Cleveland: Damn I can't find it!
Columbus: Find what?
Cleveland: My will to live.

Dayton, holding a gun and a flamethrower: North Carolina, you claim to have invented the airplane.
Dayton: Well I will claim his life insurance.

Cleveland, holding a dog: I'm gonna name him Swagger!
Cincinnati: Really? That's what you're naming the dog?
Cleveland: Shut up you Bengal bitch.

Columbus: We protected you from the bitches up north! Why do you like them?!
Toledo: I border them.

Cleveland, holding Cincinnati: Hey Kentucky!
Kentucky: Yeah?
Cleveland: Please take this fucking disgrace as one of your own.

Cleveland: 17 and 0, 17 AND 0!
Cincinnati: You really think the Browns are gonna go 17 and 0 next season, what are you? Delusional?
Cleveland: Oh I'm sorry, which team won the first round of the playoffs?

Columbus, watching his family get destroyed by the rust belt: Ope I'm gonna vibe and cry.

Lansing: Yeah so-
Columbus: Ope I'm sorry who gave northern fuckers like you the right to speak?!

Yes I'm probably gonna do more with them