To Lydia

I thought I knew what sorrow was. What it was like to have your own mind work against you. The instance that stands out the most was when I found that my adoptive father was not only a coward, but a liar. I have recounted this event to you, so I need not repeat it.

But this last year and a half, I have discovered true pain. Each week, I die, and I heal. For any other person, they would likely have perished after the fifth shock. But I have never been normal.

The worst of the symptoms leave me after a few days with the Black Garnet's healing. But I struggle intensely with fatigue, tingling, muscle aches, and nightsweats. And with my nightmares, I get little to no sleep. I subsist on the Black Garnet's power now, almost solely, for I have lost my appetite.

One person is capable of saving me. The one who pioneered electrical shock treatment, with the help of the Drylians: Master Nellith. My dear Nell. I would go to him now, since Micah undoubtedly told him the truth about me – except Nell is a coward, and there is no doubt in my mind he views me as a monster.

But he is my last hope. If I could somehow communicate that I still love him...if I could get him to join me in the Fright Zone...he could save me, if he wanted. Because although the Fright Zone's doctors know how to treat electric shock, they are too inexperienced to deal with an injury such as mine. By contrast, Nell saved many from our weapons in the Battle of Fort Ammeer. He is a medical genius.

It is a crazy idea. I'm in lifelong torment, and I will grasp any lifeline. My sanity slips away like sand between my fingers. Some days, I hallucinate my nightmares. Other days, I hear your voice, Mother, as clearly as though you were still here with me. Still others, the Spell drives me with a strong lust to kill – most commonly, Catra or Carmen.

I cannot let it rule me, but it feeds on my sorrows. Someday I will be unrecognizable from your Alura. It is fitting, in a way, that I have adopted a new alias. Shadow Weaver is who I was destined to become. You were wonderful, Mother...but you couldn't have known what sorrows I now endure. So now, I seek an opportunity to speak with Nell. Some way to save myself from the worst of the Spell's hunger.

– Shadow Weaver