i have already decided that i could—and should—spend much more time like this. i went for a run through my territory this morning and then took a dump in one of my holes. it was all so calming and rewarding. i slept well and had some dreams, then woke up to the sun rising over the rocks and the forest of joshua trees. now i sit on my mound of rocks, surveying my land and feeling that it is only me left in the world. the wind cuts my jacket easily and despite my gloves, my fingers are frozen like ice. i shift to face the sun. wow, are these moment ever surreal. what is it about this that makes me feel so free? is it my body, my humanity, returning to its roots? it makes me believe that things are still meant to be like this and we have wrongfully altered our way of life. i could pass the entire day sitting on my mound of rocks, and i would count every second of that day as worthwhile and productive. because, at least right now, it seems to me that there is nothing more worthwhile than feeling this way, whatever "this way" is. i'm disappointed by my inability to describe this experience, because i know there will come a day when my future self goes to read this entry, grasping at some way to relive the moment i am a part of now. but you can't replicate feeling. you may try, but you are guaranteed to fail. i am realizing this more and more. there will come a time when even your most profound or most cherished moments will become faded or worse, forgotten. at that point, we can do nothing but wait and hope for something in our current lives to remind us and pull us back to those times, but even then they will feel constructed and far away. for there is nothing realer than the present.

note: basically, i just returned from an incredible, two month long school trip that was centered around backpacking and camping and immersive learning. this is something i wrote while on a three-day solo (i sat in the desert on my own for three days) and i wanted to share it here. i have many more things from the trip to share with you all, if you're interested. the trip was amazing and eyeopening in so many ways and i made great friends with the eight other kids in my group. it was a good time. so yeah. that's all for now.