because you are my soul

. . .

Kihyun stood under the door frame with a basket of fruits on his hand. His presence sent vibes like I was confined in a hospital or something.

"I'm sorry?" he said.

"Don't be. It was my fault." I shyly turned my face away from him. It feels better this way.

"Come on. How do I make it up to you?" he insisted while he rubbed his thumb on the back of my hand.

I had just woken up and I was not really in the mood for it. I don't want to talk to him.

"I want to be alone."

"I'm really sorry, Hyeri--"

"Get out!" There was a bit of disappointment, and a bit of regret.

We were both sorry. As I think about what happened last night, I couldn't help but wonder about the book. It was truly odd. I bet no one would put an effort to take polaroids of naked dead people and compile them all together, but he had the passion for it. My mind kept a stacked record of all the questions, only him could answer. The buzzing of my phone distracted me from my thoughts.

I fell on the floor as I quickly rolled off the mattress. "Kookie?"

"Hyeri? Leave that place immediately!" He was very specific and direct.

"What are you talking about?"

"Pack your things up and leave." He started to terrify me. What is this all about?

"You're scaring me, Jungkook. What is it?!" I tried to stay calm while I pull out my luggage from under the bed. A part of me still trusts him. A part of me doesn't want to let go.

"I can't sleep for one more night knowing you're with him. I'm really worried about you!"

"I'm still alive, okay?! Calm the f.uck down, will you?"

"No! I'll come home soon. Wait for me, baby." His voice was music to my ears. I missed him more every night. Is it true that you only realize the worth of someone once they're gone? I wondered.

As the pile of clothes filled up the bag, I took a break since my back was already weary. I stood in front of the mirror as I slowly took my shirt off. I was taken aback by the puzzling minor contusions on my waist and my chest. It was a horrifying sight. It was more alarming not to know where it came from. I'm afraid.

Jungkook, I'm afraid.

I quickly changed my clothes, my whole body was shaking. What is happening to me?

"Ah, Hyeri? Where are you going?"

"None of your business!" I struggled to wrap my red scarf around my neck as I rushed my way out. D.amn it! Why won't you cooperate with me?!

I waited in line with two more patients in the hospital. This is not normal. I'm gaining more and more bruises occasionally. My hands won't stop shaking, my brain won't stop thinking.

I watched as parents chitchat on the crowd-less hallway, their children were playing hide and seek. The clock ticked as time continued to pass by. Patients were leaving one by one as their checkup ended. Some left crying. Some left smiling. I wonder which one I'll end up after the doctor diagnoses me.

"Chae Hyeri?" I raised my hand and follow the nurse inside.

"Miss Chae, what brought you here?" The doctor sat confidently and prepared.

"I've found bruises on my body. And it's weird," I paused, hoping I would get a hint from her but she told me to go on. "It's weird because I don't remember how I got them. They've been appearing since last month, but the first one was just a small scratch."

She stood from her chair and asked me to sit on a small bed, a few steps away from her table. She held her mini flashlight on my eyes and then she asked me to open my mouth.

"Let me see them." She was very calm and gentle and it somehow soothed me.

Her jaw dropped as soon as I exposed my bare front. She ran her fingers to them gently, closely examining them.

"Does it hurt?" She pressed the minor contusion on my chest, and it sent a shockwave of pain to my nerves.

"Y—yes!"

"Are there more bruises in your body?"

I nodded before I pulled my pants off and showed her my thighs, mildly swelling from the number of bruises scattered all over it. I watched her face closely, drawing conclusions from her expressions. She bit her lips. She furrowed her eyebrows. She sighed often. I don't think I will receive good news.

"Do you have a boyfriend? A husband?" she asked.

"No? Why?" I replied.

She gave me a skeptical look and took a deep breath before giving me her results. I listened carefully.

"Bruises or minor contusions usually appear when our bodies hit something hard. Blood from damaged blood cells deep beneath the skin collects near the surface of the skin, resulting to discoloration," she explained.

Science. I wasn't really interested with it back in school.

"With the amount of bruises you have, it looks like you've been hazed. The one on your thighs were, I suppose, caused by multiple belt hits. The one on your torso, they're darker. They're fresh. You see that?" She moved her finger from left to right, referring to the bruise on my chest.

"What does it look like to you?" she questioned. I was both impressed and terrified at the words coming out of her mouth. I gave her question a piece of thought. But I really had no idea.

"That looks like you've been tied on a flat surface. You were locked across here, and here. Are you sure you don't remember any of these?" It was obvious that she wanted me to tell her something she doesn't know. But how would I?

I swear. I don't remember. I shook my head and gave her back the notable peculiar look from her eyes.

"Take the drug test, and come back to me. Don't tell anyone about the findings yet. I need to be sure you weren't drugged or worse, raped."

Drugged? Raped? What?! I couldn't express my fear into words. There was only Kihyun and me in his unit. I'm sure he wouldn't do it. He told me he loved me, he respects me.

She told me not to tell anyone, but Jungkook wasn't anyone. He was far more precious and important than that. He'll always be my someone. That one guy I feel the safest with.

"Jungkook? We need to talk..."

"Have you left the apartment?"

"No. But that's not why I called."

"What is this, Hyeri?" His voice was deep, and comforting, but it wasn't enough to relieve me.

"I'm scared. Please, come back tonight. I—I need you." I closed my eyes and sighed hoping he'd return soon.

"I can't come home to you tonight. I still have a lot to do, but I will come back. I promise I will!" Promises. How many of his promises were broken?

I went back to Kihyun's place after I passed the requirements to the laboratory. I'm anxious about the results. Oh goodness, I hope she's wrong.

"Welcome back, Hyeri!" He greeted me like we were fine a few hours ago. I looked at him and wondered if he's real, if the way he treats me is real. Does he really love me? Or did he just say that to keep me prisoned in his arms. I don't know anymore.

"I'm tired." I slacked myself to the couch.

"Here, drink some water. So, what did the doctor say?" He held the glass on my face. How considerate of him, I thought.

I gulped the entire glass.

Wait.

Did he just ask me what the doctor said?

But I didn't tell him where I went. A few seconds later, I lost my grasp of reality. My body was shut down by an uncontrollable desire to doze off.

ㅡㅡㅡㅡ
🌻 note:

Dedicating another chapter to victoriquextaemin 💕 I hope you feel really better soon. Love wouldn't hurt that bad if it wasn't true. It was only after the rain when we see rainbows come. You'll find your rainbow soon :)