hey besties

this chapter is obviously heavily centered around the album evermore by taylor swift. i know a lot of you are fans of taylor, but if you're not, and haven't listened to the album, i recommend at least listening to;

tolerate it
coney island
willow
gold rush
evermore

i hope u enjoy!! i love all of u and all of ur comments/votes mean so much to me :)

♛

"You okay?"

Taylor looks down at her lap, sitting next to Louis on her sofa. She nods, but her eyes are shiny, the skin around them red and puffy. Louis wants to kill the guy who did this to her. He frowns. "T," He says softly, furrowing his eyebrows in concern.

Taylor sniffles. "I thought he was a good one," She says quietly, a tissue she used to wipe her hands in her hands. "I don't know why I can't ever find a good one."

"You will," Louis brings her into his arms, holding her like he would hold his little sisters, her head leaning into his chest. He can feel her shoulders start to shake now that he's holding her, and his frown deepens. "Taylor, hey, you'll be okay, mate. He was a piece of shit, and you're wonderful. You deserve someone just as wonderful as you are."

Taylor doesn't say anything. She covers her face with her hands, still crying, and Louis holds her tighter. His heart aches for her. "You're one of the coolest people I know, Tay. You're gonna find someone so great, someone who will never make you feel like this."

Taylor sniffles again, taking her hands off her face and wiping the wetness from her cheeks. "I guess if you can get Harry, I can get anyone," She teases. Louis elbows her, and she laughs weakly. As if on cue, Harry walks into the lounge with a cuppa in his hand, his bump poking out through Louis' jumper that he's wearing.

"'S not as good as Louis', but," He gives her a small smile. Taylor takes it, holding it in her hands as Harry squats down on the floor so they're more eye-level. "Wanna see if we can find something to sue him for? We could ruin his life, if you want."

"That's my boy," Louis smiles, fond.

"No," Taylor sighs, but she's smiling, at least. "No, I'm not ready to be petty yet."

"We can save the pettiness for later," Louis assures. Taylor giggles softly. Harry pouts, disappointed. "But I am totally down for egging his house at some point."

"I can get behind that," Taylor grins. She seems in better spirits, now, and it makes Louis smile.

♛

Louis kind of regrets doing this.

He's sitting in the back of Taylor and Joe's rental car, hands folded in his lap. Taylor is listening to Folklore, her own album, for "inspiration". Louis was going to tease her about just liking the sound of her own voice, but he's too nervous to say anything.

He can't write songs. He has no background writing songs. Taylor isn't a huge artist, she only has one album, but huge enough that people are actually going to listen to this album she's writing. And Taylor's so incredible, she's good with words and can create these intoxicating songs out of nowhere.

Cardigan comes on and starts playing through the car stereo. "I like this one," Louis says, pretty much the first thing he's said the whole car ride there. Taylor looks over her shoulder from the passenger seat, smiling at him.

"Yeah? Me too," She says, and Louis laughs a little. "You've been very quiet. You nervous or something?"

"A little," He admits, looking down at his lap. Taylor raises her eyebrows. "'M not a songwriter, T. 'M not gonna be any good at this."

"Hey," Taylor says softly. "There's no pressure, yeah? If you write a song and it fits on the album, great. If not, at least you can say you've written a song."

Louis just nods, looking out the window. They're getting close to The Lake District, and all Louis can see are big green trees and blue water on the horizon. Harry would really like it here. He picks his phone up and takes a picture of what he sees out the window, texting it to Harry. He gets a text back only a minute later. It's a picture of Gracie passed out on the sofa, face smushed into the cushion, a marker in her hand.

"Nice view, but I'd argue I have the better one. Have fun, be good :) Love you sun"

Louis feels himself smile without even meaning to. He thinks about making a snide remark about Gracie looking like how Harry used to after 3 shots, but the car stops. He looks up to see they're parked at a building with a view of one of the lakes.

"Okay, gang, let's roll," Joe says in a terrible American accent. Taylor rolls her eyes, shaking her head and climbing out of the car. Louis follows her lead, and she pops the trunk of the car. There's a guitar, and a keyboard, and some recording thing with a microphone attached.

"Here, can you handle this?" Taylor smiles at him, passing over the guitar. Louis takes it, staring down at it. It's the nicest guitar he's ever held, but he much prefers the familiar feeling of the cheap one Harry bought him when he turned nineteen. This one almost feels like it's too nice for him to touch.

Although Taylor is perfectly capable of carrying the keyboard, Joe insists on carrying both that and the small recording machine so she doesn't have to carry anything. Louis gets a flashback of sitting on Taylor's sofa at her flat in London six years ago, holding her while she cried over some guy who treated her like shit. Now she has Joe. He smiles to himself.

Joe leads them to the cabin, and Louis can't help but stare at the lake as they walked passed. It's really pretty, and eases his anxiety a little. He carries the guitar inside, seeing there's a sofa and some other furniture there.

"Okay, let's jump in," Taylor says. Joe plugs the keyboard in, and she plops down on the floor next to it. "Thank you, babe."

Joe just kisses the top of her head. Louis sits on the sofa shyly, the guitar in his lap. "Alright," Taylor says. "I've written two songs. I want this album to have at least fourteen."

"Fourteen?" Louis furrows his eyebrows.

"Not all today," Taylor assures. "This is just a pressure free writing session. And it's good that you're here, because I have no idea what to write about. Nothing traumatic has happened to me this year."

"Lucky you," Louis mumbles.

"What do you mean by that?" Taylor asks, looking up at Louis. Louis is hesitant to say anything further. Taylor gives him a kind smile. "This is a safe place, L. We basically treat writing sessions like free therapy."

Louis sighs. "I don't know," He says softly. "Things have just been...really shitty, especially this past year."

"What's the worst thing thats happened to you this year?" Taylor asks, fiddling with the buttons on the keyboard. Louis keeps his gaze on his feet, feeling Taylor and Joe's eyes on him.

"Um," He sighs. He knows he can trust them, though. He feels comfortable telling them. It's just hard getting the words out. "Harry...had a miscarriage. Over the summer."

Taylor blinks, taking in what he just said. She looks like she wants to jump up and hug him and ask if he's okay, but she knows that'll just make it worse. So, she says, "Okay. We can work with that. When did Harry, um..."

"July," Louis supplies, so she doesn't have to say it. "I think that's when his mental health started to take a really big decline. And it only got worse in November, when they let him go. It just kinda felt like...things were gonna keep being shitty forever. There was always gonna be something to stress over."

Taylor nods, licking her lips before playing a note on her piano. "Gray November," She sings softly, playing a few simple keys as she does. "I've been down since July."

Louis stares at her, lips parting open. He can't believe she did that, twisted his words into a song so easily. "I...wow," He chokes out. Taylor smiles up at him. "How'd you do that?"

"It was only a few words," Taylor laughs. "And then, maybe...I had a feeling so peculiar, that this pain would be for evermore."

She seriously turned he and Harry's pain, something so terrible, into a words this beautiful. Louis is amazed. "She's good, huh?" Joe smiles fondly. Louis just nods. Taylor grins. She takes a notepad and pen out of the tote bag she had been carrying, writing down what she had just sang.

"See? We're already getting shit done," She grins. When she's done writing, she looks up at Louis, her smile disappearing. "I'm so sorry. About...the miscarriage. I can't imagine how hard that must have been."

Louis forces himself to smile at her. "It's okay," He assures. He really would rather not talk about it anymore. "It pushed us to work harder towards our relationship."

"You guys seem really happy," Joe comments. Louis feels himself give Joe a real smile. Joe looks like he's trying to think of what he wants to say next, finally settling on, "I don't know the extent of it, but I know it was rough for a while, yeah?"

"Holy shit, yeah," Louis nods. "We were at each other's throats for years. It was really bad for a long time. I don't even remember what got us so mad at each other all the time."

"Can't remember what I used to fight for," Taylor sings in the same tune as she had before. She writes it down. "See? Writing songs is easy, once you get going."

"Maybe for you," Louis laughs. Taylor smiles.

"C'mon, add something," She urges. "Whatever comes to your head. It doesn't have to be good."

Louis sighs, thinking. He strums the guitar, looking down at it as he plays the same notes Taylor had on the keyboard. "Hey, December, guess I'm feeling unmoored," He sings softly, cheeks flushing. When he looks up, Taylor is beaming.

"Wait, I love it," She says, going back to her keyboard and singing, "Hey, December, guess I'm feeling unmoored. Can't remember what I used to fight for."

Louis can't help but feel proud at the fact that she liked what he came up with. Taylor writes the lyrics down on her notepad, and Joe gives Louis a thumbs up from where he's sitting on the floor.

Soon they have a whole song, one Louis contributed a lot to. Taylor seems to really like his ideas. Once they're done, Taylor rips the paper out of the notepad and sets it down. "Okay. There's a song!" She grins. "You're really good at this, Lou."

"Yeah?" Louis blushes, shrugging. Taylor hands him the notepad and pen, and he sets the guitar down next to him on the sofa.

"Write down whatever comes to mind," She says. "I'm gonna play with some melodies."

"Um, okay," Louis stares down at the notepad, pen in hand. He thinks for a moment. Taylor's always talking about how you have to really draw from a painful experience to write a song. Louis' had plenty of those. He goes back to last years when he and Harry were in a really bad place. And then, the words just start flowing. He keeps writing while Taylor plays with random keys until he can't think of anything else to say.

"Okay," He hands the notepad back to her. Taylor takes it, reading his words. She starts to smile, looking back up at Louis.

"Are you sure you've never done this before?" She asks, and he smiles sheepishly. "This is insanely good."

"Really?" He smiles, cheeks warm with the praise. Taylor nods before looking down at her keyboard. She plays a different tune than she had before, singing what he wrote softly.

"If it's all in my head, tell me now, tell me I've got it wrong somehow," She sings. "I know my love should be celebrated, but you tolerate it."

Hearing her sing the words makes his heart ache a little. He wants to go back and tell his past self to stop being so angry all the time, to chill out and that good things are coming. This is good, though. He didn't expect this to be so good for him, to help him work through emotions he hadn't been able to fully process yet.

After four hours they have five songs written. Taylor transfers all the lyrics to her phone and lets Louis keep the pages from her notepad so he can save them. Louis feels light. He feels like he's just had this aha! moment. This is something he really likes doing, and that he's, apparently, good at.

Taylor and Joe drop him off at home before they go to their hotel. It's dark out by now, around supper time, and Louis' excitement didn't dull at all on the car ride home. He beams. "Hazza!"

"Hi," Harry smiles back at him. "Have fun?"

"So much fun," Louis walks over and grabs his face, leaning down to kiss him. Harry giggles into the kiss, cheeks flushing by the time Louis leans back from him. "It was so cool, H, and Taylor said I was actually good at it!"

Harry beams, proud, and Louis leans down and kisses him again. "That's awesome, Lou," He says once Louis leans back from him again. "Gracie's upstairs, she missed you."

"I missed her," Louis grins. "And I missed you, beautiful."

Harry rolls his eyes, shaking his head with a smile. Louis presses one final kiss to his forehead and makes his way towards the stairs. Once he gets up to Gracie's room, he sees her with clothes strewn all over the floor, her hands on her hips like she's thinking. He's scared to ask, but he knows he has to.

"Hi, G," He greets.

"Hello," Gracie says back.

"Um. I hate to bother you, but...what in the world happened in here?" Louis' eyes scan all the pink, sparkly clothes on the floor.

"I'm planning outfits," Gracie says, giving him a look as if to say 'duh, Daddy, what else would I be doing?'.

"Ah," Louis nods. "Well. Good luck with that."

"Thanks," Gracie says, still not looking away from her piles of clothes. Louis expected a hug, maybe at least a smile. He'll take what he can get, he supposes. Giving her one more nod, he walks back downstairs. Maybe Harry will give him some attention.

When he gets back to the kitchen, Harry is still sitting at the table, this time reading one of the pages of lyrics Louis had put down there. He looks up at Louis when he enters the room. He doesn't look proud, or happy, like he had just a few minutes ago.

"What's wrong?" Louis asks.

"How could you write these?" He asks softly. Louis frowns. "How could you...say these things?"

"You don't like them?" He questions. Harry looks back down at them.

"They're wonderful, Lou," He says quietly. "If anyone else had written them, I'd think they were brilliant."

"What?" Louis furrows his eyebrows. Harry takes two of the papers out of the pile. Tolerate It and Coney Island.

"Louis, you wrote five songs, and two of them are about how horrible I am," Harry says, staring down at the pages. Louis crosses his arms over his chest, furrowing his eyebrows in disbelief. Harry starts to read the lyrics. "I know my love should be celebrated, but you tolerate it."

"Haz, they're just songs," Louis argues weakly, sighing. When Harry looks back up at him, Louis sees that his eyes are shiny. He deflates a little. "Harry. We had a really shitty marriage for two and a half years. Taylor's always saying you should draw from painful experiences, so that's what I did."

"So I'm just supposed to be okay with the fact that thousands of people are going to hear songs about how terrible you thought I was?" Harry asks, sniffling. Louis knows he's hormonal, and his mental health is still not great, but right know his anger is blinding him from all of that.

"You're overreacting," He says. Harry furrows his eyebrows in disbelief. "I've finally found this thing that I'm good at, and I enjoy doing, and you're throwing a hissy fit because I wrote songs about how shitty you made me feel?"

"I just don't get why you had to...bring it up again," Harry shakes his head, wincing at Louis' words. "We were doing so good. I thought that was in the past."

"You called me a horrible father, and a bad husband, and made me feel incompetent everyday," Louis raises his voice a little. "You expect me to just bury my head in the sand and pretend that never happened?"

"No, I just..." A tear drips down Harry's cheek. "I just didn't think it bothered you that much anymore. I'm sorry," Louis scoffs. Harry glares up at him. "It's not like you were any better towards me, you know. I was always the first to apologise. You were the one who started most of them in the first place."

"Because you were horrible towards me and Gracie!" Louis tells. His face feels like it's on fire. Harry winces again. "All you fucking cared about was work until it made you-"

Louis stops himself. He's not going to say it. Harry's bottom lip trembles as he stands up out of his chair much faster than he should be able to. He stares at Louis for a second. "Say it," He says shakily.

"Harry," Louis sighs.

"Until it made me miscarry?" Harry finishes for him. Louis doesn't say anything. "Until it killed your baby?"

"Harry, no," Louis runs his hand over his face.

"I knew you still blamed me," Harry practically whispers.

"Stop," Louis raises his voice again. Just as he's about to say something else, Gracie runs into the kitchen, wearing a new outfit. Harry's face softens. He wipes his face before she can realise how upset he is, giving her the best smile he can manage.

"Hey, G, what's up?" He asks.

"Come see my outfits!" She squeaks, smiling up at both of them. "I planned a fa-shun show."

"Not now, Gracie," Louis says, voice a little sterner than he wanted it to be.

"But, Daddy, I-"

"Damnit, Gracie, I said not now!" Louis yells. Gracie freezes, blinking up at him like she can't believe he just yelled at her and said a bad word. It's not long before her face crumples, and she's running to Harry. Harry frowns, scooping her up and holding her. He's not supposed to be lifting anything heavy, but Louis doesn't reprimand him.

"You're okay, G," He says softly, his own voice still shaky. "Let's go for a drive, yeah?"

"Wait," Louis sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose.
"Don't leave."

"'M just gonna bring her to my mum's or summat," Harry mumbles, avoiding Louis' eyes. "Hopefully you have some good material for your next song."

"Harry," Louis says quietly, a bit defeated. Harry walks out of the kitchen. Louis leans against the wall, trying to figure out how the fuck that just happened.

lol hey