You had prepared his favorite meal that was now running cold and the worst part of it all, he would never have it. He had come home tired that day and you could see it from the way he leaned against the door, his figure was slugged down, but he still smiled as you walked into his arms and hugged him. You wonder if he felt it when you kept your arms around him for longer, leaning into him. 

"Welcome home Gukkie," You said softly and he ruffled your hair while you made him sit down on the sofa and It was like he knew you had been crying as he held your hand and pulled you back into him. If you knew this was the last time you would feel his embrace and hear the concern in his voice, you would have done better. You would have fought for him harder and for yourself, but at that moment you had lied straight to him.

"Have you been crying?" He asked gently almost a whisper as he didn't want to hurt you. "I will always listen to you so talk to me."

It's not like you didn't want to tell him the truth, but it was more you didn't want to burden him tonight. You wanted to make him happy and help him through whatever had happened. 

"No, I'm fine," You replied with a smile, but he could read through you instantly and it hurt him. It hurt him that you were sad yet didn't open up to your feelings. Even after all this time, nothing had changed in your relationship, why? 

"I know you are not though," Jungkook said, frustrated a little. "Baby, please just talk to me. You don't have to do this alone. "

He caressed your face and you embraced his warmth, the love he was giving you never failed to get through you as it melted your gates each time. 

"I know you are here for me, but I know you are down as well so how about dinner and then we can talk about this?" You asked, giving him a smile. "You know I can handle this."

He sighed. There it was. You were pushing him out of your life all over, putting a facade because he knew you wouldn't talk later on unless he pushed you and he had no energy for pushing you to talk as nothing had gone right today and that's why maybe he said what he said. It's not like he wanted it to sound that way, but it did. 

"Haven't you had enough of this?" He questioned, looking straight at you. "This game we keep playing and your words, they don't help. All you do is lock yourself away. Cry while I am sleeping and smile at me in the morning. I know you care about me, but do you even trust me with yourself a little?" 

"Of course I trust you Jungkook," She held onto his shirt tightly. "I am sorry about all of this. I don't know what happens sometimes. I know I get overbearing and way too much to handle but I promise I love you dearly. I just get overwhelmed and find it hard to open up and get insecure."

"Hana, listen to me," he held on to your shoulders. "I know all of this. I do but you have to understand that I just want you to open up and It's been four years. It's been four years and we are both stuck just like this." 

Hearing his words, I didn't want to believe in them because there was no way he would break our promises. Anger filled you then as you were tired of explaining to him everything. You can't always be wrong so why were you being treated like this? He knew what he was getting himself into and what kind of woman you were so why did he waste your time with this?

"What did you do in those four years?" you ended up blurting out of anger. "If I didn't change and repeated myself, didn't you do the same? You promised me so many things so where are those promises? I don't even want to fight you, it hurts." 

It felt like needles going through your chest as he said those next words and you fell to the ground, on your knees. 

"Let's break up Hana," Jungkook said, as tears fell from his eyes and this was not easy for him at all but one of the hardest things, he had ever said. There was no point in them moving forward and though he still loved you, he would rather let you heal with someone who could heal you. "We keep hurting each other and I can't take more of this. It's lying to ourselves over and over again so let's end this for good."

There was no rational thought in your head as you jumped up and grabbed onto him. 

"Don't leave please," There were tears streaming down your face. "I can't live without you."

He didn't look into your eyes as he shook you off, knowing that if he looked into them, he would have stayed. He packed most of his belongings in a hurry and even though you pulled at him and took some of them out, begging him to not be irrational, there was nothing changing his mind. The world had suddenly stopped for you and you wanted to desperately rewind time as you watched him go down the stairs. 

"Did I ever make you happy?" You found yourself asking and he looked back at your broken form and he wanted to run to you then and tell you that he had changed his mind, but he knew better than to stay in this relationship with you. 

"You made me happy multiple times," he said, trying his best to keep his voice steady as tears kept going down his face.

"Then remember me for those," you replied back, accepting that he wasn't coming back. "Remember me as someone who loved you and made you happy once. Don't remember this terrible version you got to meet. I hope you will be happy and find someone who can keep you happier than I ever did."

You held to the railing as sobs echoed through you, the pain getting worse and you wondered if you would die, but you were still alive.

"Then remember me for good memories too not someone who broke your promises," He said as he left out the door, not knowing you had made his favorite food tonight. 

You were alone now, in the house as you rush back to your bedroom and it was yours alone now, the only thing that remained was his scent. Everything still smelt like him as you grabbed his pillow and hugged it. Your whole body shook as you screamed out, tears streaming down your face and this was nothing you had felt before, it was worse. 

It had been hours and all you had done was go through pictures of him while wearing his hoodie. You blamed yourself for letting him and kept begging him to come back and text you as your phone lay open and you glanced there, grabbing your phone and had typed so many messages. There were so many but you didn't send any of them that night. You grew numb, your throat sore as you couldn't cry anymore, but the stabbing pain in your chest, the feeling of suffocation never felt. You couldn't sleep, not without him by your side.

If miracles were a thing, you wanted everything to go back in time and make him stay somehow, but did it even matter? you weren't good enough for him. He loved you so much and you had hurt him, left him crying. You wasted his life along with yours and you knew it, but the selfish part of you needed him and craved his presence. You wanted to feel his warmth and comfort. The worst part was every good word he said kept replaying in your head. 

You are so pretty 

You make me want to live again 

why do I love you so much?

Let's get married 

I am proud of you 

You hated life as you trashed your entire room, throwing things around the room until you were exhausted and fell on the bed, your hands bleeding but you didn't care that it hurt because the pain in your heart was far worse. You were tired now, the sun had already risen, but you didn't want to sleep. You enjoyed torturing yourself as you knew you deserved this for losing someone who gave you love like no other. How could you ruin something nice? It made you laugh and if anyone saw you, they would think you were crazy and the sad thing was that you probably were. The trauma is for no one to handle and you knew that now. You were really meant to be alone. 

"Ouch," you mumbled out, feeling a stab in your chest as you fell into an unwanted sleep.

************

I cried while writing this that's for sure. I hate sad endings and reading sad things, but  I don't know maybe I'll do a part 2 and make it happy or add a little more to this sad tale.

Thoughts?

See you all soon. Bye!!!

Take care,

Sera