Grand Rapids: What the hell are you two doing?!
Detroit, holding guns with Flint on his shoulders also holding guns: Getting into attack mode dumbass!

Columbus, to Lansing: Yeah I hate you.
Columbus, pointing to Ann Arbor: But I hate her more!

Toledo: What are you doing?
UP: Smelling a rose.
Toledo, to himself: I wish I was that rose.
UP: What was that?
Toledo: I said you're gross!

Cleveland: I just feel this connection.
Pittsburgh: You punched Detroit in the face!
Cleveland: That was the connection I felt.

Pittsburgh: Can you two not fight for one second?
Detroit: That's impossible.
Cleveland: That'll never fucking happen.

Detroit: Hey bitch!
Cleveland: Ope I'm sorry I don't listen to fucked up rustbelt cities.
Detroit: You're barely better than me!
Cleveland: But I am better.

Pittsburgh: I know we're great friends.
Cleveland: I can agree with that.
[during football season]
Cleveland: Go fuck yourself!
Pittsburgh: Go back your failed team!

Lansing: Hey I know we're siblings but do you wanna hang out.
Detroit: Never talk to me again.

[During college football season]
Ann Arbor: How did you beat me!?
Landing: Columbus is right, the Wolverines do suck.