(Y/n) laid on her bed, unmoving, her eyes staring into the distant nothing as she mindlessly fiddled with her necklace, pulling and twisting around the half-heart. Her mind, though, was drowning in thought. She couldn't stop thinking about the argument she had with Katsuki. She also couldn't stop thinking about what she could've said instead, maybe then, things would've turned out different.

Her phone, which was lying face down next to her, vibrated. Her lifeless (e/c) eyes fell on it and stared at it for a moment before picking it up. Far deep inside, she hoped that it was a miracle text from Katsuki but then again, what up reality.

She dragged down the pulldown bar and saw the message preview from Mina.

[7:37 PM] Mina Pinky: Hey girl! How'd it go?

(Y/n) sighed and turned to lie on her back. She tapped on the text, bringing up the full message and quickly typed in the response.

[7:38 PM] (Y/n): Not good. Sorry, I couldn't get him to go

Mina's response was almost immediate.

[7:38 PM] Mina Pinky: Aww 😦. It's cool though, at least you tried. The effort's all that counts 😊

[7:39 PM] (Y/n): Yeah, you're right

[7:40 PM] Mina Pinky: Well, I have to go. My mom's calling me down for dinner and no phones at the table 😐

[7:40 PM] (Y/n): Sure. Night

[7:42 PM] Mina Pinky: Nightie night!!

(Y/n) read the last response before quitting the app. After doing so, she tossed the phone back on the bed and stared up at the ceiling.

What am I doing?

The girl turned her head to the side and stared at her phone. She chewed on her bottom lip as she thought of her next move.

She didn't like the way she left things with Katsuki and it ate her up inside. She needed closure. If it meant that that was the last time she was going to speak to Katsuki, then at least, she'd have to tie up her own loose end. Even if it meant not directly speaking to him.

She reached out for her phone again and tapped on the message app. Her fingers hovered Katsuki's page as she went into thought again.

Wait, what am I thinking? What if he probably blocked me already? If he did, he won't get the message...

The girl's heart twisted at the thought that he had blocked her but ignored the feeling altogether. She sighed and placed the phone back on her bed.

Now what? She scratched her head as she thought of another way to 'talk' to him.

She sighed in defeat, finding all her ideas lame or impossible. She sat up and lazily looked around the room. She did a double take when she saw her open bag carelessly strewn on the floor. Her exercise books were almost falling out of the bag.

Almost forgot I had notes to write. She frowned, already feeling fatigued from the knowledge of extra work. She got on all fours and crawled to the edge of the bed. She leaned her upper body over the edge of the bed and reached out for the bag's strap, careful not to fall over on her face.

After three hard tries, she finally grabbed the strap and pulled it towards her. The girl took out an exercise book and a textbook, before throwing the nearly empty bag back to the ground and crawled back to the center of her bed.

Sitting back with crossed legs, she opened her textbook to the designated page and placed it before her. She opened her exercise book, finding the pens in between the pages and placed it on her lap.

She hummed to a tune as she began jotting down the notes. After a couple minutes, she stopped. Her eyes stared hard at the white surface of the paper, wheels turning in her mind.

Passing on the message without directly speaking to him...I could write him a letter!

She exhaled happily, a smile already finding its way on her lips.

Wait. Won't that seem a bit too desperate? Besides, he'll probably burn it to a crisp the minute you give it to him...

The smile instantly fell, her negative thoughts winning by a landslide. She sighed and chewed onto the end of her pen. She didn't want to seem desperate but then again, could still trying to get back your dear friend be termed as desperate?

(Y/n) didn't know. Sure, she's had her own share of arguments, some of which she always started but they always got solved or would just end on their own. It's not like she didn't know how to apologize, what she didn't know was the exact right thing to do when she lost a friend.

And since she treasured all her friendships, she was facing the repercussions of doing so.

Maybe I should follow those 'don't care' quotes on the Internet. But if I do that, what good will come out of it? Nothing will get fixed.

(Y/n) nodded in agreement and flipped the pages to the middle, took the two pages in between her fingers, ready to pluck it.

So what if you write the letter? It's not like everything's gonna be fixed by just pouring out your feelings on a paper. Reality's not that nice. Besides, he'll most likely tear it up before he even reads the first sentence...

The girl froze, her fingers still holding onto the two papers.

You're right...Her grip loosened as her expression dulled. He won't read it...She sighed and released the pages before going to turn back to the page her notes were.

Don't. You're doing the right thing. So what if it looks desperate? Even if he doesn't read it, inside, he'll know you at least made an effort. Plus, do you really want to lose him, knowing that you didn't even try to talk to him?

(Y/n) placed a hand on her forehead and groaned at her conflicting thoughts. It was like having a devil and an angel on either side of her shoulders, whispering their suggestions in her ear.

She let her hand fall down, her eyes trailing down to her book.

What do you want to do?

The girl thinned her lips into a straight line at the simple question, her mind already giving the answer.

I want to make an effort, even if it's desperate or useless. The effort's all that counts.

Then do it. Make that effort.

Her mouth twitched as she returned back to the middle page. She swiftly plucked the two pages, closed the book and placed the papers on the cover.

She inhaled deeply, her pen already set between her fingers, ready to write. Her mind was filled with a thousand words to say to him but not all could fit on the papers.

Just write (Y/n), don't think...the girl chanted in her mind as her hand began moving.

***

Dear Katsuki,

Hi, okay, I really suck at letter writing so this is probably gonna be bad.

Anyways, all I want to say is, I'm sorry. I'm really, really, really sorry.

I'm sorry I acted the way I did. I had no right to treat you like that and I really regret it. I'm not going to start explaining myself since, to be honest, my reason as to why I gave you the silent treatment sucks balls. It's not even a valid reason.

I mean, sure, it felt awkward and all but that still didn't give me the right to do you like that.

So assuming that you've read this letter and you haven't burnt it yet, I'll just go straight to the point.

I really wish that our friendship didn't have to end this way but wanting that would only be selfish of me. So, I'm going to respect your wishes and stay away from you. But just know one thing, that I'll always be here for you, even if you'll never come.

I'm going to give you the space you need and not pressure you. But please remember that if you ever need anything, I'll always be here for you.

I'm really glad I had you as a friend and I'm also more glad that I had you in my life. I remember those times I'd pester you until you accepted me as your friend, even if it was half-heartedly, lol. I'm happy that it turned out to be a great friendship, even if it ended so soon.

I'm not trying to guilt trip you by reminiscing the past or anything so don't take it like that.

And if by chance we never talk again, then, I really wish you all the happiness in the world. Sincerely.

Anyways, I'm gonna stop here because honestly, I have nothing else to say. My mind is so blank right now but I just hope that even my unwritten words will reach you.

Okay, let me just end this right here. Again, sorry for this sucky letter.

(Y/n)

(Y/n) proofread the letter for the third time, a satisfied smile playing on her lips when she finished it. She then folded it neatly three times before writing his name at the top.

I'll give this to him tomorrow. (Y/n) thought as she placed the letter in between her book.

She couldn't help but feel a bit jittery as she pondered his reaction when she gave it to him. She didn't want to dwell on the negative thoughts but, the chances of him reading it were slim. But who knows? Things could work in her favor.

A series of gentle knocks sounded from her door before it swung open.

"(Y/n)? Are you busy?" Nanami asked, fully entering the room.

The girl shook her head at the woman. "Not really. Why?"

Nanami smiled and placed a hand on her cheek. "Well, we don't have milk. I would've gotten it myself but my show is almost starting and well...please."

(Y/n) sighed and nodded.

"Thanks. The money's on the counter," Nanami informed with a grin before exiting the room and slamming the door behind her.

(Y/n) threw her legs over the side of the bed and got to her feet. She took a jacket from her closet and put it on.

She then strode back to her bed and grabbed her phone, shoving it in her pocket. As she made to leave, she remembered her letter.

I could also pass by his place and give it to him. She thought as she took the paper from the book. She put in her pocket and exited her room.

***

(Y/n) decided to pass by Katsuki's place first before picking up the milk.

She walked in silence, her heart slowly increasing its pace as she closed the distance to his house.

Wait, what am I doing?

(Y/n) stopped in her tracks, her eyebrows knitted at her sudden second thoughts.

Is this all really necessary? No, go back.

The girl swiveled around and began walking back to where she came from.

Didn't we already come to a final conclusion via group discussion? Go back!

(Y/n) let out an irritated groan and turned back, a frown on her lips.

Stop!! Abort mission! Stop!

"Oh my God! Shut up!" (Y/n) hissed under her breath while tightly closing her eyes as she pinched the bridge of her nose.

She inhaled deeply and dispelled her second thoughts. She had already come so far to turn back now. She had to do it.

With a firm nod and a mind filled with hard-set determination, she continued on to Katsuki's home.

Hopefully, he won't slam the door on her face...

***

(Y/n) rubbed her sweaty palms on the jean-clad thighs as she stared hard at the wooden door.

Her nerves were raging wild, her breath shaky as she tried to calm herself. She had been standing there for about a minute, trying to collect her nervous self.

The (h/c)-haired girl lifted her hand, her knuckles hovering centimeters away from the wooden surface. She swallowed and licked her dry lips.

The girl sighed. "Ah, fuck it."

She briefly knocked on the door and took a step back as she waited for it to be opened. Approaching footfall resonated from inside, making her breath hitch.

Here goes nothing...Just shove it in his hands and run. Shove it in his hands and run. Shove it in his hands and run...the girl nodded to herself while repeating the mantra over and over again in her mind.

She took out the letter as she readied herself for what was coming next. The door swung open, the familiar spiky ash-blond hair coming to view.

Oh, thank fuck...

"(Y/n)! Hi! What a surprise!" Mitsuki grinned at the girl as she opened the door wider.

Please don't shout. He'll know I'm here...the girl winced in dread as she plastered on a strained smile.

"Hi Mrs- Mitsuki," she greeted in a small voice, her eyes briefly looking behind the woman to see if Katsuki was passing by. "Is Katsuki in?"

Mitsuki's grin seemed to widen at her question. "Of course! But he came home in a really bad mood. Are you here to cheer him up?"

The girl scratched the back of her neck in guilt and shook her head. "Not really."

Mitsuki's face dimmed briefly in disappointment before lighting up again. "Oh! Are you here to see me then?" she moved to the side and gestured to the inside of the house. "You can come in! I made cookies!"

(Y/n) tittered nervously. "Uh...no. Sorry. Not today."

"It's fine, dear. I could still bring them to you!" the woman gushed, already walking back into the house before (Y/n) could stop her.

The girl sighed in defeat and awkwardly bounced on her toes as she waited for Mitsuki's return. The open door allowed the smell of spices to waft outside, infiltrating her senses. The smell brought back memories of the first time she spent the night with Katsuki's family.

I guess this is the last time I'll ever come here, huh? The girl thought sadly as she checked out the house's visible decor. Mitsuki's approaching figure invaded her line of vision, the girl's eyes falling on her.

"I didn't know how many you wanted so I packed nearly all of them," Mitsuki said, placing the cookie-filled parchment bag in the girl's hands.

(Y/n) gawked at the cookies before looking back at the woman. "Nearly all of- what about your family?"

"Masaru doesn't eat them and that brat of mine hates sweets. I just bake them for fun and give them to my neighbor's daughter," Mitsuki chuckled. "But today, you can have them!"

(Y/n) smiled at the woman's kindness. She was really going to miss her. "Thanks."

Mitsuki nodded and clasped her hands in front of her. "So what is it you wanted?"

The girl sighed, her eyes falling on the letter in her hand before she gave it to Mitsuki. "Could you please give him this? Tell him that I couldn't think of any other way of talking to him."

Mitsuki's face morphed into one of concern and confusion as she stared at the letter. Her mind finally connected the dots and she took it.

She sent a small assuring smile at the girl. "I will."

"Thanks," (Y/n) breathed out. She glanced at the floor before giving the woman a sad smile. "I should go."

Mitsuki nodded, her eyes sadly staring at the downcast girl who turned to walk away.

The girl then stopped and looked at the woman over her shoulder.

"Mitsuki?"

The woman tilted her head. "Yes, honey?"

(Y/n) paused and lifted her chin. She could see a light coming from one of the curtained windows, Katsuki's room. She observed it for a moment before looking back at Mitsuki.

"Tell him I tried. I really did."

Mitsuki sighed, bringing the letter to her chest, her heart warming at the girl's simple yet heartfelt words.

"I will, dear."

***

(Y/n) let out a sigh as she stared out at the playground. She had sat on a swing and was slowly swinging back and forth, her head leaning on one of the chains.

Is this how it feels to let someone go? Weird, I feel...numb...

Instead of feeling the expected pain and suffering, (Y/n) felt nothing. She couldn't smile, she couldn't frown. All she could do was just stare at a distance.

She had put off going to the shop once more, deciding to sit on the lonely swing to try and think.

"Is this swing taken?"

The girl, who was immersed in her thoughts, mindlessly nodded, not bothering turning to look at the owner of the voice. She could hear the creaking sound of the swing as the person sat next to her. The owner of the voice, who (Y/n) confirmed as male from the voice, heaved out a sigh.

The girl shoved back her hair from her face and took the opportunity to glance at her silent counterpart.

The male looked about forty years of age, his hair thinning a bit in the middle. Dressed in a black suit with his white tie undone, he was short. But she couldn't really tell all that well since he was sitting down. He had this lost look on his face as if he was being faced with an unsolved dilemma.

"Life, huh?" he breathed out, his eyes still looking out to space.

"Huh?" the girl raised her eyebrows, wondering if he was referring to her for a second before nodding. "Oh uh...yeah..."

The male sighed and a nostalgic smile appeared on his lips. "I used to bring my son here with my wife every Sunday, you know. Still can't believe it's been an year since then," he then let out a humorless chuckle. "Been a while."

Uh...okay then...The girl gradually looked away from him, pondering over why he was opening up to a total stranger.

"I'm a marriage counselor, by the way," he added, now looking at the girl who turned to him.

(Y/n) nodded awkwardly, offering him a forced smile so as to not seem rude. "That's uh...good. Good profession."

"Yeah, not really," he sighed sadly. "Isn't it ironical that I help hundreds of couples with their own problems when I can't even solve mine? I mean, my own wife left me, took my son with her, just because I was so busy for them. In the end, I lost them," he tugged at his tie and stared hard at the sandy ground. "She filed for full custody after that. Won the case. She doesn't even let me see him over the weekends, much less talk to him," he turned to her. "His birthday was last week, you know? Bought him presents and everything," his expression turned sullen. "They never reached him. Not even one."

(Y/n), who was now fully paying attention to him, slowly nodded. She didn't want to pry by asking her own questions but he opened up to her first so it wouldn't hurt to be nosy a bit.

"Did...did you ever make time for them?" she asked carefully, her eyes scrutinizing him for any negative reaction. There was none.

He gave a mirthless laugh. "Of course. I tried. I really tried but all the time, I was always called back to the office. Appointments flooded my desk. I couldn't risk losing my job."

The girl fell silent for a while in thought. Before she could even stop herself, she spoke.

"Now see, that's the problem. You tried. Even though you put in a little effort, sometimes, trying's just...not...enough..." she trailed off, realizing how her own words conflicted with her earlier words to Mitsuki. Her eyes fell to the ground in dejection, already wishing that she had done more.

"Ha, you're right. I've told myself that many times but it's too late now, huh?" the male inquired but then noticed the girl's sad look. "Aside from my problems, you look like you're in a bit pickle yourself."

"Hmm?" (Y/n) looked at the male. "Oh. It's just that...I recently had a fight with a friend and well, we're not friends anymore. I tried apologizing to him but it didn't end well so I wrote him a letter in the hope he'll listen. I guess the effort's not enough as I thought."

"What are you talking about? Of course, it is."

The girl arched her eyebrow at him. "It is?"

"Yeah," he confirmed. "You did everything you could to show him you still care about your friendship. Now, that's a lot of effort. He'd be blind not to see that."

"Oh," the girl's forehead creased. "I'm having really conflicted thoughts right now."

The male shrugged. "Isn't that the joy of life? Mixed feelings?"

The girl chuckled and shook her head. "No, not really."

The male smiled and turned his eyes back to the front. The female pursed her lips, observing how troubled he actually was internally even if he still managed to smile outwardly. She then realized that far from her, there are people who've lost even more important people in their lives and as much as they can, they can't get them back.

She silently scoffed. Reality's really a bitch, huh?

She couldn't help him with his problems and she doubted giving him advice would help but at least she could try something.

(Y/n) extended the bag of cookies out to him and the male curiously turned to look down at it.

"Cookie?"

The male briefly stared at the pack and shrugged.

"Why the hell not."

***