*A/N this chapter is very sad and contains a suicide attempt and self harm. No one gets hurt too badly and everything will improve and things will get better. And No this is not me venting in any way, I hate venting through my work. This is heavy stuff and I apologize, Things will be getting better*

-

Thantophobia: The fear of losing someone you love

Keith pov

Paranoia and shame was all I felt for weeks.
I went back to school eventually and Hunk and Pidge were so happy to see me. They were just beaming. I wasn't looking very good that day.
Lance just wouldn't let me go.
Second semester is here so all new classes are in session.
I have all 4 with Lance.
I took a computer class even though I didn't want too, I'm taking it just for him.

I feel people's eyes on me wherever I go.
I've been keeping my hood up.
I know people are talking about me.
I know people are talking about my body.
Lance didn't want to let me go anywhere by myself.
I didn't realize how bad my eating habits had gotten until one day when I wanted to buy something from the cafeteria, I didn't have money and I got really upset over that. Just because I couldn't get junk food.
I'm so pathetic.

Lance pov

When Keith didn't come to school one day I got worried.
He texted me that he just had a belly-ache and didn't want to come.
I texted him back with
"What did you eat?"
"Everything" Was his response.
"This is getting so out of hand. I told Christine to hide food from me" He added.
I just feel bad for him.

Hunk was asking me about Keith and his well being plus his weight and Pidge weighed in on the conversation, As well as Matt who was sitting with us.
"Is he okay Lance? Like what happened to him?" Pidge asked as we ate lunch.
"Just some personal stuff" I mumbled.
"What happened to him? Like dude...He got fat" Matt said.
"He's not fat!" I snapped at my friend and stood up and pointed at him, Ready to slap him across the face.
"Don't say that about him!" I shouted.
"Calm down" Hunk said and tugged on my arm.
"Take it back! Keith is not fat you piece of shit!" I barked.
Hunk yanked me back and sat me down.
"Okay man, Chill!" Matt said and gave me "Calm down" Hands.
I gritted my teeth.
"He's not fat" Pidge said to their brother.
"He really isn't" Hunk agreed.
"Okay okay, Shit guys" Matt said.
"He's going through a lot right now. He's having lots of body issues so just don't call him fat when he especially isn't" I defended.
"Okay..." Matt said ashamed.
"What happened to him though? He looks so different. He's so much...bigger" Matt said.
I scoffed.
"He's dealing with some personal issues and has picked up a bit of an unhealthy coping mechanism" I explained.
"He's been gaining weight yes but it's not a bad thing! He looks great. He's being hard on himself and body shaming his own and calling himself fat and just dragging himself down" I added.
"So don't call him fat. He isn't, He is not. I hate it when he calls himself that but when other people do it, That's worse" I growled.
"Lance I'm sorry" Matt apologized.

That really pissed me off.
I hate Matt right now.
I didn't talk to him for a week.

Keith's school attendance was jumping all over.
I didn't know what was happening, He wouldn't tell me.
I wanted to call Christine or Dane and ask them what's up.
When Keith did come to school he was covering every inch of his skin but his face, neck and hands.
His weight has stayed the same although his belly has gotten rounder.
Keith's face is always so full of sadness and pain.
His expression is neutral and sad. Horrible eye bags and his skin puffy and bloated from crying.

It was 90 degrees today and he had a hoodie on.
It was 3rd period when I spoke to him.
"Hey baby, It's so hot. Why are you wearing a hoodie?" I asked him.
Keith tore away eye contact from me and leaned back in his chair and frowned.
"No reason" Keith mumbled and balled his hands into fists.
I didn't believe it for a second.
"Roll your sleeves up at least" I suggested and took the hem of one sleeve between my fingers.
I began to pull up.
"No!" Keith cried in distress and smacked my hand away and crossed his arms.
People looked at us.
He looked embarrassed.
I shot the glaring kids an angry look and they turned their heads away.
I lowered my voice and scooted closer to my upset boyfriend.
Keith's eyes were welling up with tears.
"Hey baby, Is everything alright?" I asked and put my arm around his waist.
I put a hand on his belly and he moved it away.
"Don't touch my stomach please" Keith mumbled.
I moved my hand away.
"Keith babe..." I trailed off.
"I'm fine Lance" Keith said, Still looking away from me.
I rubbed his back.
"Are you not telling me something?" I asked and gently rubbed his back.
"I said I'm fine Lance!" Keith shouted and stood up.
He looked at me, Fear and hurt laced in his eyes and stood up fast and ran out of the classroom.
Everyone turned to look at me, 30 sets of eyes on me.
I hid my head in my hands.
Keith didn't come back after that.
He left the school.

Later in the evening when I was playing monopoly with Jana, Kaleb, Candice and Felix, I got a call from Keith.
That's strange...
I got up and walked into the hallway.
I answered.
"Hello?" I asked.
"L-Lance" I heard Keith choke out.
"Keith, Are you okay?" I asked him.
"You need to call an ambulance-Please-Please,You have to hurry!" He yelled into the phone.
He was absolutely distraught and was sobbing.
"Keith what happened?!" I screamed. Panic filling my body and I broke into a sweat.
"I'm so sorry, Lance I love you so, so much. I'm so sorry" Keith sobbed.
"Keith? What did you do? What is going on?!" I screamed.
"Please just call an ambulance" He squeaked.
"O-Okay, Please just hold on baby" I begged and put my phone between my ear and shoulder and ran into the kitchen.
My hands shook as I picked up the home phone.
I've never dialled 9-11 before, Ever.
Keith began to hyperventilate.
"Hold on Keith" I cried.
I began to cry.
I dialled the number and a lady answered.
I stammered and told her I need an ambulance sent to Keith's address and to hurry.
"Do you know what happened?" The lady dispatcher asked me.
"I-I don't know, My boyfriend just called me panicking and asking me to get an ambulance to his house and fast" I explained and tears fell down my cheeks.
My mind raced as I heard Keith crying into my other ear.
My mind filed everything down and it clicked.
"W-Wait! I think-I think he may of attempted suicide!" I shouted into the phone.
Keith sobs got louder and I heard him shift around.
"An ambulance and a officer are on the way. Are you able to get more information from him?" She asked.
"Keith, Where are Christine, Dane and the kids?!" I screamed.
"M-Movie" Keith said weakly.
"He's home alone, Jesus Christ please hurry!" I cried into the other phone.
"They're on their way. Do you know his status?" She asked.
"Wh-What? I-I don't know!" I squeaked.
"Blood" I heard Keith muster.
"Hold on Keith, The ambulance is on the way" I sobbed.
"Jana!" I screamed as my legs gave out and I toppled to my knees.
"What?" She asked scared.
"K-Keith just tried to kill himself-" I choked out and coughed.
I never thought I'd say that.
It was hard so say.
"You need to call his parents. I have him and the dispatcher on the phones" I said.
"O-Okay" She said and grabbed her phone.
I punched Christine's cell phone number into her keypad.
She shakily held the phone to her ear and she began to cry too.
"Keith are you there?" I asked.
"I'm trying" He said hoarsely.
Jana and I are stuttering messes.
"H-Hi Christine, This is Jana Lance's sister. We're thinking Keith just attempted suicide and an ambulance is on the way. Please, You need to get home now!" Jana croaked.
I heard a yell from her phone and she began to cry harder.
"Okay" She said softly to whatever Christine say.
"He's on the phone with him right now" She said.
"Keith, Please you need to answer me. Did you just try to kill yourself?" I yelled.
"Please Lance, There's a lot of blood. I don't know what to do. My lungs hurt so badly. I need you" Keith cried into the phone.
"He says there's a lot of blood" I explained to the dispatcher.
Jana said a few more things I couldn't hear over my crying and hung up.
I gave the home phone to her.
"Hi this is his sister" She said, Voice quavering.
"Keith you need to answer me!" I screamed.
"I don't want to admit it" Keith whimpered.
"Please tell me Keith" I said.
"Yes"