[Message from 2017 Author: Hey guys, I have to step in before you continue reading. I wrote this story SO long ago that I forgot what happened in the story. I have to mention something because it's very cringy and I just need you guys to understand. Once Derek reveals his true feelings (it's a boyxboy don't scream spoilers yall know they gonna like each other) he becomes unreasonably horny. When I wrote this story, there weren't many boyxboys and I was still barely exposed to lgbt stories so I was following a very narrow plot line/trend of guys acting like all they think about is Seeeeex. At first it feels very forced, maybe some rapy vibes, but this is NOT the case. It is my mistake because I wrote it badly and if I could go back and change it it would be slightly different so that it isn't "mindless horndog boys" and more "i'm very curious about you and i like you and i really want to explore together" so PLEASE forgive me. I am re-writing this entire story into a new one that I will be PUBLISHING, which is why I won't be going back to rewrite all those moments. Again, I apologize for the cringe. ]

               I quickly pulled back when I realized what was happening. My headache, my sudden trauma just perished away like a diseased cat. Makes no sense, because that's how I feel right now. I was taken aback with little time to think things through.

               "What...Did..." I hesitated as my eyes wobbled. I felt like a drunk man. Intoxicated by the delightful taste of my step brother's tongue. "You just...kissed me."

               "Did you not want me to?" The corners of his mouth quirked upwards.

               "Stop grinning." I snapped. I looked down as I clenched and unclenched my hands nervously. My cheeks felt hot, surely I was blushing. My own pondering was begining to confuse me. I shouldn't think too much or I might end up hurting myself.

               He relaxed his face muscles. "Did I do something wrong?"

               "Yeah," I nodded slowly. "You kissed me."

               "Obviously." He muttered.

               I crawled back until my back was against the wall. I breathed uneasily, mostly gasping for air. This is what it felt like to be scared, to be nervous. I rubbed my cheeks so they could stop feeling so warm and fuzzy.

               "Why." I breathed.

               "I like you."

               "And you just randomly kiss me? What if I'm straight Derek?"

               "But you're not." He pointed out.

               "Well straight guys don't respond when they are kissed by a guy, so no I am not."

               "I'm sorry for kissing you," He looked down at his lap. "I didn't know you were going to react ... so startled."

               "How did you know that I was gay? Nicole told you didn't she?" I asked him.

               By now, everyone who had been invited to the party was gone. The music was still playing but almost inaudible. All that was left was a darkening sun, setting down to be replaced by the captivating moon.

               "You remember when we hung out at the ice skating ring?"

               "Yeah." I answered.

               "Do you specifically remember when Nicole stuck out her tongue at me?"

               "Oh no..."

               "Oh yes."

               "It was a sign?" I whimpered. I felt violated. I felt betrayed by my new American friend. I felt like a bug in a windshield full of different bugs. I'm all the way at the corner where the wipes don't reach. Forever alone. "Why would she tell you? She pinky promised!" 

               "Well she didn't exactly tell you. I told her to find out if you were ... interested in men." He shrugged uncomfortably. "And to stick her tongue out at me if you were."

               "So that's why you looked like you saw a ghost."

               He slightly chuckled. "Yeah, I guess."

               "You don't really look gay." I examined him. His perfection was too much for him to be gay. "Or bi..."

               "I only broke up with Vicky because I want to be with you."

               I froze. It was like suddenly my heart stop beating and I couldn't take a single breath. My lungs were kicking and screaming until they set on fire. All I could do was hold my breath and gag. The person I crushed on the most wants to be with me.

               Here is the worst part ...

               "I can't be with you." Those words hurt more than knives. It felt like razor blades were being pulled from my mouth. I suddenly felt pain in my forehead. "Ouch."

               I touched my forehead while Derek literally threw himself at me. He touched my forehead and examined me. I was still a little loopy from the hit. It was a damn football for God's sake! It hurt and it temporarily confused me for a while.

               "Come here." He threw his arms over me and pulled me up. He walked over to my bed and laid me down.

               "We're home!" Voices were heard from downstairs. My mom is so loud.

               I quickly pushed Derek away and ran down the hall. I almost tripped going down the stairs and when I saw my mom I tackled her with a big hug. She giggled and hugged me back. I missed her scent, her warmth and her motherly spirit.

               "Mom." I sighed on her chest. "I hate not seeing you all the time. I missed you."

               "Oh honey, I miss you too. I'm sorry." She kissed me, I looked at her eyes which were watering. She dried her eyes quickly and laughed. "I know I said that I was going to cook but Steve and I are going out tonight with a couple of friends. We bought you guys pizza though."

               "It's okay. Do you know when our family is going to visit?" I asked her as I eyed the boxes of pizza that they bought.

               "It's spring break so they should be here in a week or so. I have to call them, thanks for reminding me. I've been so busy at work that I forgot. But remember that school dates are different in here than in Italy. Your cousins spring break doesn't start till next week. That's when they should be coming."

               "Alright. Sounds good. We have too many days off just for spring break here." 

               "I bet you're loving it."

                "I'm loving it alright..." I eyed Derek as he walked down the hall.

               "Oooo pizza." He walked over to the table and grabbed a slice.

               "Where is dad?" Derek asked mom with his mouthful. Charming... I frowned.

               "Taking a shower. We're going out tonight. I should go get ready too, be back in a bit." She skipped down to the other side of the house and disappeared.

               Great, alone with Derek now. I turned to him and forced myself to smile. I couldn't look at him the same anymore. How am I supposed to stalk him knowing that he's attracted to me and wants to date me? It changes my whole perspective on him.

                He pushed the boxes of pizza towards me. Now I know why he cared so much about me. It's definitely not because I'm his step brother. I was glad in some way though. It's just depressing that I can't be with him. And he still hasn't said anything about me rejecting him.

               "So why can't we date?" He asked when I took a pizza in my mouth.

               Really? Does he read minds or what? I looked back to make sure that we were alone.

               "Derek..." I sighed. "I like you too, trust me, I ... like you so much. But our parents ... they're dating and it would feel so wrong if we did too."

               "So what?" He hissed softly. "We aren't real brothers or anything."

               "There's also the gay thing. I'm not out and I'm not ready to be. I'm very far inside the closet. I see Narnia in there."

               He laughed.

               "This is why I like you. You're just too cute—"

               I felt my cheeks heat up, all four of them.

               "—And I'm not out either but I would for you."

               I couldn't help but smile and blush. I looked down on the table to hide my face. No one has ever made me feel this way. Never in my years of living. Now I was stuck, there was that wall between us that kept us apart from each other, from being together. I just want to be a good son to my mom.

               "Kiss me." He said.

               My eyes bulged. "What?!"

               "Kiss...me." He repeated.

               "I'm not going to kiss you." I laughed.

               "If you don't then you don't like me and I'll move on." He threatened me. He's provoking me, the jerk! That's some time of abuse! Mentally right?

               "Derek come on. I'm still trying to process this and you want to move in so fast." I stuffed my mouth with pizza so I could stall. I needed things to say. This was just too awkward now that I knew he liked me. And I will be giving Nicole a talk. Because what she did was wrong! She still told him, she used her tongue, which you use to speak!

               "Maybe I'm afraid of losing you."

               "You barely know me."

               "Love at first sight baby." He winked.

               I bit my lip to stop myself from speaking, because I kind of agreed. It was love at first sight. That special moment when you see a person and your whole life sparks to life. I remember what I felt when I saw Derek for the first time. I knew that my life wasn't going to be the same anymore.

               I also remembered how Derek looked at me. God dammit, I was so blinded by my own insecurity that I didn't see the truth when it was right beneath me. Derek liked me the whole time. I was just too afraid to admit it.

               "Derek." I giggled. "I've fantasized about you and oh my God I just said that out loud. My point is, I never expected this and I do want you but I have to worry about my mom first."

               "I knew you wanted me. I just knew it."

               "Great..." I laughed nervously.

               I ate silently while Derek talked to me about random things. Mostly about me, like what he liked about me. I'll sum it all up into a paragraph. He thinks I'm cute and funny. He likes the way I walk because it turns him on for some reason. He says my hair is fantastic and I smell like a fresh Leo flower. If only I was a flower.

               "Come on, kiss me. You know you want to."

               "Derek..." I growled. "You already got your kiss."

               "Oh come on. Don't you want to experiment?" He whispered.

                I shot him a look. "No?"

               "I didn't mean it like that." He rolled his eyes.

               "Then what did you mean?"

               "Just ... I want to see what kind of relationship we can have."

               I crossed my arms and hid my face. Why did he make me feel this way? So happy and loved. I just wanted to be in his embrace with no other hate around us. I just want to be happy. And I'm not sure how much longer I can pretend that this doesn't bother me, because it does. I just want to throw myself at him but I can't.

               "I don't know Derek." I mumbled.

               "Stop denying yourself, Leo." He leaned on the table so he could grab my hand. "When I saw you I knew that you were the one. There is no doubt in my mind that you are still the one for me, the one that I want. I'm not going to let you go so easily."

              I squealed.

               "Squeal all you want. I won't judge you."

               I let go of his hand so I could fan myself. Is it hot in here or is it just my cheeks? Yeah, it's just my cheeks. I could feel them warming up by the second. I looked up into his persuasive eyes, they stared back at mine with a possessive stare.

               "No one can know about us. Not my mom, not your dad, anyone." I warned him.

               His lips quivered into a smile. "I promise. Now kiss me."

               I felt warmth in my tummy, the tingly feeling ran down my spine as I forced myself to answer through his alluring smile. "Our parents are still here. Wait till they're gone."

               "Alright." He agreed and sat back down to finish his food.

               I felt like running away and just sink into a lake of happiness. Was this a dream or was it more than just reality? I just knew one thing. Things are about to get real. It just seems so unreal, I would have never thought.

               I need to stop feeling scared. I can't live my life in fear, I can't just wonder what if. Derek is right, I need to stop denying myself, I need to stop pushing my feelings away. But it's only my mom that is stopping me. I love her too much to hurt her this way.

               Is it even wrong to date your step brother? It's not blood related so it can't be wrong. I just want my mom to not be stressed. I've kept her healthy and alive all these years and I don't want to stop now. And what if she doesn't approve of my life style? Will she hate me, will she send me back to Italy so my family there can perform an exorcism?

               Who knows. But I have to be strong.

               "Steve, let's go we're late." My mom shouted as she walked down the stairs with her beautiful silver high heels. A short sparkling dress and a white leather jacket. She smiled brightly at me.

               "You look beautiful mom." I told her.

               "Don't talk with your mouth full." She said as she looked through her purse. She took out a chap stick and pressed it against her lips. I rolled my eyes and swallowed. "Thank you though."

               "I'm here, I'm here." Steve ran down the stairs and took one last look in the mirror. "Take care you two." He told us.

               "Bye." Derek called out as they left the house in a rush. I wonder why they're in such a rush. I bet they want to get it on and they can't because we're here. Gross.

              And now the house was filled with awkward silence.

               "It's hard to believe that you don't speak Italian. I really wanted to learn some phrases."

             "I guess I exaggerated when I said I didn't speak it. I just know the basic, nothing fancy. I went to an English school." I told him as I ate my last pizza. I don't want to eat so much. I'm getting nervous about being alone with Derek and I don't want to get sick. 

               "There are English schools?"

               "Yes. I can teach you a few phrases if you want."

               "I prefer that you use those lips for something else other than talking."

               I rolled my eyes. "You're such a guy."

               "And you're not?"

               I frowned. "No, I'm not."

                "Too bad."

               I gulped as he got up and smirked at me. He seriously wanted to kiss me badly. I got up from my chair and kept my eyes on him as I walked away to the living room area. I jumped on the couch and turned on the T.V.

               A few moments later and the empty space next to me was replaced by Derek. I felt like I was on fire, my nerves were exploding. Come on Leo, be brave, have some faith in him. It's kind of hard when he's so demanding though.

                I just don't know how to let anyone in. I'm afraid.

               "Do you trust me?" He asked me.

               "I hope so." I breathed in.

               "Come here." He told me as he pointed at his lap. Gulping time! Gulping time! Oh no! I can't gulp!

               I crawled over to him and he grabbed me quickly, his hands were firmly placed on my waist as he sat me down on his lap. I breathed in and out as my heart raced faster and stronger. My face was just inches away from his.

               I brought up a hand and caressed his cheek bone. His skin felt so smooth. His eyes were slowly penetrating through me, making me weak and defenseless. There can't be any other perfect color for his perfect face. I smiled at him as his eyes explored my face.

               My hand slid down to his neck and I gently traced my fingers down to his chest. Our faces were getting closer and closer. And then slowly I closed my eyes as I pressed my lips against his. There was a sudden explosion in my heart that made my body feel electricity. He kissed me back, grabbing control immediately.

               I wasn't afraid anymore. When I touched him, when I kissed him, I didn't feel empty or alone. His lips were gently moving with mine, each breath we took became harder as the passion between us grew. My hand found itself back to his neck and I pressed my lips harder against him.

               He demanded entrance so I let him. He tasted like how heaven would taste. Sweet and delightful. His tongue was really enticing, it explored my mouth with deep passion. I breathed in heavily as I took him into an embrace.

               His lips were so soft and inviting that I found myself kissing him too hard. He was trying not to smile, I could feel it. I kissed his lips, once, twice and then pulled back. I watched as his eyes opened slowly.

               "You're a good kisser." He complimented.

               "You're not so bad yourself." I said as I got up from his lap.

               "Wait where are you going?"

               "You said to kiss you, so I did." I grinned and walked away.

               "What if I want to spend all night kissing you? What if I've been holding back all of these emotions and now I want to pour them on you?"

               "Then I'll say you will probably have a lonely night." I shrugged sympathetically. I was finding that the more I teased him the more amused I became.

               "Don't do that. Please."

               "What do you want Derek?"

               "For you to trust me and stop holding back."

               Doesn't he realize that I didn't even hold back with the kiss? I almost started crying because the pain that I felt in my stomach was love. I was far too in love with him that it hurt. I trust him, he has never done anything bad to me so I trust him.

               I forced a sly smile as I walked towards him. I stopped when I was only a few inches from him. I breathed in and took in the moment. I touched his warm chest and I pressed my forehead against it. Yeah, he was that tall.

               "Leo." He whispered.

               "Yeah?"

               I waited but nothing. So I looked up at him and I was startled as he kissed me quickly. I growled at him. How dare he kiss me then just stop? I punched his chest and walked away but not before he had the chance to grab my hand and pulled me up.

               "Put me down this instance!" I hissed at him.

               He ignored me but instead he laid me down on the couch, I was about to get up when he crawled on top of my body. Here comes the gulp. Gulp. His eyes watched me with hunger, his hands explored my body and I cringed as he kissed my neck.

               Too much pleasure. Too. Much. Pleasure.

               "Derek." I giggled loudly as I let out a soft moan. I couldn't find myself to make him stop. His lips against my neck felt too immense for anyone to want it to stop. All I did was just bite my lips to stop myself from letting out anymore embarrassing moans.

               "You know that I love you right?" He said quickly when he took a breath but went back into sucking my neck. There was so much tingling going on all over my body.

               "I love you too," I whimpered. His body was a cage over my body, keeping me in place so I wouldn't run away. "You have such a great mouth."

               "Jesus, I totally walked in at the wrong moment." Nicole muttered from the kitchen. Oh God, she never left did she? "Glad to know that you two finally got together. I was getting irritated by you two eyeing each other all day long."