Ben
July 3, 2005

*

Darkness.

It surrounds me.
It's all I see.
It's all I feel.
It's all I know anymore.

The cold wraps around me like a blanket. I try to shake it off, but my body won't listen to me.

I can't move.
I'm frozen.
Drifting in a black sea.
Drowning.
Paralyzed.

I'm empty.
I'm broken.
I can feel it.
Pulling me under.
Crushing me under its weight.

I'm alone.
There's no one else.
It's only me.

Only me.
Only me.
Only me.

God, I'm so alone.

I miss a life I can't remember. I miss color and sound. I miss a body that isn't broken. I miss her.

Who is she?
Is she even real?
Or did I imagine her to take away the loneliness?

Does it even matter anymore?

The light calls to me.
Drawing me to it.
It's warm.
It's comforting.

I can feel it pulling me closer and I let it. At least I won't be alone anymore.

At least I can finally rest.

It sucks me in.
Captivating me.
Freeing me.
Releasing me.

I hear her voice so sweet, so soft, calling to me. It's far away, but it tickles my ear like a secret.

I can feel her voice traveling down my spine.

I can feel.
I can feel something.
Anything.
Everything.

I can feel my heart beating, It beats for her, pounding in my chest to the rhythm of an annoying beeping sound.

I can feel my throat strain to speak. I need to return her words. I need to tell her all the things I never said. I need to tell her...

I love her.

I think I always have. Somehow, I always knew it would be her.

It was always her.

I can feel my fingers itch to reach out for her. I need to touch her.

I need to hear her voice coming from those amazing lips. I need to be near her.

Closer, always closer.

I need to feel her.
Taste her.
Smell her.
Love her.

Her face is all I see as I embrace the light. I can't deny its call any longer.

Who knew death would be so beautiful?