Jean could barely concentrate for the rest of the day, and when the clock hit five, instead of heading over to the bar with everyone else, he waited in his car, stealthily hidden with a view of the bus stop. It was drizzling, and he could see Eren waiting under his umbrella.

He knew this was probably stalking, but he didn't care.

Two hours by bus to go home! After that, Eren would have to walk a mile in the rain to reach his mother's house. It was a miracle Eren's health was not even worse.

Finally, Jean saw the bus pull up, and he started his car. He waited for Eren to board, and then Jean pulled out, purposely getting stuck behind the bus.

He cursed himself as he listened to the radio and followed, stop after stop, pausing behind the bus as traffic desperately tried to maneuver around it. There were a few stops with pull-over lanes for the bus, and for those Jean had to go a little ahead, pull to the side of the road, wait for the bus to pass him, and merge back in, returning behind it.

This was stupid. Was he really going to do this for two hours? Why? What did he hope to gain by stalking Eren's bus? Plus what happened if Eren transferred bus lines?

Luckily, he did not have to follow all the way to the suburbs. Just like before, Eren got off the bus at the hospital.

This time, Jean acted quickly. He swerved hard into the hospital parking lot, took the nearest spot he could find, and rushed after Eren as he saw him enter the sliding front doors.

Jean tried not to break into a full run, but he still cursed that Eren would likely reach the elevators before he could get to him. If he did, there was no telling which floor he was visiting. He rushed into the waiting room and stopped sharply. Eren was nowhere to be seen. He spun around, but he had seemingly vanished.

Then he heard a familiar voice say, "Thank you." Jean pulled back sharply, hiding next to a white statue of St. Joseph. Eren was just now coming out of the gift shop, and in his hands was a bouquet of flowers.

Was he visiting someone? Jean had been worried that Eren himself was sick, but if he was bringing flowers...

Was it a girl? If it was his old girlfriend, he would bring something romantic like roses, not gerbera daisies.

That was when flashes of memories flickered through his head.

* * *

https://youtu.be/vdTnuc3ktzo

Carla Jaeger scolding him because he climbed the fence and landed on her daisies again.

Sitting at the Jaeger dinner table with a vase of gerbera daisies in the center.

Visiting his mother in the hospital after a surgery and knowing the Jaegers had been there as soon as he saw a bouquet of gerbera daisies by her bedside.

Placing a daisy into Eren's hair and watching him blush.

Carla Jaeger peacefully sitting in her garden, brushing her fingers over the vibrant colors of the oversize daisies.

* * *

"Mrs. Jaeger," he whispered.

Jean blinked out the flood of random memories and realized Eren had walked by without even noticing him. Now, he was at the elevator. Rather than rush forward, Jean could not move his feet.

Come on! You'll miss seeing where he's going.

Still, he could not move, like an invisible force was holding him back. He watched as the elevator opened and Eren stepped in.

As soon as he did, Jean could move. He rushed to the elevators and watched the numbers light up. Second floor, third, four, fifth.

It stopped there. Jean's eyes narrowed in determination, and he walked back to the hospital's gift shop.

"Hi, I'd like a dozen gerbera daisies."

The lady running the shop chuckled. "A young man was just here ordering the same thing. Someone must really love those."

"She does," he muttered, recalling how those flowers had been all through the Jaegers' house.

"Luckily, I still have a few." The lady wrapped the bouquet and handed it over. Jean paid, and with the flowers cradled in his arms, he walked up to the information desk.

"Hello, I'm here to visit Carla Jaeger. I know she's on the fifth floor, but I've forgotten the room number."

Seeing the bouquet, the nurse figured he was just another visitor. "Let's see. Jaeger, fifth floor ... ah! It's room 523. Shall I ring her that you're coming?"

"No, her son should be there."

"You'll need a wrist band pass. May I see a photo ID?"

"Yeah, no problem," he muttered.

He had no idea what he was doing. He had not seen Carla Jaeger since he was sixteen, and he had left town on very bad terms with her son. Maybe she even hated him for bullying her child.

Still ... something drove him to continue.

After riding up the elevator, he walked through sterile halls until he found room 523. He stood in front of it and looked down again at the flowers. At the very least, he could find out what was wrong and if this was the reason for Eren's state at work.

When he walked in, he was stunned to see the room empty except for a sleeping person on a bed. Eren's bouquet was already set up by the bedside, but he was nowhere in sight.

Jean walked in with trepidation, not wanting to wake her. He set the flowers down and silently pulled a seat up beside the bed.

Carla had aged in the eight years since he last saw her. There was gray in her rich brown hair braided and draped over one shoulder, slight wrinkles around the eyes—smile lines, as his own mother called them. She had lost a lot of weight, her cheeks gaunt, her skin pallid, but she looked just as pleasant and motherly as she had back then.

A knot tightened in Jean's throat as he thought of all the times she had been a second mother to him.

* * *

https://youtu.be/9FAV3zr1PMk

1983 (Age 4)

"Cookies! Cookies! Cookies!"

He and Eren chanted together, banging on the table and nearly upsetting a vase of giant daisies in the middle. Carla chuckled in amusement as she brought out two plates heaping with cookies.

"Now, be careful. They're still cooling."

The boys cheered as the plates landed in front of them, and they immediately snatched up one in each hand, humming in bliss at the very first bite of warm, melty, chocolate chip cookies.

Nancy Kirschtein came out of the kitchen right behind Carla. "Thank you for letting us use your kitchen. Our stove is still out."

"It's not a problem. Although I think my son is going to gain weight if he eats so many."

"Jean-boy can't seem to keep on his weight. So skinny for his age!"

Both boys grabbed the cookies and ate them with excitement. When their mothers warned them to slow down or they would get hiccups, they ignored it. Who could slow down when there were cookies to be devoured?

"Cookie Monster!" Jean growled, trying to mimic his favorite Sesame Street character. "Me like cookies!"

Just then, Eren grabbed a cookie off his plate.

"Hey!"

"Elmo says, too slow, too bad!" Eren said, trying to mimic his favorite character.

The mothers giggled as they watched the boys now more interested in stealing each other's cookies. After a few exchanges, the cookies began to fall apart, and as one crumbled in half, Jean got mad and smashed it into Eren's face. Eren took a cookie and crushed it into Jean's hair.

"Jean-boy!"

"Eren, no!"

Their mothers ran forward to separate them before the food fight could escalate. Carla scooped up both plates and strode back into the kitchen.

"No more cookies until tomorrow," she declared with motherly disapproval.

"Nooooo!" Jean and Eren wailed, and both began to cry. "Cookieeeees!"

* * *

PRESENT DAY, 2003

Jean laughed quietly and shook his head at the old memory. He had always been able to tell the difference between his mother's cookies and Carla Jaeger's. Although his mother had been renowned for her baked goods and always was a hit at the church bake sale, there was something almost magical about anything that came out of the Jaeger's kitchen. Even when he knew his mother had baked the cookies in the Jaeger's kitchen using her special recipe, they somehow just tasted better eating them at Eren's house, fresh out of their oven.

What a simpler time!

Now, that woman lay before him, a skeleton of her previous self, older, thinner, pale, and looking exhausted. She deserved to be smiling vibrantly as she tended to her garden.

Not this!

Ever since Jean came to work in Eldia Inc., Eren had been stressing himself over something. He worked obsessively, refused to eat because he had to save money, moved into his parents' house, and even sold his car.

This was why.

With his mother in the hospital, every cent Eren made went to medical bills.

The sudden realization that he had been hard on Eren, mocking him, joking about him dropping dead, made Jean's queasy feeling of guilt grow worse. He had always thought Eren's life was perfect, but now he realized just how hard he had been fighting, striving, and sacrificing for his mother's sake.

Carla's eyes slowly opened, and Jean jolted in a panic. However, a gentle smile came to her lips.

"Jean Kirschtein? Is that really you? Goodness, you've grown up! I haven't seen you in ages. Eren said you worked with him." She let out a small, relieved sigh. "I'm glad you turned out okay."

Jean opened his mouth, but really, what could he say? Had he really turned out okay? After all, he still harassed Eren at work. He was messed up deep inside, and he knew it. So much was still going wrong with his life...

Yet that soft smile ... he wanted to protect it! Since he was four years old, this woman had been a shelter from the storms in his childhood. Now, he wanted to protect her for once.

The door opened, as Eren stepped in with some hospital food, only to stop sharply as he saw someone by his mother's bedside, the last person in the world he thought would be there.

"Jean?" he sneered. "Get the hell away from her."

"Eren, no," his mother scolded, just like when they were children.

Jean kept his voice soft as he said, "Set the food down before you drop it."

Eren let the plate clatter onto a nearby table. "What the hell are you doing here? How did you know ... wait, did you follow me?" he cried out.

Jean scolded in a whisper, "Keep your voice down. This is a hospital."

Eren's fists drew up as he began to tremble with rage. In a restrained, seething whisper, he hissed, "Get out."

Carla pouted in disapproval. "Eren."

"You have no right to be here," he snapped, slowly growing louder. "You of all people!"

Jean sighed and dropped his head. Eren had a point. He had been a jerk for so many years. What right did he have to be kind to his mother?

Carla's gentle voice shattered the tension between the two. "Did you bring these flowers, Jean?"

They both looked back to her and saw her soft smile.

"Uh, y-yeah," Jean muttered. "I remember you liked them."

"You have a good memory. You used to come over a lot." Her eyes turned over to her son. "Do you remember that, Eren? Jean used to eat at our table a few nights a week." She looked back over to Jean. "You probably remember the flowers I always set out."

"And your garden," he whispered. "I remember putting flowers in Eren's hair."

"What?" Eren snapped, looking disgusted by the idea. "What the hell are you talking about?"

Carla sighed with a sleepy smile. "It's nice that you at least remember, Jean."

Eren looked instantly heartbroken. "Mom?"

"Maybe you can help Eren ... remember..." She was starting to drift off to sleep again.

Eren's gaze dropped to the side. What was all this about putting flowers in his hair? When the hell had that happened?

Just then, a doctor walked in. "How are you doing, Mrs. Jaeger?"

She blinked hard to wake herself back up. "Drowsy, but feeling better."

The doctor hesitated with a face straining to hold something back. "Well, that's good."

Jean saw what was coming from a mile away. He felt he should not be there, but with Eren and the doctor standing between him and the door, he had no easy way to escape.

"The lab results are back."

Eren bolted over to him. "And?" he asked anxiously.

The doctor let out a long sigh. Jean was already shaking his head.

"I warned you that the procedure would only slow the cancer down. It did precisely that and bought us a few more weeks, but ... it's not a cure. The cancer is spreading again."

Jean watched as Eren shattered inside. His own heart ached to hear such a pronouncement for a woman he had not even seen in eight years. He could not imagine how much worse this was, to hear this about one's own mother.

Carla took her grim fate with dignified poise. "What are our options?"

"Between your insurance and financial situation, there's not much I can recommend. Even if we operate more, it'd only slow it down, and it'll involve a lot of discomfort as the cancer spreads to new areas. The only procedure I can think of is something your insurance definitely will not cover, and the cost ... well ... I regret to say, my best recommendation now is to look into hospice care."

Eren shouted, "You're giving up?"

The doctor frowned at the anguish in the young man's face. "I've done all I can—"

"No, you've only done what we can afford. There's still hope, right?" Tears beaded up in his eyes. "Right? There's something that can be done."

"I can't do it, nor can anyone in this country. There is a doctor in the UK, one of the best surgical oncologists in the world. He developed a risky but thus far successful procedure. It's in its early stages of human trials, the FDA is nowhere close to approving it, and due to the high risks, the NHS nor any private-sector medical insurance covers this treatment. We would have to transport your mother to the facility in London, and you have to pay completely out of pocket. From my understanding, your current finances—"

"I'll sell the house!"

Carla looked stunned. "Eren..."

"It's not worth keeping if you're not coming back to it. I'll sell the house—"

"You will not sell that," Carla insisted. "That is the one thing I can give to you, the last assurance I have that, at the very least, you won't ever be homeless."

"I don't need an entire house! It's pointless if you're not there." Eren began to break into tears. "None of it ... nothing at all ... is worth it if you're not there."

"You will not sell that house, and that is final. That house is still under my name, and I forbid it."

"But Mom..."

Carla turned to the doctor. "Please bring me some brochures on hospice care."

"NO!"

Eren burst into tears, but the last thing he wanted was to worry his mother even more. Jean's scolding words echoed in his mind, "Take better care of yourself so you're not a burden on your mother."

He had struggled so hard to not be a burden, to make her happy, to help cure her, but it wasn't enough. Nothing was good enough! And now ... hospice, a place that would keep her comfortable until she died!

They really were planning to give up.

No!

That word echoed over and over, deafening him until he could not hear the worried voice of his mother, the reassuring voice of the doctor, or Jean snapping at him to calm down.

Eren ran out of the room to escape the echoes of his own denial. At the end of the hall, he let loose a raging scream, but even still his heart hurt. He needed to escape, to find a place to let the sorrow engulf him.

As he passed a nurse pushing a metal cart, he crashed into it and blindly tried to shove it away, ignoring the angered shouts. He ran to the elevator and pushed the button over and over, like he could stab it into submission.

He heard Jean shouting for him down the hall. Oh, hell no! Why did he have to be there at a moment like this?

Just before Jean could reach him, the elevator doors finally shut. He hit the top-most button and rode up. Alone in the elevator, he let out another scream.

He was losing his mother.

Not in the quick, shocking way his father had died, but slowly, the pain of impending loss dragged out over months.

Eren sank against the elevator wall, already knowing there was no way he could make it through this by himself.

He was alone.

His girlfriend left him. His sister was in California. His best friend was in France.

He was all alone.

His mother, his rock, the woman who had raised him on her own after his father died, was now facing her own mortality.

As Eren stared forward, he saw not the doors of the elevator, but a yawning abyss opening to swallow him in dark misery. He stepped out into that void, passed through a set of doors that opened to the hospital's roof, and trudged out into the rain.

The sky seemed to be crying with him, as if sharing in his pain.

If only it had rained this hard the day his father died.

# # #

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A Song for Mama by Boyz II Men released in 1997. This chapter's title comes from a line in the chorus, "Mama, Mama you're the queen of my heart / Your love is like tears from the stars." I debated about playing this song for my mother's funeral last year, but her church did not allow "worldly" music to be played.

Seems Like Old Times is a song from 1939 and has been covered by many people. In 1977, actress Diane Keaton sang it beautifully in the movie Annie Hill, and her rendition made it into AFI's top 100 tunes in 20th century cinema.

Gerbera daisies - I love daisies so much, even my wedding bouquet was made of daisies and white roses. The florist I worked with accidentally ordered 10 buckets of daisies (over 1000 flowers) instead of 10 bunches (50-60 flowers) that we had planned to use as table decor. We had already paid for them, so we handed out mini bouquets of daisies to all of our guests. It was a huge hit.