Lmao my first "hater". Shout out to xforeverfangirlingx ❤️

Michael's POV

It's been two months. Two months since the crash and two months since I lost Natalia. Two months since I've lost Mr. and Mrs. Valentine and for two months I've had an emptiness in my heart. Two months since my life has changed and for two months I've had such an urge to relieve the pain.

I've hid it extremely well these past two months. I've put a smile on my face and waited till no one was around to cry. I have tried to cheer myself and Emeree up. Nothing has worked though. The pain just gets worse and worse.

Hurting yourself isn't the answer to these kinds of things. You have to find better ways to grieve. Hell, eating your feelings away is better than hurting yourself. I grab a note book and a pencil and sit down at my desk.

Good Ways to Deal With my Pain:
-Singing
-Playing my Guitar
-Messing Around with the Guys
-Crying
-Writing
-Drawing
-Cuddling & Watching Movies with Emeree
-Ice Cream

Bad Ways to Deal With my Pain:
-Hurting People
-Getting Laid
-Going to a Bar
-Drinking
-Self Harm

I put down my pencil and sit back in my chair. I reread everything I have written and think about how Emeree chose to cope. Then I realize: she can't help it. She's always had her family there for her, or her boyfriend, or her weirdo group at school. Now all she has is me and the boys.

What if I chose a bad way to cope? Would it help?

---

I put start my car and turn the radio on. I turn up the music full blast so I can't even hear my own thoughts. I tap my fingers on the stealing wheel as I listen to the upbeat song and drive to the worst place to go right now. The bar downtown.

I pull into the parking lot and walk inside. I get an instant headache and the smell of alcohol instantly fills up my senses. I walk over to the bartender and ask for a beer. I take a seat and look around the dimly lit room.

Everyone looks like they're having fun with a drink in there hand as they dance with total strangers. I take a swig of my beer and cringe at how strong it is. I almost never drink so when I do I always cringe.

"Another one over here!" I practically yell.

The bartender hands me two beers and winks. "Second round is on the house kiddo." He says.

Right as he says that it sinks in. This is terrible, but it feels great. It's just like eating your feelings away. You eat and eat and eat, knowing you can gain a lot of weight. But instead of eating your drinking. You drink and drink and drink until you're numb to the world, knowing you are going to get a sick hangover, you might puke your guts out, and you might become and alcoholic. It's just something you do.

---

"I need another." I slur.

The bartender hands me my tenth beer and points at my phone. "Can I see it?"

"Why?"

"If you want to get home safely you are going to need a taxi kid." He says.

I pop open the bottle and take a long swig of it. I have had so many that I feel extremely numb and I don't even cringe. I don't even care if the boys yell. I don't care if they tell Emeree. I don't care if she yells. I don't care if I'm on lockdown. I don't care if she makes me sit in my room for the rest of my life. I don't care if I puke so hard I can't stand. I don't care if I am so drunk that I can't walk. I don't care if people give me dirty looks. I don't care if I have a huge hangover for days. I don't fucking care.

I take a long swig of my beer. "Mikey?" I hear a voice behind me say.

I turn around and Em is about to loose it. I don't mean yell or scream or turn into Satan. I mean she is about to cry so hard she won't be able to breathe. She walks over to me and takes the beer out of my hand. She helps me out of my chair and grabs my phone and wallet.

I stand up and nearly collapse I'm so drunk. She holds onto my arm and guides me out of the bar.

"Itisohardtowalkrightnow. Howdopeopleusetheirdamnlegs?!" I slur.

She chuckles. "That what you get for coming to a bar and getting drunk, Mike."

She puts me in my car and gets into the drivers seat. She sits there for a little bit just staring at the steering wheel.

"I." She starts. "I don't even know what to say."

"Em."

"Please explain." She cries.

"I'm hurting." I slur. "It's been two months and I just can't hold it together anymore. It's too hard." I cry.

There's a long silence. I would say something but I can not feel anything in my body. I must have really drank a lot.

"I love you, Michael." She says.

"I ... love ... you too ..." I slur.

She hugs me really tight and cries into my shoulder. Is she crying becomes of me? Is this my fault? What did I do?

The list.

The list was right.

The damn list was right ...

What have I done?

I cry into her shoulder and think ...

What have i done? Did I ruin her? She is all I have left. Fuck my life.

Happy New Year!!! I hope this year is better than the last. Decided to switch things up this week. Hope you like it. I kind of did ...

Have some announcements:

1.) First chapter of Separation is out so plz check that out. I also just published a book about the damn Rolling Stones article and how it sucks balls. I would really like you to check it out if you are just as mad as I am about this shit.

2.) I might not update every week, because I have Separation out now. I will try my best but I have school aka hell hole like every other kid my age.

3.) I would really appreciate some more comments from you guys! 👌🏼

4.) I'm so thankful for all of you! This means the world to me and I love all of you a lot. I hope you like this book as much as I like writing it. Thank you for all of the votes and reads!!!

Lots of love ❤️🎉🦄