Louis gets a two week paternity leave before he has to go back to work, and he's kind of dreading it.

He's nervous about leaving Harry alone with the babies, who have proven to be a handful. He thinks he's slept maybe a total of ten hours in the past two weeks. Harry's probably (definitely) worse.

"I don't have to go in," Louis says as Harry bounces Willow, looking over at him with dull, tired eyes. "I can use one of my sick days or summat."

"No," Harry sighs, shaking his head. "No, it's okay. You have to go to work. We'll be good here." Willow starts to fuss again, and Harry sighs. "I just burped you, pumpkin, why're you upset?"

Gracie stomps into the kitchen, full of attitude (as always), and puts her hands on her hips. "I have no pretty dresses!" She announces, loud as ever. Willow starts to full-on cry again. Harry's face crumbles.

"Alright, out," Louis orders, walking over and gently pushing Gracie out of the kitchen. "What did we say about yelling around the babies?"

"Well, they should suck it up," Gracie says, pouting. "'Cus they're much louda' than me."

"Gracie Mae-" Louis sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. He doesn't even know where to begin explaining to Gracie that just because her infant siblings are loud doesn't mean she can yell at the top of her lungs when she's upset.

He crouches in front of her. "Okay, listen," He sighs. "We're a little behind on the laundry, yeah, and I'm sorry. But today after school, Nan is going to pick you up and bring you here, with Papa and the babies, and I want you on your best behaviour."

"I hate doin' that," Gracie huffs.

"Me too," Louis admits. "But I have to go back to work, so you're going to be alone with Papa and the babies, and you know how much work the babies are."

"They poop a lot," Gracie wrinkles her nose. "More than me."

"Probably more than all of us together," Louis nods. "And between all the pooping and crying and eating, they're a lot work. So I need you to be a very good helper for Papa."

"I'm always a good helpa'," Gracie says matter-of-factly, giving him a cocky face that reminds him a little too much of Harry's. Louis smiles, grabbing her by the hips and peppering her cheek with kisses that make her squeal. "Daddy, stop!"

Louis chuckles, giving her one final kiss on the nose. "You're a very good big sister, Gracie," He tells her. "Thank you for being so good."

"I like the babies," Gracie chirps. "Even when they poop."

"I like them too," Louis nods, smiling at her. "Now, I know for a fact you have two pretty dresses in the laundry basket in my room, so why don't you go change so I can bring you to school?"

"Okayyy," Gracie skips over to the stairs. Louis grins, shaking his head and standing up straight. He walks back into the kitchen to see Willow has calmed down again, Harry sitting there fighting heavy eyelids.

"Why don't you have some coffee or something, babe?" Louis suggests gently, pushing Harry's hair out of his face and kissing his forehead. "'M afraid you're going to fall asleep sitting up."

"I can't have any when 'm breastfeeding," Harry mutters.

"You can have a little, pet," Louis reminds softly. He knows Harry knows that, but Harry is known to follow rules very strictly. Bedrest was an exception–he was a little unhinged when he was pregnant. "One cup won't hurt."

"Leave me alone," Harry whines.

"You see, that would hurt the feelings of most husbands," Louis wags his finger at Harry, who gives him a dull look. "But I think you're cute when you hate me, so I'm okay with it."

Harry sighs. "'M sorry," He says quietly. "I'm sorry I'm being so grumpy."

"It's okay," Louis assures with a grin. "I get it. Maybe try and take a nap today if you can get both of them down?"

"I have a virtual appointment with Rashidi at noon," Harry sighs. "I'd rather get them to sleep for that."

"I thought these things were supposed to sleep a lot," Louis huffs, lifting Willow's little foot up and tapping it gently. "Maybe ours are defective."

Harry giggles, smiling for the first time that day. Louis kisses the top of his head. "I love you, Haz," He mumbles into his hair. "It'll get easier, y'know."

"I know," Harry says softly. "'N I love you too."

♛

Virtual appointments are so awkward, Harry can't help but think. He's very grateful Rashidi figured out a way for them to meet where he's still able to be home with the babies (and, beforehand, when he could barely walk) but they always feel sort of impersonal.

Despite this, he logs onto the virtual meeting, Miles cradled in his arm. He tried to put him in the baby swing beside Willow's, but he wasn't a fan. As soon as Rashidi's face pops up on the screen, he gasps, and Harry smiles. "Oh my gosh, that's a baby."

"Yeah, sorry, he wouldn't let me put him down," Harry explains, but he lifts Miles up a bit so a Rashidi can see his face.

"No, no worries," Rashidi assures, grinning at Miles. "He's adorable! What's his name?"

"Miles," Harry tells him. Miles makes the quietest snuffling sound, and Harry rests his hand on his tummy. "His sister is sleeping, her name's Willow."

"That's so cute," Rashidi coos, and Harry's smile becomes wider. "Congratulations!"

"Thank you," Harry nods, cheeks becoming a little warm from the attention.

"Okay, I need to switch into professional therapist mode now," Rashidi says. "Or else we're going to spend a whole hour talking about babies." He takes a deep breath before asking, "How're you doing?"

"I'm good," Harry says, giving him a small smile. "A little tired, obviously. But good."

"And what about you and Louis?" Rashidi asks. "It's common for a lot of couples to experience some tension after having a baby, never mind two."

"No tension," Harry admits, feeling a little cocky as he says it. Rashidi raises his eyebrows. "Louis' been...perfect. He gets up at night every time I do, he changes nappies, he occupies Gracie when I'm feeding them or summat."

"Tell him to tone it down, he's making the rest of us look bad," Rashidi jokes, and Harry giggles. "That's good, at least. Have you seen Miriam at all?"

"She can't do online appointments, so we're seeing her in four weeks," Harry says before frowning. "I feel kind of bad, actually, I just don't feel comfortable leaving the babies that soon."

"You don't have anything to feel bad about," Rashidi assures. "It sounds like you and Louis are doing well, anyways. You can't force yourself to do anything if you're not ready. Not wanting to leave them before you're ready really just makes you a good father, honestly."

Harry smiles sheepishly, looking down at Miles, who blinks up at him with big blue eyes. "What about your parents?" Rashidi asks after a moment. The smile falls from Harry's face. "Did they meet them?"

"Um...my mum did," Harry says, his voice a bit quieter than before. "I asked her about my dad, she said he was busy. He didn't come when Gracie was born either, though, I didn't really expect him to."

"Does he see Gracie?" Rashidi asks.

"Only when someone else is around," Harry says softly. "I've never left her alone with him." He's quiet for a moment before saying, "I know he loves her. And he'd love the twins if he met them. And I feel like I'm robbing all three of them of a good relationship with their grandfather."

"Restricting the interactions he has with them is totally normal," Rashidi tells him. "You didn't feel like he valued your safety, how could you believe he'd value theirs?"

Harry nods. Sometimes he likes talking to Rashidi just because it's nice to have his feelings be validated. He hasn't told anyone else about his dad, not even Louis. He never knows if what he's thinking is rational.

"One time, my mum left Gracie alone with him," Harry admits quietly. "When she was watching her one day. She was only three, and he came home for lunch, and she just ran to the store to get some eggs. And I found out, and I...freaked out on her."

"And she didn't get it, obviously," Harry continues, his eyes becoming watery just talking about it. "She was like 'what's the big deal? It's not like he'd let something happen to her'," Harry sniffles. "But he let something happen to me. How can I trust him with my kids?"

"You don't have to," Rashidi tells him. "I know you've told me you miss him, and I think it's really admirable that you want to rebuild your relationship with him, even after what he did. But, even if you do, you never have to get to a point where you trust him again. Don't try and force yourself to."

Harry sniffles again, his eyes glued to Miles' face. "I don't like him," He admits. "I looked up to him a lot when I was younger, even after...it happened, but I don't anymore. I see right through him. He's selfish, and only cares about his appearance and is really just insecure. But...he's still my dad. And he's still their grandfather."

"You absolutely don't have to if you don't want to," Rashidi tells him. "But...maybe invite him over? To talk? I think it'd be good for you to stop bottling up everything you want to say to him, and if you're at your own house, you'll be in a familiar environment, with the babies."

Harry swallows thickly. "Yeah," He says after a moment. "I...I could do that."

Rashidi is quiet for a moment, seemingly thinking carefully about what he wants to say. He settles on "Does...does Louis know? About everything?"

"No," Harry answers quietly, almost shamefully. "I never worked up the courage to tell him." He twists his mouth. "For a while, when our marriage was a little rockier, he was always talking about how much he wanted to go back. Like, how much he missed what I was like when I was younger–"

Harry stops to swallow the lump forming in his throat. "But, you couldn't pay me to go back. Nothing would ever make me want to be sixteen again. And if I hadn't met him around that time...I don't know where I'd be now."

Rashidi nods slowly. "You could tell him," He says. "You don't have to, obviously. This isn't something anyone should force you to talk about. But, if you wanted to, I don't think you should have any apprehensions. He won't think any less of you."

"I know," Harry says quietly, though his stomach turns. Telling Louis about what happened with his dad and inviting his dad over. He doesn't know which will be harder.

♛

"I'm home!" Louis calls out, grinning when he hears the little footsteps running towards him. Gracie appears from the corridor, practically barrelling at him. He leans down and scoops her up before she can attack his legs. "Hello, Gracie Mae!"

"Daddy, I helped Papa change Willow's nappy!" Gracie tells him excitedly, as if that's something to be excited about.

"Oh, good," Louis nods. "So you've got it covered now? Me and Papa don't have to do it anymore?"

Gracie wrinkles her nose. "No! I'm not doin' it!"

"Then what good are you?" Louis huffs, setting Gracie back down and putting his hands on his hips. "Did you behave today?"

"Mhm," Gracie mirrors him, putting her hands on her hips as well. "I even read them a story."

"Such a good big sister," Louis comments, leaning down and kissing the top of her head. "Now, where is that Papa of yours?"

"In the nursery," Gracie tells him. "I'm gonna go wee."

"You don't have to announce it," Louis sighs, but she ignores him and makes her way to the washroom. Louis shakes his head, making his way up the stairs to the nursery. He finds Harry sitting on the floor, a baby laying on either side of him. He smiles at him. "There's my boy!" Miles hiccups in protest. "Alright, alright, one of my boys."

Harry giggles, grinning when Louis leans down and kisses the top of his head like he had that morning. "How were they today?" He asks, picking Willow up and kissing her forehead. "Were you and your brother good for Papa, sweet girl?"

"They were very well-behaved," Harry says, leaning his head into Louis' shoulder a bit. "Miles only screamed for forty-five minutes."

"Good job, buddy," Louis coos at Miles, pressing his nose into Harry's curls. He kisses the top of his head again. "'N how was your appointment?"

Harry's smile falters a little. "It was good," He says softly. "Um...I think I'm gonna invite my dad over. To see the babies. But...also to talk."

Louis' quiet for a moment. "Is that what you want?" He asks him. Harry nods sheepishly. "Okay, yeah. I'll take Gracie out or summat, so you can talk to him."

Harry doesn't know how he got so lucky, and scored someone so supportive. He leans up and kisses Louis' cheek. "Thank you, L."

"'Course, pumpkin," Louis says softly. "You want me to get started on dinner? Maybe you should go lay down or something."

"You sure?" Harry asks, face softening.

"Yeah, of course," Louis grins. "I can take the twins 'n put them in their swings downstairs."

Harry rests his chin on Louis' shoulder, looking up  at him. "I love you," He says, gently wrapping both arms around Louis' torso and nuzzling his face into his shoulder. Louis chuckles.

"I love you too, bub," He says, gently setting Willow back down on her little mat on the floor so he can help Harry up. "C'mon, let's get you up."

Harry naps for a bit while Louis makes dinner, and then Louis has him lay down and rest some more when he gives Gracie a bath and puts her to bed. He must be able to sense Harry's anxiety about his dad, because he's extra sweet to him all night, even after the babies are put down in their cots and Gracie is sound asleep.

"Hey, Haz?" Louis asks from where he's sitting on the bed, his hand inside Miles' cot, gently stroking his cheek with his knuckle. Willow's cot is on Harry's side of the bed, where she's sleeping on her tummy. "What happened? With you and your dad?"

Harry freezes where he's standing by the wardrobe, pulling a jumper on over his t-shirt. He swallows thickly, pulling his jumper all the way down before turning and giving Louis the most genuine smile he can manage. "It was nothing. He didn't like that I went to law school instead of business school. You know that."

"Haz," Louis says softly. He can see right through him, Harry knows that. "Going to law school doesn't constitute barely speaking for eight years."

Harry sighs quietly, tucking his hair behind his ear. "It's...hard for me to talk about," It takes a lot of courage for him to admit it. Louis' face softens, and he nods understandingly. He looks so safe right now, in his pyjamas and glasses, his hand still gently stroking Miles' cheek. Harry crawls onto the bed and into his arms, his head against his chest.

"You don't ever have to talk to me about something if you don't want to," Louis says, his tone soft and warm as he runs his fingers through Harry's hair. "But if you do, you know I'm here."

Harry practically melts into the warmth radiating off of Louis' body, closing his eyes, cheek pressed against his pec. He bites his bottom lip, keeping his eyes on where Miles is laying in his cot. "My dad cares a lot about his appearance," He says, moving his hand to grip onto Louis' arm.

"Yeah?" Louis nods, encouraging him to continue.

"Yeah, like," Harry sighs softly. "He...wants everyone to think he's perfect. He wants everyone to see that he has a pretty wife, and a daughter who's a doctor, and a son who...was going to take over his company someday."

Louis squeezes Harry gently, but doesn't say anything. "And I was going to. Genuinely. I really wanted to. I always found out it really interesting, what he did. And I was especially interested in the numbers part of it. My dad wasn't super into that, but his friend does that kind of stuff. Mr. Turner. He's known him for, like, thirty years, and he also went to the uni I wanted to go to."

Louis doesn't miss the way Harry's grip on his arm tightens slightly. "So, he had Mr. Turner take me out to lunch to talk about his company and uni 'n stuff. And, he didn't have a wife or kids or anything, but he had a lot of money. And I thought it was cool when he picked me up in a sports car and took me to an expensive country club for lunch and bought a bunch of fancy food I couldn't pronounce."

"And it was stupid," Harry's voice gets shakier. "I should've known he was just like my dad, and he wasn't just being nice to be nice, there was some ulterior motive there. But I was sixteen."

"Haz," Louis says softly. "You don't have to."

Harry takes a deep breath, but he continues. "Somewhere in the conversation he mentioned he got an award in uni for the work he did in the maths department, and he wanted to show me. So he took me back to his office. And it was a Sunday, no one else was there. It was just us. And he took me into his office, and he closed the door..." Harry closes his eyes. "And...he touched me."

Louis freezes. It takes him a moment to process what he just said. The burning anger in the pit of his stomach is overshadowed by the overwhelming urge to protect Harry, so he holds him even tighter, nose pressed into the top of his head. "Harry," He says breathlessly.

"I should've known," Harry says, timid. "I was stupid. It was stupid of me to think he was just being nice."

"No," Louis chokes out. "No, no, baby, that was not your fault. Nothing he ever did to you was your fault."

"My dad told me it was," Harry admits. "We...we were always really close, and I figured it was something I should tell him. And I did, and he was so mad at me. I don't even know why. For letting it happen, I guess."

Louis feels sick. He closes his eyes and holds Harry as close as he can. "But, you know, he cares so much about his appearance, he wouldn't let me tell anyone. Not even my mum. So I didn't. And Mr. Turner asked him if he could take me out to lunch again, and...my dad said yes."

Harry has to clear his throat before continuing, his voice getting shakier with every word. "And the same thing happened. My dad was basically just...handing me off to be molested. For the sake of his appearance. And it happened seven more times after that."

"And I didn't do anything about it," Harry squeezes Louis' arm. "Until we were hanging out one day, and the news came on, and there was a story about a girl who was sexually abused by her teacher. And you went off on this whole rant about how disgusting it is when men use their power to do things like that, and how victims are always blamed when it's never their fault."

Louis very vaguely remembers that. The fact that this was happening after they had met makes him feel sicker. "And I looked up to you a lot. You could've told me anything and I'd have believed you. So, I took what you said. And I told my dad I was never going to see that man again, and if he made me, I would tell everyone what he did to me, and how my dad enabled it."

"And he went off on this whole thing about how I would never be successful without him," Harry continues. "And I should be grateful he gave me the opportunity to speak with Mr. Turner, and that Mr. Turner said he'd call the university and put in a good word for me, since he's a pretty important alumni."

"And the next day, you asked me what I wanted to go to school for, and I told you my dad wanted me to take over his business, and you told me fuck my dad, I should do what I want to do, because you thought I'd be great at anything anyways," Harry recalls. "And that's when I decided I wanted to go into law, and I was going to be successful even without my dad. I didn't want to have success on some condition where I had to unwillingly give my body in return. And he was furious, and basically just...stopped speaking to me. Even though we were still living in the same house."

So much about Harry makes sense to Louis now. When they were dating, it took him a year to want to do anything beyond making out. And the way he worked so hard in school, staying up all night to make sure every paper he wrote was perfect, even working so late after he got a job, it was just because he wanted to prove his dad wrong. That's why his job was so important to him.

Harry looks up at Louis, meeting his eyes. "You changed my life," He says softly. "Seriously. If I hadn't met you in the middle of all of that...I don't know where I'd be now. Something much worse could've happened to me."

Louis can't breathe even thinking about it. He feels shaky as he kisses the top of Harry's head, squeezing his eyes shut. "I'm so sorry," He mumbles. "I'm so sorry that happened to you. Fuck."

"It's okay," Harry says quietly. "I mean. No. It's not. But I'm okay now. I'm better, anyways. I just...I'm sorry I hid it from you for so long."

"No, love, do not apologise for that," Louis says sternly. "I understand. It's okay. I'm sorry you kept that in for so long."

"I didn't think I had any right to complain about my dad to you," Harry admits, avoiding Louis' eyes.

"No, baby," Louis gives him a squeeze. "You can tell me anything. I want you to tell me everything, okay?"

Harry closes his eyes. "I love you, L," He says softly.

"I love you too, Haz," Louis mumbles into his hair. "So, so much. You deserve so much more than the shitbag that twat handed you, I'm so, so sorry."

"It was a long time ago," Harry practically whispers. But Louis knows that kind of thing effects you your entire life. He wants to absolutely destroy Mr. Turner. Wants to curb stomp him until he's dead for hurting his boy. But, for now, he holds Harry tight, trying to will the sick feeling in his stomach to go away.

YIKES WHAT DO WE THINK

ALSO my spotify now has 2 state of grace playlists!! one for L and one for H 🥰🥰 lmk if you like them!!