012,  survivors guilt

3 days later...

          XANA SAT UP in a tree that over looked the beautiful village, lost in her thoughts. Over the last week, the conversation shared between her and Neteyam played on repeat in her mind. It made her feel overwhelmed, causing her to block out everyone around her. Xana struggled a lot with her emotions and expressing them and when she finally did find a way to express them, it constantly came out as anger. Everytime she opened her mouth a bitter response seemed to come out.

           Xana missed her older brother a lot, she always would. More so, she was unsure she would ever get over his death. Xana had convinced herself that she should have been the one to die, that the bullet that had been pulled out of her body should have stayed in. Because why would the world want to keep around her polluted soul over his pure soul. Neteyam always looked at the good in people, the boy forever putting others before himself. But Xana? Sure she cared about people but she would always put herself first, disregarding other people's problems. But that was just a self perception. She wasn't really like that, she was just a lot more harsh than Neteyam.

          Aonung had spent most of his days following her around, trying to get her to open up to him. But that wasn't the mean reason, he had a deep fear that if he left her alone, she would do something to herself. Aonung knew that if he lost Tsireya, he wouldn't want to be here anymore and he would have no problem joining her.

          Aonung sat on a branch slightly above her, the boy staring down at her. His presence was a blessing to her. Although she had been trying to get him to leave her alone, it wasn't what she really wanted. She looked up to him, the pair making eye contact. She carefully climbed up to his branch, hissing slightly when she moved to much due to her wound before she rested her head on his shoulder.

          Aonung's body immediately relaxed under her touch as he wrapped his arm around her waist, holding her close. "I miss him so much."

           Her words were barley heard, almost as thought they were never even spoken. But he heard them, his heart breaking. "I know you do, my love." Aonung drew patterns on her back as he felt the vibrant of her sobs as his shoulder became wet with her tears.

          Aonung wasn't the best at comforting people, but when he was younger and he got upset, his mother always use to draw patterns on his back to make him feel better. He loved the feeling of it, he just hoped Xana did to.

✧˖*°࿐

           Xana made her way into her mauri, immediately spotting Neteyam's necklace. She swallowed harshly, remembering that it was his funeral today. She carefully picked it up, placing it around her neck as she repositioned it beside hers. She closed her eyes, holding both of the beaded necklaces as she thought back to when they first got them.

✧˖*°࿐

           Xana quickly collected all of her things to make a necklace as she ran into her brothers room, grinning brightly at him. The adolescent sighed once he spotted what was tucked away behind her back. "Hello, big bro." 11 year old Xana began, sitting down beside the boy, who seemed to be reading a book. "What would you like, Xan?" He got straight to the point as Xana revealed what she had been hiding. "No, Xana. I made bracelets with you yesterday." Xana frowned, putting on her best puppy dog eyes. "Please, Teyam." She begged, but he still refused.

          "Okay." She sadly responded, leaving his room with her head held low. She sat back down in her room, counting down from five. "5. 4." Neteyam sighed, standing up. "3.2." He moped over to her room, walking in. "1." Xana whispered, frowning even more than before. "This is the last time, okay?" Xana eagerly nodded, a big smirk on her face. She knew it wasn't the last.

          The 13 year old sat down beside his little sister. "How about you make a necklace for me and i'll make one for you? So then we're together forever!" Neteyam laughed at the idea before nodding, "Okay, Xan."

✧˖*°࿐

          "Xana?" A familiar voice brought her out of her mind, the girl looking to her right as she spotted her father. She didn't want him to see her as weak, but she couldn't hold in her tears any longer. "It should have been me, dad." She breathed out as he shook his head, immediately pulling her into his embrace as she sobbed.

          "It wasn't your fault, babygirl." Jake heart broke as his daughter sobbed in his arms. Jake looked towards his right, spotting Neytiri and Lo'ak, who looked even more broken.

           Lo'ak hadn't seen his twin sister cry since she was 12, the boy going into complete shock. Neytiri on the other hand, expected her to break sooner rather than later. Neytiri had noticed a shift within her daughter ever since they left the forest, the older woman noticing that she was on the verge of exploding.

          Jake shook his head at the duo, letting them know not to say anything. Neytiri nodded, placing her hand on Lo'ak's shoulder as she guided him away.

          Xana knew that her mother and brother had seen her break down, but in that moment she didn't care. She knew that after today, she wouldn't allow no more tears to fall. She knew Neteyam wouldn't want to see her upset, he would want to see her become the strong woman she was destined to be, she just had to get over the survivors guilt.