things to be happy so badly but being adults really fucking sucked.

"Are you leaving?" he asked sadly as I opened the closet door.

"No, we're going to your place," I said, walking out and scanning the store for any prying eyes. It was safe and no one had lingered around to hear our conversation which could have been easily heard.

I walked ahead with Derek following me and smiled at Gerald. Derek stopped to talk to him, probably to tell him he wasn't going to be able to work today. The lady who had kindly guarded my things was waiting for me at the entrance with my things again, which she had picked up when I ran inside to find Derek.

"Thank you so much," I told her as I grabbed them.

"You're welcome, honey. Have a good day."

When I walked outside and saw all of the cars, I spotted Derek's and sighed like a dumbass. I picked up my phone again and cancelled the Uber. I completely forgot about his car. And that was when I wanted to scream.

I forgot I also had a car. A car that had been parked outside Derek's place this entire time. It was almost like someone who controlled my life from a different dimension just remembered and had to add this to my brain so I wouldn't go all the way back to L.A. and realize oh fuck I forgot my car.

Not only did I have to pay to cancel the Uber, I had to text my friend to forget about picking me up and driving together. I was sad that I was going to have to drive all the way back down but I did it once, I'll do it again.

Derek appeared behind me a few minutes later. Maybe he had to talk with his manager to get the rest of the day off. But he was there so it meant he probably did get it off.

"Can you drive?" I asked him.

"Yeah," he said, already taking out his keys and walking forward to the cars. His car was annoyingly parked all the way at the back. I may look healthy but bitch ain't at all. I would never park this far away just to get a short walking exercise.

Before he got in, he opened the back door on the passenger side and helped me put my things in. This was such an emotionally exhausting day already. Even watching him put my things in made me want to cry. But did I? Kind of.

We got in his car and drove away. He still looked sad and didn't talk. But now that we were going to his place where we had more privacy and more comfort, I was positive that it was going to be alright.

"Were you not going to get your car?" he asked as he parked on his spot and we saw my car next to it. This meant he saw my car everyday. Unless he hadn't been here every day since the road trip was cancelled.

"Um. I kind of forgot I had a car."

"How do you forget you have a car? It's how you got here," he said, staring at me in disbelief as he turned off the engine.

"Past few days have been . . . busy."

"Did you also forget I have your keys?"

"Shit. I forgot keys exist."

Derek got out of the car and I swore I saw him smile. I left my things in the car and followed him up the stairs to his apartment. He dropped his keys twice while looking for the right one. He had a lot more keys than normal people had because a bunch of them were from his job on construction. I didn't know what the hell they for.

He should really consider spilling his keys up so it wasn't so cluttered.

His place was always very clean. He didn't have many things so it was easy to clean. He had the most comfortable couch and his whole gaming setup which cost more than furniture would.

"Be right back," he said as he went into his room and closed the door behind him. I really hoped he wasn't locking himself so he could cry more. He didn't need to hide from me. I wasn't scary.

I went to his kitchen and grabbed myself a water bottle from the fridge, then made myself comfortable on the couch. I popped open the bottle and took a sip as Derek left his rooms with changed clothes. He was not wearing the work uniform, instead he was wearing a black T-shirt and black shorts. This boy only owned black I swear.

Nicole called him emo a lot and it wasn't because he looked emo but because his wardrobe was all black and he was moody all the damn time. But I was used to it. And then we broke up and I didn't see him or talk to him in two weeks so seeing him again felt different, almost like meeting him for the first time, but not really.

"Why were you at work today?" I asked, hoping I didn't sound like I was pissed that we ran into each other.

"I went back to work early," he said as he jumped next to me on the couch. "No reason for me to take such a long break and do nothing when I could be making money. If I knew you were trying to avoid me I would have skipped."

I wasn't really much of a person who got anxious a lot, but being this close to him in his home felt like old times. It was sentimental and made my lips want to quiver like a crybaby. There was definitely some awkwardness in the air but it wasn't like we didn't know how to talk to each other . . . it was just . . . weird.

It was weird for me because I've known him for so long and for ninety nine percent of that time we were together as a couple and all I thought about was what happened with Nathan and then how I had sex with someone else when I was only ever used to being with Derek that way. It felt wrong. And I know it wasn't wrong. Sex was normal but because Derek had become such a part of my soul it felt like . . . it felt like I had killed him and my mind was trying to adjust reality and and feelings.

It felt so very wrong, but I know it wasn't. Donovan was a strange moment but I didn't regret it. I just . . . I didn't even know how to process my own thoughts. I felt like I had cheated again even though that wasn't the case at all.

Basically . . . I was still attached to Derek and it hurt.

"I had sex with someone else," Derek said.

My heart started beating really fast. Did that hurt? Yeah. Did I deserve it? I guess so.

"We'll . . . you're single . . . so," I said in my totally petty voice.

"I feel like I only let myself do it because he reminded me of you. I acted composed and really chill about it but I wasn't. I tried to lie to myself that it was okay and I could do whatever I wanted to do like it was some kind of personal revenge. But it wasn't like that."

"Do you regret it?" I asked, looking into his eyes as he stared at the television.

"I want to say yes, but the only thing I regret was how I felt."

"Did . . . you like it?"

"It was different."

Clearing my throat, I fixed my posture. "Can we please not talk about this? You know I would have never cheated on you purposely. I am not that kind of person. Even if you think it was a personal revenge, it still hurts me and I'm not going to pretend it doesn't. And I know I hurt you, too, but I did not plan to ever cheat on you. It was a strange night, I drank my feelings away after another regular fight with you and then I was drugged. I was not right in my mind."

"Are we going to talk about that?"

"What?"

"You and Nathan?"

I sighed into my hands. Like, yeah I wanted to cry some more but my eyes hurt and I was tired of repeating this over and over.

"Okay, I'll tell you everything I can possibly remember from that night and I won't hold back on the Rated R words. If you want me to stop, just . . . don't tell me to stop, because I'm tired of reliving this moment."

"Okay," he said, sitting back and watching me.

"That night I was really emotional. We fought again just like every night but I was extremely aggravated that day from all the stress I had with my classes and friend drama. Meaning . . . I was extra Leo that night. I didn't want us to fight but we did. Nathan and I planned to go out with our friends, but everyone was busy so it was just us two. I know, the perfect disaster. But that was totally fine because we always went together regardless of how many people were with us. I wanted to get wasted and forget about my annoying boyfriend who couldn't give me a break."

Derek looked majorly offended by that so I had to apologize and blame it on Leo's thoughts from that night, because I was speaking from his point of view, not me now. I was a changed woman now.

"So we both drank a lot. And that's normal, we always go overboard but it's always fun. We love dancing at the club, especially me. You know me more than anyone, if I don't shake this ass at least once a day then who am I really? So the night went fine. I was crying in the club, totally cool, but I was drinking and dancing on my own while everyone was checking me out. You've been to the same club with me, you know how nice and friendly it is so I was totally having fun. And yes, Nathan and I danced together and it got touchy but you've seen us dancing together before, it was just like that, nothing different. And then shit went downhill when I met that Jaymes guy."

"Wait . . . Jaymes?"

"Yeah, Jaymes. I met this guy at the club, bought me a drink and I was nice so I bought him one back because I think I led him on but I didn't do it on purpose. We were just talking and being friendly, but I told him I had a boyfriend--"

"Jaymes . . ."

"Yes, Jaymes. Stop interrupting me, Derek," I said and went back to my story. "So anyway, I think the drink he gave me had a little something extra. The only proof of it I have was that Nathan drank half of the same drink. That's why we were both out of it and ended up . . . yeah."

"I . . . I didn't think you were being serious about being drugged."

"Yeah, I know. You'd rather believe that I hate you for whatever reason."

"No, I think I met this Jaymes."

I raised a brow at him. "You met the Jaymes that drugged me?"

"Yeah, he drugged me, too."

I was momentarily paralyzed by his words. "You . . . what? I'm not following."

"I went down to visit my sister since I hadn't seen her in a long time," he explained. "If you remember me calling you, that wasn't me, it was her after I told her I broke up with you. Later that night I went to May's and drank some whiskey while I talked to an older guy named Jaymes. I got really drunk and he tried to take me home but this other saved me. He told me Jaymes isn't a good guy and is usually very abusive towards guys."

"Huh..."

"Yeah. What are the odds..."

We both laid back quietly and contemplated our lives. Our relationship was that messy that we both ended up getting drugged by the same person? How on Earth does that happen?

"Do you believe me now?" I asked, giving him the side eye.

"Yes," he said through his teeth.

I grabbed the remote from between us and turned on the TV to fill the silence with some good ole' SpongeBob.

"Nathan is in love with me," I blurted out.

"Did you know this before or after you had sex?"

"After . . ."

"So he had sex with you and fell in love or something?"

When he said the word sex it threw me back in time to the moment it happened. The night was truly blurry, but I knew my body and I remembered how he touched me and how he did it. He entered me, but barely. Was that still the same? I didn't even touch him back or anything. I didn't even get off.

"No, he was in love with me before."

"When did you know learn about this?"

"Like . . . yesterday."

"Oh."

"You're doing it again," I said, starting to get annoyed.

"Doing what?"

"You're looking for something and you're not gonna find it. I'm tired of reminding you what you mean to me. I've never thought of cheating on you, I've never thought about being in love with anyone else and I've never wanted anyone else but you."

He sighed. "I know, I'm sorry."

"At least you admit it now."

"I'm going to get help."

I sat up again after feeling like my back was about to crack in half and also because he was intriguing me now.

"Go on . . ."

"I don't know if you're going to like it or not but . . . I'm gonna submit myself to a hospital tomorrow morning."

My eyes widened as tears ran down his face. Were they tears of fear?

"It's okay," I said calmly, touching his hand which was resting on the couch beside him, almost like inviting me to hold it.

"A lot of people have suggested it. I always laughed at the idea." He looked at me, wiping his eyes with his other hand. "But I'm serious about it."

There was a knock on the door.

Derek jumped up and went for the door. When he opened the door he got attacked by a wild Nicole with glossy eyes and red lipstick. He accepted the hug but barely moved; he was a statue.

"Why are you here?" he asked.

"Wow," she simply said and walked in.

Derek closed the door and walked back to sit next to me.

"Why did you tell her to come?" Derek asked.

"Cause she's the only one I trust."

When Nicole sat with us, I explained everything that happened and everything Derek said to me. She teared up a few times and Derek just looked uncomfortable but he gave me his consent to say whatever I wanted to her.

"Do you want me to drive you tomorrow?" Nicole offered.

"No," I said. "I'll drive him in the morning. I have to get back before school starts."

Nicole smiled at that. "I'm proud of you for staying in school. I always knew Derek and I were gonna be the dropouts, but you Leo, you stayed like a dumbass. I'm very happy for you."

"I honestly can't ever tell when you're being serious," I muttered.

Derek had no clue how long he was going to stay at the hospital, so he gave Nicole the rundown on how to take care of his apartment while he was gone since I couldn't because I lived far away from here. She could stop by every weekend to make sure the place was still intact and nobody broke in to steal his things while he was gone. It was a sketchy neighborhood after all.

Nicole stayed late but then had to go home to her boyfriend.

Then it was us alone in his apartment with the television in the background and all the lights turned off. At one point we ordered Chinese because neither of us had the energy to cook and we were starving.

It wasn't super late, but it was night and we spent all day crying and talking about our feelings. I was ready to sleep for at least twenty years.

"You can sleep in my bed," Derek said from the couch as I ate more Chinese food from the kitchen.

"I don't care if we sleep together, Derek," I replied.

HIs bed was extra comfy and way bigger than my bed in the dorms. I wanted to sleep in it tonight so I wasn't going to reject his offer, but I also wasn't going to let him sleep on the couch. It wasn't going to be awkward. It was just sleeping. We slept together a lot and this night wasn't going to be any different from any of the other times.

I took a shower while he made a few phone calls, possibly to try to keep his jobs while he was gone. I could feel his stress and I didn't want him to feel this way anymore. It wasn't fair to him and look what it did to our relationship.

Even if him finally admitting his problems made me happy, I wasn't going to let him take the blame. This was one of the things I told him every time we fought and he wanted to blame it on me. It was my fault as much as it was his.

He was kind enough to get my things from his car while I was taking a shower. I locked myself in his room while I went through my clothes to find something comfortable to wear to bed and for tomorrow. I thought about just staying in my briefs but that might make it awkward. I picked up cute shorts to wear to bed and picked out an outfit for tomorrow. I was only going to drop him off at the hospital and drive back to my place but I still needed to be cute.

"Can I come in?" Derek said, knocking on the door.

"Yeah," I said as I folded my outfit for tomorrow and left it on top of his nightstand.

"Are you going to sleep?" he asked, entering.

"Yeah, aren't you?"

"Yeah, I just finished turning everything off."

He pulled his shirt over his head and dropped it on the floor as he climbed on his side of the bed. Even thinking that made me want to burst into tears, but I already ran out of tears. Derek turned off the lights as I jumped on my side of the bed.

"Any plans for tomorrow when you get back to the dorms?" he asked quietly, facing me in the darkness as I joined him in the covers.

"I'm gonna see if I can stay with Asha for a while."

"Gonna avoid Nathan?"

"Derek, we both hurt. I was going through my own hurt when he decided to confess his love for me. It was not the right time. Why would he do that to me? Did he think I was just going to jump into his arms and love him back?"

"Maybe."

"No, not maybe. I don't love him like that, he knows that. I love him as my best friend, as a brother even, but a lover? He knows how I feel about everything and everyone."

"Love makes you do stupid things," he said, voice raspy and low.

"Yeah, well, I don't deserve that kind of pressure."

"Avoiding things might make things worse for your friendship with him."

I knew he couldn't see me, but I was giving the most shameful stupid face I could make my muscles do.

"Don't act like you see his point of view. I know you still want to kill him."

"I'm trying to be positive, kay?"

"Kay?" I questioned him.

"I'm just saying . . . If neither of us want to be so stressed out anymore, if we want to stop fighting, then maybe we should stop running away from our problems."

"No, I'm still gonna avoid him. It's the least I can do for myself."

I punched my pillows with my face until it was soft and perfect for my sleep. I couldn't see anything in this room with all the lights turned off. Derek had a window behind the bed but there was a giant tree covering it so no light from the outside, or the moon, came through. I wanted to see him.

"Do you want to get back together?" Derek asked.

A rush of butterflies swarmed through my tummy at his words. Suddenly I understood Cash and his innocent butterflies. I swallowed and hoped he didn't hear it. I was rarely nervous, but this made me afraid.

How was I supposed to answer this? I had about five thousand different response I could give him but none of them would be true to my own feelings.

"Ask me again when you get out," I told him, but my voice betrayed me and made it obvious how much sadder that answer was supposed to be.

Derek just whispered an "Okay" and turned around to go to sleep. My heart jumped out of my chest and I quickly grabbed him and pulled myself closer to him, wrapping an arm around his body.

"I love you. Don't worry, okay?" I told him.

"Yeah, love you, too."

I didn't let go of him. I actually got even closer, letting our bare torsos touch in a warm embrace. I never let him go even once that entire night.

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[Author's Message]: I'm sorry for taking so long to write this chapter. I honestly had a bad writer's block and I couldn't get myself to write anything. But as you can see, I finally got over it. I hope you guys enjoyed this little chapter. If I end up taking long to write the next few chapters it's probably because I'm writing Derek's point of view in the hospital and I'm writing this from PERSONAL EXPERIENCE. And as a lot of you guys know, I use my own feelings of depression, anxiety, relationships, as inspiration for my characters to make them feel more real. I don't enjoy writing depressing things but it's part of the story and I won't back down! I do hope you guys are finally happy with Leo/Derek getting some more interactions. I hope the ride was worth it.

PS: Don't forget to join my Discord server! You can talk to me and many others using the Desktop version or the App version. Just use the link I'll post on this message in the comment. There are many of us in there and they get more special treatment, like knowing when I'm writing a new chapter and when I'm getting close to posting one. If you need help, just ask me.