"They dropped the charges."

Louis looks up from his phone, furrowing his eyebrows. "They...what the fuck?"

"They're not charging you," Harry says. "And after a very long, very persuasive phone call with Ms. Germanotta, Gracie can stay at her school. Jack got expelled for provoking Gracie a third time before you...hit his dad. His family is switching him to some private school in Manchester."

"Thank fuck," Louis exhales. But Harry doesn't look as relieved.

"This isn't gonna happen again, Lou," He says softly. Louis looks down at his lap, sighing. "You got lucky. Jack's family could have sued us. You could've been in a lot of legal trouble. You could've gotten Gracie kicked out of school."

"I know," Louis says quietly. "I'm so fucking sorry, Hazza."

"I know you are," Harry nods. He hands Louis the card Miriam had given him, a therapists number written on it. Louis sighs, but he takes it. "Lou, I get why you hit him. But that's not you. You don't hit people."

Louis swallows thickly, staring down at the card. "You're going to call," Harry says. Louis looks up and sees how worried he looks, and he softens. "Please. You can't keep everything bottled in anymore if this is what's going to happen. You're starting to scare me, L."

Louis closes his eyes for a second, nodding. "I will," He says quietly. "I'll call today, okay? This isn't going to happen again."

"No, it isn't," Harry says. "I have to go to my own appointment. Please call while I'm gone."

"I will," Louis says again. Harry nods. Hesitantly, he leans down and kisses the top of Louis' head before going to get his coat. Louis stays in the kitchen, staring down at the phone number scrawled into the card.

♛

"Alright, so. What's brought you here?"

Harry bites his bottom lip, leaned back into a soft chair. The office is tiny, with a lot of windows and a tiny water fountain on the therapist's desk. It makes Harry want to wee. He should've before he came.

"Um," Harry looks down at his lap shyly, twisting his wedding band around his finger like he always does when he's nervous. "My husband and I, we have a marriage counsellor? And she said I should get a therapist."

The therapist, Rashidi, nods. "Gotcha. Miriam, yeah?" Harry nods back at him. Rashidi gives him a warm smile. "She's awesome. Anyways. Why do you think she told you to come?"

Harry, frankly, is uncomfortable. He likes going to Miriam, because he likes having Louis there to talk when he doesn't want to. This is different. He has to do all of the talking. "Um, it's been kind of a rough year," He admits softly. Rashidi nods, silently urging him to go on. "It's been a rough three years, actually."

"And why is that?" Rashidi asks. He has a really kind face, Harry thinks, and that should soothe his nerves, but this is unfamiliar territory for him. He glances up at a frame hanging on the wall. There's a picture of him and a woman, probably his partner, holding a baby. He radiates warmth, like Louis.

"I don't know where to start," Harry admits quietly.

"Take me to the very beginning," Rashidi suggests. He doesn't have a notepad and pen, like Miriam does, his hands folded in his lap. It makes it a little more informal, which Harry kind of likes. "How was your childhood?"

"It was...fine," Harry gnaws at his bottom lip. "Um. My dad owns a big company, so he worked a lot, and my mum was a teacher until she had me."

"Any siblings?" Rashidi asks.

"I have a sister," Harry nods. "She works in London, though. I don't see her a lot."

"Do you get along with her?" Rashidi asks, and Harry nods again. "What about your parents?"

"Sometimes," Harry says softly. "I mean. My dad and I used to be really close, and he wanted me to go to school for business and take over his company one day. But...that's not what I really wanted to do. And when I met my husband he pushed me to do what I actually wanted, so...I went to law school instead. And my dad was really upset with me, I don't think our relationship has ever recovered. He wasn't even there when my daughter was born."

"Good for you, though," Rashidi nods, and Harry looks up at him shyly. "I mean, that must've been a difficult decision for you to make. I'm glad you did what you really wanted to do. What kind of law?"

"Uh, family law," Harry says.

"Cool, that's really cool," Rashidi grins, and Harry smiles back at him. "Do you see your parents lot?"

"My mum watches my daughter sometimes," Harry keeps his eyes down. "But we don't really...get together a lot. For most holidays and stuff we go to Louis' family's house."

"Does that bother you?" Rashidi asks. Harry twists his mouth. He honestly doesn't really think about it that much.

"No?" He says after a moment, furrowing his eyebrows. "I mean, no, going to Louis' family's doesn't bother me. I like his family, they've always been really good to me. I do...I do kind of wish my family was like that sometimes."

Rashidi nods. He seems to understand. "Do you really want a relationship with your family?" He asks. Harry doesn't know what to say. "It's completely okay if you don't. Not everyone does. I'm just wondering."

Harry swallows thickly. "Yeah, I do," He admits softly, feeling a lump in his throat. "I miss my dad. And I like talking to my mum." His eyes water, and he scoffs. "Holy shit, it's been five minutes and I'm already crying."

Rashidi laughs, offering him a tissue box from the table between them. "I totally get it, my wife cried over everything when she was pregnant with our son," He grins. Harry laughs sheepishly, sniffling and taking a tissue. "We can work on that. Building a relationship with your family again, I mean."

"Okay," Harry nods, wiping his eyes. "Yeah. That...sounds good."

"Why don't you tell me about Louis?" Rashidi suggests. "That's your husband, yeah?"

"Yeah," Harry's small smile widens. "What about him?"

"How did you meet?" Rashidi asks, setting the box of tissues back down.

"We met at a library," Harry sniffles. "Which, sounds really cliché and stupid," Rashidi chuckles, and Harry can't help but laugh a little too. "Um, when I was sixteen, and he was eighteen."

"So you've been together for a long time?" Rashidi nods.

"Yeah," Harry smiles. "We got married when I was eighteen."

"Wow," Rashidi raises his eyebrows. "That's awesome. And going to Miriam must have helped, yeah?"

"Yeah, um," Harry frowns, still a little emotional. "We had a period of, like, three years where we were fighting a lot. It was...really bad. We were close to getting a divorce."

"And what was causing that tension?" Rashidi asks, furrowing his eyebrows. "Was there a main point of conflict?"

Harry sighs softly. "It was mostly about me working a lot," He admits quietly, voice getting shaky. "I had a job at a law firm, and I was the youngest person there. They gave me a lot more work than everyone else so I could prove to them that I was capable. I was working for, like, thirteen hours a day sometimes."

"Ah," Rashidi nods. "And do you still have that job?"

"No," Harry swallows the lump in his throat. "No, they fired me. Like, three months ago."

"Why did they fire you?" Rashidi tilts his head to the side.

"They said that I wasn't...as focused as I used to be," Harry explains, his eyes dropping down to the swell of his tummy. "Which, I guess was true, but. I was working the same hours as everyone else, and all the days off that I took were paid vacation days I hadn't used."

"Did it have to do with you having a rough year?" Rashidi asks, his tone a bit gentler than it had been before. Harry nods shyly, feeling his eyes become wet again. Goddamnit.

"Yeah, um, I was working a lot until..." He sniffles, feeling a tear drip down his cheek. He uses the tissue still in his hand to wipe his face. "I'm sorry, I don't know what's wrong with me today."

"Hey, no worries," Rashidi assures, giving Harry a kind smile. "No judgement here."

Harry sighs, nodding and looking down at his lap again. "Um. I had a miscarriage back in July. And my doctor, they said it could have been stress, so. I think that's when it really hit me. The fact that I was literally destroying my body with how much stress I was putting on it."

"I mean, I was really bad beforehand, too," He continues, biting his trembling lip. "I wasn't eating or sleeping as much as I should have. I just wish I had realised sooner."

Rashidi nods, his face twisted into a sympathetic expression. "I'm so sorry," He says, nodding. "I know that must still be difficult for you."

"Yeah, um," Harry sniffles. "I've always been kind of a perfectionist. I don't like to fail at things, you know? And...I failed at doing the one thing my body was made to do. I couldn't keep my baby alive, I-" Harry's breath hitches. He feels really panicky.

"It's okay," Rashidi soothes, leaning forward in his chair. "Breathe, okay? Just take a deep breath."

Harry nods, taking a deep breath like Rashidi had told him to. His hands tremble as he wipes his eyes. "We don't have to talk about it right now, okay? That can be something we work on too," Rashidi assures. Harry nods, taking another deep breath. "Why don't you tell me more about Louis?"

"Like what?" Harry asks, sniffling.

"Anything," Rashidi shrugs. "What's he like?"

"Um," Harry exhales shakily, starting to play with his wedding ring again. "He's...wonderful. The most wonderful person I've ever met. That sounds stupid. But, I really do think that." Rashidi smiles.

"And what does he do?" Rashidi asks. "For work?"

"Um, he's a construction worker," Harry says. "But he's going back to uni in the fall to get a degree."

"That's great," Rashidi says, and Harry smiles shyly. "Seriously, good for him. What does he want to do?"

"I think something with English," Harry says. "He's really good at that."

"That's sick," Rashidi says, and Harry's smile widens. "I love when people do that; go back to school to do what they really want to do. What a lad," Harry laughs quietly. "And what've you been doing? While he's at work? 'S your daughter old enough to be in school?"

"Yeah, she's in first form," Harry nods. "Um, I usually drop her off and then pick her up."

"And in between all of that?" Rashidi raises his eyebrows. "What do you do?"

Harry sighs softly, biting his lip. "I...try to distract myself," He admits. "If I think too much, I start to get sort of...panicky. So. I think I've cleaned out every drawer in the house at this point."

Rashidi nods, giving Harry a sympathetic smile. "Being alone everyday isn't always easy," He says. "What kind of thoughts usually trigger that panicky feeling?"

Harry twists his mouth. "I don't know," He says quietly. "Sometimes I think about Louis, and his mental health. It's...not great, I don't think. He takes anxiety medication, and he's going to see a therapist too, but. There's a lot of pressure on him with work and everything."

"And I think about Gracie," Harry continues. "And how she's doing at school, and how we're going to prepare her to have two new babies in the house. And I think about my miscarriage, and if I'm doing a good enough job this time-" Harry can't breathe all of a sudden. He stops, taking a deep, shuddery breath. Rashidi frowns.

"Have you ever tried meditation?" He asks, laughing when Harry makes a face. "Guess not. It's a really good way of training yourself to not let your thoughts control you," Rashidi stands up and walks over to a short bookshelf by his desk, pulling out a book before handing it to Harry. "Here. Miriam's big on homework, I know, but I just want you to take a look at this until we meet again next week."

"Next week?" Harry takes the book, looking up at Rashidi with furrowed eyebrows. "That's soon."

"I think it'd be best for us to meet every week for a little while," Rashidi says. Harry blushes. "I know you'll be busy with the new babies and everything soon, but just for now, okay?"

"Okay," Harry nods, looking back down at the book, tucking a curl behind his ear with a sigh.

♛

When he gets home, Louis is standing there washing dishes. He looks exhausted. It tugs at Harry's heart a little. Louis looks over at him, giving him a small smile. His eye is almost completely healed, only a bit purple around it. "Hey, how was it?"

"It was good," Harry says, setting the meditation book and his car keys down on the counter. "He wants me to come back next week."

Louis furrows his eyebrows. "Next week?"

"Yeah, he thinks I need to come weekly," Harry admits, rubbing his eyes. "Probably because I'm so hormonal I cried, like, ten times in forty-five minutes."

Louis laughs a little, but his eyes are worried. He wipes his hands off on a dish towel, and Harry walks over and leans into him. "I called," He admits softly. Harry looks up at him. "The...the therapist Miriam set me up with. I'm seein' her in two weeks."

Harry gives Louis a small smile, leaning up and kissing his cheek. "Good," He says softly. Louis just nods, wrapping an arm around Harry's waist.

"How about you go sit down and I make you a cuppa?" Louis suggests. Harry swears he can sense when he's feeling tired.

"Okay," Harry leans up and kisses Louis' cheek again. "I love you."

Louis' smile widens, leaning down and kissing his lips. "Love you more," He says, pinching Harry's bum. Harry pouts, nudging him with his elbow before he walks to the lounge. Gracie is sitting on the sofa watching Paw Patrol.

"Papa!" Gracie squeaks, grinning up at him. Harry smiles, carefully lowering himself down onto the sofa. "Papa, I missed you."

Harry laughs, kissing the top of her head. "I missed you too, G," He says, Gracie snuggling into his side. "Were you good for Daddy?"

"The goodest," Gracie beams up at him. Harry melts, leaning down to kiss the top of her head again. "Daddy said you went to the docta'. Didja get a picta' of the babies?"

Harry giggles. "No, love, not this time," He says, and Gracie pouts. "I do have one next week, though. Do you want to come? You can see the babies on the screen."

"Yes!" Gracie gasps. Louis walks in and hands Harry a mug, and Harry grins up at him.

"How come you weren't this cuddly with me when I was watching the telly with you?" Louis pouts, putting his hands on his hips as Gracie snuggles into Harry's side a little more.

"'Cuz Papa's big and squishy," Gracie says. Louis barks out a laugh, but he's silenced when Harry glares at him. Louis sits down next to him, kissing his cheek as an apology. Harry gives him a dirty look, but he leans into him, grinning when Louis kisses the top of his head.

rashidi has my <3