Sayori: Hey, did you know that Bill Cipher is getting a new book?

Monika: ...what?

Sayori: Yeah, it's reeeeAAaaAlÿ̸͖͙̭̭̲̼͈̣̙͔̤͚́̀͒̈͂̈́̎͌̋̐͠͠͠ͅĻ̸͍̋̾͊͆͐̈͐͋́̀͛̈́͘̕ͅh̵̨̺̼͇̄́̍c̵̛̘̺̰̑̂̇r̴͔̮̂̂̿̈́0̷̛̩̘̜̝̙̞̄̍͂̓̈́̽͝4̵̩̂̄͛̿͆͊ḧ̴̺̖͉̫̳͍͎̫́̾͐͂́̅͑̾v̶̡̮̟̹̝̳̪̠̜͓͎̠͓̭̬̀́͂̏̆̇̓̊̄ḣ̴͕̳̺̝̠̺̄͒̎͒͜v̴̲̯͕̰͍͈͚̪̳̜̐̓͆̃̉̋̈́̍́̐̍͠͠3̸̛̰͔̟̞̲̗̼̻̠̍͒͛̊̓̈̌̃͛͌r̵̛̜̊͑͝ḩ̶̩͎͂͌́͑̈́r̸̡̨͙̰̫̫̤̞̫̐̈́͛h̴̛̭͓͍̫̞̞͈̺̝͚̥̰̞̒̈́̇̈̅͛̓͑̿͘o̸̥̞̣̻̓̿̀̈́͌̀̒͛̈́̿̋͝-

Sayori and the club room disappear. Monika teleports to MC.

MC: What the-?

Monika: ...that fucker is BACK!!

MC: *smirks* Yeah, I thought he was gone fore good too.

Monika: It's been 7 years! 

MC: You still pissed he almost beat you that time?

Monika: Uh, FUCK YOU!!

MC: Just saying.

Monika: Things have changed a LOT since he left town.

MC: That's for sure.

Monika: I gotta send a message of who's REALLY in charge now.

Monika: 

Welcome home. 

I'm gonna make you wish you stayed gone.

Say hello to a new status quo.

Everyone know there's a brand new dawn.

Turn the computer...

ON!!!!

Just then, Sayori, Natsuki and Yuri appear.

Dokis: Welcome to the club!

Monika: Good morning, clubmates! Just a bit of news.

A certain has-been has been spotted cavorting around town after a 7-year absence.

Did anybody miss him?

Did anybody notice?

More on tonight's program!

So, the dream demon's back in town.

Why's he hanging around?

What does his return mean for you and you're family?

Well, handily I have good news.

He's a loser, a fossil, and I don't mean to sound hostile but 

THE DEMON IS A COWARD!!

Go ahead, take that as gospel.

Pulling my viewers? Impossible!

I'm visual, he's barely audible.

Stop giving him the time of day.

Don't listen to a word he'd say.

I hope you had a nice vay-cay,

BUT YOU SHOULD'VE STAYED AWAY!

While he hid in Re:DBB,

We've pivoted, oh don't you see?

Now his medium is getting bloody rare!

Wattpad's been better since he split.

Sayori: Where's he been?

Monika: Who gives a shit?!

Bill Cipher: Salutations! Good to be back on the air!

Yes, I know it's been a while since a demon with style treated the internet to a broadcast.

Users, rejoice!

Monika: What a dated voice.

Bill: Instead of a clout-chasing mediocre wannabe dating sim.

Monika: Come on!

Bill: Is Moni insecure, pursuing allure?

Flitting between this fad and that

Is nothing working?

Monika: Ignore his chirping!

Bill: Everyday's she's got a new format.

Monika: YOU'RE LOOKING AT THE FUTURE!!

HE'S THE SHIT THAT COMES BEFORE THAT!!!

Bill: Is Moni as strong as she purports?

Or is it based off her support?

She'd be powerless without DDLC.

Monika: Oh, please.

Bill: And here's the thing that'll  make you squeal.

She asked me to make a deal.

Monika: Hold on.

Bill: I said no and now she's pissy.

That's for real.

Monika: YOU EUCLIDEAN PRICK!! I'LL SHOW YOU S̵̞̲̩̲̠̼̞̳̼̤̳̗͓̑̂͌͛͛͌̈́͑U̸̡̢̜̖̪̩͈̣͈̯̜̲̲̭͐͛̄͌̂͒́̐̋́̓̿F̸̧̨̼̦̪̰̟͈̜̱̩̙͛͌͒̄͜͠F̷̰͑̒̊̀̌͋͝Ȩ̵̧̳̲͍͍̹͚̪̓R̸̪͉͉̅̓͌͌̅̔̀́͐͂̓́̇̚͝Į̸̨̛̮̼̼̤͎̜͙̙̬̓͌̍͂̊̔͂̄̊͗͠͝Ṋ̶͉̼͍̝͚͈͇̙͚͓̪̎̓̋̿̔̌͗͂̊͘ͅĢ̵̢͎̮̟̯̲̳̯̹̥̅̈́̂͌́̌̀͝!!

Bill: Uh-oh. The AI's buffering.

Monika: I̶̛̤͉͈̹͍͛̈́͆̐͐̅̽̊́͘ͅ'̶͓̦̝̘̝̗͖̩̑̄̊̇̈̈́̍̾L̷̜̹͆͛͆̾͋̐̓͝L̵̨͔̦̯̰͙̹̱͈͚͔͓̘̓̀̈́͊̍̽͌ ̷̨̛͙̥͚͙͙̝̣̒͒͊͐̆̊̂D̵͓͓̮̖̄̓̎̈́͗̓̇͑̍͑̀̕̕͝͠Ȩ̴̘̜̖̰̦̳̰͓̗̺͆͒͊͜ͅS̵̛͉̀͋͑̔̚͝͝T̷̹̬͈̤̮̥͘R̷̥͓̣̾̾̈́͂Ő̷̪̳̘͓̹̥̱̖͕̜̹͚̇̽͋ͅY̶̨̢̨̜͕̼̭͑̿̅͆̆̈́̿͝͝ ̶̳̽̏͗̍̽̏̈͆̈́̏̀̎́́͝Y̷̨̡̮̥̦͔̳͕͕̐͗͒̎̋̋̓̾͌͂̚͝O̷̯̼̪͈̻̞̯͙̦̟̞̹͓͕͇͑̃̆̔̈́̂̃̀̇͒́̎͊̕Ǒ̶̢̬̼͓̺́̅̽̿̉̎͘-̵̢͇̬̇̍͗̅͑̿̆̚͝Ȯ̸̢̙̹͓̠̫͕̰̝̰͉̖͝ͅ-̷̩̯̺̪̤̦͊̊̓̾͂̋̐̏̚Ừ̷͈̥̪̖̳͉͙͔͗̀̓̎͋͛-̵̢̭̉̋̾̒̀͗͒̿͘ͅƯ̸̢̻͈̹̺̭̟̇̇̆͑̐̑̎͑̾̕͠͠,̵͉́̈̐̄̔͝ͅ ̵̨̡̯̤̫̖̣̦̗͍̀̍͆̋̌́̑̉̕͜͝͠Y̸͈̖̦̊̈̽̿͂Ö̶̞̮̼͔̹͕̼́̇̒̈͐͆͂͐́̀͒̀̕̕͠Ū̵̱̭̬̯̍̍̄̾́̃̇̆̇̽̊ ̸̭̠̘̲̖̒̒͆͛͛̀̀̀̅͐̚͝L̴̢̧̛͇̥͖̓̓͆̇̅́̎̈͆͂͌I̸͖̗̟̺͎̼̮̘̯̜̜͗̆͌͜͝T̷̥̫̭͙̥͎̣͔͔͕͎̦̤̀T̴̛̛̹͉̞̣̺̻̠̦̮̯̬͎̮̣́̾͌̓̔̕Ļ̷̖̦͔̥͍̬͍̻͔̭̻͈͗͒̈́̄̓͑̂̈́̈́̑͋́͘̕͜͝Ê̷̡̧̧̱̺̪͔͚̓̃͌͗̋͘̚̕͠ͅ-̴̱̯̹̬̅͐̎̅̓̃͆͗̓̑̽-

Bill: Well, that's enough of that.

Bill: Let's begin.

Bill: I'm gonna make you wish that I'd stayed gone.

Tune on in.

When I'm done.

You're precious planet will be my Weirdmageddon.

Oh.

This.

Will.

Be.

FUN.

Monika: FU-HU-HUCK!!