Hello- Hi. Hello.

Sorry again about this taking so long. Really ain't expect it to tbh. ;p;

Btw this is a statehumans request from the lovely pal above. Basically in their AU States have powers and NM can shapeshift. They requested another angsty thing so... Ya know I just had to do it lol. Also after a shapeshift is done NM has a lot of panic attacks from what I was told. But... I added a lil' something to spice up this angst just a tad. ;)

If anything makes you uncomfortable feel free to skip. Got plenty of other stories to read, and I demand you all have a great day. This is a threat.

Btw. These translations were just copied and pasted from another website. The original song was Japanese I think so. Not my fault. There are several of these and I dunno any other languages besides bad comedy. And I don't feel like typing out the entire song from the video. So just enjoy-

TW: Panic attacks - Depressive episodes - Not eating or drinking

Ever on and on I continue circling
With nothing but my hate in a carousel of agony
Till slowly I forget and my heart starts vanishing
And suddenly I see that I can't break free
I'm Slipping through the cracks of a dark eternity

New Mexico rushed into her room, quickly locking the door behind her. She felt a wave of sadness fill her from the inside out.

She was losing herself.

She slumped against her bedroom door, loud knocks and yelling from Colorado turned into white noise for her. The Land of Enchantment slowly curled into a ball, hugging her legs close to her burning chest.

When did it get so hot in here?

Her breathing was uneven, faster than the fires that spread through California. (A/N: I couldn't help myself-) Her mind was racing from one thought to another.

What could she have done wrong?

Her body started to shake vigorously and New Mexico felt sick to her stomach. Slowly, she got off the floor. Somehow, she could crawl into the safety of her bed.

Is there something so wrong with wanting to be someone else sometimes?

The state knew she wasn't that interesting. Or at least she thought so. Being anyone at any time was nicer. She could shift into California- Actually. No. Maybe Tex- no, no, not him either... Fuck Texas.

Regardless! Even Alaska had more to bring to the table than she had. And... He's... Alaska... Quiet kid with a weird thing with winter.

What made Arizona so... Angry? Did she just not like the fact that she preferred to be others more than herself? New Mexico mastered countless of accents and languages just to feel better about herself.

Was there something wrong?

Was she the problem?

With nothing but my pain and the paralyzing agony
To tell me who I am, who I was
Uncertainty enveloping my mind
Till I can't break free, and 

maybe it's a dream; maybe nothing else is real

But it wouldn't mean a thing if I told you how I feel

For the next few days, New Mexico spent locked away in her room. Obviously worrying those around her. Even Texas and they hardly got along.

America, not wanting to push her limits, would just leave plates of dinner outside her door. He informed her of the food and left it there, but whenever he returned to retrieve a presumably empty plate, the food looked untouched. This only worsened the nation's fears, he'd get even more fidgety at meetings with others just thinking about his poor girl.

New Mexico on the other hand was doing a little better. She still didn't want to eat anything but would rather watch Netflix hidden away from everyone.

Arizona was probably right for kicking her. Maybe she needed some "sense knocked into her" as Tennessee always said. Or was it Virginia? She could never figure out who had what accent when it came to the South.

New Mexico groaned quietly, her stomach had been killing her for not eating. But she didn't want to.

She didn't feel like she deserved it.

So I'm tired of all the pain, of the misery inside
And I wish that I could live feeling nothing but the night
You can tell me what to say; you can tell me where to go
But I doubt that I would care, and my heart would never know
If I make another move there'll be no more turning back
Because everything will change, and it all will fade to black

It's not often you see UTAH put his foot down. But when you do, you know shit has hit the fan.

The state was sick of New Mexico hiding away from everyone sulking in her sadness. This was probably the longest she has ever stayed in her room after shapeshifting.

Her depressive episodes were common after a lot of shapeshifting. But he couldn't stand her not eating, oh yeah. He knows. And he had a plan. Today, a full two weeks since Arizona kicked New Mexico, he was sneaking into DC's office and snatching that damned key to her room.

Normally, keys to staterooms are given to the maids and butlers so they can clean up. Or to America whenever he gets anxious about something. Mostly to be sure everyone is safe.

Utah, slowly, crept towards DC's office door. Is anyone saw him, they'd snitch. Especially Cali.

He opened the door and sped inside.

"Now where is that key..." He mumbled. The little beehive looked all over the room, under the desk, behind papers, in drawers and in his closets. Eventually, he found the key in a shoebox.

Filled with... Candy?

Who knew DC was so into sweets. Utah grabbed it and placed the box back. With that, he left in a hurry.

Time to get his sister back.

Will tomorrow ever come? Will I make it through the night?
Will there ever be a place for the broken in the light?
Am I hurting? Am I sad? Should I stay, or should I go?
I've forgotten how to tell. Did I ever even know?

New Mexico laid in bed as usual. Scrolling through TikTok and occasionally letting out a small giggle or two.

She was feeling better and felt like she could probably leave her room tomorrow or the day after. She started to take small bites of her food. Still not enough but it was progress.

Suddenly her door flew open and, of course, she screamed. Utah stormed over to her and pulled New Mexico into a hug. "New Mex! You've had us all worried sick!" He yelped.

The other state pushed her brother away. "What are you doing in here the door was locked?!" The beehive state sighed and slowly took DC's set of keys out of his pocket.

"I was worried... And I... Broke the rules this once." New Mexico stood in front of him, her lips slightly parted.

He... Did... What?

Can I take another step? I've done everything I can
All the people that I see I will never understand
If I find a way to change, if I step into the light
Then I'll never be the same, and it all will fade to white

Ever on and on I continue circling
With nothing but my hate in a carousel of agony

For as long as New Mexico had known him (which was pretty much forever), Utah had never broken the rules.

He was the only good kid America had, besides Kentucky but he breaks rules sometimes. The others, much like her, would goof up all the time. Florida would try to get his brother in on his crazy stunts but it failed. The Beehive State hated trouble, after all. That's why he was always so hard on Arizona and her fighting everyone all the time. Utah's face flushed, and embarrassment kicked in. He felt like such a hypocrite. Normally he was keeping others from getting into trouble. 

"Oh. My. God..." New Mexico mumbled, "For me?" Her brother nodded. His face turned a whole new shade of purple, as his eyes quickly darted towards the floor. 

"I don't like seeing my family hurt. So I did what had to be done." He replied, then held up his arms, semi-asking for a hug. The Land of Enchantment hugged him, clinging to him as if he'd disappear.

"You're so stupid..." She giggled, tears slowly falling out of her eyes. Utah chuckled and returned the hug, then rubbed little circles along her back.

"Not as stupid as you."

"Hey-!"

Till slowly I forget and my heart starts vanishing
And suddenly I see that I can't break free--I'm
Slipping through the cracks of a dark eternity
With nothing but my pain and the paralyzing agony

To tell me who I am, who I was
Uncertainty enveloping my mind
Till I can't break free, and

Utah let go of his younger sister. "So... You wanna come out and eat yet?" He said, glaring at her. New Mex gulped. "I know you haven't been." 

"How did you-"

"Georgia talks a lot." He said quickly, cutting her off. New Mexico rolled her eyes. "Now do you want to leave?" He asked. New Mexico thought for a moment. What if Ari was still upset with her? What if she upset others and they never wanted to speak to her again? Her knees felt weak and she almost fell onto the floor, thankfully Utah caught her. 

New Mex felt the same panic attack from before seeming to return, she was shaking. Sweating a lot more than usual, with the climate she had it was common, and her heart was going a mile a minute. Her breath hitched and Utah made sure his grip on her was firm so she didn't hurt herself.

"Sis? Are you alright??" He asked, but before he knew it,  she fell limp in his arms.

Maybe it's a dream; maybe nothing else is real
But it wouldn't mean a thing if I told you how I feel
So I'm tired of all the pain, of the misery inside
And I wish that I could live feeling nothing but the night
You can tell me what to say; you can tell me where to go
But I doubt that I would care, and my heart would never know

New Mexico's eyes slowly opened, and she was... Laying down? Odd. She wasn't laying down before. Her head ached in pain as she adjusted to the bright lights around her. "Where...?" The state slowly rose from her bed and looked around.  

Was... This a hospital? Vitals we're everywhere and in her arms for... Some reason. All she did was faint right?

The door opened and Switzerland had entered the room. "Good to see you're awake and healthy! In case you hadn't known, you fainted after such a lack of nutrients. We decided it's best to inject some water into you and wait till you woke up to feed you. I'll send for the nurses to bring you food now that you have woken up." He said, he did a quick check of the water bag, making a note to refill it soon then turned to leave.

"Wait! Uh. Where are my siblings? And my dad?" New Mexico asked she looked a bit panicked. The Swiss man smiled at her.

"Asleep in the waiting room, I can bring them up too if you'd like." The state nodded and slumped into her bed, listening to the doctor's footsteps get quieter the further he went. 

How could she do this?

She surely upset her family by now.

All because changing was fun! Maybe Arizona was right and she should just never use her powers again. All they do is cause trouble anyway.

She sighed.

Let's hope they're not too upset...

If I make another move there'll be no more turning back
Because everything will change, and it all will fade to black
If I make another move, if I take another step
Then it all would fall apart. There'd be nothing of me left

If I'm crying in the wind, if I'm crying in the night
Will there ever be a way? Will my heart return to white?

The door practically flew open as America rushed in. Pulling his daughter into the tightest hug in the world. Probably. "My poor baby!" He wailed.

Utah, Arizona and Colorado entered afterward. Coco, shockingly not high, muttered. "Dad don't hurt her. You're hugging too tight again." The USA nodded and let go.

They... weren't upset?

New Mexico swore they'd be pissed at her for all that she put them through. But they aren't? This is strange. After all, she overreacted. Right? That's what she repeatedly told herself while she was locked in her room.

Something isn't right here...

Utah shoved Arizona forward. She looked angry. But she... Was crying? "I'm sorry for being such an asshole." She started, only for Utah to cut her off.

"Language."

Arizona bit her lip to stop herself from cursing him out, then continued. "I just think it would be healthier if you didn't shapeshift as much. Since you always have these depressive episodes and I may be a bitch often-"

"Language!" Scolded the Beehive state. Colorado giggled, watching Arizona's knuckles turn a lighter shade of blue.

"As I was saying... I still care for my family. Even if they're annoying as fuck!" She yelled the last part, turning Utah. The Mormon state had the slyest grin on his face.

"Language." New Mexico started to laugh with Coco and America, as Arizona started swinging at him repeatedly. Missing almost every hit since the US moved in between them.

Maybe Ari was right, she was loved the way she was. Even if she was pretty weird.

That's good enough I guess.

Can you tell me who you are? Can you tell me where I am?

I've forgotten how to see; I've forgotten if I can

If I opened up my eyes there'd be no more going back

'Cause I'd throw it all away, and it all would fade to black

I'd like to apologize again for how long this took. End-of-the-year testing at school is the worst.

But uh. I hope you liked it Demxn_TearsRBLX! :)

Sorry about the wait one more time-

Bai bai.