Jean was glad for one thing: Eren looked better the next day.

He was mad about something too: Levi was impressed with Eren's work. That was work Jean himself had done, and that meant Eren got a client worth a lot of money, while all Jean got was a sticky note with an IOU for a sandwich.

Maybe Eren needed it, though. Jean had no idea what happened after he moved away. He had assumed the Jaeger fortune would last and buffer Eren for the rest of his life. Maybe something happened: old debts, bad investments, he honestly had no idea what Eren had been up to since they were sixteen, and a lot could change in eight years.

In any case, Eren was apparently desperate for money, enough to work himself into dangerous levels of exhaustion. To pay him back for the shit he put Eren through in school, Jean figured he could at least give him this much.

All that morning, Jean was too busy to ask Eren if he was doing all right now. He glanced over when he could, but it was hard to determine anything. Was he eating well? Was he still drinking a cup of coffee an hour? Was he sleeping okay?

Why the hell am I even interested? I hate this bastard!

Finally, it was time for lunch. Jean stood from his desk, stretched his arms high above his head, rotating out his stiff shoulder, and took a quick glance over at Eren. What he saw worried him.

Eren was still sitting at his desk, like he did not notice everyone else getting up to eat. Rather than his massive mug of coffee, multiple empty cans of Red Bull lined the side of his desk. Eren was guzzling the energy drink like it was nectar of the gods.

"Idiot. She told you to cut down on caffeine, not change the source."

He tried to ignore Eren. After all, he had no reason to be invested in anyone's health but his own. If the suicidal idiot dropped dead, that opened up a spot for Jean to rise in the company.

Still, all through lunch, Jean's brow remained furrowed. While coworkers around him chatted, he tapped his chopsticks against his bowl of teriyaki chicken and rice.

"Hey," he finally said, cutting into a conversation about sports. "What's the deal with Jaeger? He works like he owes the Mafia money. Do any of you know much about him?"

The others around the table glanced at each other. "Not really."

"He's mentioned about living in a house."

"If he owns his own house at his age, he isn't hurting for money."

"His position does pay a lot more than any of us."

"Until recently, he drove a really nice Mercedes SL500. I noticed he takes the bus now. Maybe you're on to something and he owes people money."

"And then there's his girlfriend."

Jean perked up. "Girlfriend?"

"More than just a girlfriend. Eren said they had been living together for three years. He used to say things like 'I can imagine spending my life with her.'"

"I asked him why he didn't just marry her, and he blushed and said, 'I'm working on it.'"

"Levi got mad at him once for browsing online engagement ring stores at work."

"I heard they were childhood sweethearts."

Jean's eyes widened. Childhood? Was this woman someone he knew?

"Not quite childhood. Eren once told me that they met in college and began dating as teens."

"Oh, maybe that's what I heard: teenagers. I thought that meant fourteen, not eighteen."

Jean asked the group, "What happened between them?"

"No one knows. The only reason Bertholdt figured out that they broke up is because Eren put away the pictures of her that he used to keep around his cubicle. All he said was, they weren't together anymore."

"Lots of people have tried to ask him. As far as I can tell, Eren refuses to talk about it, even with Bertholdt and Reiner."

"Eren spiraled after they broke up."

"No, he was working like crazy long before she left him."

"That's probably why she left. He really changed around the first of the year."

"Even before that. It was just after Thanksgiving that he started to take extra clients. He didn't get this bad until March, right around the time that Eren and his girlfriend broke up."

"I wonder what happened between them."

"I can't imagine Eren was the one who called it off. He idolized her."

"Do you think she was cheating on him?"

"Guys, it's none of our business."

"Yeah, but I kinda wanna know. Not to be nosy, but ... well, they were my real-life OTP."

Jean rubbed his chin. "What was Jaeger like before she left?"

"Totally different."

"Yeah, he always went out with us. He often got up and went around to anyone new, making sure they were getting the hang of things."

"He also would offer to pay for meals of any new-hires."

"I remember, he paid for my lunch for an entire week. I almost thought he was flirting with me, until I saw his girlfriend."

"She came to last year's company Christmas party."

"Oh yeah, she was always at the parties. Those two were inseparable."

"They made a really cute couple. It's such a shame."

"I do wonder, why did he suddenly become so obsessed with work and saving money? I thought at first that he was saving up for a lavish wedding, but after they broke up, he's only gotten worse."

"Could it really be he owes the Mafia?"

"Nah, Eren isn't the sort to get involved with them. Maybe a loan shark, or bad investments."

"It's not really our place to ask, you know."

"Yeah, if it wasn't a big deal, he would talk about it, yet when people try to ask him about anything in his life, Eren snaps at them to mind their own business."

"He didn't used to be that way. He was always talking about his girlfriend, his mother, and his sister who works in Hollywood."

"Now, he doesn't want to talk to anyone. He just sits there, silently, working like he's possessed."

"There has to be a reason."

"Yeah, I mean, if he owes people, I'd give him some money. I owe him for a week's worth of lunches."

"Same here."

"I just want the old Eren back."

Jean's eyes narrowed, and he glanced back at the towering office building. Somewhere up there, Eren was probably still at his computer, working without slowing his pace.

Jean returned with all the others. They chatted as they went to their desks, yet Jean found his feet walking over to Eren's desk. Before he knew it, he was right behind him.

Eren was focused on his computer, typing at a rapid speed, but the shadow looming behind him broke his concentration. He glared around his shoulder at Jean.

"What?" he snapped.

Without warning, Jean grabbed Eren's arm and dragged him out of the office. Eren shouted in shock as he was yanked forward.

"Hey, stop! Let go. What the hell, you bastard?" he shouted as Jean forced him to come along.

Jean dragged Eren to the break room, now empty, and he did not let go until they were by the vending machines. He threw Eren up against the wall, where he hit hard and flinched.

"Seriously, eat something!"

Eren's eyes flashed open. "What the hell is your problem?" he screamed back.

"My problem is, I don't want you passing out again. If I'm gonna take your job, I don't wanna drag your corpse out of your chair first. So eat something and go die at home." Jean grabbed a banana out of a fruit basket and thrust it at him. "Potassium. I bet an idiot like you doesn't even know how important that is."

"I don't want—"

"Eat it!" Jean shouted. "The fruit is free. If you're tight on money, take what the company offers with gratitude." He grabbed Eren's shoulders, forced him to a chair, and slammed him down hard. "Stay there and eat that banana. If you try to leave, I will fuckin' deck you."

Eren cussed under his breath, but he peeled back the banana. His teeth gnashed into it like he was chomping at all of his anger.

Jean turned to the vending machines, put in a few coins, and a wrapped bar tumbled down. He brought it over to Eren.

"Protein bar. Maybe it'll put some muscle back onto those twig arms of yours."

"Fuck off," Eren grumbled.

"You need something other than coffee and Red Bull. I swear, do you even drink plain water?"

"Not really," Eren mumbled with mashed banana in his mouth.

Jean got to work at a drink station and came back with a piping hot cup. "Lemon tea. You'll get some citrus this way so you don't catch fuckin' scurvy. Now, you need real food. I know you skipped lunch, and I'm betting you didn't have breakfast."

"I had coffee for breakfast."

"Oh for God's sake! Listen, because I'll say this only once: coffee ... is ... not ... food."

Eren muttered something into his banana.

"Speak up, asshole."

"I said I'm short on grocery money this week," he yelled.

"You get paid more than me. How the hell are you short on money?"

Eren's jaw trembled. "Some of us have a lot of expenses, you know."

"Then move in with your mother."

"I did," he screamed.

Jean paused in shock. "I heard you own a house."

"No, I live in a house. My parents' house. I moved back in with my mother just before Christmas."

"That same house way out in the suburbs?" Jean cried out in shock. "I thought you took the bus to work. How long does it take you to go all the way into the city?"

Eren folded his arms as he mumbled, "Two hours."

"Two..." He was beginning to scream now, and Jean yanked his voice back down. "What the hell happened to you?" he blurted out.

Eren shot him a silent glare.

"Okay, fine, none of my business," Jean admitted, throwing his hands up. He put some more money into the vending machine, got a salad, and tossed it at Eren, almost hitting him in the face. "Eat that. If you're broke, then take better care of yourself so you're not a burden on your mother. I bet she hates seeing you like this."

Eren's eyes widened, but Jean suddenly spun away and stormed out of the break room. All the way back to the cubicles, he was shaking his head in anger, although he was not sure why he was so mad.

* * *

https://youtu.be/d8ekz_CSBVg

"I Hate Everything About You" by Three Days Grace

That whole week, Jean could not get Eren out of his mind. If he took a bus from the suburbs into the city, and that took two hours, no wonder he looked exhausted every morning. It took Jean only fifteen minutes to drive from his apartment to the company, and he sometimes barely made it. It also explained why Eren was always so early. Probably, he aimed to take one bus before what he needed, lest he miss a bus transfer and end up late.

But what happened? Even if he hit personal hardship, he was living with his mother now. Shouldn't his financial troubles be resolved by no longer needing to worry about rent?

On Friday, there was an after-work party. Just after lunch, Bertholdt went around inviting people.

"Hange is hosting it, so we can drink to our heart's content," he said with a bright grin.

Eren shook his head. "I can't go."

Jean sauntered up. "Come on. It's free drinks. Even a pauper like you can afford free."

Eren glared at him caustically, silently ordering him to not say a word about his money problems. "For your information, I have some business I need to take care of after work."

Jean's eyes narrowed. Business? Maybe a second job? What could he possibly be doing? After others began to drift away, Jean walked up to Eren's desk and lowered his voice.

"Come on, you can take a break on a Friday."

"I really can't," Eren replied, not looking up.

"Don't tell me you pimp on the weekends."

Eren shot him another sharp glare. "No, and it's none of your business."

Jean sneered at the cold tone. "Fine, but next time you pass out, I ain't helping you."

Eren sighed, too exhausted to care about his taunts. His long, brown hair barely covered the dark circles under his eyes as he muttered, "I didn't ask for your help."

He continued with his work, but he realized that Jean was not moving away. Eren purposely ignored him, but he felt those narrow eyes burning into the top of his head.

Finally, Eren spun around in his chair. "What do you want now?"

"Waiting for you to drop dead so I can take your job."

Eren rolled his eyes and groaned, "You're an asshole."

"Well, you're a faggot, and a stupid one. Seriously, what's going on with you?"

Eren banged his hands down over the messy surface of his desk, upsetting his multiple cans of Red Bull. "Just leave me alone, okay? And for fuck's sake, stop calling me a faggot. Don't use language like that at work. Hell, don't use it anywhere. It's hateful, it's immature, and it's not true anyway."

"Could've fooled me," Jean grumbled.

"Seriously, what do you want from me? Since the day you walked in here, you've made my life more of a living hell than it already was. One minute you're calling me a faggot, the next you're worried about my diet, and seconds later you say I should just die already. Now you're back to calling me a faggot." Then he screamed, "What the fuck is your problem?"

Jean froze in surprise. Eren's outburst brought the attention of everyone around. Jean felt himself at the center of judging eyes, and he backed off.

Eren knew everyone was watching. Good! They all must know by now that Jean bullied him, yet none had dared to speak up. Just like no one spoke up in middle school or high school. Back then, Eren didn't care, feeling he could take care of himself. Now, he was stressed way past his limits. Maybe now something would be done about this problem.

Jean whispered, "It's nothing."

"If it's nothing, then leave me the hell alone!"

"All right! Sheesh."

Eren felt his emotions boiling over, trembling in his chest. He leaned into Jean's face and seethed quietly, "I fucking hate you."

At that, Eren stormed out of the office.

Jean watched him go. Just then, he also realized that all eyes were on him. He angrily screamed, "What are y'all staring at?" He stomped back over to his desk and slumped down, scowling at his computer screen. His head collapsed down into his hands and clawed into his hair.

He was just trying to find out what was going on. Sure, he could have done it nicer, but this was Eren Jaeger after all. Their entire language of communication was built around insults.

Bertholdt shook his head. He saved his work, got up, and followed after Eren to make sure he was okay.

Jean saw him go and sighed. Shit! He could really get in trouble, wasting Eren's time and pestering him almost every day.

This is what I get for caring a little. Scratch that! No! I don't care about that bastard. I don't care at all.

Why couldn't he just leave Eren alone?

* * *

https://youtu.be/_d-TWBj46tA

"My Eyes Burn" by Matchbook Romance

In the men's restroom, Eren lashed out, shouting as he reached his limits of handling the frustration. He slammed a stall door, punched one of the mirrors, and kicked another stall. Then he slumped against the wall, breaking down into tears.

"Dammit," he hissed. His knuckles really hurt now, and he was probably lucky he didn't shatter the mirror. As he flexed out his knuckles, he realized that this would slow down his typing.

And it was all Jean's fault!

Where was that nice Jean in his memories? Where was the playful Jean who grinned at him, who tickled him with laughs, who brought over toys and played sports with him? Where was the Jean who Eren could lower his guard around, who could kiss his nose and take away all the pain?

What became of that Jean?

He heard the door open, and Bertholdt called in, "Eren?"

He gasped and ran into one of the stalls, slamming it shut. He wiped his eyes and managed to hold back the choking sobs. He heard shoes click in, but Bertholdt's voice was quiet.

"Are you okay?" he asked right at the stall door.

"I'm fine!" Eren snapped, but he heard his voice quavering.

"If you need to talk, I'm here. If it's about Jean, I won't say anything to him."

Eren stared forward in the stall. "Hey, what do you remember of me and Jean? Like, when we were kids?"

"I didn't go to the same school as you guys until middle school, and then I wasn't in a class with either of you until seventh grade. As far as I remember, you two fought all the time."

"You were friends with him, right?"

"We were on the basketball team together, and we sometimes had after-game parties. Mostly, it was Reiner who was Jean's friend. I don't think he and I ever hung out after school or anything."

"Do you know," Eren mumbled, "if anything happened to him? If something made him change? Was there something going on in his life, something that made him ... the way he was around me?"

Bertholdt let out a soft sigh. "There was one thing. I don't think it's my place to say. You should ask him about it."

Eren let out a scoff that was laced with a snuffle. "Like he'd tell me anything."

"He might. I know this: Jean was dealing with a lot of crap at home. Maybe you were tied into it and didn't even know, or maybe he picked you as his punching bag because he had known you the longest."

"What kind of crappy stuff?"

"His dad. Do you know anything about his father?"

Eren closed his eyes and thought back. "His name was Linny. Tall guy, balding, had a nasty scar on his arm, said it was from Vietnam. He liked guns and sports. He was our neighbor, but honestly, I didn't know much about Jean's parents. I don't even know what they did for a living."

"His dad was fired from his job when we were in high school. That's why Jean had to move away, because his dad couldn't find work in town after that. Something happened later, after he moved. He didn't get into details, but Jean told us a few weeks ago over drinks, he left home before he graduated from high school. A person normally doesn't do that unless there's something really bad happening in their family."

Eren stared ahead. "I ... didn't know. I mean, I do recall his dad being racist toward my adopted sister Mikasa, and Mom would bring us inside if he walked out in the yard, but ... I just thought he was a racist, cranky old man." Eren's brow tensed as he realized his memory had huge gaps. Had he blocked out something?

"I think you and Jean really should sit down and talk one day. Are you sure you can't go out drinking tonight? It'd be a perfect time to try it."

Eren sputtered out a sigh. "I really can't. I already promised to meet someone."

"Oh! A girl?"

Eren laughed with a wry smile. "Not what you think."

"Well, if you can get a Friday evening free, I'll set up something. You, me, Reiner, Jean, all talking about our glory days like some old men."

Eren could even hear Bertholdt's grin in his voice, and it made him chuckle. "That sounds nice, but ... money's tight, man."

"Then I'll spot you twenty bucks, and you can pay me back later. Here." A dollar bill slid through the gap in the stall door.

"I can't—"

"Take it or I'll throw it in the urinal and leave it there."

Eren had to laugh at that. "There's a reason they called you The Tricky Titan back in high school, and it wasn't just your trick shots in basketball. It's that you're one devious bastard when you wanna be."

"Have I changed at all?"

"Nope!" Eren plucked the dollar and put it into his wallet. "I'll pay you back, I swear."

"No rush. I'm glad you're laughing again. Take half an hour and go talk to Petra. You calm down after chatting with her." Bertholdt snickered. "Maybe I should bring her along as your date to our little outing."

"She's totally not interested in me, and the calming effect is the Diazepam, not her." He sighed and whispered, "I might need another shot of that before tonight. Dammit..."

"Sounds bad. Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really, and not in the men's room."

"Fair enough," Bertholdt muttered. "Well, take your time."

Eren heard clicks of shoes as Bertholdt walked out. As soon as he heard the door shut, a frustrated shudder escaped his lungs. He had buried it down while talking, just as he buried this lump of hopelessness down all day long. Now, it was ready to burst. He hugged himself, feeling pathetic.

What sort of man was he, crying in a toilet stall?

He felt alone. So alone.

* * *

Bertholdt went back to the cubicle farm, and Reiner ran up to him, holding his arm as he saw the grief in Bertholdt's face.

"Is he okay?" he asked in a quiet voice.

Bertholdt bit his lip and whispered, "He's having a breakdown in the men's room."

Reiner shot a sharp glare over to Jean, who was just close enough to hear.

Jean turned his head away with a stubborn scowl. Despite his outer appearance, he felt distraught. A feeling he did not like began to seep into his heart, a feeling he hated and wished would go away.

Guilt.

# # #

# #

#

Red Bull was first introduced into America in 1997, beginning in California before expanding to the rest of the country. I remember sometime around 2003, a Red Bull booth set up on our college campus handing out free cans of this mostly-unknown drink. I mean, if you're going to advertise in a new country, what better way than to get all the sleep-deprived college students addicted. Within a year, every party involved Jägerbombs (Jägermeister mixed with Red Bull) still one of my go-to drinks, although no dropping shot glasses and no guzzling. I just like the taste. God, I sound like a grandma!

Mercedes-Benz SL500 — We saw in Chapter 5 "Buried Myself Alive," Eren called up a dealer to sell his Mercedes. This sports coupe would have been quite the car. A 2003 Mercedes-Benz SL-Class originally had a sticker price of $87,655 ($149,000 today). Considering you could buy a new Mazda Protege for $16,000, owning a Mercedes coupe really would have made an impression on his coworkers.

I looked up if "OTP" was used in 2003. Turns out, the term actually dates back all the way to 1984 in Star Trek slash fics, where a fanfic writer might ship Spock/McCoy and Spock/Sulu, but Kirk/Spock is their One True Pairing.

I Hate Everything About You, a now iconic love-hate song by Three Days Grace, only peaked at number 55 on the US Billboard Hot 100, but it was #2 on the Modern Rock Charts and remained in the charts for 46 weeks, making it the 9th best performing song of the decade. The song released on April 28, 2003, and technically, this chapter happens on April 25, 2003 (yes, I have a timeline) but maybe radios played it before the album drops? I honestly don't know.

My Eyes Burn is a 2003 song by emo band Matchbook Romance. Although I've tried to use only songs that Eren and Jean would know in 2003, technically the album came out in September, and currently it would be April. Close enough.